My parents

[Emily michelle]

Well my wife and I had lunch with my parents today and it was the first time I had seen them since March according to her I have changed a lot. So as we were were getting ready to leave my mom asked me point blank if I am getting a sex change. I just responded yes and I have been on hormones for 2 months now. Then I was asked well why and how long have you known this. I said because I was tired of being miserable and I didn’t want to kill myself over it I just wanted to be happy. I said I have felt different my entire life and that I’m finally doing something thing about it. I was then asked about my work and if they knew I said no I’m not ready for that yet. She replied That I don’t ever have to. I said that I do because I will be going full time and I will be getting a name change along with everything else. Then it was asked why didn’t I tell her sooner I said the only people that knew was my wife and sister no one else it’s not a subject I am comfortable with the world knowing. All in all I think it went ok she did hug me before we left there wasn’t really anything negative said. My dad on the other hand never said a word and barely looked up from his phone 

[Carrie]

Hi Emily

It was probably a shock to them and you mum sounds really good and that your dad was there means he cares as well even if he did not talk.  It's a start and in time it may well get better.

Take care

Carrie

[SaraAW]

Congrats on coming out. Probably not the way you hoped. That’s exactly how I came out to my wife. She just flat out asked. 
 

Well, it could have gone better, but it definitely could have gone a lot worse. I agree with Carrie, there was most likely an element of shock with the revelation.
 

My parents called me today, for the first time since I came out to them on Friday. I came out via email and the email was great, but really wanted to talk to them to see how they were coping. I let it be as they said straight out in the reply they were shocked but accepting. So when they called,  they said hi and my name, it sounded a little awkward, but they did it. From there the conversation was just normal. So all that to say, give it a bit of time for them to process. 

[Emily michelle]

I’m not in any rush I’m just happy they didn’t disown me. My mom texted later and said my wife has needs that will not be fulfilled now that kind of offended me but I’m not gonna worry about that comment.

 

Sara. My wife come out and asked flat out twice if I was transgender both times I denied it until I came clean to myself that was when I broke down.

[SaraAW]

Happy they didn’t disown you either. Definitely a little off putting to have your mom make that comment. There are many ways to scratch an itch. 
 

That sounds very familiar. It was the 3rd or 4th time my wife asked before I came clean. Her tone each time was so angry and combative there was no way I was going to tell her until I couldn’t take it anymore. The last I had also missed an article of clothing in the washer, she called me down to the basement where the laundry is and confronted me. I had enough hiding and felt awful lying to her. So I came out to her. 

[Emily michelle]

I agree. I just replied that we were working on that and that we are happier than we were before. I just hope they realize how serious this is and not go telling the world. I did say I could very well lose my job and I’m not ready for the world to know 

 

both of the times I was asked were with and angry tone and she said she wanted to know so she could leave so definitely clammed up then. When I broke down and I should say mumbled it to her that I was trans. I had been balling my eyes out. After that it was no issue at all she was more comfortable with it than I was.

[SaraAW]

Glad your wife turned out to be comfortable with you.  That’s great things have improved in your marriage. 
 

Mine has not been so comfortable. I am getting very close to issuing the ultimatum to get on board or we will need to part ways. It’s almost a year since I came out to her and she still does not want me presenting visibly, she has yet to call me by my name or use the proper pronouns, not even once.  I pointed it out today, after about the 3x today birth naming me and at least 5x calling me a man, I was hurt and sad and she asked what was up. I told her and she got mad, says it’s too hard for her because we’ve been together for 15 years. She was even more angry I asked her to please try. I reminded her that my parents were able to do it today and they’ve known me for forty years and had 3 days to process it. she says it’s different because we have a different relationship than I with my parents. I sure hope we do, and I understand to a degree, but she hasn’t once done it correctly. 
 

She does sometimes catch herself and apologize, but still doesn’t correct herself. So I can see.she puts in a tiny bit of effort. At this point, I think it’s just so she can she’s trying, while not really. 
 

Sorry to hijack your thread with my rant.

 

 I really hope with a little time your parents fully come around. 

[Susan R]

5 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

So as we were were getting ready to leave my mom asked me point blank if I am getting a sex change.

@Emily michelle Congratulations on getting past this difficult point in transition. I’m so sorry it went so unpredictably as it did.  When I read your first post, I wasn’t sure if any of your transition plans had yet been revealed before your mom’s question. I read it several times and am still unclear if the question came out if the blue or not. It could not have been expected although if it was solely based on your physical changes, it does show you how much more feminine you look to your mom now. In the long run, this is a good thing.

Your parents have a lot to absorb so just be prepared for more questions and possibly some pullback. Just keep in mind that what level of acceptance or indifference they have now could be completely different in one direction or the other in the next year. Whatever happens, don’t lose sight of yourself. You did what was necessary and I applaud you for moving forward despite the temporary difficulty. I hope for a positive move forward in your relationship with them. 

