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Questioning and lost..


KathrynnCox

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Hi all,

 

On the advice of my therapist I have tried to search out a like minded community as I am just beginning to explore myself. 
 

Little background on me, I’m a 33yo father of 2 and happily married. The issue for my family is I’ve been interested in cross dressing and possibly transition since I was very little and it’s not something the wife will tolerate. She’s a trans ally, but she’s 7 years my senior, had lived a pretty full life before we met (I didn’t) and knows what she wants and a trans woman is not it. She wants it quashed and although I try, since I’m here you can tell that’s not going well. 
 

All in all I’m just looking for a safe place to learn and hopefully hopefully I can slowly get her to open up that I can at least crossdress. You can ask questions if you want and I’ll be super open. I’m just here to get an idea where on the map I am and where I want to go. 
 

-Katie

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Salutations Katie and welcome to Transpulse!

 

I'm sorry that your wife has taken that position. I don't think any of us really have "full" lives while we're still wearing the mask we were assigned at birth. My only real regret about transitioning is that it took me so long to embrace it. If I felt this way in my teens, I'd run the world by now. ?

 

Hopefully with a little time and maybe some couples therapy your spouse could come around and at least meet you halfway. Unfortunately, as many here can attest, sometimes marriages end when we start to come out of the closet. Being trans isn't free and sometimes loss of someone we love is part of the price we have to pay. Even so, sometimes it works out too. I hope you're one of the lucky ones.

 

In the meantime, feel free to browse and ask questions. We're a friendly bunch and are almost certain to have an answer. It might not match your question, but it will certainly be an answer.

 

Hugs!

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Hello and Welcome!

Glad you decided to join us. I'd say this sites pretty safe. Sorry your wife is choosing to make this hard for you, it's unfortunate. Hopefully in time maybe things will change for the better, if conciders herself trans ally at least. We are the same age, except my partner is older then me by 4 years. He has firmly declared he's straight, and since coming out to him, it has been a process around the issue but he seems ok with me and is willing to support, if at least tolerate my decision. Practically take all his clothes that don't fit him.?

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Thank you both for the warm welcome. I’m honestly not sure where on the spectrum I sit but I was told by my therapist to no longer be ashamed of it all. That’s why I’m here. 
 

In all honesty, I’m looking at impartial couples counseling in the near (<1yr) future to hopefully get a little leeway for dress and explore. 
 

in the mean time I’ve been growing my hair out to make me happy and also messing with my beard to get some excitement about me for myself. Otherwise I’m just blah on everything. 

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Excellent plan, never forget that this is for you. Don't do anything you don't want and never let yourself be coaxed into going father than you're comfortable with. This is about making you feel comfortable in your own skin. Nothing else.

 

Hugs!

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It doesn't matter much, what colors make a rainbow, they're all a part of the same wonderful miracle of nature. I'm glad you are examining and exploring your place in spectrum, but don't forget you will always be a part of the rainbow in your own way. Everybody is different internally and even externally, regardless of what they like to believe, they're all a part of the rainbow. So try not to force yourself too much. Nature finds its way, like love, with time, patience and open heart.

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Welcome to TransPulse Kathrynn! I am sorry that your wife is not supportive. It seems that although she is an ally, that when it hits home then it becomes a different matter. My wife not only did not support the LGBTQ community, but refused to allow my crossdressing. I was prepared to go to my grave with this secret, but she died in 2016. after that, rather than taking things slowly I took off like the hare, rather than slowly like the tortoise. We all have to move at our own speed and make sure that we are safe as we move ahead in our own personal journey. I wish you the best of luck, not only with finding yourself, dealing with your wife's transition (yes, she is going through her own transition, even if she doesn't know it), but also these uncertain times.

 

Hugs from my fortress in Lincoln,

Brandi

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4 hours ago, KathrynnCox said:

On the advice of my therapist I have tried to search out a like minded community as I am just beginning to explore myself. 

Welcome Kathrynn,

I'm new here as well and in therapy for a whole host of things, mostly to figure out my Transgender issues that have been in my life since a very young age. Everyone that I've encountered here have been very helpful and supportive.

