Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Officially out at work


Elizabeth Star

Recommended Posts

I'm actually relieved it happened.

I work for a relatively small company 70-80 employees. I came out to a few of my co-workers at the beginning of the year and a couple more a few weeks ago. Otherwise I've been keeping my transition quiet. I'm not sure what happened differently today. I've been wearing woman's clothing almost exclusively for the last six months. I had some garbage to throw away so I headed towards the back to dispose of it on my home. As I was heading out I passed  my friend "D". She has been very supportive of me and has other friends that are transitioning. So, she gets it. Said good night to her, the owner, the new guy and headed out. About twenty minutes later D calls me in a bit of a panic. Apparently, right after I left, the owner started asking her questions about me and the changes I'm going through. A few months ago I had asked her to be honest and not lie to anyone if she was ever asked. I would have preferred if the owner had asked me directly. Oh well, it's out now. He didn't seem to have any problems with it. Rumors spread like wild fire at my job so I'm sure by the morning at least half the company will know. Tomorrow is going to be a very interesting day.

Link to comment

Good luck I hope it all goes well for you. I know how rumors can spread. 
I have had several people ask questions lately so I’m gonna have to tell them sooner than later. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well thats a relief.  By telling your friend not to lie you had to know it would get out sooner or later.  Its all water under the bridge now.  I hope you have a great day tomorrow.

 

Cheers, Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

The rumor mill may or may not start. But it is good that you are preparing for it. Since the feline is out of the burlap. You can continue to be more and more female at work. As long as you have friends everything will work out.

 

Have a great day tomorrow.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@ElizabethStar

Well, sometimes our transitions are helped along by others when we least expect. In this case, I think it’s safe to say you were likely very close to doing it yourself anyways so no real harm done.  The only difference now is the exact time and date of your coming out at work. Other than a few questions from others you’ll probably do just fine. I’d look at it as a big positive overall. Since you know tomorrow is D-day, what are you planning on wearing? Will you dress it up, down or the same? Inquiring minds want  to know...or at least I do! ?

 

Early Congrats,

Susan R?

Link to comment

@Susan R I wish I could dress up more. I just don't have that much in my closet yet. I'm thinking black flare leg jeans, black V-neck T and black block heel short boots. I have a black lace racer-back bra I've saving for a special occasion, guess this is it. I have a small obsession with black clothing.?

Link to comment

Surprisingly there was little to no talk today. I did find out the owner had asked D  the forbidden question. If I still had boy parts. Not cool, so not cool. He didn't do it to be an ass. He honestly didn't know better. Well, that prompted my friend to have a talk with someone in management, the warehouse manager.

Later in the morning I went to touch-base with that same manager to let him know that, Yes that's a horribly inappropriate question but I would let it slide this time.  His reply to me was that we need to start operating more like a business and cannot allow people ask questions like that. I asked about using my preferred name and pronouns. He said they cannot until it is changed in my employee file. So I will need to submit copies of paperwork. Maybe I need to send them a letter.

And apparently they (owner, VP, and warehouse manager) had a meeting about what they can and cannot ask me. That was the last I heard. So I suspect someone in management is doing some research this weekend on having a transgender employee.

The new guy I had mentioned earlier had already clocked me as trans. He just didn't know if I was FTM or MTF and was just using they/them pronouns until my friend D clarified it for him.

This was all before lunch.

At lunch my wife called to check in with me. The first thing she asked me was if I got fired. I replied, "Did I call you crying? Then obviously not". I swear she is just looking for anyone, anything to side with her so she can try to convince me that this path is wrong for me. It's making her angry that she can't. Everyone, including her best friend, saw this coming long ago, accepted it and still love me.

 

?~Liz~

 

 

Link to comment

So happy it went pretty well for you Liz! It’s a great sign that they were pretty quick to shutdown the inappropriate questions. Hopefully you can get your file updated very soon and that there’s not too many hoops you need to jump through to make it happen. 
 

It’s sort of funny in a sad way, but I believe my wife is looking for one of my coming outs to go horribly wrong too. So far everyone I’ve told has been super supportive and when she asks how it went and I tell her, her demeanour sours. I hope our wives finally decide to just accept that love trumps all. 
 

Hugs! 

Link to comment

Well that sounds like it went good I’m glad the management is going to correct the inappropriate talk. Hopefully you can get your employee file changed quickly. I’m sorry to hear that your wife is not supportive. I could only hope when I come out at work it goes that smooth I’m afraid not just because of the industry I’m in.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Congratulations and Best wishes @ElizabethStar for a good and safe outcome.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, ElizabethStar said:

I did find out the owner had asked D  the forbidden question. If I still had boy parts. Not cool, so not cool. He didn't do it to be an ass. He honestly didn't know better.

