Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

_x.anime.x

My experience

Recommended Posts

_x.anime.x

I was in a relationship with him and it was sexual however I decided I didn't want it like that anymore so i asked him if for a while we couldn't do anything more than kissing he said that was fine but then a few days later he grabbed my ass and chest whenever he felt like through out the day though I never said anything as i was scared but then a few days later he put his hand down my shorts i slapped it and said sorry im not in the mood and he said but your wearing those shorts and laughed so i laughed and played it off as a joke it was a good few weeks but then out of nowhere he started touching me more and this time it was just a hand down my shorts I was so scared I hated every second of it but all I was thinking was you can't say no or stop what will he think what if he leaves you and you can't loose him you need him and so it carried on like this me and him were having sex and i was quietly hating it until one time I whispered no it took so much courage just to say that one no but he carried on i started crying and I just turned my head but everything else from that one day is a blur to me except this horrible feeling and now that we are over ive realised how much the things he was doing to me effected me however I still blame myself partially for never really speaking up and I was wondering whether its normal to just take it and whether this is actually sexual assult or is it just a misunderstanding 

Share this post


Link to post
_x.anime.x

it wasn't just sorry there are a few typos 

Share this post


Link to post
VickySGV

It was sexual assault, and you need to go get some counseling to help you understand what happened and how you can go forward.  You and the counselor can decide if you want to take to law enforcement, or you can go directly to your law enforcement but they will probably direct you to counseling.  Once one partner has said NO it is no longer consensual and remains that way until they respond YES, not until then.  You told him the physical relation had boundaries and he went beyond those boundaries. 

Share this post


Link to post
Lexi C

Hey X.

Yeah Vicky right, but if the cops in England any thing like the once here. They B.S you and try to make you less of a victim and more of the cause to problem. " Why did you continue in the relatioship?." Did you scream NO or did think you said no?"

It all B.S get out of there find a friend or fam and do want Vicky suggested and get some help consensual therapy and if you willing to fight a good Lawyer. Keep us post, Be strong..its NOT YOUR FAULT..you did everything right and he didn't care..Much lv

Share this post


Link to post
_x.anime.x

Thanks to you both im scared to talk up as my parents do not know about it and honestly I'd feel bad to impact his life hugely for a mistake he made a 14 i wanna get some help i just dont know where  

Share this post


Link to post
Jackie C.

That's unacceptable behavior @_x.anime.x. Vicky is absolutely right. You were assaulted by someone who should have been loving, supportive and accepting. You're better off without him.

 

Might I suggest a therapist or a sexual assault survivors support group? I'm on the wrong side of the Atlantic, so I don't really know what's available in your area. The big takeaway is that this is all on him. You were frightened and you were attacked. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the bad guy.

 

We're always here if you need to talk (in a PG-13 manner because rules).

 

Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
_x.anime.x

Thanks @Jackie C. I'm unsure on where to go I dont kniw any sexual assult support groups and honestly I feel petty talking about considering others have gone through much worse so if I went to one I'd feel as though I was mocking there experiences 

Share this post


Link to post
Jackie C.

Assault is assault. You were terrified while a man pawed at you. Group sessions aren't a competition. They're about mutual support and healing.

 

Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
VickySGV
3 hours ago, _x.anime.x said:

petty talking about considering others have gone through much worse so if I went to one I'd feel as though I was mocking there experiences 

 

Quite to the contrary, you most likely will find that your experience actually was as serious as theirs and you are not an intruder seeking low pity. There are a wide range of reasons why you may not recognize what the actions really were and how they impacted you.  You need to work on how to respect yourself and how to communicate that respect with others.  That will help build your self esteem and self love to where you can deal with this.  As Jackie C said groups are about healing, not "my dog is meaner than your dog" type of things.  I would suggest going to your school counseling service to start it.  We need to find ways for YOU to become THE BEST YOU which is a fantastic and wonderful person which you may not feel like, but it VERY TRUE.

 

I do know sadly that parents can be terrible in times like these because they feel it happened to you through their fault, and will blame you for not being in total touch with their wisdom and that it happened because you disobeyed them.  That is total hogwash (from a parent who got some counseling when it happened to their child.) and in time their view will change if they get help dealing with it, and they can fully assure you of their love for you then.  School Counselor is probably the best way to go. 

