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I just really give up


Mary Jane

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Mary Jane

this could lead to suicide maybe not today but someday so im putting it here and well do i really need to say more? ive already said it in the other ones bullies, parents, being trapped, other things if i said more maybe my life isn't the worst but it still feels like it and i don't know if im depressed right now but well its not really sad not calm and not happy basically empty

 

also i can't believe i lasted this long before this school year started well i still had like lots of i guess resistance for everything even for not having a real life friend put up but could still be open when the school year began most of the resistance went down i think i need to put them  back up again with new resistance (if i even can) but i don't know what the new ones will be

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Mx.Drago

Depressed? More then likely, yes. Not a doctor, but from what you're describing, sounds it.

I'm depressed, been that way for a long, long, long time. Probably too long, especially not talking enough, I have my Michaelangelo destructive moments. But I'm told talking and therapy helps, kinda the reason, why I'm here in the first place. It's those needlessly destructive tendencies that prevent people from achieving that safe happy place.

Is my depression getting better, no. Getting worse, maybe, depends on the day. I try not to entertain things that will make it worse but not like reality cares how I feel but I do at least alittle. I'm at least forunate to not be mute, deaf, crippled or dumb(yet) and can use what I have to try. I need not go to death, it will meet me and take me in time anyway without my helping. You only get one turn, one chance, one life and hard pass on tossing the towel cuz reality isn't ideal. Reality is a result of what you take and make from leftovers. If you give it up, reality will just be without you, doesn't improve the situation, and makes it worse for those who do care. Don't give the win to the bullies, family, and society that doesn't earn the gold star of approval. I'm surprised I made it as far as I did too. I intend to keep surprising myself, it's the small achievements that sometimes have the greatest affect. Please keep us posted. Be and stay safe and well.

 

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Lexi C

MJ you where doing so well. I really thought I saw a difference in your posts. More positive..Look I'm no doc But MX words have powerful messages.  And I for one will take then to heart cus the have open up my eyes, -crap- is always going to happen until it don't .  Thanks MX for your share...

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Mary Jane

I thought that too I thought my life would be at least a little better but until I make it better it’s never going to get better maybe I give up now but if i live long enough I’ll still try to make things better

 

And it’s true that the small things can have the greatest effect and hey still trying to survive here but life just keeps giving me new challenges and I’m losing hope. And yea I think it’s time to try to get the resistance up again problem is I’m going to need better things than what I’ve had so it’s going to need an upgrade

 

I know my life most likely isn’t the actual worst in the world but how bad it is for me I don’t even know how to describe and I don’t know if the side of me that wants to still live will ever give up but if and when it does and I’m going to do it you’ll know because I’m going to say that it gives up if it ever does and I’ll also say if I can actually do it thankfully I can’t yet

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Mx.Drago
55 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

And it’s true that the small things can have the greatest effect and hey still trying to survive here but life just keeps giving me new challenges and I’m losing hope. And yea I think it’s time to try to get the resistance up again problem is I’m going to need better things than what I’ve had so it’s going to need an upgrade

 

I know my life most likely isn’t the actual worst in the world but how bad it is for me I don’t even know how to describe and I don’t know if the side of me that wants to still live will ever give up but if and when it does and I’m going to do it you’ll know because I’m going to say that it gives up if it ever does and I’ll also say if I can actually do it thankfully I can’t yet

No if, you do what you have to, to solve the bad things, so it's less worse and more better. And please stop saying "I know my life most likely isn't the actual worst in the world," then proceed to a "but." If there's something/someone that is making you so depressed to a point where you are entertaining thoughts of suicide, doesn't mean it has to win awards in most worst situation or top badtimes to be cared about, it's a problem that requires some time, thought and a lot of talking to come up with a solution best for the situation. Yeah it's not a cure, but it's better than bleeding yourself trying to put it off as a mere flesh wound till you decide I'm done. Hope doesn't solve problems, only actions of the people can. Hope is just ideals and dreams we conjure to help us achieve goals in reality, but it's mainly in your hands and those you allow in to help, to make hopes a reality.

