Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Comments about my hair.


Emily michelle

Recommended Posts

I know I have mentioned it before but, why is everyone so obsessed about me growing my hair out. My boss made a comment about my hair this morning again that I am seriously looking like I’m gay. Why does it matter what my hair looks like. For that matter does it really matter wether someone is gay or not. People just amaze me how ignorant they can be.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Gee that sounds like the reactions i got in the 60's.  Everybody thought i was a hippie(i was in many ways) but i also always wanted longer hair to be myself.  Pity folks consider gay or gender variant as being so negative.  
It's your hair and your style.  Sorry about the comments of others.  It's annoying!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize 

Link to comment

Assuming your hair length somehow makes you gay, really does show a high level of ignorance.  I'm always amazed that today, there are still people who think that way, and can be brazen enough to actually say it out loud. 

 

Emily, I feel for you, that you have to endure such ignorance.

Link to comment

I worked for years in a foundry.  That was heavy industry with big machines and glowing hot molten metal.  I had someone say something one time, which i can't quite remember, suggesting something about my looks or mannerisms seemed gay.  I turned to him and said, "Well, i was thinking you were pretty cute.  I mean, how do you know you like it until you try it?"  As a slightly heavy guy at the time, i added, "You know they say once you've had a fat man you'll never go back."  The look on the guy's face was total shock.  I will never forget it.  He never said a thing to me again of that nature.  Sometimes being a smart alec is the best way forward.  idk if it applies to your situation, but maybe a little humor can put him off. 

Link to comment

Michelle, you are absolutely right about humor.  If it can delivered well,  humor is one of the best defenses against rude comments.  I do a workshop every year at a major trans conference and how to handle confrontations is one of the subjects I cover.  Using humor is one of the defenses I discuss.

Link to comment

Immediately after my last post i also thought of saying, "What are you trying to figure out if it is okay to ask me out on a date?  Sorry, you're not my type." 

 

I can have a sharp tongue and quick wit.  I am normally well behaved, but when i feel i need to i can slam people really quick.  Some people have learned to tread lightly around me.

Link to comment

I was using humor and laughing it off before. I quoted the song Signs by five man electric band.  now it is just getting to the point it’s obnoxious. I guess I need thicker skin.

Link to comment

Yes humor can be very disarming. I worked as a saw filer in the saw shop of a large high speed sawmill. In ‘95 I got my right ear pieced and it set the mill ablaze with gossip and rumors. I did not respond and the chit chat died. Three years later I got the left ear pierced and the rumors and gossip went into overtime. I had once of more macho rednecks ask me if I was a (expletive deleted) -transgender-. I just looked at him and told him that I had to get the other one to keep my balance and to someone else that I thought the right one was lonely and now it was happy and still another I told that now I would always have a pair and maybe my luck would change at poker. I love the way humor can stun en the dumbest questions.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Why does it matter what my hair looks like. For that matter does it really matter wether someone is gay or not. People just amaze me how ignorant they can be.

It’s really too bad that in the day and age there are still people like your boss. Sadly, this says so much more about him than you. Yes, there’s the ignoramus factor but it clearly shows that he has some insecurities with himself and possibly a few shortcomings. Some tend to try to step on others to feel higher themselves. Unfortunately, they lose a lot of TRUE friends in the attempt because no one likes a snarky bully. I really love your hair, btw...it looks very nice and healthy.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment

@michelle-kitten, I currently work in a foundry environment. High pressure dicasting. Many people here actually have long hair, be them male or female, straight or gay, and like me, trans. We all pick on each other, and we make a game out of it. Just remember, its not worth blowing up about. Like you said, a bit of humor will help ease a nasty attitude. ??

Link to comment

Another approach might be confrontational.  It might be appropriate to say, "What if i were gay?  What difference does it make?  It really isn't any of your business."  Or, "I am not gay, but if i were it would be none of your business."  I might add "Even if i was, you'd have nothing to worry about."  Taking on the issue entirely on the level of the length of hair might be a way to deal with it as well.  "Does the length of my hair in anyway have anything to do with my job performance?  Am I breaking any kind of written company grooming policy?  If not, then my appearance choices are mine to make and if they have nothing to do with my ability to function as an employee then commenting on them borders on harassment."  Likewise, "I really don't like you commenting on my hair or the choices of clothes i wear, or anything else not related to my job performance.  Can you please, just give it a rest?"  You could be snarky and confrontational. "Huh.  I didn't know looking a certain way was a job qualification here."

 

If you can get away with being obnoxious, you can out do him with the implied insult.  Pick something about his appearance and imply a negative connotation about it.  "You  know, i've always wondered when i look at you if you have a mild case of Down's Syndrome."  There are a lot of possibilities.