You can tell a person has been very shelter when the ask such tactless questions when finding out something in this regard. I recall coming out with my wife present to my Christian neighbor and spilling out my entire life story. Her first question to me was (seriously now), “So, how are you two going to do sex now?” My wife and I look at each other and changed the subject. She didn’t have any right to ask that so I didn’t give her the dignity of a response. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. One of the rare outcomes among friends that went sideways and then south. 

There are idiots everywhere in this world. Maybe in time you can show your boss you’re a person like everyone else and have the right to your own privacy.

 

Susan R?

Link to comment

Work went well today and was uneventful, surprising. The thing about where I work is the owner can't keep anything a secret and likes to gossip. Although, a few of the other girls seemed to engage with me more than usual. I did have to speak to the owner regarding a project I'll be working on later this week. He didn't really want to talk too or even look at me. I don't take it as a bad sign, I just think he doesn't know what he can and can't say or ask. It may be time to write a letter to HR to notify them and make it public to the company that I am transitioning. My "me" project for the week.

Link to comment
32 minutes ago, ElizabethStar said:

Work went well today and was uneventful, surprising. The thing about where I work is the owner can't keep anything a secret and likes to gossip. Although, a few of the other girls seemed to engage with me more than usual. I did have to speak to the owner regarding a project I'll be working on later this week. He didn't really want to talk too or even look at me. I don't take it as a bad sign, I just think he doesn't know what he can and can't say or ask. It may be time to write a letter to HR to notify them and make it public to the company that I am transitioning. My "me" project for the week.

 

All in all, sounds like things are going pretty well on the work front! That's good to hear!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
59 minutes ago, ElizabethStar said:

My "me" project for the week.

Congratulations Elizabeth on being able to be you at work.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

It may be time to write a letter to HR to notify them and make it public to the company that I am transitioning. My "me" project for the week.

 

I agree "make it official" like in writing so there is no ambiguity, and get your HR files in order, after all it's a business.

 

Congrats on coming out, way to go. Nothing feels better than working your job as your true self, no more hiding, what a relief.

 

Cyndee

Link to comment

I found one in the coning out letters section I liked. I modified but I think It will suite my needs. This is what I will  be sending to HR later this week.

 

 Hello Everyone,

    Well, the cat is out of the bag as Keith is now aware and a lot of you already know of my "issue", Gender Dysphoria / Transgender I have fought this my entire life, and over the years learned how to hide it remarkably well from everyone. I know that some of you have questions, some don't. Some of you will accept me as I am, some won't. I understand those statements on many levels having lived through them. I have seen the worst in humans and the best in humans in the last few months.

    Outside the office I live as female and because of that I have to make changes. One of those things is my name. I will be submitting paperwork with the courts once things start going back to normal from Covid and within a couple of months of that my name will legally be Elizabeth. I would appreciate it if you would try and use that name. Because the name change will be legal, everything will change to that name. Packages, mail, payroll, 401K, and professional licenses. I understand that its not easy, and that you have known me as Roman for years and I can't expect you to switch it like a light bulb, but I do ask that you try. I will also be legally changing my gender to female. I would appreciate it if you would address me with proper pronouns. She/her. Again, I understand the difficulty, but again ask you to be civil and courteous.

    Now on to the hard part. The clients. Undoubtedly you have or will be asked about me. I get "you changed" at least 10 times a day. "What's with his name", "You look different", "Is his name out of the closet?" I'm sure you have heard others and will hear others. I will leave it up to you to decide how much info you want to give them. I'm not hiding anything and if they ask, they should be told. "She's transgender." "Please ask her." "I hadn't noticed any change." are all fine answers. I am very sorry that you will get these questions, and I'm sorry if they make you feel uncomfortable. You are not obligated to give them any answers and "I don't know" is more than acceptable. Again, I'm very sorry that any of you are "caught up" in my issues.

   Wikipedia has some information on Transsexualism and Gender Dysphoria. Please look at them. I'm not asking any of you to be experts on it, I live it and still don't understand some of it. Please ask questions. Part of my ongoing therapy is to be open and honest. How can I move on if I continue to hide? I can't.

    Lastly, work and dress. I personally would like to be me. I want to stop having a double life and just live as Elizabeth, however, I understand the implications of me showing up to work "dressed as a woman" However, that is quickly becoming an issue. When and if I am able to come to work as Elizabeth, you all will be given ample time and will know when/if the change will happen.

    I would like to thank the "Girl in the know" for their support and love over the last few months. I would not have made it if it weren't for the shoulders I held onto for dear life. Thank you girls, I love you!

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@ElizabethStar I think this is a great letter. It addresses everything I think they need in a coming out letter for your work. If they have anything else to ask you...well you sort of addressed that too. I think it’ll go very well and in six months it won’t even be on their radar.