:hugs:

Please keep us posted and let us try to

help solve the problems through examination, review and understanding. One step at a time.

 

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Sarahnr1

You know as well as i do Mary Jane  that giving  up is NOT within  youre  DNA   (same as me  ) we all have  our bumps in the road  as i alredy told  you dear . But thats  NOT   a reason to  take this  road   every time  this happens.  This is  life  Mary Jane  we have our  ups  as well as downs    

 

And  i agree  101 %  with MX Drago  here  WELL spoken  and i can see  you also know  what youre talking  about (standing  up and aplloud )   and Mary Jane  LISTEN  to what MX drago says  ,im of course  still here as well and you know that my young  friend       

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Mary Jane
10 hours ago, Mx.Drago said:

No if, you do what you have to, to solve the bad things, so it's less worse and more better. And please stop saying "I know my life most likely isn't the actual worst in the world," then proceed to a "but." If there's something/someone that is making you so depressed to a point where you are entertaining thoughts of suicide, doesn't mean it has to win awards in most worst situation or top badtimes to be cared about, it's a problem that requires some time, thought and a lot of talking to come up with a solution best for the situation. Yeah it's not a cure, but it's better than bleeding yourself trying to put it off as a mere flesh wound till you decide I'm done. Hope doesn't solve problems, only actions of the people can. Hope is just ideals and dreams we conjure to help us achieve goals in reality, but it's mainly in your hands and those you allow in to help, to make hopes a reality.

:hugs:

Please keep us posted and let us try to

help solve the problems through examination, review and understanding. One step at a time.

 

i know and hope isnt really a cure but thats were it starts when your motivated you have hope when your finally seeing the good side even if most things are bad you have hope it starts with hope and continues with you doing it and hey i always try to get through every challenge even if i don't like it but i practically just can't anymore

 

9 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

You know as well as i do Mary Jane  that giving  up is NOT within  youre  DNA   (same as me  ) we all have  our bumps in the road  as i alredy told  you dear . But thats  NOT   a reason to  take this  road   every time  this happens.  This is  life  Mary Jane  we have our  ups  as well as downs    

 

And  i agree  101 %  with MX Drago  here  WELL spoken  and i can see  you also know  what youre talking  about (standing  up and aplloud )   and Mary Jane  LISTEN  to what MX drago says  ,im of course  still here as well and you know that my young  friend       

yup or is it really not in my DNA? i say its not and my brother says i give up and I'm pretty sure my dad too. haters going to hate tho right? but right now i can keep living but not so much for trying to get through the challenges thats going to come

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Sarahnr1
30 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

yup or is it really not in my DNA?  i say its not and my brother says i give up and I'm pretty sure my dad too. haters going to hate tho right?  but right now i can keep living but not so much for trying to get through the challenges thats going to come

 

Mary Jane  TRUST me  when i say  youre  most defenetly NOT  sucidal dear  (and thats  GOOD  )  remember what i told  you way back ?   those that are  we  usely   isolate and withdraw  from society in general   and  you kind  of  just notice we  just disappear.  and  you (as  you should  of course  )  STILL  keep fighting  and  saying  youre self  this  is NOT what you whant  or belive  in   (again thats  a  great sign )  and  still come in here  (as  you should )  

 

Mary Jane as i also said  i KNOW you can do this i have 0 dought for reel . BUT yes Mary Jane  it WILL  take allot  of effort ,  Endurance , and  ALLOT of HARD  work and sadly it will be allot  of bumps  along  the road.  

 

And  just  as you proved to me with what you told me about youre backround  i KNOW youre NOT a quiter   Youre like me we just go down and then after a while  we just get up and bruch our self and  get back to it.    

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Mary Jane
37 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

 

Mary Jane  TRUST me  when i say  youre  most defenetly NOT  sucidal dear  (and thats  GOOD  )  remember what i told  you way back ?   those that are  we  usely   isolate and withdraw  from society in general   and  you kind  of  just notice we  just disappear.  and  you (as  you should  of course  )  STILL  keep fighting  and  saying  youre self  this  is NOT what you whant  or belive  in   (again thats  a  great sign )  and  still come in here  (as  you should )  

 

Mary Jane as i also said  i KNOW you can do this i have 0 dought for reel . BUT yes Mary Jane  it WILL  take allot  of effort ,  Endurance , and  ALLOT of HARD  work and sadly it will be allot  of bumps  along  the road.  

