Hows it going yall?

[Elle-]

Hey everyone, my name is Elle. I'm MtF, and after questioning my gender,(somehow without realizing), for years, i just realized i was probably trans or non-binary a week or 2 before quarantine in Canada. Over the quarantine i determined i definitely am transgender. Looking back on my experiences, there were a lot of times, that i clearly was experimenting/questioning without realizing, including one Halloween me and my BFF went as women, and our other friend did full face makeup for us. I passed incredibly well,(we were 15-16 and i didn't have stubble for a week or 2 after shaving), and looking in the mirror i thought i was way more attractive, and actually liked the look of my face for once, and it was the first time since i was really young that anybody saw me wearing women's clothes. I enjoyed that night quite a lot, and regularly think about it. I think i first started questioning my gender shortly after a friend who adoptive mom was abusive physically and mentally, came over to stay the night when we were around 8-11, and he wanted to look stuff up on my 3DS as he wasn't often allowed to use technology at home, so i let him. little did i know at that point that he would spend hours researching transgender stuff, and how he could become a woman. That was the first time i realized that maybe i could be/am a woman, and had been periodically but fairly often questioning my gender since then, and at times experimenting. I have also had a lot of,"feminine" mannerisms since i was young, such as the way i cross my legs, stand, and cross my arms. I've also hated most of my,"masculine" features since i first developed/noticed them. I grew up in a smallish majority right wing town,(just moved away February 2019), and think i was suppressing myself, partly due to internalized trans phobia, partly due to fear of being made fun of, as i was the first times i wore dresses at my babysitters when i was young. I haven't officially come out to more than 2 people yet, but have changed my  As previously mentioned where i grew up, i'm still unlearning plenty of bigoted things, and if i make a mistake or say/do something i don't even realize is bigotry, point it out so i can learn and avoid those things in the future. 

 

Side note: has anybody else kept their dead-name/plans to keep it some where within their name? I never disliked Jordan, but its a little too masculine for me and has been causing me GD. I want to keep it somewhere though, as i was named after Robert Jordan, my dads favorite author,(and led me to mine, Brandon Sanderson), so i want to keep it as a second middle name, while changed my current middle name,(Alexander) to a more feminine version.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my run on paragraph if you made it this far. 

[Elle-]

I think i might use this as a letter to officially come out to some people. Not that they haven't already realized as iv'e been wearing only/mostly women's clothes for about a month now and everyone i know in the city is left leaning and progressive, a few of them being trans/non-binary and LGBTQ+ themselves.

[Charlize]

Thank you for your share,  Much of it reflects my own journey.  I remember some Halloweens as being very important.  Just being allowed to be myself in the world was wonderful.  Today the world is my treat.  We can leave the trick behind.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Elle-]

@Charlize thank you! it feels good knowing my experiences have been similar to other trans peoples experience. it also feels great being accepted as a woman by other trans people,(although i'm not going to lie, it does feel even better when one of my friends who's an LGBTQ+ ally PM'd me after changing my name and gender on FB and asked how Elle is pronounced and told me she was proud of me) 

[Elle-]

Adding to my intro: I'm pretty sure a big part of me accepting myself was last year in the hospital,(maybe it was this January, iv'e been hospitalized quite a few times since last years January), i met a girl who is MtF and because of that i felt comfortable telling her i liked cross dressing,(i had never told anyone before), and she reinforced my feelings about it, and said it was alright to do and stuff like that. i'm actually going to go thank her for that.

[Emily michelle]

Welcome Elle. Nice to have you here.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Elle, and welcome!

 

Your journey sounds similar to that of a lot of us.  I grew up in Calgary, which has a lot of liberal pockets within it.

 

I have met women named Jordan, so it is not unheard of as a feminine name.  I kept my initials, and both my first and middle names are derived from my male names.  Keith became Kathy, and Lawrence became Lauren.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Elle-]

@KathyLauren thank you. i have met a few women named Jordan as well, including some neighbors when i was really young,(man and a woman), who were married with the same last name, and were both named Jordan,(at least thats what they told us), and i still think thats really cool

[Mx.Drago]

Hello and Welcome Elle!

Jordan is perfectly fine fem name. Now my real name is a bit harder to push even though I like it, but I tend to just use my online name I picked for myself.

[Guest]

Welcome ^^, I like ur name, it actually means she or her in french hehe, so if you come out and give your name you're actually giving your pronouns ^^

Sr it seems stoopid but yeah welcome ^^ I can tell that there is a lot of nice people here willing to help everyone!

Welcome ^^

[Elle-]

33 minutes ago, Ethan da potato said:

Welcome ^^, I like ur name, it actually means she or her in french hehe, so if you come out and give your name you're actually giving your pronouns ^^

Sr it seems stoopid but yeah welcome ^^ I can tell that there is a lot of nice people here willing to help everyone!

Welcome ^^

thats good to know thank you! it didnt mention that on the name website that i was looking through for some reason,(even though its on most of the other ones and wikipedia lol)

[Erikka]

Welcome Elle,

Glad you are here., When I changed my name I wanted to erase who I had been. The only nod to family was taking the Norwegian spelling of the name my mother would have named me as my middle name and knowing that my mother's side of the family would not have a problem with me for having transitioned I took my mother's maiden name. 

Names we choose are important. It defines us as we see ourselves and also will define how others see us. Elle is a beautiful name. I thought about different Norwegian first names, but those ones I liked are never pronounced correctly by native English speakers. Signe, my mother's aunt's name was a possible, but English speakers would see a hard G. Signe is pronounced Sing-uh and Astrid was also considered, but in English what is seen is the hard D at the end when it is really pronounced As-tree with a rolled R. So I went with something pronounce in English the same as Norwegian.

Are you going with English or French pronunciation?

[Motormouth95]

Welcome Elle.  I have kept a shortened version of my official dead name (Kimberly). I have been called Kim ever since I was a kid, and since some  men have been named Kim (although it is not too common), I decided to keep my name. I like it and feel that it fits me. Also, I know a few female Jordans (with that spelling) in real life. It's entirely up to you. 

[Elle-]

@Erikka im using the english pronunciation, i cant speak french. im also fine with it being said as Ellie 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Ellen,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?