What Were Your Most Surprising Changes?

[Sophie Watson]

I've been reading a lot online and I have the basics down for HRT MTF. But there's plenty of variables that I want to discuss that from my research seem to actually differ from person to person and biologist I guess has a large role to play. 

 

One girl managed to get C Cup Breasts, another lost 2 inches in height and someone else dropped a shoe size. Another girl was completely bald and now has a near full head of hair which is a miracle in its own right as HRT only stops hair loss not reverse it typically. And yes I know it also depends on where your muscle mass is located regarding height loss etc. I just find it interesting. 

 

So basically. What was your most surprising unexpected change?

[Jackie C.]

The mental stuff. Everybody talks about growing breasts and fat redistribution. You lose muscle mass (unless you exercise like a fiend), etc...

 

Nobody ever talks about the shift in your brain chemistry. They don't talk about your expanding rainbow of emotions or how closely they hover beneath the surface. People don't write papers about how your focus shifts away from constant sex and violence to peaceful, productive pursuits. There's no dissertations about the calm and compassion that creeps into your life or speeches about how much easily simple empathy comes to hand.

 

In short, everybody talks about the goal. Nobody mentions the ride.

 

Hugs!

[KathyLauren]

I had heard people talk about the end of male "mental static" when the went on HRT.  I didn't quite know what they were referring to, but I sure noticed the difference when it went away for me.

 

The most surprising change was in my face.  I had expected some facial changes, but hadn't actually noticed them happening.  But one day, I went to put on lipstick in preparation for going to my weekly support group, and I didn't recognize my lips.  The week before, they had been my old male lips.  Suddenly, I they were someone else's, a woman's lips.

[Jackie C.]

I'm not sure I'm qualified to write a dissertation on the subject, but I'll try for the short version.

 

Day to day I take more pleasure in simple things that help my spouse or the people close to me. I do more housekeeping and the chores are satisfying instead of mind-numbing like they were before. While I still attend to my own needs, the needs of my spouse and people I see regularly are at least as important. I don't really need recognition, but I do find I crave acknowledgement that people are enjoying whatever it is I just did for them.

My hobbies and interests are the same, though I spend a little less time on them than I did. While I can still focus when I want to, it is no longer the default when I'm working. I'm more aware of my surroundings and I more easily change gears when presented with a new task. I'm much quicker to jump to my feet and help out than I was on T.

I'm more focused on cleanliness than I used to be. Partially because I'm kind of a girly-girl and just HATE being dirty. Whatever I'm working on needs to be cleaned up immediately and I get urges to straighten things I find out of place. Part of that is that smells are a bigger part of my life. Sensory input in general is stronger. Smells I was unaware of. Subtle touch. Things like that get noticed and dealt with. Especially touch. I crave that. My spouse has only been away for about a day at this point and I'm seriously pining to touch and smell her again.

On that note, I'm chattier than I used to be. More social in general. I'm still an introvert, but I no longer dread interacting with people. I actually crave contact with other people where there was a time I'd be perfectly happy living in a remote cave so long as I had access to the internet.

I'm more willing to compromise too. While I was never really assertive, I find myself always looking for common ground where we can both be happy. Unless, of course, you're dead wrong or your idea is going to hurt people. Then I can dig in my heels with the best of them. Communication in general is improved but words don't come as easily. I find that there are holes in language that don't convey the points I'm trying to make. Words become clumsy without the gestures and tones that give them deeper meaning.

 

I'm sure I'm missing tons of things that others will help me fill in. You're still you, but different parts of you move to the front while others fade into the background. I feel more alive now than I did for the first four decades or so before I started HRT. For me, this was obviously the right choice.

 

Hugs!

[Charlize]

Changes somehow happened and perhaps still take place so slowly that i don't notice.  Maybe the biggest surprise is how comfortable i am now in myself.  I'm at peace which is awesome.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[ValerieRun]

Oh yes, the mental “shift”, it manifests differently but has one general direction towards calmness. For me, this sense of slowing down started literally on day 1. Up until that time I had no idea how urgent everything had to be, without actually requiring the immediate action. And now the sense of importance has not changed but became easier to estimate, kind of clearer to “see”. I was told that I became more balanced and less “judgy”, actually capable of extended conversation ?

 

One more completely unexpected change was an expansion in the depth and size of peripheral vision. Whether if due to eyes being more wide open or some other female sense development ?, but I can catch glimpses of items and movements in the corner of my eye like never before. Now, of course, more often that not it’s my imagination, but it’s definitely there.

 

XOXO

Valerie

[Mx.Drago]

This information is fascinating and helpful. ?Will know to keep a diary.?

[Sophie Watson]

@mx.drago I know right? It's really helping put away some of my fears knowing that HRT will help me FEEL more comfortable and doesn't just stop at how you look. It's so reassuring. 