 

Best wishes,

 

Mindy???

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Welcome Katie.

 

I am glad that your wife considers herself a trans ally.  It is unfortunate that she is unable to deliver on that right now.

 

As I am sure you realize, being trans is not something that can be quashed.  We suppress it for as long as we can, and then it comes to the surface because it can no longer stay buried.  I hope that you and your wife are able to work things out so that you are able to express yourself however you need to.

 

Regards,

Kathy

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Hi and welcome Katie. 
I’m about the same age as you I recently came out to my wife and started hrt. My wife told me twice before that if I was transgender she would leave me. After a while I finally had a break down and she found out after that she has been supportive and said it explains a lot about me now. Your wife said she is a trans ally then maybe after it sinks in she may come around. Hiding it will just make it worse trust me I wish I had the strength to admit years ago.

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5 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Hi and welcome Katie. 
I’m about the same age as you I recently came out to my wife and started hrt. My wife told me twice before that if I was transgender she would leave me. After a while I finally had a break down and she found out after that she has been supportive and said it explains a lot about me now. Your wife said she is a trans ally then maybe after it sinks in she may come around. Hiding it will just make it worse trust me I wish I had the strength to admit years ago.


Thank you! That’s a story that I hope will follow for me but I highly doubt it. One of the first acts I did when we decided to move in together was to toss all my stuff in front of her. Now I get the threat of leaving me and destroying my life if I come out about this. 
 

She terrified I’ll completely transition, at this point I just want the OK to dress up if they are out of the house on errands or something. Like when no one is home. But can’t even propose that....

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I’m sorry she did that. When I got married I was not dressing then I was very much in denial. It started slow with the dressing I kept telling her and myself I could stop at anytime, which I couldn’t have been more wrong. Then it moved to I was only happy when dressed. That led to my break down. Which for several days afterwards I was a crying emotional wreck. If I had kept it in much longer I don’t know if I would be here today. I know it’s extremely hard but if you’re not happy yourself you can never make anyone else happy. I would hope your wife would see your the same person that you were before your a woman and gender has nothing to do with your personality. I definitely recommend therapy. I couldn’t get my wife to go to therapy which is completely up to her. If you ever need some one to talk to I’m here. 
Hugs

Emily

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Hi Katie, Nice to meet you. I can’t offer much advice but want to add that don’t lose hope. I believe your wife is a good person and wants what’s best for you. They likely  don’t yet fully understand the importance of your need to be you or even what that might look like. There’s plenty of time for you two to communicate and grow together and perhaps come to some understanding one day in the future...it happens.  I’m glad you decided to reach out here. We can fill in some voids and give you some seasoned advice if you should ever want some. Many here have been through similar experiences and would like to help.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

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Hi Kathryn, and welcome!

You've found a great place to start.  This Forum and the Members have been the source of great encouragement and information.

 

I am going through similar issues with my wife, but everybody's situation is different.  Mine is a bit of a roller coaster.

My intent is to get therapy for myself first, and then be open and patient with my wife.  If my marriage is worth saving, then its worth that investment in time and patience.

 

Hoping for the best outcome for you and your family❣️

 

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Hi Kathryn,

 

Congrats on being honest with yourself.  That is a huge first step.

 

So, it sounds like you have gender dysphoria, having wanted to be more feminine since early childhood.  That is totally a thing so many of us share with you.  If that is the case, few people if any, beat gender dysphoria.  I think some just learn to live with it in discomfort.

 

Here is how i see your situation based on the information you shared:  You are uncomfortable presenting as male.  This is pretty much a life-long condition.  To continue to present as male will be uncomfortable or painful for you.  Your wife doesn't want you to transition and just wants the whole notion to go away.

 

I don't know how much research or learning you've done about gender dysphoria, but for most of us it isn't something we can just 'quash.'  A lot of us have spent decades trying to make it go away, and failed.  In my own case, i tried many times to pray it away, and many other things, including trying to heal childhood trauma, looking at the Jungian notion of Anima Possession, and other explanations for the way i felt.  In the end, i am just gender dysphoric.  There is no explanation i am totally satisfied with, but it is something i can't deny.  Maybe evaluating the extent to which you have dysphoria or not, is a great first step (again i don't know where you are in the process, so forgive me if i am way behind you).

