Partially out but wanting to start HRT

[michelle_kitten]

So, i would like to say something about coming out to your partner and customers.  For me, transition is all about being honest and authentic.  I lived a lie in trying to make the world believe i was male.  I don't like living a lie.  Coming to terms with the fact i am a trans woman was a relief more than anything.  I came out to select family members and friends first and just two days ago to the rest of the world, via a facebook post.

 

Keep in mind, you don't have to just drop it in people's laps either.  You can do things to warm them to the idea.  I told people i was struggling with gender dysphoria for about 6 months while i learned what i needed to in order to make the commitment to transition.  In doing so i readied them for my announcement if and when it came.  I lost only 3 facebook friends, and to be honest i can't tell you who they were.  You can mention you're seeing a therapist (i do hope you have one).  There are lots of ways to kind of spread the word ahead of coming out, and in doing so help people understand that you didn't just wake up one day and decide you wanted to be a girl.

 

Girl, my advice is don't live a lie.  The authentic and real you is going to be so much better for it in the long term.  Yeah, the reality is you're probably going to lose some friends and loved ones.  We all do.  You will be very blessed if you don't.  Still, being honest and authentic is one of the most valuable things you can do.  If you lose customers, others will replace them.  Your business partner will adapt.

 

Totally glad you shared your story.

[Patrice]

Thanks Michelle,

Congrats on coming out! I'm getting there. Your advice is sound as well. I fully agree. I've always been a very honest person and I'm mature enough to know who I am and I plan on being me

[KymmieL]

Patrice, Welcome to our own little world. Were no one judges you, and you can be who you truly are.

I am so happy for you that your family is accepting. In mine, only my middle son and wife accept it. I came out to my oldest almost 4 weeks ago. Apr 30. He is still mad at me for being truthful. I haven't talked to him since. His wife is the same. Hard to say, but I have all but wrote them out of my life.

My youngest is hard to read but I don't think he likes it. Then there is my wife of 35 years. She totally doesn't accept it. Oh, she will let me transition but she will not be married to me. She married "a man".

Do to health history the VA will not put me on HRT. I am on puberty blockers. last T level check was 21.

With all my negative acceptance in my life. If given the chance I would go on HRT in a heartbeat. I know that I will be single soon. While it hurts to the soul. I have a right to be happy and be who I need to be.

 

Of topic, everyone is welcome to join in the daily. Thread, Good Morning, Coffee is on. to talk about just about anything happening in your world. Even learn about the other crazies on here.

 

 

Hugs, Kymmie

[KayC]

On 5/19/2020 at 10:24 AM, michelle_kitten said:

The authentic and real you is going to be so much better for it in the long term.

That's a great personal experience to pass along, Michelle.  Thank you❣️
@Patrice  @KymmieL.. I'm getting there too.  Albeit at a snails pace ? but she's going in the right direction

hugs❤️

 

[Patrice]

Started HRT yesterday!!! 

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, Patrice said:

Started HRT yesterday!!! 

Congrats Patrice! This is wonderful news! I’m sure you’re on cloud nine right now. I still remember the time and place I took my first dose...like it was yesterday. I hope you will experience the best results. Just a little patience is needed as it does take some time as you know. Before long, you’ll notice a few minor changes and then without notice a whole lot of things will change for you. I hope you’ll report back to us all your good news. I just really enjoy reading about the accounts of others regarding their changes and how it has positively affected and improved their life.  Thanks for sharing with us your HUGE milestone.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[Emily michelle]

Congrats Patrice that’s great news!

[KayC]

Congratulations, Patrice!  Happy for you❣️  hope you can keep us up to date on how its going for you.

[Patrice]

Thanks

I'm pretty excited...and nervous..but mostly excited. I feel like when I was a kid the night before a track race.

[Patrice]

So, been on testosterone blockers and estrogen pills for a month now. TMI....Morning...random...you know what I mean...stopped after only 2 weeks. Is this ok to talk about?

I'm not particularily bothered that my instant response to excitement isn't resonating from one place... but my partner is used to my 'readiness' I had in intimate times before HRT. This could be tricky...on the other hand, other sensations are amazing...TMI...Is this ok to talk about?

Physically otherwise I haven't noticed or felt anything really. 

Emotionally, I have found myself a little more sensitive than usual. I'm not an actor but I think I could cry on demand right now. I haven't cried but definately could have if I allowed it.

Spiritually, totally torn. I'm really excited to let Patrice have her time in the sun but being Pat was always so easy. I haven't had a hard go being liked or included as a male so it makes me really nervous giving Patrice some space to move around. (I'm doing a Hulk/Bruce Banner kind of comparison). People are also really surprised when I tell them, I guess I hid well. My partner hopes she will be fine with it but said the other day that she doen't know if she will be ok with us both presenting as female full time. I thought she was on board, and so did she, but now it's less certain. I can deal with everyone else if I have a sense that my home life will be ok but the uncertainness has put a cloud over me at the moment. On one hand I know that surpressing everything and being male Pat all the time will make me unhappy but I don't want to loose what I have either. It's got me thinking about two spirits. I haven't allowed my feminine side enough time out to know if she needs to be full time or not. Or am I debating this becuase I fear rejection if I allow myself to present as female. Acceptance and appearance of confidence (sometimes valid other times faked) are hard to give up. What if I change my mind after? What will they think of me then? I was so certain  month ago. My past few sentences are flip flops but it's definately how I'm feeling. Awe shucks.

 

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Patrice said:

I haven't cried but definately could have if I allowed it.

Just let it go, Patrice ... holding it in is what he are forced to do a cis-males.  Its a burden society puts on us ... unburden yourself.

I have no HRT experience, but I am sure you will get some great feedback from others here to help you.  Your fears are very similar to what I fear for when the time comes to start.  So, I am in your corner.  Its just Round 1.  Come out fighting❣️  Hugs❤️

[Patrice]

Thanks KayC,

It's really easy to focus on fear then the positive changes which are to come. 

[Jackie C.]

OK, so first off... two weeks isn't really a drop in the bucket. You might not see physical changes for six months. Mental changes happen quicker. I really started to notice around the second month. I think part of that is that we allow ourselves to be more in tune with our feminine side and let the male conditioning drop away. Like my endocrinologist told me; it takes about two months for your hormones to settle into the new normal. Then there's more blood work until they get the dosage right.

On that note, I had no issue with "male performance" right up until about eighteen months when I had my GCS. Total non-issue for me, though I understand others have had trouble.

 

Secondly, don't feel pressured to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. If you don't want the HRT, then don't take the HRT. Do what makes you comfortable in your own skin. That's the whole point. If that's crossdressing on weekends, then do that. We need to find our own paths. What's right for one person might not be right for another. Never let yourself feel pressured into doing something you're not sure about because it's "the right thing" to do.

 

Hugs!

[Patrice]

Thanks Jackie,

I think I'm just a bit stressed out. Work is super busy again and I've reached the point where I've came out to all the people I knew would be okay with it and now it's time to start telling people that might not be. I'm letting my anxiety get the best of me. Overall I've been super excited to start HRT.