Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hello from a Late Starter


Robin.C

Recommended Posts

I'm not sure how to begin so I'll say hello to everyone.

The forced changes here caused by COVID made me look at myself a bit closer than I'd expected.

Having spent the last 50+ years circling the sun not understanding why I've never really fitted in anywhere I stumbled across one of Jackies (Rabbit) videos and .. (damnit I'm nearly crying, how does that happen ?, okay got it back together - is this going to happen - i kinda hope so) realized what I've been denying to myself.

Now I'm trying to learn what I need to know to become ME.

This is the first time I've said anything to anyone about how I'm feeling.

 

I should say I've been reading a lot of posts and now feel a bit less scared to post (so is this where the journey really begins, finally telling others how you feel or did it begin 40 years ago ?)

 

Robin

 

 

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Robin.  Yes, recognizing the truth of who you are and taking that first step are huge milestones, and scary ones.  We've all been there and know how you feel.  You are in a safe place, and among friends who understand.  It is a long road but one successfully traveled by many.  I started my journey at the age of 55, and 11 years later I'm doing fine and am happy.

 

No one can predict what your path will bring, least of all me.  But we can help out with answers, advice, support and resources.  Ask and ye shall receive. 

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Thank you Carolyn.

It's amazing how much emotional energy this post took. Nervousness, excitement and a bit of fear.

It is the stories like yours and others who started later and have succeeded that is helping me.

One step at a time ?

Now I just need to try and concentrate on work.

 

Robin

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Robin.C said:

The forced changes here caused by COVID made me look at myself a bit closer than I'd expected.

Welcome Robin, Many of us here have had events in our lives that suddenly cause us to look inward a little more closely than normal. When it’s is a less than gradual event and the result changes you at the core, I call it a trigger....at least that’s how I refer to it in therapy...lol But many of us here have experienced this and it is what leads us to where we are today.

My transition started with two such triggers both occurring about a 18 months apart. The last trigger finally got me to a point of needing to finally make a change toward becoming myself. I needed to do what I couldn’t do for over 50 years. It sounds like that might be where you’re at right now. This is where the rubber meets the road and you may decide to make some life changing decisions toward becoming the real you very soon. I wish you the very best on this possible upcoming journey. We are here to help and support you in this in any way we can.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Many thanks Susan.

Triggers absolutely. Some have been hidden and then suddenly pow.

To suddenly have the realization that my hair cutting and head shaving was a form of self harm.

Someone says "oh your hair is so nice and fine its lovely", and instantly my fear came out "omergerd they think I look like a girl !", can't let anyone even myself know so I cut it off and look manly ?

Not going to happen now. Growing it out properly this time and I'm ashamed to admit that vanity got a look in and I've started dyeing it to get rid of the grey and be more the colour it was when I was younger. Plus dyeing it now gives everyone a chance to get used to the colour as it grows longer ?

 

Hugs to you all

Robin

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
6 hours ago, Robin.C said:

I stumbled across one of Jackies (Rabbit) videos and .. (damnit I'm nearly crying, how does that happen ?, okay got it back together - is this going to happen - i kinda hope so) realized what I've been denying to myself.

Robin.C,

Good morning and welcome to TransPulse Forums.

Like you I'm a Jackie Rabbit video watcher. You'll find friendly caring advice here, so do your research, find a therapist, and know you're not alone.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe,

 

Mindy???

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Robin C.

Many of us are "late" starters. I was 53 when I finally deciphered the clues in my past. The denial and the whys finally made sense. The light bulb flickered on and hey dummy  news flash your a girl. Now at 55, my transition is slow because of family. But I am working towards my goal. be happy and be the woman I need to be.

 

You are among like minded friends here. 

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

Hi @Robin.C   nice to meet you and welcome!

I know exactly where you are coming from, how you feel, and the joy and relief of finding others like us on this forum.

I ignored all my warning signs from early childhood to late adulthood, and then life events that suddenly dropped it all on my head like a wrecking ball.  And what now?
I always thought my dysphoria was not looking "manly" enough (yep, facial hair can cover up a lot of that).  Then I realized it was actually I didn't look like me true self .. just been role playing as a man in modern society rather than the feminine reality that was waiting to emerge.

Take your time as you find your way around the site, and can garner wise experience from so many here (I am relatively new to all of this too).  My biggest tip was the one I received from this Forum.  Try to find and start therapy with a gender specialist if at all possible. 

All the best to you Robin and hope to hear from you again❣️


Deep breaths ... one step at a time

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Robin,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

Link to comment
  • Admin

Got my real start at 61, 11 years ago, but it was not too late at all.

Link to comment

I've found FaceApp .. hee hee. So I've updated my Avatar.

While the hair is the right colour it isn't that long yet.

To say I and surprised and delighted that with little makeup I could look okay is amazing, I guess it's normal to worry if you'll look horrible as a woman.

The odd thing was when I saw the picture I recognised her, I've never recognised him ever .. is this common ?

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to comment

Hi Robin! I’m a youngster and new to this forum too, but it’s really great to see older trans women realising their identities. It is NEVER too late to start your journey. I really hope you know you’re beautiful, and despite not knowing you i’m so proud of you. I hope your family is accepting and supportive, and that you have a great experience here. :)

Link to comment
On 7/17/2020 at 9:07 PM, Robin.C said:

I've found FaceApp .. hee hee. So I've updated my Avatar.

While the hair is the right colour it isn't that long yet.

To say I and surprised and delighted that with little makeup I could look okay is amazing, I guess it's normal to worry if you'll look horrible as a woman.

The odd thing was when I saw the picture I recognised her, I've never recognised him ever .. is this common ?

 

Hugs

Robin

Hi Robin and Welcome! I'm sorry I didn't welcome you earlier. I had that revelation in Faceap too so you're not alone. Also, just started this journey myself in my 50s so it's never too late.  And I can imagine all the emotions you went through to post here and congrats on being brave! You've got this girl. Reach out anytime if you need an ear to hear you.  Hugs.

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 134 Guests (See full list)

    • Karen Carey
    • Faye1972
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...