 

You have to choose the method that works best for you, and is most effective.  If laughing it off doesn't work, then maybe confrontational methods might.

 

Of course, there is always HR and the threat of lawsuits for harassment, but that tends to create a hostile workspace, and i would only go there as a last resort.  Usually slamming someone, especially if it is clearly a joke and you can get others to laugh, is a sure way to get most people off your back.

Link to comment

I've grown my hair long and still present as male because I am not passable yet. I've had a lot of job interviews where they wrap things up in a couple minutes. Since there are attitudes that long hair on men (or those who appear as men) is not a "business look", I wonder if once they see my long hair they decide they don't want to hire me. Nobody has said a word about it so I can't take legal action for discrimination.

 

45 minutes ago, michelle_kitten said:

If you can get away with being obnoxious, you can out do him with the implied insult.  Pick something about his appearance and imply a negative connotation about it.  "You  know, i've always wondered when i look at you if you have a mild case of Down's Syndrome."  There are a lot of possibilities.

 

I would recommend against that. It seems disrespectful to people with Down's Syndrome.

 

 

Link to comment

Thanks for all the replies. I’ve just kept playing on the humor. It just gets frustrating at times. the funny thing was there was another mechanic that had long hair too and they never said much about it. I can only imagine what will happen when I get my ears pierced haha. I don’t want to involve hr yet because I’m not ready to come out at work yet.

Susan I wish my hair was like that unfortunately that is a wig. My hair is at the bottom of my ears now so it’s progressing. 

Link to comment
7 hours ago, michelle_kitten said:

I turned to him and said, "Well, i was thinking you were pretty cute.  I mean, how do you know you like it until you try it?"  As a slightly heavy guy at the time, i added, "You know they say once you've had a fat man you'll never go back."  The look on the guy's face was total shock.

 

??!!!

Link to comment

Well to update this my boss came up to me this afternoon and I need to cut my hair because I look “fagish” whatever that means. He said he can deal with it as long as I wear a hat or my hard hat.

Link to comment

For many years I wore my hair down as far as the top of my hips. At work (sawmill) it had to be in a pony tail and under my hard hat. Got a lot of grief about being a hippie and then with pierced ears they could only whisper behind my back  because by the time I had both ears pieced the company had quite a few women and one openly gay guy and HR was on their ass about sexual harassment suits. So it was policed pretty well.

Link to comment

Once I do get to that point I will have it in a ponytail tucked under my hard hat just because my chances of it getting caught on something are very high. I won’t even wear my wedding ring because I have seen what it does to fingers if it gets caught.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

I won’t even wear my wedding ring because I have seen what it does to fingers if it gets caught.

I do a ponytail with a long back welding due rag and put the end of the ponytail underneath my work shirt. This keeps grinder dust to a minimum and really doesn't prevent me from looking around for safety sake. 

 

??‍♀️Mindy???

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
10 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Susan I wish my hair was like that unfortunately that is a wig. My hair is at the bottom of my ears now so it’s progressing. 

I had no idea. You obviously chose a very good style that works for you. I was sure that was your natural hair.

I’m surprised that your boss is making a big deal over hair at that shorter length though. He seems a bit ‘nit picky’. I might see that length being noticeable if you were in an industry that short hair for men is more of a standard (e.g. Finance, Real Estate, etc...). Even then, I think times have changed a bit.

 

Susan R?

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Well to update this my boss came up to me this afternoon and I need to cut my hair because I look “fagish” whatever that means.

Wow, that is not an acceptable behavior at all! Besides these bad words, your boss can't dictate your hair style and use that as a criterion for work safety.

9 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

He said he can deal with it as long as I wear a hat or my hard hat.

You need to cut your hair but your boss is ok with you wearing a hat while not having a hair cut? Great logic. Case closed, ignored. I feel very sorry you have to deal with such crap Emily ?. Unbelievable.

Link to comment

Eek.

Hopefully just a dumb thing he said, and not bad intent.

I'll be surprised if I don't catch worse tomorrow (from guys I know).

Sounds best to keep your locks covered where you work anyway.

Stay safe Emily

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 106 Guests (See full list)

    • EasyE
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Betty K
    • Breanne_O
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,945
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      I grew up with it, my mother's side were Germans.  I still like cabbage.  I make a sweet/sour dish with vinegar and brown sugar, add some bacon if you have it.  And in warmer weather, slaw.  I like that better if it's a few days old, and has worked off a little.
    • Ivy
      Pity that we can't just respect each other and get along.
    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...