Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

BorderTerrierFan

Hello

Recommended Posts

BorderTerrierFan

Hello, I'm a 19 year old depressed girl from Merseyside. 

For a long time I've been unhappy with my body and this has resulted in severe bouts of depression and self harming.  I've felt embarrassed and ashamed with myself over the way I feel about my body and what others might think about me for being different.  I was worried about how my family would react to learning that I was unhappy with who I currently am.

In the last few days everything has come bubbling to the surface and I have found myself opening up about my feelings to the Mental Health Nurse at my local hospital.  As a result of this I've now opened up to my Mum and Dad about my unhappiness presenting as a female and my desire to present as male and they have been very understanding and supportive.

I've always liked wearing boys clothes and a couple of years ago I convinced my Mum to let me get my haircut short so it wasn't a great surprise for them to learn that I was unhappy presenting as a female.

My wish is to have surgery to have my breasts removed so that I can have a flat chest so that I look more like a male.

My Mum and Dad told me to have a look at a forum such as this one so that I can see for myself that I'm not alone in how I feel about my own inner self and identity. Hopefully being here I can get some sound advice about the actions I need to take to make this journey happen so I can find happiness and inner peace.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Welcome.  You are certainly not alone in your feelings.  Knowing only that helped when i first arrived here.  I'm glad you are now open and able to be honest with your family.  I am sure that therapy can help you as well.  I know that helped me with the guilt, shame and fear i felt just for being myself.  This journey to self acceptance can be hard but being with understanding others can be a great assistance.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
Timber Wolf

Hi BorderTerrierFan,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

You are not alone anymore!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf 🐾

Share this post


Link to post
KayC

Welcome, BorderTerrierFan! and nice to meet you.

 

There are others on this Forum who are in very similar situations as yourself, so I hope you can connect with them soon. 

Also, it was a great sign of strength and courage to reach out to your mental health professionals, and I encourage you to continue with that support if you can.  Also, such good fortune to have loving and supportive parents.


Wishing you all the best❣️

Share this post


Link to post
Carolyn Marie

Welcome to Trans Pulse, BTF.  I'm glad that you're parents are being supportive and recommended that you search out places like this one.  I think you made a great choice, but then again, I'm biased.  😀  The journey is a long one (especially in the U.K.) so have patience but also be persistent in asking for what you need.  Look around the forums and ask all the questions that come to mind.  We'll be here for you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Share this post


Link to post
Pallas

Welcome to the forum! 

I hope you will find what you need and want here. 

 

I haven't been in a depressed state as yourself, I'm sorry to hear you have gone through that. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to personally message me (or reach out to whoever on this forum!). 

I will, however, say that I do feel I am also perhaps not in the right body. (FtM? Transmasculine?) 

I am still figuring it out myself. It sounds you have a much clearer understanding already of yourself. 

 

Indeed, I suggest talking openly about it with people who are professionals and friends/family who are supportive. So it's great your parents are and even have suggested for you to reach out and be on a forum!

 

Good luck with your journey. 

Share this post


Link to post
BorderTerrierFan

Thank you for the kind words and making me feel welcome here x

Share this post


Link to post
Pallas
19 hours ago, BorderTerrierFan said:

Thank you for the kind words and making me feel welcome here x

 

No problem, really! :) 

Take care, BorderTerrierFan. 

Share this post


Link to post
SaraAW

Welcome BorderTerrierFan! I just came out to my parents very recently, so I know how tough that is, takes a lot of courage. It is great that yours were so accepting and sounds like they really care about you.  While I am working on transitioning the other way (MTF), as others have said here, you're not alone. We are all a big supportive and loving second family here. Hope you have a wonderful day! Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 65 Guests (See full list)