Share this post


Link to post
_x.anime.x

I will try with a school counsellor and see how it goes i want to thank you both for you support as its been rough ti even realised that it happened thank so much and im always here to talk if you guys are ever feeling down 

Share this post


Link to post
Lexi C

X your 14..Fourteen!!!!! .....that's assault. To be honest with you. It's rape. You need to report  this immediately to the police, parents anyone that will listen and help you. Your young I can see where your coming from.

X say he dose this to someone else. I know it's hard and i don't know you, But i will bet anything that you amazing inner strength. So use that amazing courage and strength and get this perp out of the human pool before he dose this to some one else. Your a beautiful human and I am very honor you have the will and courage to open up to us. Much lv i am always here if you want to em and talk. Be Safe, Be Proud and KICK ASS

Share this post


Link to post
_x.anime.x

Awww thanks so much that helps its really hard to admit it to myself let alone open up but if he did it to someone else I'd feel really guilty so I will try really really hard to open up about it so no one else goes though what I did im 15 now its been a year since it all happened 

Share this post


Link to post
Lexi C

Well I love your courage. I been there and it took a while and with some therapy to stop feeling ashamed and guilty that i didn't say anything because i know he did again and i could have stop it. However, when i finally spoke up he was arrest and now his in jail...So use the courage that raw's inside you. much lv here if u need me

Share this post


Link to post
_x.anime.x

Thanks so much and I appreciate hearing your story upur do strong to have spoken up about it and I hope you know that the only person at fault is him much lv

Share this post


Link to post
Lexi C

you too..much lv...Actually i hate that saying. How's ty for letting me be part of yrs life journey.  

Share this post


Link to post
_x.anime.x

I like the sound of that so thanks 

Share this post


Link to post
_x.anime.x

UPDATE I found the courage to start talking about it with trusted people in my life 

Share this post


Link to post
Jackie C.

Congratulations!

 

Talking to people you trust is a big step. That was very brave! I hope everything went well?

 

Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
_x.anime.x

Yep it went really well they have been super supportive and even asked about my trigger warnings for future reference 

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 69 Guests (See full list)

