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Sara_Leighanne

Cutting

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Sara_Leighanne

I wish I could give you the answer to stopping. I can only give you my story and testimony.

My arms are crisscrossed with scars. These were carved within a five year period. The only relief I could get from the pain and inner turmoil I had was to cause physical pain. While it did in fact give me temporary relief it never solved anything. Through this period I also attempted suicide 16 times and destroyed practically every relationship I had. I felt as if my life was over. No therapist could help me and finally I hit rock bottom. It was either live or die.  I made the decision to live and dropped all things that were part of my "identity" and just went back to the basics. I simply existed. Over time just going through the motions and accomplishing small goals I set for myself. I began to find faith. I will leave out the religious aspects. Through faith I found strength and perseverance and eventually acceptance. I would love to say that I did not cut again but that would be a lie. I had one small breakdown but I will say that I went through some emotional pain and I went to alcohol. While very inebriated I fell back on the only thing that would give me a respite. I felt ridiculous the next day as well as guilty. 

 

Fast forward. This was years ago and since the slip which was maybe 5 years ago and the initial fall was 12 years ago. I have not even reached for a blade. Gender wise I still have longings to be female but I am accepting of my reality. My female side will always be part of me and that is fine. Luckily I no longer feel the need to ignore the male. I hope my story maybe might give someone hope and not offend. This is the first time I have actually shared this in a public forum. If anyone would like to talk in a private way feel free to message me. 

 

With love, Sara

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VickySGV

Thank you for sharing your Experience, Strength and Hope for members experiencing cutting cravings.  I have learned over the years that Cutting is very much like my Alcohol Addiction and another one and all respond to a certain path that does at some point require a power outside of yourself and a recognition that we are helpless without other caring people in our lives.  Day by day it goes.

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Overalls Bear

Thanks for sharing this. I'm glad you've been able to accept your female side while no longer needing to ignore the male. That, it seems to me, is to be celebrated! I also have a self-harm story yours inspires me to tell. So perhaps I will in another thread. 🙂

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