 

In dealing with your wife as a partner, in my mind, it is her responsibility to help you deal with your dysphoria.  Others may disagree.  Like what does she suggest you do to relieve your dysphoria and feel comfortable in your own skin?  If your dysphoria is genuine, 'quashing' it is not an option, because you'll never be able to do that.  That is a lifetime of suffering, and a choice you'll have to make as to whether that is a sacrifice you can bear for the sake of your wife.  If it isn't then she needs to be your partner in finding ways to manage that.  It is your responsibility to determine how much you can compromise with her on this challenge, and be okay.

 

She may totally feel it is unfair that she married a man, and this disorder has come along to take that away from her.  At the same time, it is not fair for her to say, "just turn it off."  You two have to work together, because this is the way things are.  (again, i am kinda going off what you have said, so i am totally hoping i am not way off).

 

I am totally thinking, if she understands your discomfort, her compassion will drive her views.

 

I guess what i am totally trying to say here is to take it a step at a time.  Deal with what you know now, learn what you can, and don't get sucked into hypothetical situations.  Right now, you know what you want going forward.  I would totally take that to her and ask her to help you constructively, to learn with you and just see where it takes you two.

 

<<hugs>>

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5 hours ago, KayC said:

Hi Kathryn, and welcome!

You've found a great place to start.  This Forum and the Members have been the source of great encouragement and information.

 

I am going through similar issues with my wife, but everybody's situation is different.  Mine is a bit of a roller coaster.

My intent is to get therapy for myself first, and then be open and patient with my wife.  If my marriage is worth saving, then its worth that investment in time and patience.

 

Hoping for the best outcome for you and your family❣️

 

That’s kind of my plan right now. Im

working on therapy for major depression and this as well. Wife thinks I’m going to get help to quash it but once we have a better handle on what is going on, I’ll bring her in for couples therapy. She and my kids are my world. I know the kids would have issues with two moms, but I pray that my wife relax a little after a few group sessions. 

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4 hours ago, michelle_kitten said:

Hi Kathryn,

 

Congrats on being honest with yourself.  That is a huge first step.

 

So, it sounds like you have gender dysphoria, having wanted to be more feminine since early childhood.  That is totally a thing so many of us share with you.  If that is the case, few people if any, beat gender dysphoria.  I think some just learn to live with it in discomfort.

 

Here is how i see your situation based on the information you shared:  You are uncomfortable presenting as male.  This is pretty much a life-long condition.  To continue to present as male will be uncomfortable or painful for you.  Your wife doesn't want you to transition and just wants the whole notion to go away.

 

I don't know how much research or learning you've done about gender dysphoria, but for most of us it isn't something we can just 'quash.'  A lot of us have spent decades trying to make it go away, and failed.  In my own case, i tried many times to pray it away, and many other things, including trying to heal childhood trauma, looking at the Jungian notion of Anima Possession, and other explanations for the way i felt.  In the end, i am just gender dysphoric.  There is no explanation i am totally satisfied with, but it is something i can't deny.  Maybe evaluating the extent to which you have dysphoria or not, is a great first step (again i don't know where you are in the process, so forgive me if i am way behind you).

 

In dealing with your wife as a partner, in my mind, it is her responsibility to help you deal with your dysphoria.  Others may disagree.  Like what does she suggest you do to relieve your dysphoria and feel comfortable in your own skin?  If your dysphoria is genuine, 'quashing' it is not an option, because you'll never be able to do that.  That is a lifetime of suffering, and a choice you'll have to make as to whether that is a sacrifice you can bear for the sake of your wife.  If it isn't then she needs to be your partner in finding ways to manage that.  It is your responsibility to determine how much you can compromise with her on this challenge, and be okay.

 

She may totally feel it is unfair that she married a man, and this disorder has come along to take that away from her.  At the same time, it is not fair for her to say, "just turn it off."  You two have to work together, because this is the way things are.  (again, i am kinda going off what you have said, so i am totally hoping i am not way off).

