Comments about my hair.

[Emily michelle]

I know I have mentioned it before but, why is everyone so obsessed about me growing my hair out. My boss made a comment about my hair this morning again that I am seriously looking like I’m gay. Why does it matter what my hair looks like. For that matter does it really matter wether someone is gay or not. People just amaze me how ignorant they can be.

[Charlize]

Gee that sounds like the reactions i got in the 60's.  Everybody thought i was a hippie(i was in many ways) but i also always wanted longer hair to be myself.  Pity folks consider gay or gender variant as being so negative.  
It's your hair and your style.  Sorry about the comments of others.  It's annoying!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize 

[Sally Stone]

Assuming your hair length somehow makes you gay, really does show a high level of ignorance.  I'm always amazed that today, there are still people who think that way, and can be brazen enough to actually say it out loud. 

 

Emily, I feel for you, that you have to endure such ignorance.

[michelle_kitten]

I worked for years in a foundry.  That was heavy industry with big machines and glowing hot molten metal.  I had someone say something one time, which i can't quite remember, suggesting something about my looks or mannerisms seemed gay.  I turned to him and said, "Well, i was thinking you were pretty cute.  I mean, how do you know you like it until you try it?"  As a slightly heavy guy at the time, i added, "You know they say once you've had a fat man you'll never go back."  The look on the guy's face was total shock.  I will never forget it.  He never said a thing to me again of that nature.  Sometimes being a smart alec is the best way forward.  idk if it applies to your situation, but maybe a little humor can put him off. 

[Sally Stone]

Michelle, you are absolutely right about humor.  If it can delivered well,  humor is one of the best defenses against rude comments.  I do a workshop every year at a major trans conference and how to handle confrontations is one of the subjects I cover.  Using humor is one of the defenses I discuss.

[michelle_kitten]

Immediately after my last post i also thought of saying, "What are you trying to figure out if it is okay to ask me out on a date?  Sorry, you're not my type." 

 

I can have a sharp tongue and quick wit.  I am normally well behaved, but when i feel i need to i can slam people really quick.  Some people have learned to tread lightly around me.

[Emily michelle]

I was using humor and laughing it off before. I quoted the song Signs by five man electric band.  now it is just getting to the point it’s obnoxious. I guess I need thicker skin.

[Erikka]

Yes humor can be very disarming. I worked as a saw filer in the saw shop of a large high speed sawmill. In ‘95 I got my right ear pieced and it set the mill ablaze with gossip and rumors. I did not respond and the chit chat died. Three years later I got the left ear pierced and the rumors and gossip went into overtime. I had once of more macho rednecks ask me if I was a (expletive deleted) -transgender-. I just looked at him and told him that I had to get the other one to keep my balance and to someone else that I thought the right one was lonely and now it was happy and still another I told that now I would always have a pair and maybe my luck would change at poker. I love the way humor can stun en the dumbest questions.

[Susan R]

3 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Why does it matter what my hair looks like. For that matter does it really matter wether someone is gay or not. People just amaze me how ignorant they can be.

It’s really too bad that in the day and age there are still people like your boss. Sadly, this says so much more about him than you. Yes, there’s the ignoramus factor but it clearly shows that he has some insecurities with himself and possibly a few shortcomings. Some tend to try to step on others to feel higher themselves. Unfortunately, they lose a lot of TRUE friends in the attempt because no one likes a snarky bully. I really love your hair, btw...it looks very nice and healthy.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[Kaltia_Atlas]

@michelle-kitten, I currently work in a foundry environment. High pressure dicasting. Many people here actually have long hair, be them male or female, straight or gay, and like me, trans. We all pick on each other, and we make a game out of it. Just remember, its not worth blowing up about. Like you said, a bit of humor will help ease a nasty attitude. ??

[michelle_kitten]

Another approach might be confrontational.  It might be appropriate to say, "What if i were gay?  What difference does it make?  It really isn't any of your business."  Or, "I am not gay, but if i were it would be none of your business."  I might add "Even if i was, you'd have nothing to worry about."  Taking on the issue entirely on the level of the length of hair might be a way to deal with it as well.  "Does the length of my hair in anyway have anything to do with my job performance?  Am I breaking any kind of written company grooming policy?  If not, then my appearance choices are mine to make and if they have nothing to do with my ability to function as an employee then commenting on them borders on harassment."  Likewise, "I really don't like you commenting on my hair or the choices of clothes i wear, or anything else not related to my job performance.  Can you please, just give it a rest?"  You could be snarky and confrontational. "Huh.  I didn't know looking a certain way was a job qualification here."