 

And  just  as you proved to me with what you told me about youre backround  i KNOW youre NOT a quiter   Youre like me we just go down and then after a while  we just get up and bruch our self and  get back to it.    

yea..........

 

true and some are going to be like mountains

 

true and when i play a challenging (but fair) video game i see that again  and as i said before sometimes you just need to wait for things to be better i most likely just need a little time then ill be back once again and according to how fast i can recover im guessing im going to be back by the time the weekend comes or by the time its over or within next week (seriously thats how fast i've recovered every single time and maybe its because of the fighter thats still in me)

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Sarahnr1
37 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

yea..........

 

true and some are going to be like mountains

 

true and when i play a challenging (but fair) video game i see that again  and as i said before sometimes you just need to wait for things to be better i most likely just need a little time then ill be back once again and according to how fast i can recover im guessing im going to be back by the time the weekend comes or by the time its over or within next week (seriously thats how fast i've recovered every single time and maybe its because of the fighter thats still in me)

 

yes indeed

 

Sadly youre right on that one   and i have  climbed MANY  Mount  Everest  my self    

 

THATS  my friend  (high 5 )  you remind me  SO much of my self in youre age  (hence im also able to  understand  how youre feeling  and how you work )  So VERY PROUD of you  Mary Jane  as  should  YOU be as well.

 

We are  both BORN mental  warirors , neither one of  us  can  just  give up its just not in our DNA   (belive me i tried so many times  to just give up  and nearly did  it  BUT  just att  that final step  i get my strength back. And il be darned  if i gonna let this crappy life  defeat me. I`l die  trying/Fighting   Mary Jane (from natural causes of course) & i KNOW you will as well                  

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Mary Jane
34 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

We are  both BORN mental  warirors , neither one of  us  can  just  give up its just not in our DNA   (belive me i tried so many times  to just give up  and nearly did  it  BUT  just att  that final step  i get my strength back

me too i dont really know how many times i was close to fully giving up but then fighting again

 

37 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

And il be darned  if i gonna let this crappy life  defeat me. I`l die  trying/Fighting   Mary Jane (from natural causes of course) & i KNOW you will as well

true 

 

also maybe i need games and things to watch now to help me but i think soon its going to change and im downloading a game that has a chance of getting me to fight/try again

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Sarahnr1
45 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

me too i dont really know how many times i was close to fully giving up but then fighting again

 

true 

 

also maybe i need games and things to watch now to help me but i think soon its going to change and im downloading a game that has a chance of getting me to fight/try again

 

I know that feeling  OH so well 

 

Indeed  

 

We all need something  that helps us escape reality.  Sounds  Awesome   GO for it  (thumbs  up ) 

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Mmindy

I’m very new her and so deep in the back of the closet, however I have a favorite quote for my down times.

 

“When it seems like the whole world is against you, remember the airplane takes off into the wind not with it” -Henry Ford

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe.

 

Mnindy

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Mary Jane

i dont feel that empty anymore but now im annoyed at one of my classes also 

2 hours ago, Mmindy said:

“When it seems like the whole world is against you, remember the airplane takes off into the wind not with it”

i will remember that

 

ah school when will it become better and 2 more years of school torture left unless i go to college or university

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Mx.Drago
1 hour ago, Mary Jane said:

i dont feel that empty anymore but now im annoyed at one of my classes also 

i will remember that

 

ah school when will it become better and 2 more years of school torture left unless i go to college or university

You could try to graduate early from high school, especially if you have only 2 more years left. Why not try? You should get in contact with your school guidance counselor. Or contact colleges or universities of interest to request guidance through their policies, you'll have to know how many years of school and credits will be needed for your degree of interest. Maybe try for a degree in computer science? Since I'm told there's always money in tech. If you're really tech savvy maybe engineer or program designer or go for graphics design. Or you pick something else, think of it as building a class character in a game but no backzies and "game over" means what it sez. We have not discovered time travel and not for a long time to come.sigh... But if you want to get out early, you have to start early too. I've seen and watched people, literally going in circles because life don't spell it or put up signs for your convenience. So if it's control you seek, you need to take responsibility like the rest of the older folk do and make your own if you must. And yeah it's not easy, but it doesn't have to be hard either.

