Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Greetings


K-pop

Recommended Posts

Hey everyone,

 

I'm a 26 year old amab, currently going by Kate, but haven't completely decided on a name yet. I'm almost certain I'm trans, but I've spent so long trying to deny what I was feeling that It's still kinda tough for me to feel like what I'm feeling is valid; if that makes any sense? I've only come out to a few close friends and one family member, and have been seeing a gender therapist for a couple of months, but I'm kinda stuck on how to go forward with everything, and was hoping to get some advice from/just talk to others who are going through/have gone through the same sort of thing.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Maybe-Kate and welcome to TransPulse!

 

25 minutes ago, K-pop said:

I'm a 26 year old amab, currently going by Kate, but haven't completely decided on a name yet.

 

That's pretty common. Don't worry though, you'll find what fits best.

 

It sounds like you're off to a good start though. I guess the main question here is, "What do you WANT to do next?"

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, Kate.  Welcome!

 

WHat you say makes a whole lot of sense.  Most of us have been in similar situations.  Your therapist should be helping you to decide how to go forward.  But you will need to tell them which direction is "forward" before they can help you to go that way.  Like Jackie says, what do you want to do?

 

Regards,

Kathy

Link to comment

Hi Kate! Welcome.

 

I've reworded my response to your 'how to go forward' concern a few times, but finally figured it might be easier to just lay out what I did in the order I did it. I'm not presenting this as a set of rules or as an exhaustive list, though it covers most of the big stuff, for sure. Just thought it might be helpful to see an outline of how another person has done things.The following assumes that therapy helps you determine that you are MTF and you receive a diagnosis of Gender Dysphoria - if that is even a requirement anymore. So much has changed that I'm not sure if it is still required, or if it maybe varies by state - which brings me to my caveat:

 

I don't know what things are like these days as far as requirements for the various doctors and legal stuff you'd need to do. I believe things have eased up in many states over the years so you may not have to jump through as many hoops.

 

Here's a basic 'order' of how I handled things, though a lot of it overlapped:

  • Officially came out to everyone: friends, family, work
  • Started living 'full time' (some people do this after therapy, especially if they are feeling uncertain)
  • Started hair removal treatments
  • Saw therapist
  • Received diagnosis (back then it was called Gender Identity Disorder. It is now called Gender Dysphoria, which honestly, sounds much better)
  • Used letter from therapist to get access to HRT thru doctor
  • Filed name change paperwork with county clerk's office
  • Once my name change was approved by a judge, I took the court paperwork and a letter from therapist to DMV so that I could have my driver's license updated with my new name and have the license gender marker changed (the therapist letter was specifically for the gender marker change).
  • Started the arduous process of changing my name and stuff with various other institutions, like credit companies, banks, etc. basically any entity that has your old name. this can take a while and they may be difficult and require excess paperwork.
  • Changing birth certificates was a lot harder to do when I transitioned, so I had to wait quite a while to get mine changed, and was therefore the very last thing I took care of. However, I think, depending on your state, it's much, much easier to do now. Different states have different requirements though, so you should figure out what those are. Some states may still require you to have 'bottom' surgery (for MTFs at least). Others may be fine with any gender confirming surgery, like breast augmentation, and some states may not even require surgery.
  • Tackled surgical needs (which, btw, also requires a letter from therapist. Depending on how long it's been since you saw your therapist, the surgeon/hospital and insurance companies [if applicable], may require a more current letter).
Edited by VickySGV
Per OP request.
Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Kate,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

Welcome Kate! Lots of us have been or still are where you are at. Look around, lots of folks have shared lots of sage advice and their own experiences and if you don't find what you're looking forward, ask away. Hugs!

Link to comment

Hi Kate!  nice to meet you and Welcome!

You are already finding a great deal of support and commonality on this Forum already.  Most of us waited many, many years to come to the point where you have already arrived. 

So I am hopeful for your continued progress.  Its what we are all seeking.

 

Deep breaths ... One step at a time❣️

Link to comment

Thank you everyone for the kind welcome and support!

