Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Comments about my hair.


Emily michelle

Recommended Posts

I know I have mentioned it before but, why is everyone so obsessed about me growing my hair out. My boss made a comment about my hair this morning again that I am seriously looking like I’m gay. Why does it matter what my hair looks like. For that matter does it really matter wether someone is gay or not. People just amaze me how ignorant they can be.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Gee that sounds like the reactions i got in the 60's.  Everybody thought i was a hippie(i was in many ways) but i also always wanted longer hair to be myself.  Pity folks consider gay or gender variant as being so negative.  
It's your hair and your style.  Sorry about the comments of others.  It's annoying!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize 

Link to comment

Assuming your hair length somehow makes you gay, really does show a high level of ignorance.  I'm always amazed that today, there are still people who think that way, and can be brazen enough to actually say it out loud. 

 

Emily, I feel for you, that you have to endure such ignorance.

Link to comment

I worked for years in a foundry.  That was heavy industry with big machines and glowing hot molten metal.  I had someone say something one time, which i can't quite remember, suggesting something about my looks or mannerisms seemed gay.  I turned to him and said, "Well, i was thinking you were pretty cute.  I mean, how do you know you like it until you try it?"  As a slightly heavy guy at the time, i added, "You know they say once you've had a fat man you'll never go back."  The look on the guy's face was total shock.  I will never forget it.  He never said a thing to me again of that nature.  Sometimes being a smart alec is the best way forward.  idk if it applies to your situation, but maybe a little humor can put him off. 

Link to comment

Michelle, you are absolutely right about humor.  If it can delivered well,  humor is one of the best defenses against rude comments.  I do a workshop every year at a major trans conference and how to handle confrontations is one of the subjects I cover.  Using humor is one of the defenses I discuss.

Link to comment

Immediately after my last post i also thought of saying, "What are you trying to figure out if it is okay to ask me out on a date?  Sorry, you're not my type." 

 

I can have a sharp tongue and quick wit.  I am normally well behaved, but when i feel i need to i can slam people really quick.  Some people have learned to tread lightly around me.

Link to comment

I was using humor and laughing it off before. I quoted the song Signs by five man electric band.  now it is just getting to the point it’s obnoxious. I guess I need thicker skin.

Link to comment

Yes humor can be very disarming. I worked as a saw filer in the saw shop of a large high speed sawmill. In ‘95 I got my right ear pieced and it set the mill ablaze with gossip and rumors. I did not respond and the chit chat died. Three years later I got the left ear pierced and the rumors and gossip went into overtime. I had once of more macho rednecks ask me if I was a (expletive deleted) -transgender-. I just looked at him and told him that I had to get the other one to keep my balance and to someone else that I thought the right one was lonely and now it was happy and still another I told that now I would always have a pair and maybe my luck would change at poker. I love the way humor can stun en the dumbest questions.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Why does it matter what my hair looks like. For that matter does it really matter wether someone is gay or not. People just amaze me how ignorant they can be.

It’s really too bad that in the day and age there are still people like your boss. Sadly, this says so much more about him than you. Yes, there’s the ignoramus factor but it clearly shows that he has some insecurities with himself and possibly a few shortcomings. Some tend to try to step on others to feel higher themselves. Unfortunately, they lose a lot of TRUE friends in the attempt because no one likes a snarky bully. I really love your hair, btw...it looks very nice and healthy.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment

@michelle-kitten, I currently work in a foundry environment. High pressure dicasting. Many people here actually have long hair, be them male or female, straight or gay, and like me, trans. We all pick on each other, and we make a game out of it. Just remember, its not worth blowing up about. Like you said, a bit of humor will help ease a nasty attitude. ??

Link to comment

Another approach might be confrontational.  It might be appropriate to say, "What if i were gay?  What difference does it make?  It really isn't any of your business."  Or, "I am not gay, but if i were it would be none of your business."  I might add "Even if i was, you'd have nothing to worry about."  Taking on the issue entirely on the level of the length of hair might be a way to deal with it as well.  "Does the length of my hair in anyway have anything to do with my job performance?  Am I breaking any kind of written company grooming policy?  If not, then my appearance choices are mine to make and if they have nothing to do with my ability to function as an employee then commenting on them borders on harassment."  Likewise, "I really don't like you commenting on my hair or the choices of clothes i wear, or anything else not related to my job performance.  Can you please, just give it a rest?"  You could be snarky and confrontational. "Huh.  I didn't know looking a certain way was a job qualification here."