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Mary Jane

problem in trying to get out early is well 1st the job my parents want me to be successful but happiness is success not how your doing in life because are you really successful if your job is ok but everything else isn't? no no you not im aiming to be as happy as possible so any stable job thats not too annoying is ok for me but 2nd problem the how i really dont know how and if theres a way im way too shy i can't talk to strangers in real life 3rd problem i don't know what to go for i really don't but again any stable and not too annoying job is fine with me and something with computer is probably going to be too annoying or hard for me i barely want to code games ever since learning how to code them without the visual stuff and ive tried to edit some videos ive recorded and its too annoying if you say "then animate" its going to be terrible animations 

 

this is why i don't like to think of the future right now plus its just added pressure and i think there's that added pressure of university which im guessing will be like now but one thousand times more worse also

1 hour ago, Mx.Drago said:

So if it's control you seek, you need to take responsibility like the rest of the older folk do and make your own if you must. And yeah it's not easy, but it doesn't have to be hard either.

yea not possible for now and it will be hard for me 

 

seriously my life has been like an up hill battle probably all the way to space

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Sandra_Lux

Having struggled and suffered in similar ways, I can only say, it might seem like the end of the road, but it most probably isn't. Life can change to the better and you can enjoy your life, like you never thought you would. Just stay curious.

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Mary Jane

true and im trying and life just keeps throwing new challenges at me

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Sandra_Lux

This won't change, you will get better in coping with challenges. There's no joy without struggle. But life is beautiful.

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Mx.Drago

? Everybody is a stranger till you start talking to them enough, so they appear less stranger and more friend at least that's the hope. Like I said, you want to start early, just you thinking bout it is a start. Mental preparation is just as important as the physical. You luckily have a wonderful tool at your disposal. The internet connects you in a way so you don't have to talk to people. You just need to explore and read. If you are undecided that's fine. Search and read up on colleges nearby or in a place you want to go. How far do you want to travel? If you want to do "animation", maybe check up colleges that provide classes on that subject and what department it's being taught by. This information is available to you throught the college or university website. The departments of interest, I feeling are either Film/Media/Art/Computers. May vary from school to school but it's a round bout direction to start looking. You don't have to know everything, or feel pressured. That's why it's important to ask if at least question where you are going so to start getting answers to solve the main issues and get to where you need. Happiness/Success can't be determined because you barely started basics. Basics first, do research, watch YouTube videos of people reviews, and determine what you want to be. Like I said 'it doesn't have to be hard,' especially if you just take slow small steps you can beat any mountain. University/College isn't hs, nowhere close. You can decide what classes you take. You can even take online classes, and avoid as many people as possible or join a club of friends very much like a forum. It's very possible, you just need put in a little energy towards it now, instead of a lot later.

1 hour ago, Mary Jane said:

problem in trying to get out early is well 1st the job my parents want me to be successful but happiness is success not how your doing in life because are you really successful if your job is ok but everything else isn't? no no you not im aiming to be as happy as possible so any stable job thats not too annoying is ok for me but 2nd problem the how i really dont know how and if theres a way im way too shy i can't talk to strangers in real life 3rd problem i don't know what to go for i really don't but again any stable and not too annoying job is fine with me and something with computer is probably going to be too annoying or hard for me i barely want to code games ever since learning how to code them without the visual stuff and ive tried to edit some videos ive recorded and its too annoying if you say "then animate" its going to be terrible animations 

 

this is why i don't like to think of the future right now plus its just added pressure and i think there's that added pressure of university which im guessing will be like now but one thousand times more worse also

yea not possible for now and it will be hard for me 

 

seriously my life has been like an up hill battle probably all the way to space

 

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TrIIIy

Mary Jane, are you able to see a therapist? A lot of therapists will see people online now (especially with the virus), so you might not even have to go in person. I see my therapist every week, and I highly recommend therapy for just about anyone. A trained professional could give you insight that you might not find elsewhere. I don’t know much about the healthcare system in Canada, but you could do an internet search for therapists in your area. It really is worth the effort. 

