Being casually lumped in with the rest for convenience

[Mx.Drago]

I have a problem and just wanted other view points on the issue. I identify myself as being Bigender, but people seem to still lump me in with the rest of the ladies anyway. It's hard to not feel offended, it stings still. I hate harping on the issue, cuz I guess it's still awkward, to just casually recognize my particular complication in a system built specifically around only recognizing two genders. I also am hesitant to bring it up because people are still are very not cool with being corrected for the obvious lack of consideration. Respect would be nice but I find it hard to ask for it without it rubbing the wrong way.

[Jackie C.]

People that don't know you are going to respond to whatever visual cues you give them. That can't really be helped and, while irritating, isn't their fault. After all, how could they know? Well, unless you constantly wear clothing that has your pronouns emblazoned across the front. I've got one I use at the gym as I look less like a lady when I'm not wearing my hair.

 

Next up are people who know you and misgender you anyway. Those come in two categories. Some are trying and good for them. I will forgive anyone who I think is trying. That's really all you can ask of people. I personally have a TERRIBLE time with gender-neutral pronouns. When I catch myself screwing up I apologize all over myself. The lovely contact person at Trans-Gender Legal Help is probably tired of it by now. I still do it though, because I feel terrible when I slip up.

The other category is people who know you and do it maliciously. Feel free to correct the hell out of those people. Do it politely of course, "I'm sorry, but I prefer Mx." Then stop. One of two things will happen. Either they'll try and spare your feelings or they'll double down to make some kind of regressive point. No matter what happens, you've done what you can. Once they see it doesn't bother you they'll find someone else to bully.

 

Tragically, some people just suck. What's worse is when they suck on purpose. I hate that.

 

Hugs!

[Mx.Drago]

I understand what you are saying. And thank you for posting your reply on this, and will think on how to better respond. But this was mainly because online it happens constantly even after I've declared it, and I hate sounding like a broken record or one of those word police, especially online where I normal state I'm Mx. I maybe should have stated specifically first what lead to the post. But this is why communication is important, it can fix so many miss understandings. But will continue try to reinforce the words as politely as possible. It's not my interest to annoy and offend people on purpose, even though it's a constant feeling that haunts me greatly.

[Jackie C.]

Of course it occurs to me that you're talking about being included with the ladies when you're being separated out for some reason or another. Then I have to ask the question, "Where do you want to be?"

 

I see three options: One being with the men. Two being with the women. Three being by yourself or with other non-binary people assuming that the group being sorted is large or diverse enough to have more than one. Where do you see yourself?

 

If people won't sort your properly on their own, you have to sort yourself. Nobody else is (probably) going to step in. I don't know, you COULD have a friend willing to say, "No, Mx. Drago belongs over here." I wouldn't count on that though. If you don't stand up for yourself, who will?

 

Personally, I strongly identify with the women. That's the space I'd like to occupy thank you very much.

 

An old friend of mine would prefer to be lumped with whatever gender they're presenting as. That's helped along by visual cues. Specifically they're usually wearing a dress and a frankly TREMENDOUS set of breasts along with a feminine wig when they're presenting female. As male it's a button-down shirt (absolutely always since junior high at least) and dress slacks. I presume a tie as well because they have a government job, but I've never met them at work.

 

Hugs!

[Jackie C.]

28 minutes ago, Mx.Drago said:

I understand what you are saying. And thank you for posting your reply on this, and will think on how to better respond. But this was mainly because online it happens constantly even after I've declared it, and I hate sounding like a broken record or one of those word police, especially online where I normal state I'm Mx. I maybe should have stated specifically first what lead to the post. But this is why communication is important, it can fix so many miss understandings. But will continue try to reinforce the words as politely as possible. It's not my interest to annoy and offend people on purpose, even though it's a constant feeling that haunts me greatly.

 

My point still stands. If you won't stand up for yourself, who will?

 

Also, it's hard to be trans. Mostly on days that end in a Y. Like, "Goddess, why me?"

 

Hugs!

[Mx.Drago]

This is why I avoid people and am very majorly depressed as a constant. I always end up having to always validate my own existence which is not only sad but ridiculous. I'm non-binary and specifically bigender, because I feel I'm both male and female and not exclusively one or the other. If I intended on being lumped in with one or the other, then I would have picked a gender that was less specific. It is hard and I don't have many solutions as it seems because the majority never cares. I feel like it's just another trigger and I deeply desire to return the lack of consideration as a favor if not always at every instants. It's very unpleasant. And people hate me enough in general and wonder why I'm so unpleasant. My existence feels like an ever echoing void of Y?!

[Jackie C.]

Unfortunately, the only real solution is education and awareness. That's... going to be a while coming. Based on what percentage of the country is currently coughing its lungs out or currently on fire. Then again, sometimes sweeping changes happen quickly. I mean relatively. It still takes at least a generation. Hopefully this will be one of those. All we can really do is try and make things better for whomever comes after us.

 

I still like you though. 

 

Hugs!

[Mx.Drago]

@Jackie C.

I like you too. For you have proven to be a well rounded, understanding, and kind person and a fine lady. I hope it doesn't take too long too, though everything will be up in the air for awhile yet.