Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dysphoria VS Dysmorphia VS Depression?


IcamoutofthePANtry

Recommended Posts

Hi there!

I've been really questioning my gender for the past month and I'm kinda confused. For context, I am AFAB, I was raised Roman Catholic, I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I've had a close brush with anorexia. I have always hated my body and the way I look. I used to think it was body dysmorphia, but I don't have visual distortions. I see myself as I am and I hate it. But I also have self esteem issues and depression and anxiety, so I don't know if it's just my pile of mental issues or gender dysphoria. I've always hated being stereo typically feminine. I hate pink and dresses and doing anything with my hair aside from brushing and washing it. I hate shaving anywhere and I hate high heels. I understand that anyone can like these things, but I've always hated them. I REFUSE to wear makeup, except for plays and such. I won't even cover up acne with concealer. Again, anyone can like these things, but in my culture and mind they are feminine, therefore I avoid them.

Someone please help me T_T

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

My suggestion would be to get yourself to a gender therapist. However, you're only fourteen so that's going to take parental involvement. I don't know enough about your situation to tell if your guardian might go for that. If the world wasn't on fire right now, I'd suggest a school counselor why might at least point you in the right direction. I know that's a long shot. The counselor at my school was pretty useless, but I've been led to believe that not all of them are. ?

 

So the other issues? Those can also be a side-effect of gender dysphoria once puberty hits. You find yourself changing into something that's absolutely not right. Again though, I'm not a therapist. You need a professional who specializes in gender issues to help get you on the right track. In the meantime, we're always here when you need to vent.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I had to go to the dictionary.  Thanks, I've got a new word: Dysmorphic.  As i considered that vs. dysphoria i had to look back on my journey.  As a male i rarely thought of bodily defects other than gender as a whole.  After transition i saw various flaws.  My hands and feet were too big,  I was too hairy,  too tall and my voice was too deep.  I spoke to a dear friend.  She said there wasn't any female that hadn't felt "imperfect".  She said drop it.  I do my best to do that and 9 years later i'm better or at least comfortable with my body.  I agree with Jackie.  Speaking to a GT can help immensely.  My time posting here and reading about others helped as well.  Just knowing i wasn't alone made a huge difference.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

@Jackie C. @Charlize I came out to my parents on Thursday (oof) and I'm pretty sure they think it's a phase. But they didn't cry, I thought they would, and my mom said she would cut my hair when I mentioned it getting too long (I've had a pixie cut for over a year but it's been becoming more like a mullet over quarantine.) She did on Saturday, and I really look like a boy! *insert happy queer noises* She also said she would get me dress pants for church and stuff when I said I hated wearing dresses. But when I started talking about why I think I'm a boy, she told me that she felt all of that in her childhood. What am I supposed to say to that?

I do see a therapist, but she doesn't specialize in gender therapy (is that what it's called?) and I really don't want to ask for another therapist. My parents haven't gotten my older siblings therapists even though they've been through just as much as I have. I want my family to have enough money for everyone who needs a therapist to get a therapist.

So I don't really think that my parents would get me a GT, even if I did work up the courage to ask. I really struggle with self doubt, but at this point I switch from being quite sure I'm a boy to not knowing what my gender is (oof.)

Thanks for listening.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
10 hours ago, IcamoutofthePANtry said:

I do see a therapist, but she doesn't specialize in gender therapy (is that what it's called?) and I really don't want to ask for another therapist. My parents haven't gotten my older siblings therapists even though they've been through just as much as I have. I want my family to have enough money for everyone who needs a therapist to get a therapist.

 

While a gender therapist would be ideal, it still doesn't hurt to talk to your current therapist about your gender issues. They might have more experience than you think or they could at least be willing to learn about your issues for your sake.

 

Congratulations on having at least semi-supportive parents though! That's a big hurdle and will make things much easier going forward.

 

I think your mother is conflating, "Gosh, boys get better stuff" ... which to be fair, they do ... with honest gender issues. It's a problem that crops up more than you think and something my therapist and I have talked about more than once as we've become closer friends. She has a bunch of MtF clients and part of her job is separating the actual trans people from the girls who just don't want to be girls anymore. An unfortunate truth of anglo (and to be fair, a lot of other societies) is that being a girl sucks. So there are girls that have been serially sexually abused and other trauma cases that don't want to be a girl anymore, but without actually being trans. Something that, as a society, we really need to work on.

 

Bit of a soapbox there. So yeah, back on topic. Congratulations! Good luck with your journey! Keep us posted and we're always here if you need support.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

I'm really just trying to explore myself lol. But my mom did say something about getting a binder! I'm excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so lucky to not have to worry about being hit or kicked out or being disowned or not being loved anymore. My family may not agree with me, but I don't have to worry about losing everything I have.

High key didn't expect my mom to be onboard with getting me a binder tho

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, IcamoutofthePANtry said:

My family may not agree with me, but I don't have to worry about losing everything I have.

Yeah, don’t count them out just yet. It’s still so early in the game. They may come around in time. Once they see you've become a happier person, they may start responding in an much more accepting way.  Even minimal support of family is better than none. Congrats on taking that next step on your journey.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Hi T_T,

 

It sounds like you have valid reasons for your questioning and confusion.  I was 14 when I first had the same feelings and I also suffered depression and anxiety.  It scared me to question my very identity and although I was seeing a therapist at the time for my emotional problems, I did not bring up my gender feelings.  In the ensuing years, the gender questioning only got stronger.  It wasn't until I was near 30 when, again seeing a therapist for anxiety, I finally mentioned my gender dysphoria.  She immediately referred me to a sex/gender therapist who, with no hesitation, took me into therapy and helped me start hormones.

