introduction

[Alayna643]

Hi My name is Alayna. I have been on hormones since Oct 15th  2019. I am 48 yrs old I have always felt that I have need to transition. I have not come out yet to my children or out to the general public and work yet. I fear of losing my children they are 23, 20, and 14. I am a deputy with a local sheriff's office and I am worried about losing my job. I am really close to retirement. SO I have been waiting for that. I love the changes i have been experiencing.  I am struggling everyday. I wish at time that it would just end already. I am not suicidal I just want it to end. 

[Jackie C.]

Hi Alayna! Welcome to TransPulse!

 

Anxiety about family is pretty common. Unfortunately, it's not really productive. You can't control other people's reactions. All you can do is roll with them. Sometimes family rejects us for who we are. You might want to think about what you're going to do if that happens. I suggest working it out with a gender therapist if you can.

 

Struggling with our identities after we figure out who we are is pretty common too. It gets harder and harder to keep that part of yourself suppressed once she decides that she's coming out. There will probably be collateral damage to some extent when she does. On the plus side, you can make new friends too. I personally think my found family is much better than the one I was born into.

 

Hugs!

[Dinaki]

Hello Alayna and do welcome dear to this lovely community.

 

I read that you are a sherif, I may one day send you a personal message for a domestic violence that I have experienced here.

 

Meanwhile, do set down and get the tea ready, so many lovely people here to assist with grace.

[Dinaki]

^^I meant to say in my house when I said "here" I am sorry, I have a language barrier^^

[Mmindy]

2 hours ago, Alayna643 said:

Hi My name is Alayna.

Hello Alayna, I had 40+ years in the fire service, and fully understand your not wanting to come out at work just yet. There is life after Public Safety. I bet your children will be more receptive than you think when you come out to them. My wife outed me to our grown children 38 and 41 years of age, and they were able to connect the dots in my past and say, Oh okay now we understand. My son is a Battalion Chief on the department where I retired from, and he's only slightly concerned about my reputation affecting his. The city has come along way with their #LGBTQ policies. My wife was/is the toughest challenge for our relationship.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe.

 

Mindy???

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Alayna,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[SaraAW]

Hi Alayna, beautiful name. I thought my family would initial reject me, they surprised the heck out of me and are fully accepting. I too have not come out at work. I work in safety & security for a private company and while I think my employer and most of my colleagues would be accepting, I worry what it could do to my ability for employment outside of my current company. I now permanently work from home, instead of our corporate offices, so it has bought me quite a bit of time before I need to come out to them. I wish you the best of luck in your journey and hope you don't have to wait too much longer.

[Susan R]

On 7/6/2020 at 10:18 AM, Alayna643 said:

I have been on hormones since Oct 15th  2019. I am 48 yrs old I have always felt that I have need to transition.

Welcome @Alayna643. It’s a pleasure to have you here with us. The need seems to always be with us even if we don’t acknowledge it. We learn techniques to help bury that need but much of the time, those efforts create other difficulties in our life. It’s good that you see the importance of addressing it. You're still relatively young so you have plenty of time to prepare yourself for a smooth transition. The security of your retirement is important and understanding your particular situation and risks are something only you can determine. Each of us has to make our own choices on timing, approach, and who to trust. I wish you the best on making these decisions but we are here to help you any way we can with information, advice, and support through friendship.  Thank you for sharing some of your story.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[KayC]

Hi Alayna!  Nice to meet you and Welcome!

You've found a great place, and I feel I have a LOT in common with your current situation and the struggles with if/when/how you can take the next steps.
I haven't started HRT yet, but when I do it may be in the same situation where HRT precedes coming out socially and at work (for me, its also a No Go at work so will have to wait for retirement).

I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.  Once again, Welcome❣️