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Sarahnr1
8 hours ago, Mary Jane said:

this is why i don't like to think of the future right now plus its just added pressure and i think there's that added pressure of university which im guessing will be like now but one thousand times more worse also

yea not possible for now and it will be hard for me 

 

seriously my life has been like an up hill battle probably all the way to space

 

If  you get that stressed out  from the future (which i can understand  )  then  try to do as i said  from the start  take   things  one  step at a time   dear   , First get as good grades  as  you can in school  (you need it  for  being able to achive youre other  goals  simple as that ), And  within this  time  dont  forget  youre  close to get youre licence   which will help you being able to get out  of the  house   and start   look around  the  town  . & go from there  Mary Jane  you DONT have to  have youre entire  life  figured  out and planned  out    right now  dear      

 

Welcome to my world  Mary Jane  it has  been this way ever  since  i was born  and will most probaly be that way until i take  my last   breath of air .  BUT  thats NOT a reason to give up  ,its  a reson to get  even more determined to actually MAKE IT to youre goals  

 

7 hours ago, Mary Jane said:

true and im trying and life just keeps throwing new challenges at me

 

Yes  it will  and thats  life  Mary Jane   BUT as i said before   i have  NO doughts  whatsover that you will be succéfull in youre goals and reach many of them   as you have what it takes  , and you most defenetly have the brain  to do it .

10 hours ago, Mary Jane said:

ah school when will it become better and 2 more years of school torture left unless i go to college or university

 

TRUST me when i say 2  years will be NOTHING for you to do my friend.  Its  nothing of the time  you have  after to get on with youre life (wink) So my best advice is make the best  of it   as you will need this  for  when youre  finaly out  in the  working life           

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Mary Jane
4 hours ago, TrIIIy said:

Mary Jane, are you able to see a therapist? A lot of therapists will see people online now (especially with the virus), so you might not even have to go in person. I see my therapist every week, and I highly recommend therapy for just about anyone. A trained professional could give you insight that you might not find elsewhere. I don’t know much about the healthcare system in Canada, but you could do an internet search for therapists in your area. It really is worth the effort. 

I’ll try hopefully I can get one 

1 hour ago, Sarahnr1 said:

If  you get that stressed out  from the future (which i can understand  )  then  try to do as i said  from the start  take   things  one  step at a time   dear   , First get as good grades  as  you can in school  (you need it  for  being able to achive youre other  goals  simple as that ), And  within this  time  dont  forget  youre  close to get youre licence   which will help you being able to get out  of the  house   and start   look around  the  town  . & go from there  Mary Jane  you DONT have to  have youre entire  life  figured  out and planned  out    right now  dear      

 

Welcome to my world  Mary Jane  it has  been this way ever  since  i was born  and will most probaly be that way until i take  my last   breath of air .  BUT  thats NOT a reason to give up  ,its  a reson to get  even more determined to actually MAKE IT to youre goals

Im trying to take it one step at a time but my parents they want me to be “successful” and I put the quotation marks because happiness = success not the other way around your job can be great but what about your life and your family? (if you have a family) they don’t get success also I haven’t fully forgotten about the drivers license the wait is going to be worth it once I get it

 

hey me too (actually it started when we went here in Canada I was about 7 or 8 at the time)

1 hour ago, Sarahnr1 said:

Yes  it will  and thats  life  Mary Jane   BUT as i said before   i have  NO doughts  whatsover that you will be succéfull in youre goals and reach many of them   as you have what it takes  , and you most defenetly have the brain  to do it .

