Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Recommended Posts

King Arthur

Hey, everyone. I’m James and I’m new here, but I decided to join, because I really need help from others. I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just explain a few things; I’m an AFAB person that likes to dress masculine, I’ve only started doing this since last year, but it feels authentic to my actual self. I’ve identified as a butch lesbian, but recently I’ve been thinking that I might be a trans guy instead. This is kind of an on again, off again thing I keep having with my gender identity every now and then. The reason I think I might be a guy is that I think I really like the idea of going on hormones and getting top surgery, and going by a male name and pronouns is really nice. However, the reason I might not be trans is that I’m just misunderstanding these feelings or just making them up entirely, as I’ve only recently started feeling this way. I also don’t think I have dysphoria, or at least a severe case of it, as I can get by with my breasts, but I still daydream about getting too surgery and having a flat chest. Again, this could just be me making up or misunderstanding these feelings, but damn, they feel so -censored- nice and I feel going on testosterone would be more authentic to myself.

Sorry for the ramble, but I guess what I’m here for are tips on how to work through this. Like if you have or have had a gender therapist, what are some ways they’ve helped you work out your gender? I don’t know when I’ll be able to get one myself and I really need help figuring this out, I’m tired of being stuck in limbo. 

Share this post


Link to post
Jackie C.

OK, look at it from the other side. What happens if I don't transition? How do you feel about yourself? A gender therapist is a good impulse. You're talking about procedures that will profoundly change your appearance and your way of thinking. If it's not the right decision for you, those changes won't be for the better and there's no path back to where you were.

 

Point the second: How do you know going on testosterone would make you feel more like yourself? It's a hell of a drug and, again, deeply changes your body and mind. You can have a general idea of what to expect, but the reality always has a few curves to throw your way.

 

Point the third: Being a woman in America kind of sucks. We're routinely discriminated against and it's deeply ingrained in our culture. Being a gay women in America sucks that much harder. While transitioning into a guy might get you into the privileged class, (FtM's pass really well. I'm kind of jealous) it will do serious damage to your psyche if it's not the right move for you.

 

So yeah, find yourself a qualified gender therapist or two and have a chat. They'll help you find your way out of the tunnel one way or another.

 

Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
King Arthur
37 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

OK, look at it from the other side. What happens if I don't transition? How do you feel about yourself? A gender therapist is a good impulse. You're talking about procedures that will profoundly change your appearance and your way of thinking. If it's not the right decision for you, those changes won't be for the better and there's no path back to where you were.

 

Point the second: How do you know going on testosterone would make you feel more like yourself? It's a hell of a drug and, again, deeply changes your body and mind. You can have a general idea of what to expect, but the reality always has a few curves to throw your way.

 

Point the third: Being a woman in America kind of sucks. We're routinely discriminated against and it's deeply ingrained in our culture. Being a gay women in America sucks that much harder. While transitioning into a guy might get you into the privileged class, (FtM's pass really well. I'm kind of jealous) it will do serious damage to your psyche if it's not the right move for you.

 

So yeah, find yourself a qualified gender therapist or two and have a chat. They'll help you find your way out of the tunnel one way or another.

 

Hugs!

Thank you so much for replaying! The third point is something I have been pondering over, as these feelings can just be a subconscious want to have the privileges of men. But I’ve never really felt particularly attached to  the concept of womanhood or I guess being a women in general. For a time I identified as agender, but when I came out to my step-dad about it, it didn’t go too well. I have also always been apathetic towards my secondary sex characteristics, but that could just be, because I’m used to them. I do bind, and I love the feeling it gives me and how it makes me look, but it’s very dangerous long term, so I guess that could’ve why I’m interested in top surgery 

Share this post


Link to post
A. Dillon

Sure, binding isn't exactly good for you, but the damages aren't so drastic as they seem. Personally, I think it has done me a world of good, I doubt I would be alive now without it. Often, the horror stories you hear come from excessive and prolonged use, I have been binding regularly for 7 months and have suffered very few adverse effects. Sure, it can get hard sometimes, most of the times I have had real problems is when I was being a [email protected] and exerting myself in it. As long as you don't do too much, you should be fine.

 

My second point would be to think about how you really see yourself. It is not really a question of whether you want a chest or not, it is if you feel like you should have had it in the first place. It is kind of complicated, but that is what it has always come down to me. Does it feel unnatural to have a chest? Do you have to remind yourself that people see you as a girl? Do you have a hard time imagining anyone wanting to be female? Recently I truly realized this, my sister tried on my binder just for the heck of it, and she was so uncomfortable she instantly wanted to take it off. Not because it was too tight, it was actually at least a size or two too big for her, but because it felt like she was missing something. Do you have memories of people telling you, "you are a girl, this is not how you should act," and feeling a bit crushed inside, like you lost some part of you? These are all very deep questions, you don't have to have answers in two seconds, just try to consider it. 

