Told my wife

[KM]

Hello, everyone! Where do I begin. First, I want to say that having a community like this is awesome. It is nice to see that I am not alone! So, okay, here goes...

 

My wife and I have been together since we were 15 years old (30+ years). We have 5 amazing kids and 6 beautiful grandchildren. We have been there for each other through every little or big thing that has happened in life. I cannot see my life without her in it. So, ….  I came out to her 5 days ago and it has been such a whirlwind. I didn't know what to expect, seeing how I just figured this out myself. She actually took it better than I thought. Of course, the first thing she said to me when I told her that I needed to talk to her about something was are you gay? To her defense, homosexuality runs deep in my family. I told her no, that's not it. So, after what seemed like an hour or two, I just came out and said it. She didn't run. She turned to me and said she knew something, but could never put her finger on it. And that is when the whirlwind started. Then the questions started (and actually have not stopped in 5 days). I had answered each and every one of them more honest or truthful then I have ever done in my life. I feel freer now. That I don't have to hide who I am anymore.

 

We have decided to take things slow. If I feel like I need to move forward with anything, we will discuss it together. Each step, each process. If at any point she does not feel comfortable, I will pull back and wait, and when she is ready, she will be there for me. So, right now, we are taking things day by day. The next step, I'm learning, is to go see a therapist together. Until next time ...

 

Thanks everyone for listening.

 

KM

[KathyLauren]

Well done, KM!  That first conversation with your wife is the hardest thing to do.  It sounds life it went pretty well.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Jackie C.]

It sounds like you're off to a solid start. You and your wife are communicating (Bravo!) and you're setting boundaries that you both can deal with. While there's no guarantee that she won't be overwhelmed by the weird somewhere down the line, you're doing everything you can to preserve your relationship. That's HUGE! Well done. Pip pip. Promotions all around. ?

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

Wow super job and such a wonderful start!  I’m am so jealous.  My coming out to my wife was a drama cry fest that took me three days to get the bare bones out.  We are getting a divorce on friendly term though.  
your wife is an amazing and strong women.  
Welcome to TP also if I had not said so yet.  

[Susan R]

Welcome KM, what an incredible story of coming to terms with yourself and sharing it with your wife. You did the right thing for your mental well-being.  There comes a time when you can’t just pack it away any longer.  The freedom you describe is so memorable to me.  It’s like a 200lb weight had been lifted off you.  I know your still feeling some of that relief 5 days after the fact.

 

3 hours ago, KM said:

We have decided to take things slow. If I feel like I need to move forward with anything, we will discuss it together. Each step, each process. If at any point she does not feel comfortable, I will pull back and wait, and when she is ready, she will be there for me. So, right now, we are taking things day by day.

What you say above is THE recipe to navigate through this successfully. I did this same thing with my wife and it has brought us closer together than ever before.  Like you, I gave my wife the keys and trusted she would open a door whenever I needed more.  It’s been over a year and all the doors are unlocked and life is good.

 

What an inspiration this is. I’m very happy for you and your wife.  Please keep us updated as to your progress.  It’s still very early but I’m confident you’re going to experience a positive outcome. I was so impressed I had to share your story with my wife.  I said to her, “Doesn’t this sound familiar? She read it and smiled!

 

Best of luck to the both of you on your new path.

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Emily michelle]

I’m glad you were able to come out to your wife and that she is supportive. That’s a huge weight of off your shoulders. When o came out to my wife she acted like things make sense now. I was the one who was an absolute wreck I cried for several days when I broke down, and so far she is my biggest ally. On the other hand when I told my sister she flat looked at me and said are you serious and that’s when I lost it again. She has come around a little bit but I still don’t think she understands.

[Lexi C]

Hey KM. Congrat's on being proud and real to yourself. Your Wife will appreciate that your honest,,,be safe, Be Proud and KICK ASS

[Faye1972]

OMG this is just like my conversation with my wife. The gay thing came up followed by lots of questions. She’s doing some research that helps. We are taking it slow too. One thing is that I do feel relieved. Start of a long journey. 
 

xx

[Alannah]

On 4/23/2020 at 3:23 AM, Faye1972 said:

OMG this is just like my conversation with my wife. The gay thing came up followed by lots of questions. She’s doing some research that helps. We are taking it slow too. One thing is that I do feel relieved. Start of a long journey. 
 

xx

First time post here.

 

I came out to my wife a couple of days ago. It had been building in my mind for the last few months and this past weekend was especially tough for me. We are together over 10 years with small children. 

 

When I told her I went all in not holding anything back. The "are you gay?" question came up too and I told her I am not. 

 

Initially she took it well but was very shocked as she had no idea. 

 

Since then she has been on an emotional rollercoaster and it was really hit her hard. To the point where I regret saying anything. But that ship has now sailed. 

 

We love each other and have said so since but this going to be really hard. 

 

She asked that I see a therapist which I am doing this week.

