Why I Stopped Flying the Flag of Monica Helms

[Guest Lynnie]

Two decades ago, when i first saw the Transgender Pride Flag created by Monica Helms, I thought, "Wow! This is beautiful! And it says it perfectly!"

I flew mine at rallies and marches, I displayed it at home and at meetings. I used it liberally in images when writing on civil rights.

But I stopped doing that and issues of inclusiveness are why.

 

Monica Helms described the intentions of the colors this way:

 

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“The stripes at the top and bottom are light blue, the traditional color for baby boys. The stripes next to them are pink, the traditional color for baby girls. The stripe in the middle is white, for those who are intersex, transitioning, or consider themselves having a neutral or undefined gender. The pattern is such that no matter which way you fly it, it is always correct, signifying us finding correctness in our lives.”

 

The issue in my mind has focused upon that middle stripe and what "transgender" has come to mean since its creation.

 

Two decades ago, "transgender" was considered an "umbrella term" like what's described on page 3 of the December 1998 version of Compliance Guidelines to Prohibit Gender Identity Discrimination that drew upon previous work by Jamison Green and published by San Francisco's Human Rights Commission:

 

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“‘Transgender’ is used as an umbrella term that includes female and male cross dressers, transvestites, drag queens or kings, female and male impersonators, intersexed (sic) individuals, pro-operative, post-operative, and non-operative transsexuals, masculine females, feminine males, all persons whose perceived gender or anatomic sex may be incongruent with their gender expression and all persons exhibiting gender characteristics and identities which are perceived to be androgynous.”

 

But in the past several years, the definition of "transgender" has shifted in such a way that is replaced the term "transsexual", the latter term being delegated to a list of pejoratives. Something happenned in this trend of redefining the trans community: the alienation of those who didn't fit this narrow definitions. It said to cross dressers who had welcomed me when transitioning people didn't, "You're not one of us." It said something similar to drag performers. Genderqueer and other gender non-conforming folk had to find pride flags of their own. Then in 2017, intersex people issues the Darlington Statement which, while recognizing intersectionalities with the trans community, declared themselves "separate and distinct" from it. (https://darlington.org.au/statement/) and designed a separate pride flag of their own. I had worked for civil rights alongside these peoples over the years. Now I've seen us all fragmented, having turned away from the ideals inspired by people like Sandy Stone and Holly Boswell. What was once, "You're one of us," has become, "You can't be any more than an ally."

 

I had looked upon the flag of Monica Helms as a unifier. Now it has become an emblem of a people who have usurped the ideal that made important progress in civil rights for something divisive. How can I fly such a flag that's supposed to include those gender non-conforming, intersex, genderqueer, and other androgynous peoples who have yet to define themselves after the recent years of alienation? It has become for me a flag of guilt to my own demographic of transitioning/transitioned people.

 

It's a deep sense of guilt that has prompted me to eliminate flags from my home. I no longer fly the flag of Monica Helms precisely because I love the people in the community as it was once defined, however quirky they may seem to me,  however different their experience may be from my own.

 

Has anyone else felt this?

 

[Carolyn Marie]

Everyone is entitled to feel how they feel about symbols, and use them or not use them.  Symbols can and do mean different things to different people.  That doesn't make one wrong and one right.  The flag is used on the banner and themes of this site, and will continue to be.  Your view point is fine, and I'm glad you felt free to express it.

 

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

While I still use the white, pink, and blue flag, I understand the reasons some may not prefer it.  Emotionally for myself, it is still the symbol for a community, that while not cohesive still shares the characteristics of marginalization and scorn.  My flag supply contains many more that just the one.  I do not limit my recognition of people who feel they are not what society has dubbed to be, but are still the wonderful and awesome individuals I find them to be within minutes of meeting them.  One symbol does not define each person or the life they need to leave, but pushing a person to where they feel they cannot join with another person is not going to get us closer to what we need any time soon.

[Charlize]

I have no issues with the flag but instead with folks who are exclusive rather than welcoming of others with gender issues.

I must admit that at first and even now i think the rainbow is much prettier.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Dinaki]

I do like the rainbow flag. I too find it meaningful and beautiful.

[gennee]

I do like the flag.  I have always been about accepting people for who they are and how they choose to identify. Seeing different expressions of gender was very instrumental in my journey. 

 

 

[tracy_j]

I have very mixed feelings about flags in general. They are a rallying point but also an inviting target. Re-iterating  - I am speaking generally here about flags of all kinds including national ones.

 

As an aside, thinking about the rainbow has anyone else connected that the rainbow used, at least here in the Uk, with the current Covid outbreak has a good implication of a Trans rainbow?

 

Tracy

[Cheyenne skye]

I don't have a flag per se. I have a pair of earrings with colored beads in the same order as the flag. And when I was finally able to get my nails done, I also had them painted the flag colors. Both things have only ever elicited a "That's cute." I then asked the person if they understood the reason for the colors and they said no. I had to explain it to them. Most people don't have a clue. I basically just did it for myself anyway. Just to show those who do know that I understand and support them too.

[tracy_j]

They look lovely!

 

Tracy

[Mx.Drago]

On 6/19/2020 at 2:48 AM, tracy_j said:

I have very mixed feelings about flags in general. They are a rallying point but also an inviting target. Re-iterating  - I am speaking generally here about flags of all kinds including national ones.

 

As an aside, thinking about the rainbow has anyone else connected that the rainbow used, at least here in the Uk, with the current Covid outbreak has a good implication of a Trans rainbow?

 

Tracy

I agree.

 

Not so in with the whole cast your colors thing anymore. Yeah I'm trans and a bunch of other things, but it doesn't make me more or less a person because of the difference. Flags are like tag attachments, to help sort and indicate your pride in a specific difference, but that isn't always a good thing. I want to be treated like an average human person, not less or more because of the different attachments I get tagged with. Kinda feels no different than the pink or purple down pointed triangle.

Rainbows are innocent phenomenal events of when light passing through a raindrops and splits into a spectral wonder of nature. Now it feels like a battle banner you need to get behind because somebody thought it made a good banner idea, because look at all the different colors together, symbolism... Had my world already filled with rainbows, castles, and pretty princes & princesses, because I was being tagged as female, oh joy...Now rainbow is a tag I'm literally forced into because people need to label things to make themselve feel better bout being different then just being seen as a person and human being like any other.

[Just Lee]

But some flags are very important and denote more than just a quick label. Flags can be deeply symbolic and important and not necessarily physical flags. How important is it for us to check a box on a paper? That gender box is a flag. Do we want an "other" or X box on there too, instead of just F and M? Yes, we do. That's a 'flag' and it's very important to many of us. I don't think it's possible to live without at least some flags. Sometimes it's a no trespassing or simple wet floor sign(flag) and it's something we all take note of in its importance. There's a lot more than just surface meaning in flags.