[Sophie Watson]

@Jackie C. heya, I suffer from severe social anxiety. Is there a chance it might actually cure my anxiety with these chemical changes in my brain? x

[KayC]

36 minutes ago, Mx.Drago said:

This information is fascinating and helpful

I agree.  Its wonderful to hear about and look forward to these kind of emotional changes.  For me, going on HRT is more about this, the feeling of peace in my own body, than the feminization part.

Would be nice to have boobs and hips though ?

[Mx.Drago]

32 minutes ago, Sophie Watson said:

@mx.drago I know right? It's really helping put away some of my fears knowing that HRT will help me FEEL more comfortable and doesn't just stop at how you look. It's so reassuring. 

?I just hope I don't become too much a mindless brute. Two heads and not enough blood between and gravity always wins. Why I want it so bad, is beyond me but mentally not girly that's for sure. Maybe a little "mental static" will help build that bold confidence that ends up being muted cuz I'm to worried bout my blast radius. Always mindful of those around, short having thunder cats "Sight beyond sight powers." But if you having babies, I can see the benefits of being calmer and more tame mentally helping especially when you need the extra awareness to keep yourself healthy for babies and family.

[Jackie C.]

33 minutes ago, Sophie Watson said:

@Jackie C. heya, I suffer from severe social anxiety. Is there a chance it might actually cure my anxiety with these chemical changes in my brain? x

 

I suppose it's possible, but you're more likely to see progress on that front by working with your therapist. Working with my therapist has helped more with my anxiety than the HRT. Probably. I imagine it could be a combination of factors. I know I'm more comfortable in groups and with strangers than I used to be. That could just be that I'm more comfortable with who I am though.

 

Hugs!

[Erikka]

Changes. Oh yes there have been changes and some, unexpected and most welcome. Mood. I am calmer, unless it is the day after an injection of estrogen, I can for the first time in my say "I like me!" not hate me the way the male me did. My phone calls are more chatty and more interesting I have been told.

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

In short, everybody talks about the goal. Nobody mentions the ride.

 

I was not prepared for the depth and range of emotions. I envisioned, quite naively, that it would take less time than it is taking, the changes would be more drastic. I look in the mirror and for the longest time could not see changes that is until I made a copy of a pre HRT photo of myself and taped it to the mirror. Now instead of someone who looked like an old Norwegian fisherman, I see the femininity, the lightness of being that has come from the HRT.

Viewing film can sometimes be very dangerous. Film interests have changed from war and action films to rom-coms and human drama, Music interest too has changed. Both what I listen to and the music I write. There used to be a joke between me and my song writing partner that before we introduce a tune I wrote  we should ask that all in the audience please remove their ties, belts, shoelaces and any sharp objects. My song writing is far less dark than before and I will have to change the name of the CD I am working, "The Dark End of the Garage" to something lighter and brighter.

1 hour ago, Charlize said:

Changes somehow happened and perhaps still take place so slowly that i don't notice.  Maybe the biggest surprise is how comfortable i am now in myself.  I'm at peace which is awesome.

 

Peace is the best way to describe it. I am more relaxed. And being relaxed has gone a long way towards being confident enough to present the person I have always known myself tom be and now allow myself to let the world know who I am.

Besides the usual obvious physical changes, my prostate gland has shrunk. Whereas I used to have to pee almost every hour, now I can go six hours at night and four to five hours during the day. 

 

Unfortunately I have not seen much fat redistribution. I keep hoping.

Best hilsener

Erikka

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Mx.Drago said:

?I just hope I don't become too much a mindless brute. 

 

Sure, but you'll have the opportunity to lower your dose if things get to intense. For example, if you wake one morning only to discover you've destroyed a peaceful village and now have a heroic protagonist harrowing your every step, you'll know you should cut back a little.

 

Another side-effect people don't talk about: Temperature sensitivity. I used to be comfortable from 60 degrees F (16C) to 90 degrees F (32C)... well, it's going to be over 70 (21C) today. I'm wearing a jacket. Indoors. The jacket doesn't come off until we hit at least the mid eighties (30C). Part of that is weight loss, but it hit me very, very fast when I started HRT.

 

The weight loss was on purpose. I dropped about 100 pounds as of my last weigh-in. It's amazing what happens to your motivation to look good when you finally FEEL good about yourself.

 

Hugs!

[Mx.Drago]

 

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Sure, but you'll have the opportunity to lower your dose if things get to intense. For example, if you wake one morning only to discover you've destroyed a peaceful village and now have a heroic protagonist harrowing your every step, you'll know you should cut back a little.