 

To respond to Kathy and Jackie, I guess what I want, for the moment at least, is to become more comfortable expressing myself as female and exploring my femininity. I want to be able to be open with my family about all of this, but I have so little experience with actually seeing myself as a transwoman, let alone actually presenting myself as such, that I'm afraid I'll come across as disingenuous or that I won't be able to speak with confidence to them that this is what I really want.

 

Between my currently living with my parents and brother, all of whom I haven't told about this, and the covid situation, finding opportunities to explore this side of myself has been difficult to say the least. I just don't know if I would be better off waiting until after I have more confidence in myself or if I'm overcomplicating things and should just bite the bullet and have the conversation.

 

I had recently talked this over with my counselor, and she agreed that if I was uncomfortable with the idea, I'd be better off waiting until I felt more confident; but when had talked about it, I had plans to move out and rent a place with some friends (who I have told) at the end of the summer, so I'd have some space to myself and could, at the very least, live as a woman full time at home and maybe gain the confidence I needed to be able to tell my family. Unfortunately, my friend decided to bail a few days ago, so it looks like I won't be going anywhere for a while. So I guess right now I'm feeling both physically and metaphorically stuck and I'm not really sure what my best move is...

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well that's unfortunate. You had a good plan going on there. I would be careful until you're out of the house. Depending on how your parents react, you could suddenly find yourself homeless in the middle of a global pandemic. That's not an ideal situation.

 

You should definitely have the conversation as soon as you're ready. It just gets harder with time, but you also need to be in a situation where their rejection, if it comes to that, doesn't leave you vulnerable and scrambling for a place to stay. You need to get this off your chest, but at the same time you need to keep yourself safe.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, K-pop said:

I had recently talked this over with my counselor, and she agreed that if I was uncomfortable with the idea, I'd be better off waiting until I felt more confident

Welcome @K-pop. I think your counselor is wise. Doing this while living in a restricted time under the roof and control to a limited extent of your parents would be pushing it. These are hard enough times and this may create a very difficult situation if things went sideways. At 26 y.o., you have a little time to get your house in order and do this on your own terms.

 

Glad to have you on board.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I agree with Jackie and Susan that you are not in the best situation right now, being dependent on your parents.  You might want to wait until you are more self-sufficient. 

 

When the time comes, remember that confidence comes from experience.  Waiting until you are more confident, when you have no experience, you might end up doing what I did, and not coming out until you are in your 60s.  I don't recommend that.  At some point, you will have to step a bit outside your comfort zone.  That's how we make progress.

 

But right now might not be the time to do that.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 99 Guests (See full list)

    • Pip
    • Karen Carey
    • April Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,015
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Loving this woman I am becoming.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!! I was up early again - already on my third cup of coffee having walked/fed the dog and read the local paper.   We have a birthday party for a friend to go to this afternoon but no real plans otherwise.   I hope to be able to attend tonight's TGP Zoom session. It's been weeks since I've been able to participate with the illness/loss of our dog, two horrible colds in succession and our trip to chase the solar eclipse.   Have a wonderful day and look for the goodness in it.
    • April Marie
      I think we tend to be overly critical of our looks, whether we're trying to express ourselves as masculine, feminine or anywhere along the gender spectrum. For me, I use photos as a way to track my progress, to help me find my style and look and to help me find ways to improve myself in posture, looks, make-up, style......   I didn't really think about our FB avatar being public but then realized that when people search they do see it.   Since I'm not out to anyone but my wife, therapist, priest and people here, my FB page remains "that guy." I have created a Bitmoji that is relatively androgynous moving slowly towards the feminine. Long gray hair, earrings, softer features...I'm transitioning it along with myself. :-)
    • April Marie
      I so very much enjoy your posts. This one, though, hit home with me for many reasons. I was commissioned in the Army in '77, as well. Like you, I was not overly masculine in the way that many of our contemporaries were. I (still do) cried at weddings, pictures of puppies and babies, when I talked about bring proud of what my units accomplished and was never the Type A leader. In the end, it worked for me and I had a successful career.   This is, of course, your story not mine so I won't detail my struggle. It just took me much longer to understand what the underlying cause of my feelings was and even more to admit it. To act on it.    Thank you for sharing your story, Sally.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...