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Is anyone bigender? Help?

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I've only recently realized I'm a guy and I'm suddenly not sure that's the full picture. I felt so confident about it for a few days, and now I'm having a hard time telling if I'm just having normal doubts and anxiety or maybe I'm bigender. I'm having a hard time letting go of femininity and I don't know if I'm just sort of effeminate, or not used to it yet, or what? I really don't know what the answer is and I know the only thing I can do is take my time and play with my expression to see what feels right, but if there are other people who have gone through this I'd love to know...how you knew, I guess.

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Jackie C.

This is why we have therapists. ?


While not bigender myself, I have a friend who identifies as bigender. He lives most of his life male and brings Jennifer, his alter ego, out for special occasions. Mostly parties, competitions, see and be seen sort of events. Conventions. Renfest. Etc... He's talked about transitioning after he retires, but the last time I talked to him he wasn't going to take that step until after he retired because of the damage it would likely do to his career.


So with that in mind, you need to do what makes you happy and comfortable in your own skin. You're new to this whole thing, so experiment. It's not like there's a checklist we can follow to get from point A to point B. Figure out what makes you happy, then do that. If you're still uncomfortable, try another step farther. Repeat until you're content with who you are.



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Hello @JamesM !

I feel my situation is rather similar to yours. A lot of the time I feel confident I'm male (opposite gender to what I am biologically), but other times I'm "fine" being female. I never have been a girly-girl, so to say, but only the  last few years am I confident with my body. Sort of. Most of the time.
Maybe if I was physically male and sometimes dress/look feminine/being spoken to as female, then perhaps that would be a better situation for me.
I don't know.
I haven't contemplated on being bigender, though now that you say it, maybe I am. I hope I'll be able to start therapy soon so I know what I am (physically and mentally).

I hope you can figure it out soon too.
Good luck!

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Hi @Pallas! Glad to know I'm not alone. Therapy is definitely helpful in these situations.


I felt so right being a guy, and could look back at all the times it should have been obvious, but still felt like "what if I'm wrong?" So I expressed that to my husband, and he asked, when was the last time you felt like a girl? But we were already having an emotional conversation so I couldn't think straight. And after some introspection, I do think there are times, because over the past four years of thinking I was nonbinary there were definitely "wait, am I faking this? I feel kinda like a girl? What's happening?" moments. So I guess I'm definitely genderfluid or bigender or something. But I've also spent those years not wanting to change to they/them pronouns because the idea of having to constantly defend them to people who don't get it sounds exhausting, and I at least live in an area where binary trans folx are pretty accepted. Now that I've found this masc aspect of myself, I really don't feel right going back to she/her pronouns. I wish I had a simple answer for myself.

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@JamesM one thing that keeps coming up in therapy for me is the reminder that gender identity is a spectrum, not a binary. I am AMAB, and for the past year at this point have felt mostly Trans-female. However, more recently there are doubts if I can handle going through transitioning, for a variety of reasons. I bring out Amber a lot when I am at home working (the new COVID normal), and I have gone out a couple of times to accepting events (one was a Drag/Burlesque Event, the other a "fetish" Halloween Party). There are days where I don't have that much dysphoria just wearing shorts and a t-shirt kind of thing, more gender neutral I feel. Other days, I have to go change and put on a cute top and shorts, or a dress, or you get the idea.


I am trying to work on caring less about classifications in the binary, and focus on being me.

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Just want to toss in my support and appreciation JamesM.  QuestioningAmber brings up a good point there that hit me pretty hard.  I'm still trying to figure out myself but it brings some comfort that there's a spectrum and not completely feeling like THIS or THAT all the time or completely is okay :)

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Sally Stone



I have identified as bi-gender for a long time.  Born male I enjoyed being so, but there was also a part of me that was female.  I have embraced both the male and female personas sharing my mind, and it has brought me happiness and contentment.  I have no desire to give up one gender for the other, instead, I express both.  


Thank goodness things have changed in recent years, but there used to be this unwritten rule that a person had to choose a gender identity.  That is just ludicrous.  We humans are all different and it is absolutely okay to express the gender or genders of your choice.  I say explore your gender identities and express the one or the many that make you feel happy and complete.

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