 

It's a weight off my shoulders to finally tell somebody after over 40 years but I am worried for the future. 

 

Small steps. But at least we are still talking. I am worried though on the emotional toll this will have on her and us. 

[Kelsey Brooke]

It has been over a month since I told her and things have been going OK. She will have spells where she is really upset thinking about it, or really angry. But, I guess that is to be expected. At least she is trying to except me and the situation the best she can. She doesn't like seeing me with "the other" clothes on or makeup, which makes it really hard on me because that's when I feel my best. I am just taking things day by day and hope for the best. Will post more as time goes on.

 

P.S. By the way, I am KM, just changed my name.

[KayC]

So many familiar themes in these "told my wife" experiences everybody shared.  Thank you everyone!

Mine was several years ago, but like yours my experience is that my wife's reaction/acceptance/confusion/anxiety and sometimes anger is still a moving target and a bit of a rollercoaster (although the peaks and valleys have settled out considerably). 
 

Had to laugh Kelsey when I saw your "are you gay" reaction from your wife .. also had the same exact experience and I think my wife was initially relieved when I said aghast "NO!" (not that there's anything wrong with that .. ?Seinfeld).
Then also the MANY questions which I was happy and relieved to provide full disclosure .. but I also came to realize that some of my honest answers did not make her feel better .. unfortunately that seemed to close off many of our continued discussions.  Mostly we just don't talk about it anymore.

It WAS a big relief and burden off my shoulders though ... and I appreciate that my wife provided some acceptance, at least for my crossdressing (she even bought me my first panties!).  I have my own room and can pretty much dress any time I want, but prefer to do it when she is not home.  Just like you, I can tell my wife feels uncomfortable to see me as a woman and I can't say I blame her .. its not who she married.  She has also set limits, that I cannot go out in public as a woman (not sure how ready I am for that anyway .. but I would like to be able to if I wanted .. even just to drive around) or post photos or videos online.  She fears my being "outted" probably more than I do.
Any discussion of transitioning has been taboo, and that's my biggest obstacle.  She told me early on (even though she denies it now) that if I transitioned she would divorce me.  Hmmm.  So, I don't even broach that subject and its the biggest obstacle I face for now.
 

From my experience your day-by-day and step-by-step approach is good and also to seek professional help.  I / We haven't done that yet, but for me I think I need to start with myself first to truly understand where I am at.   That's my next step.  I hope your counseling sessions are helpful for both you and your wife.

Thank you Kelsey (all) for sharing your story/stories.  Hope to hear a positive outcome for both of you, whatever that is.

best regards

Kay

[Kelsey Brooke]

A few days ago, my wife decided that she was going to help me paint my nails (toes only, for now). After she was done, she said she liked the color I picked. That was so unexpected. And then, on Tuesday, she wanted to go clothes shopping, so I tagged along as I always do (I usually pick her clothes out). After she was done, she helped me pick out a few items for myself. When we got home, I tried them on and she didn't seem to mind. I don't know how long it will stay like this, but I love it!

 

Kelsey

[SaraAW]

@Kelsey Brooke Oh wow, that sounds absolutely amazing.  I hope my wife and I can get there someday.  I'm sure you must have been beaming.  Have a wonderful day and enjoy the new clothes and the pedi.

[Kelsey Brooke]

Thank you, Sara, and yes, I was beaming!!

[KayC]

That's great, Kelsey!  and if she can sense your happiness and that she is part of that, it means progress for both of you.

Kay

[DeAnna]

How my wife said I’m going to get a few things and she ask if I wanted to go, I said yeah if I can get a few tops and a nightgown she said, yes come on I was totally amazed , but three v-neck cute ones I thought and one light blue nylon material with lace around the cups soft liner , so that was great for me I’m so happy with the way things went 

[Mmindy]

KM, thank you for sharing this us, I’m about ready to come out to my wife and we’ve been married for 44 years. She was with me when I had a chance meeting with Kristin Beck (I know name dropping) my wife thought my excitement was about meeting a Navy Seal and American Patriot.  Later that evening I had my wife watch the documentary about Kristin and it seems to have been well received. 

 

Best wishes to you and yours, 

 

Mmindy

[DeAnna]

My wife is still wondering about what I’m doing, but years ago she caught me on the internet looking at women’s clothes and underwear caught me by surprise, I said I’m looking for me some underwear and oh boy that was the big wonder for her so she ask why ? Will I said I have had this dysphoria on my gender for when I was young I always wanted to be a girl I would ask my mother why is it that I’m not a girl she always told me when I get older I would be a girl like her, but to make the story short I have been in out of crossdressing for many years and it’s time to come out as the girl I have wanted to be. I started about seven years ago growing my breast this internet is good for information  : if things keep going in the right directions I will be on HRT I’m hoping that I can I’m at the rip old age of 64 years young Hugs And Kisses ??

Edited May 13, 2020 by Carolyn Marie
Deleted mention of herbal supplements, per Rule #14