 

If you can get away with being obnoxious, you can out do him with the implied insult.  Pick something about his appearance and imply a negative connotation about it.  "You  know, i've always wondered when i look at you if you have a mild case of Down's Syndrome."  There are a lot of possibilities.

 

You have to choose the method that works best for you, and is most effective.  If laughing it off doesn't work, then maybe confrontational methods might.

 

Of course, there is always HR and the threat of lawsuits for harassment, but that tends to create a hostile workspace, and i would only go there as a last resort.  Usually slamming someone, especially if it is clearly a joke and you can get others to laugh, is a sure way to get most people off your back.

Link to comment

I've grown my hair long and still present as male because I am not passable yet. I've had a lot of job interviews where they wrap things up in a couple minutes. Since there are attitudes that long hair on men (or those who appear as men) is not a "business look", I wonder if once they see my long hair they decide they don't want to hire me. Nobody has said a word about it so I can't take legal action for discrimination.

 

45 minutes ago, michelle_kitten said:

If you can get away with being obnoxious, you can out do him with the implied insult.  Pick something about his appearance and imply a negative connotation about it.  "You  know, i've always wondered when i look at you if you have a mild case of Down's Syndrome."  There are a lot of possibilities.

 

I would recommend against that. It seems disrespectful to people with Down's Syndrome.

 

 

Link to comment

Thanks for all the replies. I’ve just kept playing on the humor. It just gets frustrating at times. the funny thing was there was another mechanic that had long hair too and they never said much about it. I can only imagine what will happen when I get my ears pierced haha. I don’t want to involve hr yet because I’m not ready to come out at work yet.

Susan I wish my hair was like that unfortunately that is a wig. My hair is at the bottom of my ears now so it’s progressing. 

Link to comment
7 hours ago, michelle_kitten said:

I turned to him and said, "Well, i was thinking you were pretty cute.  I mean, how do you know you like it until you try it?"  As a slightly heavy guy at the time, i added, "You know they say once you've had a fat man you'll never go back."  The look on the guy's face was total shock.

 

??!!!

Link to comment

Well to update this my boss came up to me this afternoon and I need to cut my hair because I look “fagish” whatever that means. He said he can deal with it as long as I wear a hat or my hard hat.

Link to comment

For many years I wore my hair down as far as the top of my hips. At work (sawmill) it had to be in a pony tail and under my hard hat. Got a lot of grief about being a hippie and then with pierced ears they could only whisper behind my back  because by the time I had both ears pieced the company had quite a few women and one openly gay guy and HR was on their ass about sexual harassment suits. So it was policed pretty well.

Link to comment

Once I do get to that point I will have it in a ponytail tucked under my hard hat just because my chances of it getting caught on something are very high. I won’t even wear my wedding ring because I have seen what it does to fingers if it gets caught.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

I won’t even wear my wedding ring because I have seen what it does to fingers if it gets caught.

I do a ponytail with a long back welding due rag and put the end of the ponytail underneath my work shirt. This keeps grinder dust to a minimum and really doesn't prevent me from looking around for safety sake. 

 

??‍♀️Mindy???

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
10 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Susan I wish my hair was like that unfortunately that is a wig. My hair is at the bottom of my ears now so it’s progressing. 

I had no idea. You obviously chose a very good style that works for you. I was sure that was your natural hair.

I’m surprised that your boss is making a big deal over hair at that shorter length though. He seems a bit ‘nit picky’. I might see that length being noticeable if you were in an industry that short hair for men is more of a standard (e.g. Finance, Real Estate, etc...). Even then, I think times have changed a bit.

 

Susan R?

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Well to update this my boss came up to me this afternoon and I need to cut my hair because I look “fagish” whatever that means.

Wow, that is not an acceptable behavior at all! Besides these bad words, your boss can't dictate your hair style and use that as a criterion for work safety.

9 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

He said he can deal with it as long as I wear a hat or my hard hat.

You need to cut your hair but your boss is ok with you wearing a hat while not having a hair cut? Great logic. Case closed, ignored. I feel very sorry you have to deal with such crap Emily ?. Unbelievable.

Link to comment

Eek.

Hopefully just a dumb thing he said, and not bad intent.

I'll be surprised if I don't catch worse tomorrow (from guys I know).

Sounds best to keep your locks covered where you work anyway.

Stay safe Emily

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 121 Guests (See full list)

    • Petra Jane
    • Karen Carey
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...