 

Another side-effect people don't talk about: Temperature sensitivity. I used to be comfortable from 60 degrees F (16C) to 90 degrees F (32C)... well, it's going to be over 70 (21C) today. I'm wearing a jacket. Indoors. The jacket doesn't come off until we hit at least the mid eighties (30C). Part of that is weight loss, but it hit me very, very fast when I started HRT.

 

The weight loss was on purpose. I dropped about 100 pounds as of my last weigh-in. It's amazing what happens to your motivation to look good when you finally FEEL good about yourself.

 

Hugs!

I'm a lizard presently. I need a heat lamp sometimes. Partner loves it cold so I stick to blankets and my love for sweaters. But once I get warm, it sticks around for a bit. Also the random heat flashes at night especially round that period time are fun. I can only imagine the rivers I'll be running, short full lava pits. LOL

[Jackie C.]

26 minutes ago, Mx.Drago said:

 

I'm a lizard presently. I need a heat lamp sometimes. Partner loves it cold so I stick to blankets and my love for sweaters. But once I get warm, it sticks around for a bit. Also the random heat flashes at night especially round that period time are fun. I can only imagine the rivers I'll be running, short full lava pits. LOL

 

OMG. I never. Ever. Want to have a hot flash again. The only thing worse was the night sweats. Absolutely miserable to live with.

 

Hugs!

[Tori M]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

The mental stuff. Everybody talks about growing breasts and fat redistribution. You lose muscle mass (unless you exercise like a fiend), etc...

 

Nobody ever talks about the shift in your brain chemistry. They don't talk about your expanding rainbow of emotions or how closely they hover beneath the surface. People don't write papers about how your focus shifts away from constant sex and violence to peaceful, productive pursuits. There's no dissertations about the calm and compassion that creeps into your life or speeches about how much easily simple empathy comes to hand.

 

In short, everybody talks about the goal. Nobody mentions the ride.

 

Hugs!

 

Yes, this is the brain stuff I've been talking most about lately.  Everything Jackie and others said about this, I did not expect.  Now I think these are the best parts.

 

I think the MOST surprising thing of all for me was skin sensitivity.  Now, my skin had always seemed a little more sensitive than most guys, but I had no idea just how sensitive women's skin is.  Clothing material feels so different on the skin.  I didn't know that women's cotton clothing is made to be softer than men's cotton clothing.  After a while on HRT, I couldn't stand to wear a men's or unisex cotton t-shirt.  The fibers felt course and scratchy.  Teeny, tiny little pricks, scratches and mere pressures from everyday tasks and objects that I never noticed before became like thorns.  Holding an object that had edges, points, or corners felt as if they were digging into my skin.  Never did that before.  I came to understand why soft, touching foreplay was always so important to women (wish I'd known how much before).  And how soft was soft to a woman's skin.  I recently read that women's skin is thinner, maybe that's where some of the sensitivity comes from.  Also it increases glow.

 

2 hours ago, RunValRun said:

One more completely unexpected change was an expansion in the depth and size of peripheral vision. Whether if due to eyes being more wide open or some other female sense development ?, but I can catch glimpses of items and movements in the corner of my eye like never before.

 

I noticed this too.  Completely unexpected.  I became much more aware of the little facial indicators on those around me because I could see them without even moving my eyes.  Also I could find things easier on a cluttered shelf (ever notice how men have trouble with that?).

 

2 hours ago, Sophie Watson said:

@Jackie C. heya, I suffer from severe social anxiety. Is there a chance it might actually cure my anxiety with these chemical changes in my brain? x

 

I noticed no change in my social anxiety.  No better, no worse.  But I did feel more confident in myself overall, which helped me push through more difficult situations than I did previously.  But I still needed the same "come down period" after an anxiety event.

 

A couple of other surprises were the change in my body scents.  That came on really quick.  I smelled sweeter.  And, I suddenly heard the lyrics in music.  I love music and had always listened mostly to the instruments, but one day, all of a sudden, I tuned into the lyrics as if I'd never heard them before.  That stayed with me until I stopped HRT, then it reversed a bit.

[Mx.Drago]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

OMG. I never. Ever. Want to have a hot flash again. The only thing worse was the night sweats. Absolutely miserable to live with.

 

Hugs!

?I know the feeling. The pros and cons are interesting on the different sides. My partner hates it when I toss the blankets off in the dead of winter in the middle of the night, because the heat is cooking literally. Drives you in part mad, not on cloud 9 with that feature. I like sleep but can't get it anyway so what can I do. Things to look forward to...

Hugs!

[Abi]

14 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Nobody ever talks about the shift in your brain chemistry. They don't talk about your expanding rainbow of emotions or how closely they hover beneath the surface. People don't write papers about how your focus shifts away from constant sex and violence to peaceful, productive pursuits. There's no dissertations about the calm and compassion that creeps into your life or speeches about how much easily simple empathy comes to hand.