 

If you can get away with being obnoxious, you can out do him with the implied insult.  Pick something about his appearance and imply a negative connotation about it.  "You  know, i've always wondered when i look at you if you have a mild case of Down's Syndrome."  There are a lot of possibilities.

 

You have to choose the method that works best for you, and is most effective.  If laughing it off doesn't work, then maybe confrontational methods might.

 

Of course, there is always HR and the threat of lawsuits for harassment, but that tends to create a hostile workspace, and i would only go there as a last resort.  Usually slamming someone, especially if it is clearly a joke and you can get others to laugh, is a sure way to get most people off your back.

[Dana Michelle]

I've grown my hair long and still present as male because I am not passable yet. I've had a lot of job interviews where they wrap things up in a couple minutes. Since there are attitudes that long hair on men (or those who appear as men) is not a "business look", I wonder if once they see my long hair they decide they don't want to hire me. Nobody has said a word about it so I can't take legal action for discrimination.

 

45 minutes ago, michelle_kitten said:

If you can get away with being obnoxious, you can out do him with the implied insult.  Pick something about his appearance and imply a negative connotation about it.  "You  know, i've always wondered when i look at you if you have a mild case of Down's Syndrome."  There are a lot of possibilities.

 

I would recommend against that. It seems disrespectful to people with Down's Syndrome.

 

 

[Emily michelle]

Thanks for all the replies. I’ve just kept playing on the humor. It just gets frustrating at times. the funny thing was there was another mechanic that had long hair too and they never said much about it. I can only imagine what will happen when I get my ears pierced haha. I don’t want to involve hr yet because I’m not ready to come out at work yet.

Susan I wish my hair was like that unfortunately that is a wig. My hair is at the bottom of my ears now so it’s progressing. 

[Tori M]

7 hours ago, michelle_kitten said:

I turned to him and said, "Well, i was thinking you were pretty cute.  I mean, how do you know you like it until you try it?"  As a slightly heavy guy at the time, i added, "You know they say once you've had a fat man you'll never go back."  The look on the guy's face was total shock.

 

??!!!

[Emily michelle]

Well to update this my boss came up to me this afternoon and I need to cut my hair because I look “fagish” whatever that means. He said he can deal with it as long as I wear a hat or my hard hat.

[Erikka]

For many years I wore my hair down as far as the top of my hips. At work (sawmill) it had to be in a pony tail and under my hard hat. Got a lot of grief about being a hippie and then with pierced ears they could only whisper behind my back  because by the time I had both ears pieced the company had quite a few women and one openly gay guy and HR was on their ass about sexual harassment suits. So it was policed pretty well.

[Emily michelle]

Once I do get to that point I will have it in a ponytail tucked under my hard hat just because my chances of it getting caught on something are very high. I won’t even wear my wedding ring because I have seen what it does to fingers if it gets caught.

[Mmindy]

3 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

I won’t even wear my wedding ring because I have seen what it does to fingers if it gets caught.

I do a ponytail with a long back welding due rag and put the end of the ponytail underneath my work shirt. This keeps grinder dust to a minimum and really doesn't prevent me from looking around for safety sake. 

 

??‍♀️Mindy???

[Susan R]

10 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Susan I wish my hair was like that unfortunately that is a wig. My hair is at the bottom of my ears now so it’s progressing. 

I had no idea. You obviously chose a very good style that works for you. I was sure that was your natural hair.

I’m surprised that your boss is making a big deal over hair at that shorter length though. He seems a bit ‘nit picky’. I might see that length being noticeable if you were in an industry that short hair for men is more of a standard (e.g. Finance, Real Estate, etc...). Even then, I think times have changed a bit.

 

Susan R?

[Katharina]

9 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Well to update this my boss came up to me this afternoon and I need to cut my hair because I look “fagish” whatever that means.

Wow, that is not an acceptable behavior at all! Besides these bad words, your boss can't dictate your hair style and use that as a criterion for work safety.

9 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

He said he can deal with it as long as I wear a hat or my hard hat.

You need to cut your hair but your boss is ok with you wearing a hat while not having a hair cut? Great logic. Case closed, ignored. I feel very sorry you have to deal with such crap Emily ?. Unbelievable.

[Maddee]

Eek.

Hopefully just a dumb thing he said, and not bad intent.

I'll be surprised if I don't catch worse tomorrow (from guys I know).

Sounds best to keep your locks covered where you work anyway.

Stay safe Emily