Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!



Recommended Posts


I wish I could give you the answer to stopping. I can only give you my story and testimony.

My arms are crisscrossed with scars. These were carved within a five year period. The only relief I could get from the pain and inner turmoil I had was to cause physical pain. While it did in fact give me temporary relief it never solved anything. Through this period I also attempted suicide 16 times and destroyed practically every relationship I had. I felt as if my life was over. No therapist could help me and finally I hit rock bottom. It was either live or die.  I made the decision to live and dropped all things that were part of my "identity" and just went back to the basics. I simply existed. Over time just going through the motions and accomplishing small goals I set for myself. I began to find faith. I will leave out the religious aspects. Through faith I found strength and perseverance and eventually acceptance. I would love to say that I did not cut again but that would be a lie. I had one small breakdown but I will say that I went through some emotional pain and I went to alcohol. While very inebriated I fell back on the only thing that would give me a respite. I felt ridiculous the next day as well as guilty. 


Fast forward. This was years ago and since the slip which was maybe 5 years ago and the initial fall was 12 years ago. I have not even reached for a blade. Gender wise I still have longings to be female but I am accepting of my reality. My female side will always be part of me and that is fine. Luckily I no longer feel the need to ignore the male. I hope my story maybe might give someone hope and not offend. This is the first time I have actually shared this in a public forum. If anyone would like to talk in a private way feel free to message me. 


With love, Sara

Share this post

Link to post

Thank you for sharing your Experience, Strength and Hope for members experiencing cutting cravings.  I have learned over the years that Cutting is very much like my Alcohol Addiction and another one and all respond to a certain path that does at some point require a power outside of yourself and a recognition that we are helpless without other caring people in our lives.  Day by day it goes.

Share this post

Link to post
Overalls Bear

Thanks for sharing this. I'm glad you've been able to accept your female side while no longer needing to ignore the male. That, it seems to me, is to be celebrated! I also have a self-harm story yours inspires me to tell. So perhaps I will in another thread. 🙂

Share this post

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 87 Guests (See full list)

    • ThatDarnDodo
    • MaryMary
    • Susan R
    • myt10
    • Snow Princess Sophie
    • QuestioningAmber
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Emily S
    Newest Member
    Emily S
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • RunValRun
      Over the years I had my coworkers make plenty of statements about my reactions or things I said that compared me to their wives or some other female relatives. But instead of going defensive or getting upset I would just smile and agree. They never understood my reaction and any confrontation would just dissipate. However, for me all those statements were like badges of honor even if I didn’t fully understand why 😀 
    • Leah
      Hi Kay, m'amie. Good morning and wishing you a good, safe, day.  I've been looking for the button to send you a PM, if you tell me you'd like to receive one from me. ... But I'm old and seriously maladroit with lining up all the digits involved with doing anything digital ... well, almost anything.... If you want a PM from me, know how to do it, and can tell me; and if you are interested in the slightest, I'll send you a little more info about myself and hope you send something back.  I feel like a giddy teenaged girl. Wow. Feels ... strange? ... good?  
    • Cyndee
      washing over, river above my head
    • Luhleleri
      thank you! it all makes sense when i write it down, but my brain’s in a big mess. i really should contact the GIC, i’m just finding it stressful at the moment 
    • Ms Maddie
      Hair removal was my first priority.   My plan was to complete it before starting HRT and way before surgeries.  I would have, except I went ahead and had hair follicle transplants last year....  Which I love, despite it mixed up my priorities.   I was paying $60/hour for electro which seems normal price, as long as your buying larger blocks of time.  When things stopped in March, I was around $5000 in, plus around 50 hours labor bartered to my former electrologist.  I was going once a month since 2015. Usually 2 hours.   My current hair removal plan is saving up and waiting for Precision Hair Removal in IL to open back up for full face, multi tech, all day high volume clearings.  Not $26.  The tech there is highly recommended for backing up her claims with timely results on transwomen.     If i knew for sure a good rep electro tech where I could go weekly and actually get cleared, I might consider moving there.  I've done a couple consults looking around.  But precision says they could clear me in five mega sessions every ten weeks.  I'm thinking maybe possible since I already had so much done.   One thought on home lasers/electro: I am MUCH slower working on myself than a pro.  And this is a LONG project.  
    • Shay
      waves crashing, cleansing, hopefully healing to
    • Cyndee
      shinning star, that's who you are
    • Shay
      Then you realize you are you
    • SaraAW
      I often wonder, who am I. 
    • Shay
      Thank you - tried to find out about local electrolysis and sent request - of course no response. Cleveland Clinic suggested several hair removal places so the search begins in Ernest today and I'm don't even know who Ernest is.....
    • Michellle
      That is something this guy would say to me. It’s funny this guy is a service tech also. I wonder if its the same person...lol. I love your comeback, I will use it next time.    Michelle
    • Charlize
      Elizabeth i like that response.  I've mentioned to a couple of men over the years that i am  unfortunately not at attracted to them.  That response might have worked well for Michellle as well, with the possible addition of " you are not that attractive." I think the strangest thing anyone said to me, and it was repeated throughout my life was:  " It is a phase and you will grow out of it." That's strange!  Certainly when you see me now.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Jani
      There is a reason an Electrologist goes through hundreds of hours of training.  I honestly would not use a home treatment.  The real deal is time consuming and expensive but it is safe.    
    • Shay
      Still - you sound like a nurse and that is good.   Fly high FREEBIRD....🙂
    •  Kylie
      Sometimes it is hard even as a Nurse. I really don’t know how to handle the ‘wound’ because everything I’m so used to doing for a wound, such as promoting closure is different with this! So having to relearn is difficult. Trying to keep the exterior clean and dry is a lot of work because of I don’t feel much yet so I look every hour or so and make sure it sill isnt saturated and such. Hoping the next few months can continue such as these past two weeks have, with no big issues.    I am getting excited that Tuesday is almost here, means I get to fly home!
  • Upcoming Events

  • Create New...