Is it Normal to be Worried about Therapy ?

[Robin.C]

As I sit here wondering what is going to happen this coming week.

 

Knowing that I have my first therapy session in this week. My mind is reeling, why did this have to happen to me. Why can’t I be normal. Why do I think like I do. Why have I spent my entire life not being involved always holding back. Then if I do anything it’s always got to be super involved and have to know everything and do it really really well and still be wondering if I did it well enough.

 

I feel angry and frustrated even though I had a good day today. Everything went well so why do I feel so annoyed. Did my hair, shaved and tried the home IPL, nice deodorant and lavender talc, nice panties under my clothes, even used some nice lipstick that only gives a shine no colour. After gardening I did my nails and took my time they look good all satiny. Yet I still feel crap.

 

I cant seem to talk to my family when they came around for a cuppa and I feel so irritated I can’t talk to my partner properly. I just want to be on my own without these thoughts running through my head. Why can’t I have any peace in my head.

 

I know it will pass, I know I’m just worried and anxious and it too will pass. Wednesday seems such a long way off. What will change in reality nothing much. All that will happen is I will have taken another step towards .. what .. peace, happiness, completeness ?

 

Why does it have to be so confusing and unsettled.

[Jackie C.]

Well yeah. This is a new thing you've never done before and you'll be laying it all out for a comparative stranger. Fortunately, therapists are pretty chill and good about making you feel at ease. It's scary now, but before you know it you'll be looking forward to your sessions. If nothing else, it's comforting to have someone you can talk to who won't judge you. They've seen it all. They've heard it all. You can't shock them. You can be yourself and they accept you for who you are.

 

Hugs!

[Patti Anne]

Good morning Robin. I wouldn't worry about being anxious. A good therapist has heard everything once. He/she isn't there to judge. At all. They're there to help navigate through this mess call a thought process. A few things that are important: Tell the truth. All of it. Don't avoid 'difficult topics'.  Be prepared for a lot of tears. It will probably hurt, but all that really usually means is that you're addressing the issues that you spent a lifetime ignoring.

 

I was unsure as well. But my gender therapist is absolutely awesome. Shawna (my partner) coaxed me to go. She even shared her time blocks with me, as he was booked up at the time. I can't say enough positive things about him. Anyway, don't be nervous. This is your chance to unload. 

[SaraAW]

Hi Robin, let me start by apologizing for what turned into a large reply. I didn’t get a lot of sleep and as a result, my filter appears to have broken. 

 

yes, it is very common to worry about sharing intimate thoughts with a stranger. Think of the first session as a job interview, where the therapist is applying for the job of being your therapist. Ask them questions, get to know a little about them and their approach to therapy. See if there is a connection there that you can build a relationship of trust. If they make it through your interview and you hire them, the next couple sessions are the probationary period, where you are seeing if they are a fit. Does the rapport and trust develop. Once you are comfortable, then you can really open up and deep dive into sharing. This doesn’t even have to happen over multiple sessions, if you click and you can feel that sense of trust early on, that’s awesome. 
 

I am trained in interrogation and interviewing and found that taking those skills and using the techniques above, really worked for me. Having said that, I was terrified in the beginning. As I worked on establishing, then building the rapport I become more comfortable and was able to really open up. It is also part of the training of a therapist to learn how to build rapport and establish trust, so they will be doing similar things. 
 

Also, I found the first few coming outs, were really nerve racking, with my therapist, it was no less. I also found out that almost immediately after, there is a sense of relief. With a therapist, there is a lot less on the line, as they are required to maintain confidentiality and could lose their ability to practice, should they breach.  If you have an experienced gender therapist, this will be nothing new to them, so they should not be shocked and you should be able expect an acceptance of you as yourself immediately. 
 