 

I am totally thinking, if she understands your discomfort, her compassion will drive her views.

 

I guess what i am totally trying to say here is to take it a step at a time.  Deal with what you know now, learn what you can, and don't get sucked into hypothetical situations.  Right now, you know what you want going forward.  I would totally take that to her and ask her to help you constructively, to learn with you and just see where it takes you two.

 

<<hugs>>


Most of this is pretty spot on. I’m VERY very early in my exploration. I had some clothes for dressing when I lived in my own but only went out publicly (on Halloween to a LGBT bar, to be super discreet) once. As soon as the wife and I moved in together I tossed all my stuff. So I honestly have no clue how far this all goes. 
 

I’m not “uncomfortable” per say presenting male, but I don’t really care about my appearance and I don’t coincided myself male or female, I’m me and more comfortable when I was dressed. 
 

Side Note: Is it weird that when I think of throwing all my stuff out, it’s my breast forms that I miss the most?

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Not really, I didn't throw mine out so much as send them to a friend who would give them a good home.

 

Hugs!

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31 minutes ago, KathrynnCox said:

Most of this is pretty spot on. I’m VERY very early in my exploration. I had some clothes for dressing when I lived in my own but only went out publicly (on Halloween to a LGBT bar, to be super discreet) once. As soon as the wife and I moved in together I tossed all my stuff. So I honestly have no clue how far this all goes. 
 

I’m not “uncomfortable” per say presenting male, but I don’t really care about my appearance and I don’t coincided myself male or female, I’m me and more comfortable when I was dressed. 
 

Side Note: Is it weird that when I think of throwing all my stuff out, it’s my breast forms that I miss the most?

 

First, it is totally not weird.  If the breast forms were something that helped you it is okay to miss them.  Many of us older girls have experienced cycles of getting stuff, dressing to suit our femininity and then purging, only to miss the things we threw out.  It is a way we tried to navigate our dysphoria if we did not understand what dysphoria or transition were, or felt such social pressure to conform to male expectations that we chose not to go further.  You're totally not alone.

 

I have said this elsewhere in these forums.  Being transgender, like the rest of life, is totally a journey and not a destination.  So, maybe you're gender non-conforming or non-binary, or gender queer right now.  That might change as you grow and change as a person, and that is totally okay.  There is no rule that says you have to pick just one thing and stick with it forever while figuring things out.  I called myself "gender questioning" for awhile.

 

Some questions i asked myself in my process are:

1) If i could wake up in the morning with a female body, would I?

2) Is there anything about being male i would have to give up and would regret?

3) Is there anything about transitioning i would regret about social interactions or activities?

4) Would I be content with partial transition or being non-conforming?

 

It is also not uncommon from what i have read and heard for many trans women to not care about their appearance until they start to transition.  A lot of us were poorly kept nerdy boys before taking on our dysphoria head on.  I tried to be a very well-dressed male for awhile, but just couldn't keep myself interested in it.  Also, dysphoria is not totally about being uncomfortable about how you present.  Some or all of it for some people is about presenting in a way they'd rather be.  For me my rejection of my male body is a smaller part of it.  Most of it is releasing parts of me which are feminine inside, and desperately want to come out.  I think I may be kinda odd in this way.  I am working on the inner girl first and while appearance and presentation are important to me, i want that under developed part of me to determine what the outer me looks like as i progress.  I am totally wig shopping though, cuz as a guy i was bald.

 

The great news is there are tons of resources out there and good research a lot of us didn't have when we were younger.  I think taking the time to self-educate, and work with a therapist is totally going to help you.

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Michelle,

 

Your views are incredibly eye opening. It’s the first time I’ve heard someone say something close to my feelings. I always hear in the media those who have had serious issues and were at the end of their ropes. I’m not that bad, I’m just not happy as I am. 
 

It’s funny that you mention “nerdy boys”, because that’s me to a T. I’ve hidden everything so deep that I’m known for my Flat Cap and full beard. I love cars, airplanes, and my motorcycle. But women can love those things too. 

 

Thank you. 
 