True and as I’ve heard before one challenge at a time

 

1 hour ago, Sarahnr1 said:

TRUST me when i say 2  years will be NOTHING for you to do my friend.  Its  nothing of the time  you have  after to get on with youre life (wink) So my best advice is make the best  of it   as you will need this  for  when youre  finaly out  in the  working life

Already continuously trying to  

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Sarahnr1
29 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

I’ll try hopefully I can get one 

 

Im trying to take it one step at a time but my parents they want me to be “successful” and I put the quotation marks because happiness = success not the other way around your job can be great but what about your life and your family? (if you have a family) they don’t get success also I haven’t fully forgotten about the drivers license the wait is going to be worth it once I get it

 

hey me too (actually it started when we went here in Canada I was about 7 or 8 at the time)

True and as I’ve heard before one challenge at a time

 

Already continuously trying to  

 

 

I hope you will my friend as you defenetly need one  

 

As i said  more private   what they wont  is  less  important then what YOU want   and last i checked   parents  cant  legally make there  child   do or take a  profession  not  whanted  .  This said   its  not   that strange  that youre parents whants  you to suceed  in life dear . Only you CANT let them  decide youre  future  life   either  this  is YOURE   life NOT theirs. GOOD  BELIVE me it is  .

 

Well as i said  in my case  it started  at birth  and  continued thru out my entire life  so im WAY ahead  of you on that one . (giggles)   yeah i do say that  allot  but thats   because its  true   and  i have actually also been like  you worrying  about the future  and  all the rest  and still am   actually. only difrence im older  so i have learnt  to handle  this   and so will you in time  dear.

 

I know  and  youre doing great.           

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Mary Jane
31 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

As i said  more private   what they wont  is  less  important then what YOU want   and last i checked   parents  cant  legally make there  child   do or take a  profession  not  whanted  .  This said   its  not   that strange  that youre parents whants  you to suceed  in life dear . Only you CANT let them  decide youre  future  life   either  this  is YOURE   life NOT theirs. GOOD  BELIVE me it is  .

True and I’m trying but I’m pretty sure they’re also trying to control my life without meaning to I’ll completely break that control someday but for now just going to focus on what I need to also it’s more like they want me to succeed in my job or at least that’s how it seems for me

37 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

Well as i said  in my case  it started  at birth  and  continued thru out my entire life  so im WAY ahead  of you on that one . (giggles)   yeah i do say that  allot  but thats   because its  true   and  i have actually also been like  you worrying  about the future  and  all the rest  and still am   actually. only difrence im older  so i have learnt  to handle  this   and so will you in time  dear.

I don’t really worry about the future that much but when I do it’s mostly how will it be that I question and what I imagine or think about when I worry is mostly what I’m doing and if i have friends and I can pretty much already handle it but I still need help and that help so far has mostly come from the things I do that I like which I say a lot but here it is again play or watch but also the people here has helped too

 

44 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

I know  and  youre doing great.  

?