Second, you ask yourself why can’t you be normal. What is normal? Who is “normal”? Each and everyone of us experience the entire world differently and as result no two people’s normal are the same. Who’s normal is the right one? Why is someone else’s normal more correct than yours? Are you less than someone else, that their normal is more important than yours? Is your sense of agency less than theirs? Normal, is a fallacy. Nothing in the entire universe is normal. Some things and people have similarities, but everything and everyone has differences. How can their be a normal? Sorry to get so deep, just trying to say it’s okay to be yourself, you and your feelings are valid. 
 

You mention always wondering if you did something well enough. Many folks suffer from imposter syndrome. I know I do. Both as it pertains to my transition, but also other aspects of my life. I was never able to finish college and university, even though I tried a few times. Life and responsibilities kept getting in the way. I have very technical parts to my job that require advanced math and computer science. I do some amazingly complex  things that not many others in my organization, many who have finished advanced degrees, can do, yet I often feel the fraud. 
 

Self-care is definitely a way to help ease anxiety, and it sounds like you have done some of that. Your therapist will help you with other techniques and tools you can use to build up resilience to help you through those periods and anxiety and doubts. 

[KayC]

1 hour ago, Robin.C said:

All that will happen is I will have taken another step towards .. what .. peace, happiness, completeness ?

Hi Robin.  I think you have answered your own concerns .. Yes, this will be one step (of many) to move forward towards those goals of peace, happiness and completeness.  A very important first step... so, Congratulations on your desire and determination to start therapy!

I rarely have any concrete experience to pass along on this Forum, because like you, I am at the very beginning.  But, THIS time I do ?

 

I just had my first therapy session a couple of weeks ago.  While I did not have much trepidation about going (actually I was looking forward to starting) I did have a lot of anxiety over the first session, how would it go, would I connect with my therapist .. what would I feel comfortable talking about .. would she just ask questions? or would I be able to talk on my own?

My experience was that it was wonderful!  All the feelings and anxieties I had held on to for so many years (many just like yours) came gushing out like a faucet that had been turned on to clean out the pipes.  My therapist let me do almost all the talking the first session and it was an enormous relief that there was somebody who I could finally tell some of my suppressed feelings and experiences to. 

I know this is going to be a long road and many more session ahead to make progress, but I will forever remember my first therapy session. 

It was life changing.  My hope is your first session is also❣️

(and I hope you can share with us how it goes)

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Robin.C]

Thank you so much for the words of wisdom @Jackie C., @Patti Anne, @SaraAW, @KayC .

I was probably really tired and everything became a little overwhelming.

Now that I've had a reasonable sleep and rested on your words a little bit of excitement is there.

 

Hugs

Robin

[KayC]

2 hours ago, Robin.C said:

a little bit of excitement is there

Whoooohooooo❣️❣️❣️?

[Patti Anne]

9 hours ago, Robin.C said:

Now that I've had a reasonable sleep and rested on your words a little bit of excitement is there.

 

GM Robin. I'm betting that before long, you'll find yourself looking forward to your gender therapy sessions. I'm by no means a therapy junkie, but it's become probably the most important part of my life at this stage of my transition. Good luck!

[KymmieL]

I had been going to a therapist for quite a few years about other problems. I was scared to tell her I was transgender. So I wrote a letter. Once I gave it to her and she read it. She was so great. She skipped a meeting that was scheduled after my appointment. to discuss things. She admitted that she wasn't that familiar with trans clients. So she call another therapist with more experience. I met with her. All of my therapists have been fantastic at the VA. Helped me through a lot of problems. 

 

 

 

On 7/25/2020 at 5:30 AM, Patti Anne said:

Shawna (my partner) coaxed me to go. She even shared her time blocks with me, 

Coaxed, I thought it was a lot of arm bending and hair pulling? must have been another Patti Ann and Shawna.

JK. Love ya hon

 

Hugs,

Kymmie

[KayC]

2 hours ago, KymmieL said:

She admitted that she wasn't that familiar with trans clients. So she call another therapist with more experience.

That's a great experience to pass along to others, Kymmie❣️