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[KayC]

@Emily michelle and @SaraAW I have been following you both since I came to this Forum.  I feel a close connection with your struggles with spouses/family in coming out.  I feel like we are all in the same "laundry basket" (to use Sara's experience)

I feel your anxiety but I am also encouraged by the step-by-step progress your are both making.  So keep on truckin'... as much as you can.

Emily, based on your mother's comments (like she already knew, maybe? and your wife's needs) is it possible your wife has been discussing this with your mom?  Not trying to cause a raucous, but in the fairness of full disclosure I would want to know.
Also ... I assume your mother and father (just like your wife) are confused of what transition really means ... so whatever resources you/they have available might help ease their concerns.

 

Wishing the best for both of you
As I often say ... Deep Breaths .. One step at a time❣️

[Emily michelle]

Hi Sara! It has made life so much easier to have the support of my wife. After all I have no clue about being a girl.

Im very sorry that your wife hasn’t been so accepting. I know how bad it makes me feel being misgendered. I really hope she does come around. Feel free to rant or talk I’m all ears.

 

Hi Susan to answer your question I was never able reveal my transition plans I was bombarded with questions and I was not able to tell them my plans. I have not mentioned anything about being transgender before. Intentionally I had my shoes and socks off while sitting on the deck. Since my wife was swimming. My mom mentioned that I have long hair, (haha I wish it was long) painted toenails, no beard, my underwear ( I’m curious about that one lol) my breasts, and I was wearing a women’s shirt. Hopefully they will be supportive but I’m not gonna change just to make them happy. I don’t want to sound mean but the can either accept there new daughter or move on.

 

Thank you Kay C. I can’t believe someone would want to follow me that makes me smile. I can guarantee you my wife hasn’t talked to my mother about it we have been avoiding them just because we were concerned about what they would think. I would assume they don’t really know what to think they don’t really know anything about transgender people. I’m hoping they come around more and I’d be happy to talk to them more about my transition plans and hopefully clue them in a little bit about us. My hope is to get them to become transgender allies, but I’m not changing to please them.

[SaraAW]

Emily, I’m glad she’s helping you figure out the girl things. It always helps to have someone walk you through the things you might not fully understand. I’m fairly clueless myself on lots of things.
 

Wow, you were dropping lots of not so subtle hints to your parents, lol. I’m with you on the accept me or move on part. As I’ve started coming out to more people, something just started to click in me. My sister and my bestie are the last two I really care about either way, after that what happens happens. Definitely not changing for anyone, bad enough I’ve delayed a lot of things to give my wife enough time to try and adjust. 
 

 I’m also always available if you need a pair of friendly ears. 
 

KayC, Thanks for the kind words. I find courage and inspiration in many folks here. It is always comforting (and sad at times) to know other people are going through similar experiences and that you’re not alone. 

 

Hugs!

[Emily michelle]

30 minutes ago, SaraAW said:

Emily, I’m glad she’s helping you figure out the girl things. It always helps to have someone walk you through the things you might not fully understand. I’m fairly clueless myself on lots of things.
 

Wow, you were dropping lots of not so subtle hints to your parents, lol. I’m with you on the accept me or move on part. As I’ve started coming out to more people, something just started to click in me. My sister and my bestie are the last two I really care about either way, after that what happens happens. Definitely not changing for anyone, bad enough I’ve delayed a lot of things to give my wife enough time to try and adjust. 
 

 I’m also always available if you need a pair of friendly ears. 
 

KayC, Thanks for the kind words. I find courage and inspiration in many folks here. It is always comforting (and sad at times) to know other people are going through similar experiences and that you’re not alone. 

 

Hugs!

It definitely helps it gets pretty complicated at times lol. She helps calm me down when I get frustrated with my makeup or hair.

 

Now that I think about it I was dropping a lot of hints, but I’m not hiding anymore and I just want to be me. I wore a bra because if I don’t know since the hormones have started my nipples would stand at attention (tmi lol). I also feel much more comfortable in a bra. I’m much happier now than than to back in the closet.

 

I really hope your wife comes around. I’m here if you ever need to talk to.

[SaraAW]

Always wonderful to have a rock. Especially as you adjust to HRT and the expanded range of emotions. 
 

I understand the need for a bra. HRT has had definitely made it very obvious if I wear just a shirt without one. Also understand the comfort and affirmation that wearing one brings. 
 

I don’t recall ever being as happy as I am since I took charge of my life and started working on my transition. There is also no way I’m going back in the closet. 
 

I’m hoping my wife comes around too. It’s clear in everything unrelated to my transition, that she loves me. She also didn’t decide to try and kick me out or leave herself when I came out, so that’s at least a sign she still cares. 
 

 

[KayC]

1 hour ago, SaraAW said:

don’t recall ever being as happy as I am since I took charge of my life and started working on my transition. There is also no way I’m going back in the closet. 
 