 

In short, everybody talks about the goal. Nobody mentions the ride.

This is the best description of a personal awakening, the journey of effeminate spirit, which I have seen put into words. If someone does write that paper, I certainly hope they talk to you..

 

I would have a quite difficult time truly expressing my own hormone therapy experience. Maybe at some point I will try. I also was blessed with the privilege being an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). The ride is most definitely what matters, regardless of the time it takes to get there. 

[Sophie Watson]

@Abi my journey on HRT is going to be crazy for sure when it comes to mental changes. I'm already super sensitive. I cried whilst watching Miranda (british sitcom) just because Miranda finally got her man. Nothing sad happened, I was just gushing because I was so happy. 

 

And now from other stories I've read where people are HSP they struggle to get their emotions under control and it has led to depression in some people. 

 

Would you say that is accurate or is it manageable? I don't want to turn my feelings but I struggle to manage them at the best of times. 

[Jackie C.]

Well @Sophie Watson, for me it's been completely manageable. However, we're all wired a little differently. What might be completely OK for me to deal with might be overwhelming for someone else. There was an adjustment period, sure, but in the end I think I'm better for it and hope the changes keep on coming.

 

Hugs!

[Sophie Watson]

@Jackie C. it's amazing knowing that no matter what happens and no matter how I feel I have a support group on this site right here. I'm so grateful for this forum. I've learnt things I never knew. 

[Abi]

@Sophie Watson You will have to forgive me but, I can't say in a simple way what dealing with my emotions is like. I isolate myself a lot so I have less outside sources to make me emotional. I have had some very rough times. I don't know that I would be a good example of what you will feel. I hope not. That is all an individual experience that wells up at it's own pace and some days are much better than others. I personally embrace my emotions as they take hold of me. There are days that is the greatest feeling ever. Of course there are days that seem equally sad. It is all part of the human experience, isn't it? I will say, it is very good to have a network of support and coping mechanisms for times that emotions overwhelm us. Forums are good for some of that, so are close friends. I think some of the environmental stuff helps or hurts our emotional well being too. So if you are watching a show or listening to music, it is having the effect it is on you because, you are allowing yourself to feel the moment. There is nothing wrong with that. This is why I said @Jackie C. had put this into words so well. The ride is what it is all about. Make it one you love.

[Sophie Watson]

It's going to be such an interesting journey mentally speaking and so strange. I can't wait for that aspect of my journey to kick in. 

 

From further research into the psyche of HRT I found (and its crazy);

 

- Sexual preferences have changed  as they start to find it difficult to communicate with the opposite sex

 

- Hobbies changed, as with a change of perception some women have found that high stress activities are too much and suddenly find an interest in more mundane hobbies such as cross stitching, reading and watching rom coms. So I guess changes to how we cope with stress effects what we do with our spare time? 

 

- Feeling more empathy, suddenly becoming better listeners. I always considered myself empathetic so should I expect for this to be magnified? 

 

- The way we cope with stress changes. Men typically when they get stress typically get angry, shout and can be violent. But with the introduction of HRT about 6 months on some women have reported they have lost the energy to argue and have a cry. Some women have also reported that due HRT they go along with whatever their partners says regardless of how they feel about it due to losing some form of (can't remember the word) decision making. 

 

- It gets easier to talk about yourself

[Sophie Watson]

To help keep the conversation going. I found this regarding muscle mass and losing strength. Basically how it's making many girls feel suddenly losing their strength. 

 

Reddit User Wrote "I am constantly looking behind me and get so scared when a car slows down near me.. The only thing that keeps me feeling safe is parking closer to buildings now, going to places only with a friend close by or even being on the phone when getting where I need to be. Mace is good to have for sure, but it doesn't help me feel "safer" per say. After being attacked in a bathroom, helpless and weak as can be from the HRT, I stay scared and can't use public facililies anymore.. I used to be an Alpha Male type. Noone messed with me, I was strong, and could fight my way out of anything... Now, I can't even open a bag of Kettle brand chips lol. But does being weak itself bother me, nah. One of my goals was to lose muscle mass for a more feminine shape. Hated muscle tone on me. Its a sacrifice I knew would happen. Its more exhausting than upsetting when I can't lift stuff.. But the guys in my life are super cool about it and always help :)"

 

There's loads of topics about how losing muscle mass has made many girls feel more vulnerable. 

 

I'm a really large girl muscular speaking and have yet to go on HRT. I have to say, it's the muscles that make me look like a man in my eyes and if being physically weaker is what it's going to take then so be it. 

 

It's just interesting reading how some girls refuse to go out at certain times unless they were with a man who they felt safe with.