 

Good Luck,

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

The early days were hard for me.  Most folks were great but a few were a bit of a pain despite all i could do or explain.  Susan is spot on.  A bit of time was all it took and then i was just another person and no longer an oddity.  Hang in there it seems you are doing everything right!  One day you will realize its no longer an issue at all.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

Link to comment

 

I took a couple of days but I finally got a response from management. After their bi-weekly meeting. I was told that the "entire Company" is here to support me. And, I'm one of their biggest assets, they won't risk losing me. Our VP stated that if I ever need anything to call her directly. As far  as using a different name and/or pronouns they have no problem with it as long as they're legally documented. And also, "It doesn't matter what you do, just be you". And they will NOT tolerate any hate towards me.

That took such weight off my shoulders. And now I can finally be more girl at work. And sleep better at night.

 

?Liv~

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well @ElizabethStar, that went well. You can’t ask for better than that response. Oh! I guess they could have had cake but I think your going to do just fine and you certainly don’t want those extra calories anyway!

 

I’m very happy this turned out as well as I expected it would.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Wow that’s great to hear! That is great news you can be yourself at work.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Magnificent news! I'm so very happy for you!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Congratulations on coming out at work, and on the excellent response from management!  That's the way it should be.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 151 Guests (See full list)

    • violet r
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Charlize
    • Wicked juggalo
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Dillon
      Dillon
    2. Kaylee888
      Kaylee888
    3. lily100
      lily100
      (39 years old)
    4. Luce
      Luce
      (44 years old)
    5. Luke.S
      Luke.S
  • Posts