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 63 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryMary
    • Kylie
    • Teri Anne
    • RunValRun
    • Shay
    • Chloé Rei
    • QuestioningAmber
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Ryan
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      71,701
    • Total Posts
      652,731
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,252
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JK
    Newest Member
    JK
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Eden
      Eden
      (65 years old)
  • Posts

    • Shay
      Boston was Mother's Milk and Middle Earth are the two I remember.   Like Chicago was Chicago Transit Authority and before that The Next Big Thing.   Blue Oyster Cult originally used Soft White Underbelly   And I don't even want to tell you what Kiss considered using....oy...   2 other interesting things are what the names Steely Dan and 10cc actually mean. Not allowed by our rules to tell you here.
    • Jani
      I do know the City of Boston was called Tremontaine before being changed.  There is a major street named Tremont now that runs along Boston Common (city park).
    • Teri Anne
      The younger crowd have this need to be a part of something or a group of people just like them. I have worked with some younger trans teens and its all about belonging. Me personally have always just done my own thing and never worried about what others think. Back in high school I never felt the need to align myself to any clique or group.
    • MaryMary
      They don't understand their rules neither, lolll that's very funny
    • Jani
      You're probably correct Mary.  Its all in the eyes of the beholder.  I admit I don't understand the rules either.
    • Jani
      Generally we're raised not thinking about gender, its just thrust upon us.  As we in the TG community think about it a lot while others not so much.  
    • MaryMary
      that's why passing is such a mystery to me. I don't think I have control over that. Others kind of use rules I don't always understand. The only key is to focus on knowing myself and being myself and not really care about the spectrum... or at least as little as possible. My point system is me clumsily trying to understand with an algorythm because I'm a programmer, lolllll
    • Teri Anne
      Freehold I think it was
    • Jani
      Without cheating I do have to say I don't recall.  I guess the data bank does get clogged sometimes!    Thanks for the explanation of Half Speed Master Cyndee.  $20 was pricey back then.  
    • Teri Anne
      It is a very interesting subject indeed. So many feel they have to have fit a certain  slot along the gender spectrum and there are just so many slots that are different that it can be very confusing to new people dealing with gender issues. That spectrum is so vast you may never find that perfect place where you "fit" in.I think thats where many have so much trouble  dealing with gender issues.  
    • Shay
      I remember those half speed masters. Never had one though.Trivia question what band name or names did Boston use b4 Boston
    • Jani
      An interesting concept!  I am sure it is true in many situations as some women can pull off uber masculine looks and still be seen as feminine.
    • Cyndee
      Thanks for your question Jani, CBS records made a limited number of Boston's first album cut with half speed mastering, released in 1980, and sold them to collectors back then at a premium (~ $ 20). They were cut at half speed, just as google explains below. Last I checked on E bay they were fetching about a hundred dollars today. They were sought after for their superior dynamic range on a vinyl medium.......   What exactly is half-speed mastering? It's a vinyl cutting process whereby the disc-cutting lathe for an LP is run at half the speed – so for an album that would be 16 and two thirds, which is half of 33 and a third – and the master source is run at half the speed as well.
    • MaryMary
      Yes, I think I agree. The special thing to me is that I started thinking the 90% + was a question of physic and looks but with time it's crazy how you realize that self confidence and the energy you emit is so important. I swear sometimes I go to the local gaz pump and the other person sees me from the back... with a huge winter coat on and they say "madame". Why? lol It's not because I wear makeup or my clothes or even my voice or my hairs. I'm wearing a huge coat, still have broad shoulders and most of the time when that happen I'm even wearing the hoody part of the coat on my head lol And they say "madame" ? Why? it's a mysterious thing to me.    I often picture a point system in my head with everything that goes with it. I think that if I make a minimum amount of efforts I can reach the number of points to pass but I cannot have a buzz cut and still pass. Many cis woman can do that because they have enough points elsewhere (confidence, energy, looks, skeletal structure, etc)...   anyway, fascinating topic.
    • Alexxiss
      This. My therapist's daughter tried doing the FTM transition but after maybe four years they (meaning therapist's daughter) decided they were never going to be masculine enough so they decided to do the non-binary approach and it has worked with much more success. Just be yourself and if you don't fall within the lines then there's not a place for you too. It is our duty to be ready to politely educate people.
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...