    • tracy_j
    • shelly_koleva83
    • ThatDarnDodo
    • KathyLauren
    • Jackie C.
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      71,706
    • Total Posts
      652,866
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,256
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Emily S
    Newest Member
    Emily S
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • Alexxiss
      There’s no requirement to disclose that you will be transitioning. It’s not your hiring manager’s business, nor the lady at the front desk, nor the owner. When you are ready to transition you may do so in states with protections for trans people. There’s a misconception that you’re doing your employer or future employer or hopeful employer wrong by “hiding” your trans status and future transition plans. It doesn’t matter legally or morally. You don’t owe any corporate or private or public institution of alerting them to your plans. Your transition is irrelevant and distracting to the point of the interview. You are consuming the company’s time during an interview. Keep the focus on your qualifications, personality and technical abilities and general competency to fill a need and turn that company a profit.
    • Alexxiss
      It depends on what you’ll present as. Since you’ll be presenting as male then there’s no need to inform them of your trans status at any point of the hiring/interview process. If you plan on transitioning in a year or six months or even 2 months then just be prepared to contact HR once you’re ready to come out to your coworkers and require people call you your chosen name. This way you can avoid unlawful discrimination pre employment as its nearly impossible to prove discrimination on the basis of anything in hiring without a consistent proven track record of certain well qualified minority applicants otherwise denied employment. Usually you can begin presenting as your gender identity without documentation. Another woman here said her job required legal paperwork for them to honor the name change at all. Most people will find their company will honor a name change in email, verbal address, and memos without documentation. Mind you alot of forum members come from all across the globe, so check your laws and company policy. 
    • Lexi C
      I had a lot of bad once, but i had one fun one I was cleaning one of long time customer house. She is a wonderful woman. I been fully out to all my clients for well over 2yrs. She was on the phone with her daughter and  the conversation want like this "Alex is here." she look over at me "I mean Lexi is here. He such a great guy."  Again she looks over at me " I mean she sucha great guy, NOT a GUY.. a Girl. He is such a great Girl." She look over at me again her face a little red " Jesus f chirst!!! SHE IS A SHE  not he, and I love how hard and special he make me feel." she look at me again her face was all red. I could not stop laughing., I yell out " Veronica just hang up the phone before we both  have a heart attack." Love that woman. and when i get  down that moment always make me laugh
    • Lexi C
      Sorry .Thanks Jackie for the info.   
    • Lexi C
      Thank you ladies...Just don't want to end Homeless again. Cause i got to tell it suck. Esp in NYC in early March until late April. Shay I will def check on the sites. But i have no problem with the coast of the surgeries , cause Medical with cover most it.  It's the coast after....The time off from my business, The coast of recovery..the little things which eventually be come one big thing. Ty again for your support. Totally cool
    • Lexi C
      Teri  Mary i agree with you both. When I every I am in a Lesbian bar or Gay Bar in noho or West Hollywood..I feel super uncomfortable. Alexxiss Dig that Quote . Cause to be honest that exactly how i feel. I trying just be a cutie version of my real gender
    • VickySGV
      The reference I found was for injectable.  
    • Alexxiss
      “I found this in the Pinned thread on the Transgender Forum, titled “Problematic Language.”   “I think one of the big issues comes from within the community itself.  "Boy mode"  "Girl mode"  "boy brain" "girl brain"  "Target Gender" "Preferred Pronouns" and so on. We are not becoming our gender.  We ARE our gender.  We're (some of us) just trying to be cuter versions of our gender “   At the end of the day it doesn’t matter how much you pass and to who. It’s about finding people who acknowledge your competency as a human being to analyze yourself and conclude your gender, even if that means you are one of the other 65.
    • RunValRun
      Thank you @Jani, after some consideration I came to the same conclusion. I have been on this journey much longer and need to remember that others are still acclimating to the “new normal” 😏
    • Chloé Rei
      Mine is injectable.  
    • KathyLauren
    • KathyLauren
      I was just about to post this when I saw that @Jani just did, but I'll say it again anyway: Call the GIC now!  The wait lists in the UK are so insane that it will be a couple of years before you get in.  If you call now, you'll have your foot in the door.  That way, if you decide that you are indeed trans, you're on your way and will have less time to wait.  If you decide in the meantime that you are not trans, you can always withdraw from the wait list.
    • Michellle
      I bumped into a coworker while opening the door for the restroom. I was going in and he was coming out. He backed up against the door and said “woh I thought you were going to grab my crotch.” I know he thinks I like guys. I was taking back by that comment. My male ego almost kicked in because I felt like telling him to F off. But I kept it cool and just laughed it off. I don’t know how much longer I can ignore his ignorant comments.   Next time I will be ready with a arsonal of comebacks. There is only so much I can take before I snap. I treat people with respect and kindnesses and expect the same in return. No one else at work has a issue with me and I am grateful. He better watch it , these hormones make me fiery...lol 
    • Jani
      What I wrote wasn't earth shattering news.  You've written a bit here and it seems obvious to me which direction you need to move.  Call you GIC, the wait list is long I've heard.  It may be a year, and you can always cancel  if things change.  In the meantime talking with others is good but be aware of those who have their own agenda.  You make all the decisions in this.  Its about you and no one else.     Jani
    • Luhleleri
      thank you so much, i really needed to hear something like that to be honest. i keep having doubts like “what if the dysphoria isn’t strong enough”, which i think is mostly due to my generations obsession with the dysphoria debate/ tumblr discourse, along with the thing where people get accused of being “trans trenders”. which makes me wonder if i’m just gnc cis and confused because my dysphoria isn’t particularly strong and it sort of disappears and reappears.   i think i’m gonna wait a little while before i take any action, since i want to be 100% sure that i’m trans and that this is the right thing for me to do before i take any lore steps. i think talking about it on forums like this is really helpful, so thank you to you all! i really needed to hear other people’s opinions on this because my brian was just in a gender tangle.   for now i’m just gonna work through my thoughts/ emotions by chatting on forums like this and talking to my bf about it. just to make sure i entirely know that that i’m trans.
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...