I’m hoping my wife comes around too. It’s clear in everything unrelated to my transition, that she loves me. She also didn’t decide to try and kick me out or leave herself when I came out, so that’s at least a sign she still cares. 

 

You and me both, Sara!
 

2 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

I’d be happy to talk to them more about my transition plans and hopefully clue them in a little bit about us. My hope is to get them to become transgender allies

That was my impression from your previous post, Emily.  So many are clueless (even I was until recently ... and I'm Trans! hah!). 
 

Hoping the best for both of you ... well, all of us❣️

[Emily michelle]

48 minutes ago, KayC said:

 

You and me both, Sara!
 

That was my impression from your previous post, Emily.  So many are clueless (even I was until recently ... and I'm Trans! hah!). 
 

Hoping the best for both of you ... well, all of us❣️

I didn’t know until recently either when I did finally admit I was it was finally like someone flipped a light switch on it made it so much clearer.  
 

Thank you Kay C I wish the best for you too. 

[Emily michelle]

Until today I thought I was finally making headway with my parents. I even got her to say I look happy despite me being a burden to me. Then today she sent me a link to an anti transgender article posted in a conservative publication. From the article it said people who transition are worse off than before and we shouldn’t be allowed to transition. I was very angry and heart broken when she said that. I have decided not to reply to her. At the current moment I will be cutting ties with her I don’t feel I have to put up with her opinions. I wish she would realize how much my dysphoria affects me and I have to transition if I ever want to be happy  

 

[Lexi C]

Girl Parents don't see that Ship. Their only worry about two things. 

1 Where did i go wrong

2. I hope no one i know finds out.

My mom God rest her soul wait until she was dying with stage 4 to come around. 

I honest think your one of the most beautiful women on this site. So keep doing what yr doing and Fudge what the crazies think

Be safe and Kick Ass

[KayC]

10 hours ago, Emily michelle said:

Then today she sent me a link to an anti transgender article posted in a conservative publication.

That's very unfortunate, Emily.  So sorry to hear that.
You know, when somebody cannot accept something (at first) they will go looking for anything that confirms what they already believe.  To do that is not an opportunity for personal growth for them, but I wouldn't say that its impossible for them to eventually start to understand.  Big emphasis on "eventually".

 

As much as you want her to understand how much your dysphoria hurts, the bottom line is - for now - she can't.  But that alone, should not stop you from moving forward.

So, if you are committed to moving forward, regardless of her opinions and disapproval, even as frustrated and hurt as you are, I hope you can keep your relationship and lines of communication open.  In the end, it will not only be a benefit to you, but to her also.  ❤️

 

[Emily michelle]

I decided last night I’m not going to let her opinions get to me. I am who I am and I will not stop my transition. Reading the article just makes me want to continue on just to prove that I will be happy. It is my mom’s decision if she wants to accept me if not oh well I will move on. It may sound harsh but I have to do what I think is best for me.

[SaraAW]

Good for you Emily, I am under the same mindset for anyone that doesn't want to be supportive. Lifes too short, especially for those of us transitioning middle age and later, I just want to make the best of my life as I can. I do hope she comes around, but that's on her.

 

Hugs!

[Erikka]

Emily

My parents were gone before I started transitioning. I know the old man would have had coronary event had he witnessed the transition, my mother, I think, would have given her approval. She watched as I had played dolls, "borrowed" my sisters clothes, and stood between me and the old man. It would have been hard, but it would have been the authentic me and that hiding who I am was the cause of so much depression and anger. I regret not transitioning when I was younger, but life gets in the way, it always gets in the way, so I transitioned when most of my obligations had been put to bed.

Emily, live your life. Very few of friends, family, and strangers understand the pain of living a life that is not you, a life of lies, deception, and hiding.

Velsignelser

Erikka

[Susan R]

 @gina-nicole-t 

Its sounds like we had the same parents for heaven’s sake. I often wonder what mine would’ve reacted but I waited long after they passed to transition so it’s no longer a concern for me. From reading your other post, I see you are well on your way to becoming your true self. It’s good that you’re living for you and no longer living for the expectations others have set for you.

 

On a related note..If you have the time and inclination, it would be great to learn more about your particular journey thus far. If you decide to introduce yourself to us, just hop over to the Introduction sub forum and tell us a bit about you.

 

BTW, it’s nice to have another local here with me in the group. I’m a few miles South of you here in Washington.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

 

 

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, gina-nicole-t said:

I am having my surgeries at Providence Everett Colby Campus.

I wish my surgeries were that close or at least on this side of the Cascades. I live a few miles north of your surgery location at Providence hospital in Everett. My upcoming surgeries will be performed in Spokane and Colfax so I have to fly.

 

1 hour ago, gina-nicole-t said:

I don't think I have to tell you how difficult it is to meet others in the transgender community.

I’m very aware of the difficulties of finding other transgender community members. Many live here but so many are living stealth in this area.

Feel free to PM me anytime. I always welcome new friendships.?

 

Susan R?