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      I've moved my feeder several times as the nearby trees have grown.  I think I have it in a permanent spot now.  Its too far to jump too! 
    • Willow
      @Heather Nicole thanks. Funny thing about that picture, I as trying to post it with the caption getting ready to go to the beach.  I had changed out of my church dress and I changed my iv because of the wind.   for some reason. Am concentrating so much on getting the picture framed I forget to smile when taking a selfie.     Well, today was Monday.  I had blood work done for my endocrinologist.  The tech got a good vessel, filled the first of three quickly.  I made the mistake of saying she got a good one.  When she switched to the second vial nothing!   she had to switch arms and get three more.  At least that’s done.   Willow
    • Lee H
      HI all, I think 76 is another "unusual" age to start HRT, but that's me. Can't do much about it. I've been on E. for about two weeks. Haven't yet sprouted beautiful B cups, but I'm hoping....   Here's my strategy for living in the "reality/non-reality/hyper-reality" continuum, so far: I'm "transitioning at my own pace, going as far as feels right, and savoring each day, One Day at a Time."   This is the way I'm coping with bizzaro emotions. If I tell myself I'm going as far as ___, total transition? GCS? Boob job? FFS? throat shave? my inner voices [the "Committee"] starts reciting all the bad things I've ever thought about the whole idea, and worrying about all the bad things others will tell me too. But if I say to myself, "Ok, so stop," a wave rolls over me, saying, "Oh hell no. I like how I'm feeling." So rather than pressuring myself to hurry up and get to some feminization "goal," I'm saying to myself, "Maybe I'll call it all off tomorrow, but I'm not going to do that today. I like the way I feel." That's how ODAT works. ~~Hugs, everybody, Lee~~
    • Carolyn Marie
      OMG, thank you all for the squirrel pics and stories!  Jandi, I was laughing out loud with that video.  Absolutely amazing and charming antics and I was so impressed with Mark Rober's skills and ingenuity.   My feeder also has a dome, and I took away most the squirrel's launch points, but they now launch from a tree about 6 ft. away, directly onto the platform base.  I've also tried commercial chemical sprays, but there are too many approaches to the back yard and they just jump over or around where I put the stuff.  So its basically get rid of the feeder or put up with the squirrels.        Carolyn Marie
    • MaryMary
      I've read your post. I just want to mention that I think your posts here are always interesting and your input here is really appreciated. It's great to move on if it's something that sounds right to you. I know that myself I will always concider myself trans. mainly because I suffered from having the impression that I was alone like this when I was young. I *WANT* my kids friends and people at work to see and know that I'm trans and happy.   Good luck for everything to come, you will always find interested ears and empathic hearts here
    • Dana Michelle
      It seems like it is unusual to start at that age. It seems like most people transitioning start either under age 25 or over 50.
    • DragonflyGirl
      I never had a sweet tooth. Now I'm like a kid for anything sugary and strawberry flavoured. My taste for beer gave way to red wine, then to strawberry and lime cider, which for some reason seems to amuse my friends at the pub!   Also, I never used to like baked beans very much, now I absolutely love them. Milder varieties of curry are much tastier to me now as well. I'm not sure if my tastebuds are more sensitive or just different.
    • Sally Stone
      Shay, ours wasn't that talented.  Just a single hole initially.  I kept thinking he should have been more creative.
    • Sally Stone
      Hi Jack.  Welcome to Trans Pulse.  It is so great to meet you.
    • Sally Stone
      Hi Anna, I hope you can find the answers you are looking for.  In the meantime, I have to tell you that the fact you are trying to educate yourself for your spouse's benefit says what an amazing person you are.  Welcome to Trans Pulse.  
    • Shay
    • Shay
    • Sally Stone
      We have one that just ate through the husk of a pumpkin and then proceeded to eat all of the meat from the inside.  When he was finished, our pumpkin looked like a cyclops with one big eye.  The squirrel has been back to the scene of the crime every day to take more and more of the pumpkin away.  No doubt he is stocking up for a long-cold winter. 
    • QuestioningAmber
      Good afternoon,   It's a little late for coffee for me, but still nice to sit and gab for a minute. Fairly productive weekend, my mom played middle man between her side of the family that we weren't sure about and came out for me. It turned out well, they said they would still love and try to respect me, they may fumble with some things they did say, which I don't expect perfection. I still need to take care of two of my aunts on my dad's side and then I think I am done for the family that is going to be told directly at least.   I just got done scheduling my support groups and decided I am going to try to do a socially distanced Monopoly game. It is going to be done via Zoom, and I think it will be interesting if nothing else (I already gave full disclosure to anybody who signs up this is an experiment). I also think I found a cute outfit I am going to wear tomorrow to my trans support meeting, though it is still digitally held, I like to feel cute and look cute. I guess today just has been a nice day.
    • Jackie C.
      Not completely outside the realm of possibility. My therapist told me about a trans friend who it turns out was actually intersex. They discovered a uterus and ovaries when they went in for the vaginoplasty and just hooked everything up more-or-less correctly. She had her first period at forty.   As for the doctor's office conundrum, I come clean right away. It's legal to refuse me service for being trans where I live so one of my first questions with a new doctor is, "I'm trans, is that going to be a problem?"   Hugs! 
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