 

On 7/14/2020 at 6:01 PM, IcamoutofthePANtry said:

But when I started talking about why I think I'm a boy, she told me that she felt all of that in her childhood. What am I supposed to say to that?

 

What I'm about to say is not science and I've seen no medical evidence or even discussion of it, ok?!  I've had to wonder about the genetic possibilities of gender dysphoria.  In my family, I know of a great aunt who was reportedly "very tomboyish" (she was young in the 1940's), a half-brother with very noticeable feminine aspects (though he remains a guy in a life filled with anguish and drug addiction), a gay first cousin, and another AFAB first cousin who I have little doubt is trans but never came out and ID's as "closeted bi".  Depression and anxiety runs amok throughout my immediate family tree.  Just coincidence?.... hard to say.

 

It sounds like you have the tools, self-awareness, and support you need to pursue resolving your conflicts.  Expect it to take a while to sort everything out, and don't hesitate to discuss these things you've said here with your therapist.  Waiting will most likely not help.  If your therapist thinks you need a more specialized gender therapist, leave that up to your parents to work out.  You are not responsible for making decisions about your family's resources!  In the meantime, you seem comfortable (happy?) to share your thoughts and feelings with us here and that can be very helpful in sorting out and validating your feelings, so just keep on doing what you are doing.  I wish you the best!

 

Hugs,

Tori

Link to comment

I have talked to my current therapist about my feelings of dysphoria, and she has been equal parts helpful and frustrating. It's not that she's transphobic or doesn't believe me, but she asks questions that make me question myself all over again. I'm not angry with her, more just frustrated at my self doubt. She's a great match for me and I need to be asked those sorts of questions.

Also, Y'ALL. This morning, my mom told me SHE HAD BEEN THINKING ABOUT MASCULINE NAMES FOR ME. She suggested a name that I don't like, but Y'ALL.

I'm high key so excited. Maybe she thinks it's phase, maybe she doesn't. Bur she's doing what she can to make me more comfortable and that makes me SO HAPPY!

I'm blessed to have a family that respects me, even if they don't agree with me, which of course they might come around, but I'll never have to worry about losing them.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, IcamoutofthePANtry said:

Also, Y'ALL. This morning, my mom told me SHE HAD BEEN THINKING ABOUT MASCULINE NAMES FOR ME. She suggested a name that I don't like, but Y'ALL.

 

That's promising! Though she was WAY off on your name the first time around. Can she be trusted with your masculine name after that? ?

 

Maybe when she sees how much happier you are, she'll come 'round.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Hey 

SUPER CONGRATS. that like the hardest thing to do is to come out, everything else is easy  peasy. Well expect for a surgery or two. But your mom rocks. She is really try which is wonderful and  endearing . I am not going to lie.. it made me cry and smile.

 

Your in the right path, keep using those instincts, relay on yr wonderful mom. Maybe if your parents are up to it...have then come to one or two of therapist session. So happy you have support and I am amazed at your courage. Much Lv 

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, IcamoutofthePANtry said:

I have talked to my current therapist about my feelings of dysphoria, and she has been equal parts helpful and frustrating. It's not that she's transphobic or doesn't believe me, but she asks questions that make me question myself all over again. I'm not angry with her, more just frustrated at my self doubt. She's a great match for me and I need to be asked those sorts of questions.

 

Exactly.  That's what she's supposed to do.  The answers don't come easy but they will come in time.  You sound like you have a great head on your shoulders, you'll figure it out.  And your family sounds great!

Link to comment

You are all so nice! ? My therapist did talk to my mom a bit, and I would love for my parents to some of the sessions. I'm a little bit salty because when my sister heard that I came out to our parents she said, "Well THAT was a mistake."

What a beach.

I love her tho. She's just had some bad experiences, poor child. My other sister (I actually have 3 sisters and a brother) has started referring to me with only male pronouns to her friends (after asking me of course.) We love confusing people by talking about her brother, but nobody knows it's me lol. One of her friends was like "Does he have a name?"

And she said no.

Because I don't have my name picked out yet.

I love my family.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 139 Guests (See full list)

    • Karen Carey
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,015
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Loving this woman I am becoming.
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!! I was up early again - already on my third cup of coffee having walked/fed the dog and read the local paper.   We have a birthday party for a friend to go to this afternoon but no real plans otherwise.   I hope to be able to attend tonight's TGP Zoom session. It's been weeks since I've been able to participate with the illness/loss of our dog, two horrible colds in succession and our trip to chase the solar eclipse.   Have a wonderful day and look for the goodness in it.
    • April Marie
      I think we tend to be overly critical of our looks, whether we're trying to express ourselves as masculine, feminine or anywhere along the gender spectrum. For me, I use photos as a way to track my progress, to help me find my style and look and to help me find ways to improve myself in posture, looks, make-up, style......   I didn't really think about our FB avatar being public but then realized that when people search they do see it.   Since I'm not out to anyone but my wife, therapist, priest and people here, my FB page remains "that guy." I have created a Bitmoji that is relatively androgynous moving slowly towards the feminine. Long gray hair, earrings, softer features...I'm transitioning it along with myself. :-)
    • April Marie
      I so very much enjoy your posts. This one, though, hit home with me for many reasons. I was commissioned in the Army in '77, as well. Like you, I was not overly masculine in the way that many of our contemporaries were. I (still do) cried at weddings, pictures of puppies and babies, when I talked about bring proud of what my units accomplished and was never the Type A leader. In the end, it worked for me and I had a successful career.   This is, of course, your story not mine so I won't detail my struggle. It just took me much longer to understand what the underlying cause of my feelings was and even more to admit it. To act on it.    Thank you for sharing your story, Sally.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...