    • carlly
    • Abi
    • TransMex
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      71,649
    • Total Posts
      652,117
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,230
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Flux3on
    Newest Member
    Flux3on
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. CreepyConfusedKid
      CreepyConfusedKid
      (14 years old)
    2. Jamie james
      Jamie james
      (51 years old)
    3. Jennaroxie
      Jennaroxie
      (34 years old)
    4. Trichakra
      Trichakra
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Jani
      We'll have to work on that.  In the meantime, click on the Transpulse link at the left side in the green bar.  Look for Resources and there they are.     Jani 
    • Leah
      The links don't work. Is there a newer version?  
    • Tori M
      Congrats, Tory!  (Love the name, btw 😁) Finally making those first steps of progress does feel SO good, doesn't it?  With practice, those needles become easier, too.  I know, I've been known to almost black out from shots and I did black out a few minutes when I got my ears pierced.  Despite working in a hospital for years (in I.T.), I've been terrified of needles and anything medical my whole life.  I was that kid that used to scream, cry and try to run away.  I am so sensitive to pain, I swear I can feel a needle inside my veins, which isn't really possible, but it makes my stomach flip.  Being fairly healthy I've escaped any "medical assaults" until I started HRT.  It's critically important to monitor your chem levels throughout the process, so hang in there, it really does get better.   A couple of tips from experience... one, don't be afraid of telling them about your fear/anxiety.  I was so embarrassed to tell them but found they are very understanding and will usually thank you for warning them, because you are not the only one.  They've had patients pass out, so they would much rather know ahead of time.  Two, if they're not already using them, ask the blood drawer to use a "butterfly".  The needle is so short/tiny you can barely feel it and it doesn't move around while they're drawing.   Recent experience with a blood disorder which requires that I get frequent phlebotomies brought on a whole new level of fear.  This is similar to donating blood and uses a larger needle so they can capture the larger blood cells.  When they first told me about it, I was absolutely terrified!  I seriously didn't think I could do it, but my life depended on it.  So, I told the phlebotomist I might pass out and then used distraction techniques like you mentioned.  It really hurt at first but eased up after they got the needle in and settled for about 15 minutes while a pint drained out.  Each time I've had one since, it got easier and easier until now (after a dozen or so), believe it or not, I can do it without any anxiety at all.  The experienced nurses/technicians are SO good at what they do!  The great thing is that after I got used to that big needle, I don't even feel the little ones anymore!  So, to anyone with the needle fear, I now recommend donating blood as a [courageous] way to resolve the problem.   For HRT, I would suggest you ask for estradiol tabs that you can dissolve under your tongue.  I still don't think I could give myself shots, especially into the muscle.  Good luck with your therapy.  In a couple of months you're going to start feeling much more like "yourself".
    • Shay
      Thank you - does it sound sort of like early Kansas to you?
    • Shay
      aha... I was also the person who wrote procedures for ISO and gage calibration traceable to NIST....   I definitely can believe it - I would suspect comparing general population and trans that the trans have a higher density of left handedness than the general population. I guess that's why a lot of us come from a creative background. That to would be an interesting study comparing trans creative backgrounds (music, art, theatre, quilting, knitting sewing, crafts, etc.) to the general population. I would guess the percentage would also be higher for trans.
    • Teri Anne
      Loved the clip Shay
    • SaraAW
      Yep, similar.  Green belt and am currently a fraud and security analyst as part of my job. I am constantly buried in data and I love it. Found one study, behind a paywall ; however, the abstract makes mention of: Numerous studies demonstrate that male-to-female (MTF) transgender people have higher rates of left-handedness, but the theoretical basis for this difference is not well described. 
    • Shay
      I come from an Industrial Engineering, statistics, 6 sigma, Green Belt background... sounds like you have a similar statistics and data background or interest. Certainly need larger samples and I'm sure the confidence level on our study is not very good. It was just interesting and I have heard about the studies you refer to.    What I would really find interesting (and there probably is one) - a study of transpeople and handedness compared to handedness of the major binary genders and maybe handedness of intersex and all the other gender categories.
    • SaraAW
      Too bad we didn't get more respondents, difficult to really draw any conclusions from the sample size, the fact it was sourced from here only and self-reported. Still, definitely interesting. Does not reflect the larger populations distribution of handedness by a very large margin. There is still so much we don't know in regards to the origins of handedness. it would be interesting if a larger study were conducted and if it would provide any additional insight to how / why handedness develops. There are a couple of studies showing exposure in utero to a particular synthetic estrogen used in the 50's to early 70's increased prevalence of left-handedness. There are studies also showing that exposure to androgens in utero may have a small impact to gender. To me, there is something to explore here to see if there is any correlation between being trans and handedness.
    • TrIIIy
      Congratulations, Ronin! Glad that you’re happy with your progress. More good things to come! *And isn’t it great that you can choose your chosen family?
    • SaraAW
      Today is pop and rock reimagined in funk, swing and big band. A mix of Postmodern Jukebox, Scary Pockets and some other bands.
    • Shay
      That is excellent news - I will be listening this weekend. I remember meeting Rich Williams at the University of Toledo when they had 1 album out and they were opening for Queen. My band Silverhorse released a single called WEARINESS in late 1979 and WMMS in Cleveland kept playing our song and Carry On My Wayward Son back to back saying we sounded like Kansas. I thought that was weird being we had no keyboards or violin... but I'm happy people seemed to like us. Too bad the band imploded just before we signed with Atlantic Records - but that's another story. For now I'm including our song Weariness - let me know if you think there is any resemblance. weariness.mp3
    •  Kylie
      Thanks for pointers! I’ve had to remind my surgeon and nurse that despite the fact both K and my best friend here with me are Nurses; this is a totally different experience for us both. So I’ve been following their guidance to a T!   having some lunch now. Probably rest a bit then walk around a bit after while. ☺️
    • Sally Stone
      Hi Ciel,   Welcome.  It's perfectly okay to question your gender, and there's no rush to judgment required.  It took me 40 years to find my happy place, but that was in the era mostly before the internet and digital socializing.  I'm sure by asking questions and sharing your thoughts and feelings, you'll find your happy place in no time, just don't feel pressured to decide.  Discovering our true gender, or genders, is a journey to be enjoyed and savored.
    • Sally Stone
      Kylie, this comment just cracked me up, so obviously you haven't lost your sense of humor.  Gosh, I'm still chuckling so much I can't sip my rum and coke.  The silliness aside though, I am so glad you are on the mend, and I wish you the speediest of recoveries.
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...