    • MaeBe
      Thank you for continuing to share your story, Sally!   Willa sounded like a grand friend, I'm sorry for your loss. :(
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Not all conservatives are for Trump.  I am far from thrilled he is running.  Just wanted to make that clear.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Anybody willing to present the case for Trump? Any conservatives out there?
    • MaeBe
      Two words(?): Project 2025   Please provide links to the "political calculus" referred to, I'd be interested to know where this is coming from. It seems odd that anyone would be advocating to vote in a President that has stated that he will try to use the federal government to go after LGBTQ+ people because voting back Biden, that is not doing that, might cause some state legislatures to put forth more discriminatory laws.   LGBTQ+ people are not safe in a MAGA future.
    • Ashley0616
      It's awesome that you have had such a great friend in your life! I could only imagine what losing felt like to you. It's neat that you worked for the airlines. Did you take advantage of the space availability fights? My dad worked for Northwest and always flew every single summer except one where we drove from north Mississippi to Phoenix, AZ. My parents agreed to never do that again lol. 
    • Ashley0616
      The trans community won't be good under Trump at all. Biden is the one who has done more for the trans community than any other presidents. Last time Trump was in office he was at an LGBTQ rally and his support went quickly away from us because the majority of the voters are anti trans. He is going to get rid of our rights and also come after the rest of LGBTQ.  I don't know where you heard we would be better under Trump.    Trump unveils sweeping attack on trans rights ahead of 2024 (axios.com)   Trump Promises to Go After Trans People if Re-Elected (vice.com)   Trump promises to ban transgender women from sports if re-elected (nbcnews.com)
    • Sally Stone
      Post 7 “The Pittsburgh Years” When I retired from the Army, we moved to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania because I had been hired by US Airways to work in their flight training department.  The transition to civilian life was a bit of an adjustment, but I never really looked back.  At the same time, I was excited at the prospect of having more Sally time. But with work and two teenage boys in the house, getting to be Sally was a challenge.    The biggest issue in this regard were my sons, as they didn’t know about my feminine side.  My wife and I discussed, in great detail, whether or not to tell them.  If they had known about Sally, it would have been much easier to actually be Sally when I wanted to.  But I still didn’t know exactly where my transgender journey was going to take me, and this uncertainty was the primary reason my wife and I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell them about Sally.  Except for the convenience it would afford me, we didn’t think it was fair to burdened them with such a sensitive family secret if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.  If at some point things changed and it looked like I might be heading towards transition, my wife and I agreed we would revisit our decision.   Despite having to tiptoe around the boys I was able, with my wife often running interference for me, to significantly increase my girl time.  The nature of my variable work schedule meant that often days off occurred during the week when the boys were in school, and on those days, I took full advantage of the time.  Additionally, I had discovered a new trans friend through a local support group, and my wife, ever and always accommodating, ensured I had time for outings with my new friend.    Willa, my new friend, quickly became my best friend, and after only a short time, she and my wife became quite close as well.  With Willa’s help, I would soon discover that Pittsburgh was a very trans friendly city.  Together, she and I made the town our own.  We attended the theater, the symphony, we went out to dinner regularly, and I think we visited every museum in the city.  With Willa’s support and friendship, I was actually becoming quite the girl about town.    Willa and I had a lot in common.  We loved to shop, we had similar feminine styles, and we had similar views and feelings about being trans.  In fact, our frequent and deep discussions about transgender issues helped me begin to understand my transgender nature.  Having Willa as a springboard for all topics transgender, was probably as effective as regularly visiting a therapist.  I would never discount anyone’s desire to seek professional help, but having an unbiased confidant, can also be an effective method for self-discovery.    Exploring the city as Sally and spending time with Willa was instrumental in helping me understand my transgender nature, and would begin shaping my transgender objective.  My feelings about the kind of girl I was and where I wanted to go began to solidify.  Being out and socializing as Sally in a big city like Pittsburgh, taught me I could express my femininity without issue.  I honestly felt confident I could live my life as a woman; however, remaining completely objective, I just couldn’t see giving up the life I’d built as a man.   At that time, I was being heavily influenced by the concept of the gender binary, which had me thinking I had to choose between being a man or being a woman.  It was Willa who reminded me there were no rules requiring gender identity to be binary.  During one of our deep discussions, she posited the idea of enjoying both genders, something she was doing, and a concept that made a lot of sense to me.  I was already living the life of a part-time woman, so I simply started paying more attention to how that was making me feel.    One characteristic that was dominating my feminine self-expression (and it continues to this day) was that when I was Sally, I was “all in.”  When I became Sally, it was such a complete transformation that I truly felt like a woman.  The feeling was powerful, and if I had to describe it another way, I’d say it was akin to an actor, so into the part, they actually become the character they are portraying.  That was me, and I discovered that this level of depth was extremely fulfilling, and that feeling tended to last long after transitioning back to my male persona.  Part-time womanhood it seemed, was actually working for me.    Eventually, a job change forced me to move away from Pittsburgh, but the enlightenment I experienced while living there has shaped the nature of my bi-gender personality to this day.  Even after leaving, Willa and I remained the best of friends.  We had many more adventures, some of which I will detail in later posts.  Sadly, Willa passed away two-years ago after contracting a prolonged illness.  Her loss was hard to take and I miss her dearly.  However, I have so many fond memories of our times together, and because her support helped shape me, she lives on in my heart.   Hugs,   Sally
    • missyjo
      thank you dear. I'm constantly working at adjusting n writing off other people's judgment or input.   thank you n good luck
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Them's fighting words, but I intend to discuss this respectfully, calmly and so forth, in accordance with the forum rules.   Considering the one issue below in isolation:   There is a political calculus that trans folk may be better off under Trump than under Biden.  The argument goes that Biden has created such a backlash by moving so far to the left that red states, in particular, are reacting with a swarm of laws that negatively impact trans folk.  Some of his actions strike many people as clumsily forcing unwanted regulation on people, and some of his appointments, such as the luggage stealing bigender individual, have not helped advance trans folk but rather the reverse.  In a second term Biden would make things worse for trans folk because of the backlash and resentment his policies would create.    Trump likely would have negative impacts to trans folk, as he did in his first term with respect to the military, so it is a set of tradeoffs as to which is worse.   Thoughts?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Can you dress androgynously? 
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
      There are trans folk who pass better than some cis people.  People usually aren't on the lookout for those who are cross dressed.  As long as there are no multiple screaming signals and you don't draw attention to yourself you can probably pass better than you think. For example, if you walk into a bank in heels, however, and you DON'T know how to walk in heels, you will attract the attention of a security guard, especially if you are acting nervous. If you wear flats and just go to the bank and do your business like anyone else, it is likely no one will notice, except that there was a customer who was taller than most women are, but then there are tall women, and tall, broad shouldered woman.  I made the mistake years ago of thinking I had outed such, and knew she was a he.  Later I learned she had five kids, and her husband was bigger than she was.  Ooops.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't know much about CNAs.  They report to an RN, right?  Can you somehow bring this up to the RN in a way that does not get your CNA mad at you? I'm not saying you should, but maybe that is a good course of action.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This is the thing.  A month ago tomorrow is when I stopped wearing m clothing.  Today I feel great.  I do not have dysphoria when I am dressed as and I move as a woman.  I was just thinking about that because I was wondering if I would or will get hit with a wave of "you don't have dysphoria so you might as well dress like a guy. Less hassle with your wife."  Not that she is aware, to my knowledge, that these androgynous clothes are women's.  No desire to "flip", no feeling of need to, just happy identifying as female.  Speaking, in my deep guy voice, with female voice patterns, doing the feminine gestures that come naturally and without exaggeration and at peace.
    • Birdie
      Yes, my brother was born lactating due to absorbing hormones from my mum.    Of course she isn't a nurse, she is a CNA. She should however still have general medical knowledge.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...