-Katie

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26 minutes ago, KathrynnCox said:

Michelle,

 

Your views are incredibly eye opening. It’s the first time I’ve heard someone say something close to my feelings. I always hear in the media those who have had serious issues and were at the end of their ropes. I’m not that bad, I’m just not happy as I am. 
 

It’s funny that you mention “nerdy boys”, because that’s me to a T. I’ve hidden everything so deep that I’m known for my Flat Cap and full beard. I love cars, airplanes, and my motorcycle. But women can love those things too. 

 

Thank you. 
 

-Katie

 

You should check out JackieRabbit's youtube channel.  She is a member here, and is totally into bikes and cars.  You might have a lot in common.  She also makes so great, very informative videos.

 

Flat caps were totally my thing as a guy during my attempts to up my appearance game.  I preferred ascots over newsboys.  Totally loved my flat caps, but not so much they'd prevent me from transitioning.  There are cute flat caps for girls too. :)  I love helicopters.

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Hi Katie, welcome.  I am sorry that your wife is having a hard time with this. I totally relate. My wife is an ally, but she has also told me that she wants no sort of a relationship with a woman.  We are still together after almost a year of me coming out to her.  I've been on hormones for a little over 4 months and wearing feminine undergarments and sleepwear for as long.  She is still not fully accepting, but I have come further than I thought based on her initial reaction.  Therapy is a great idea, I've been trying to convince my wife to come with me to one of my sessions or try one by herself, but some past issues with the mental health industry has made her very hesitant.  In the meantime, I try to make sure that the channels of communication between us are always open and encourage her to ask me questions. 

 

Have a great day! Hugs!

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3 hours ago, SaraAW said:

Hi Katie, welcome.  I am sorry that your wife is having a hard time with this. I totally relate. My wife is an ally, but she has also told me that she wants no sort of a relationship with a woman.  We are still together after almost a year of me coming out to her.  I've been on hormones for a little over 4 months and wearing feminine undergarments and sleepwear for as long.  She is still not fully accepting, but I have come further than I thought based on her initial reaction.  Therapy is a great idea, I've been trying to convince my wife to come with me to one of my sessions or try one by herself, but some past issues with the mental health industry has made her very hesitant.  In the meantime, I try to make sure that the channels of communication between us are always open and encourage her to ask me questions. 

 

Have a great day! Hugs!


That’s very very encouraging to hear! Hopefully your wife will be able to get in on the therapy and you can meet your goal with her support. 
 

My wife knows she needs mental health help so getting her to therapy hopefully won’t be too hard. I was hospitalized with anger issues last year for 7 days (completely handwaved the trans issues away) and honestly the hardest part was knowing she needed the help and I was getting it instead. 

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17 hours ago, michelle_kitten said:

Some questions i asked myself in my process are:

1) If i could wake up in the morning with a female body, would I?

2) Is there anything about being male i would have to give up and would regret?

3) Is there anything about transitioning i would regret about social interactions or activities?

4) Would I be content with partial transition or being non-conforming?

Those are great questions and information, Michelle.  For me its 1) Hell Yes!!! 2) no, 3) could be (wouldn't know until it happened), 4) possibly (but only for my wife/family).  Not sure where that leaves me? .. needing therapy for sure.

17 hours ago, KathrynnCox said:

t’s funny that you mention “nerdy boys”, because that’s me to a T

OMG, Kathryn!  I had not thought about that but I was rather nerdy in HS and into college.  Definitely not "manly" and probably a reason I sported facial hair for most of my adult life. 

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Michelle, since Kay answered them too

Quote

Some questions I asked myself in my process are:

1) If i could wake up in the morning with a female body, would I? (Yes!!)

2) Is there anything about being male i would have to give up and would regret? (Honestly sex with the wife, even though honestly it’s more about her having fun)

3) Is there anything about transitioning i would regret about social interactions or activities? (I’m a bit selfconscious, so I wouldn’t regret per se but I’d be nervous)

4) Would I be content with partial transition or being non-conforming? (I still have fears of the outcome of SRS so honestly I’d probably avoid bottom surgery)


These ARE great questions. 

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    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
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