I just got home from SRS and the experience was amazing, I’ll do my best to share the details

[Kylie]

Thank you so much for the kind words @Shay !

[Heather Shay]

i hope you didnt think that was too morbid....my dogs are the only ones i cried for when they died.

[Kylie]

Oh I understand! I will be devastated if/when it happens to my cat! He is my child!

[Heather Shay]

sounds like he will be well taken care of and will he be excited to see mom when she gets home and mom,will have a great welcoming home from your little boy. Will that be just The Best.

Sleep tight and soon you will be a true princess.

[Andrea Jean]

On 7/20/2020 at 9:56 PM, jae bear said:

OK, this is going to take some thinking so I’m gonna go through it carefully, but I’m going to start with a preface, I don’t experience pain like most others, a motorcycle accident 17 years ago changed my neurological systems forever, and kind of helped me out since I am numb on the right side below the waist, it helped out in a way that I didn’t expect and I don’t want everyone to think that the experience I had is what everyone will have because I went through this experience with zero pain, it might happen for you but I just want you to know upfront I don’t feel pain like everybody else.

 

I went to surgery on Tuesday, feeling great, zero anxiety no worries, I got my work done ahead of time so I didn’t have any problems spending a month on my own relaxing and taking care of myself. I went through admitting and headed up to the surgery floor on the fourth floor, got all prepped for surgery, IVs and EKG wires, relaxed a little bit and went off to the surgery suite. Chitchatted with the doctors, talked a little about what the goals were, told him I wanted to use the left side of the glans just to make sure that I was fully sensate when finished. That was about all we talked about, other than the area that would be taking the graft for a full depth.
I went out in the usual way, nighty night and away I went, I woke up in a similar fashion to surgeries that I am accustomed to, I felt pretty OK, and immediately realized, I was feeling no pain at all, only some rather severe discomfort from the catheter. The discomfort faded away in a few hours,  nurses came and brought me meds here and there and I just rested, put the relaxing channel on the TV, landscapes and beaches, felt nice and I drifted into another nap. The next day was OK, I stayed in bed, they didn’t want me getting up, and that was the only irritation I felt, the discomfort from laying in bed all day and my lower back and booty really wanted to get up and do some walking, but that would be for the next day.
I was ready to get up and walk when they said I could, so they helped me get ready, put my little socks on, tied my gown around my tail, gave me a walker and out I went. We were trailing my IV pole and Foley, which was hanging on the walker, and we made several rounds and I got to look around and say hello to people, very nice experience, I enjoyed it and still noticed I wasn’t having pain. I did that a few more times that day and really enjoyed every moment. By evening I had my meal time and  I enjoyed every morsel of the food they had prepared for me, I was really excited every time someone came from the kitchen to let me order my next meal...

The next day was similar to the last but with a little more independence, and they noticed I was taking care of myself, changing the pads and the super fluffy sponges that are 4“ x 4“ on a regular basis by myself keeping myself tidy, an important task that must be done often. They told me that since I had just been disconnected from my IV pole because I wasn’t using any pain meds, and it was very independent they thought I was just fine to go out on my own whenever I pleased as long as I used the walker, and I agreed that for me it was the safest option since I have a badly damaged and mostly paralyzed right leg.

The coming day was a good one, going out walking whenever I want, talking with other patients and giving them encouragement since they looked like they were struggling, they really appreciated the fact that I told them they could really make a difference in their recovery if they just gave it what they could as often as possible, they understood I’ve been through this before and even though the medical staff told them this already,  somehow the light clicked on in their eyes and they realized this girl actually knows what she’s talking about and they would simply tell me “I’m going to keep doing this, clearly it works”. After that I noticed so many patients on the floor I thought about organizing some kind of race!
We were all cleaning the floor With our little socks that it was noticeably cleaner and the dust was down, it simply gathered on our little socks, the staff thought this was hilarious and we started becoming human roombas  wandering the halls having a good time, even though some patients were having great pain they muscled through and did what they needed to because they realized there was some kind of camaraderie in the hallways and everyone was getting better.
I moved onto day five with a similar feeling, completely independent, I didn’t want the cleaning staff to have to do very much, I still hadn’t had any pain at all and I felt quite good, aside from the Neurontin making me just a wee bit dizzy, it was totally manageable, the Walker was just a good safety blanket and I continue using it. I would often cruise past nurses at their stations noting that they all were looking at the same screen, and I would mutter, “cat videos again?”, And the laughter would rise as everyone knew I was just having fun with all of them, I’m sure I probably kept some of them from working when I chatted with them so long but they actually enjoyed it.
I made a lot of friends there, I had a really good time there, I can’t believe I didn’t have any pain, and it’s really odd that I was having trouble pinning down exactly how I was feeling about this whole experience, I had just gotten everything I’ve ever wanted, it was going incredibly well, but I didn’t really have a sense of feeling that I thought I should’ve had, I had no rising sense of joy and elation, I didn’t really have much of a feeling at all I was just sort of relieved. So on the sixth day I decided I was going to determine how I felt and I had to think about it, it became clear, in was an enormous sense of peace, a satisfaction and contentment that was palpable, everything was correct now and I felt like everything in my path was turning into gold, everything was about to go right and I could feel it, and as I have been experiencing this I can tell you things are starting to go right in my life in a way that I never thought they would. The level of positivity about my future is off the chart, I do feel very good about everything that’s going on, I’m going back to school to change my career, to work with somebody I really like, I still have the ability to pull income from my old job and do some consulting on the side, I have a really nice car that’s very dependable, I have friends in my life who are dear to me and I absolutely adore, I have mentors backing me up and reminding me of what really matters, and I still realized I’ve never had pain, this whole thing happened and it was pain-free, now I know that might not be for everybody but I’d expected some pain and all I had was a good time I enjoyed every minute of my day, I watched TV, I relaxed, I joked with the nurses and had lots of walks, I actually was going to miss this place, if I thought I could’ve hung out for a couple more days just because I could I absolutely would!
Don’t get me wrong it’s nice to be home, but those people and the things I did there were so fantastic it was one of the most pleasurable and fun things I’ve done on any vacation I can remember, including Disneyland or Disney World, I really enjoyed myself and I felt really good about everything that was happening, what I was receiving as well as my state of mind and how I felt about my future.
At the very end I met the manager of the nurses, he walked in and immediately I realized he looked like my uncle Nick, who had passed away in the early 90s, the one person in the world I actually told everything to. I immediately told him that I felt that way and he said “well don’t discount that, strange things happen all the time!” I accidentally said “thanks uncle Nick” at one point and he turned to me and said “you’re welcome Jackie“ and he walked out, I was just stunned, it’s as if my uncle knew all about me, loved me, he was essentially my father, and visited me on the last day of this journey, it was overwhelming and the       feeling      felt      good.

My dad drove me home that afternoon  and we had a great time, we joked incessantly and he’s so funny, I absolutely adore my dad and love spending time with him, it’s amazing how my life has turned into something so much better than I envisioned, ever, when I started this journey I thought I was losing everything, but I realize now I’m getting more than I ever thought I would, it’s funny how you have to be willing to accept what’s happening around you, that you can simply accept  it and say to yourself “there are positive things that will happen”, to tell yourself and believe that happiness is simply in the mind, satisfaction and contentment are simply a state of mind, I know many will argue, but this has been the truth for my life and everything is turning up in an amazing fashion of positivity. I’m so happy to be able to share this amazing experience with all of you, I simply hope your experience is as wonderful as mine, may you be pain-free and have a fantastic experience, life-changing and positive Conclusion to your journey.

hugs to all of you, every single one,

Jackie

Just wondering Jackie how long was the surgery ? 

[QuoraQ]

26 minutes ago, Andrea Jean said:

I accidentally said “thanks uncle Nick” at one point and he turned to me and said “you’re welcome Jackie“ and he walked out

I'm crying now... anybody else crying? Thats so effen beautiful!

[Kylie]

On 7/29/2020 at 8:05 PM, Shay said:

sounds like he will be well taken care of and will he be excited to see mom when she gets home and mom,will have a great welcoming home from your little boy. Will that be just The Best.

Sleep tight and soon you will be a true princess.

@Shay  Thank you! I know he is in good hands; just so used to having him as my comfort shield!

[Kylara Anne Bagwell]

Congratulations, I am so very happy for you. Thank you for giving us all hope for our future.

 

Kylara Ann

[Kylie]

@jae bear hope you’re doing well! Haven’t noticed any interaction on here or YouTube in about a week. 
 

[Kylara Anne Bagwell]

Thank you for being a light for we who get lost in the forest, a lot. I hope you are well and in good spirits. Even the people who lead need to hear a good word once in a while. Listening and helping other LGBT community members can bring your own storms and voices to the front and I am so very thankful you have such wonderful words for us to keep our spirits up and bright. Keep on keeping on and I for one will always keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Kylara Ann

[Heather Shay]

So proud of you both and can't wait to join you with the surgery to be whole.

Love you both so much....my heroines....

Heather Shay

[jae bear]

On 7/29/2020 at 7:55 AM, BrandiBri said:I decided to pursue the surgery myself just last week and your words are a true inspiration to me. I teared up just reading your description and realizing that anything is possible if we want it badly enough. 

Brandi ,

you’re absolutely right, anything is possible! Don’t be scared of anything, do what you need to for yourself and never look back! Decisions like this are very big, but the process of transition is something we do one day at a time, and going and getting your consult will be a very big day indeed!

Jackie ?