Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Is anyone bigender? Help?


Recommended Posts

I've only recently realized I'm a guy and I'm suddenly not sure that's the full picture. I felt so confident about it for a few days, and now I'm having a hard time telling if I'm just having normal doubts and anxiety or maybe I'm bigender. I'm having a hard time letting go of femininity and I don't know if I'm just sort of effeminate, or not used to it yet, or what? I really don't know what the answer is and I know the only thing I can do is take my time and play with my expression to see what feels right, but if there are other people who have gone through this I'd love to know...how you knew, I guess.

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

This is why we have therapists. ?

 

While not bigender myself, I have a friend who identifies as bigender. He lives most of his life male and brings Jennifer, his alter ego, out for special occasions. Mostly parties, competitions, see and be seen sort of events. Conventions. Renfest. Etc... He's talked about transitioning after he retires, but the last time I talked to him he wasn't going to take that step until after he retired because of the damage it would likely do to his career.

 

So with that in mind, you need to do what makes you happy and comfortable in your own skin. You're new to this whole thing, so experiment. It's not like there's a checklist we can follow to get from point A to point B. Figure out what makes you happy, then do that. If you're still uncomfortable, try another step farther. Repeat until you're content with who you are.

 

Hugs!

Link to post

Hello @JamesM !


I feel my situation is rather similar to yours. A lot of the time I feel confident I'm male (opposite gender to what I am biologically), but other times I'm "fine" being female. I never have been a girly-girl, so to say, but only the  last few years am I confident with my body. Sort of. Most of the time.
Maybe if I was physically male and sometimes dress/look feminine/being spoken to as female, then perhaps that would be a better situation for me.
I don't know.
I haven't contemplated on being bigender, though now that you say it, maybe I am. I hope I'll be able to start therapy soon so I know what I am (physically and mentally).

I hope you can figure it out soon too.
Good luck!

Link to post

Hi @Pallas! Glad to know I'm not alone. Therapy is definitely helpful in these situations.

 

I felt so right being a guy, and could look back at all the times it should have been obvious, but still felt like "what if I'm wrong?" So I expressed that to my husband, and he asked, when was the last time you felt like a girl? But we were already having an emotional conversation so I couldn't think straight. And after some introspection, I do think there are times, because over the past four years of thinking I was nonbinary there were definitely "wait, am I faking this? I feel kinda like a girl? What's happening?" moments. So I guess I'm definitely genderfluid or bigender or something. But I've also spent those years not wanting to change to they/them pronouns because the idea of having to constantly defend them to people who don't get it sounds exhausting, and I at least live in an area where binary trans folx are pretty accepted. Now that I've found this masc aspect of myself, I really don't feel right going back to she/her pronouns. I wish I had a simple answer for myself.

Link to post
QuestioningAmber

@JamesM one thing that keeps coming up in therapy for me is the reminder that gender identity is a spectrum, not a binary. I am AMAB, and for the past year at this point have felt mostly Trans-female. However, more recently there are doubts if I can handle going through transitioning, for a variety of reasons. I bring out Amber a lot when I am at home working (the new COVID normal), and I have gone out a couple of times to accepting events (one was a Drag/Burlesque Event, the other a "fetish" Halloween Party). There are days where I don't have that much dysphoria just wearing shorts and a t-shirt kind of thing, more gender neutral I feel. Other days, I have to go change and put on a cute top and shorts, or a dress, or you get the idea.

 

I am trying to work on caring less about classifications in the binary, and focus on being me.

Link to post

Just want to toss in my support and appreciation JamesM.  QuestioningAmber brings up a good point there that hit me pretty hard.  I'm still trying to figure out myself but it brings some comfort that there's a spectrum and not completely feeling like THIS or THAT all the time or completely is okay :)

Link to post
Sally Stone

James,

 

I have identified as bi-gender for a long time.  Born male I enjoyed being so, but there was also a part of me that was female.  I have embraced both the male and female personas sharing my mind, and it has brought me happiness and contentment.  I have no desire to give up one gender for the other, instead, I express both.  

 

Thank goodness things have changed in recent years, but there used to be this unwritten rule that a person had to choose a gender identity.  That is just ludicrous.  We humans are all different and it is absolutely okay to express the gender or genders of your choice.  I say explore your gender identities and express the one or the many that make you feel happy and complete.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 60 Guests (See full list)

    • CreepyConfusedKid
    • Heathick
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,054
    • Total Posts
      657,663
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,442
    • Most Online
      8,356

    invision
    Newest Member
    invision
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. David.S.C
      David.S.C
    2. Natasa
      Natasa
    3. RosieKohn
      RosieKohn
      (58 years old)
  • Posts

    • Sally Stone
      There’s no denying I have always been attracted physically to women, but whenever I would look upon a woman, much of what I felt was envy more than desire.  It’s been this way for as long as I can remember, so, I always find myself wondering how much different my thoughts are from men that are not trans.    I can’t imagine them wondering how they’d look in that dress, or how wonderful it would be to have those shoes.  Surely, they don’t find themselves envious of that hourglass figure, or those beautiful legs.  Do they acknowledge how expertly that woman’s makeup is applied; do they recognize how flattering the shade of lipstick she’s chosen is?  I wonder, because those are typical of my thoughts when I see a woman.  Simply stated, I don’t want her so much as I want to be her.   So, when a woman catches me staring, she probably thinks of me the way she thinks of all men who stare at women.  I just wish she’d know that my stares weren’t born of lust.  If only she could know that the reason I stare is because of a collection of thoughts and feelings way more complicated.   It’s possible there is still some desire, but it is, and always has been, all about the envy.        
    • Abi
      Hi Kestrel,     Your presence could equally be critical at some point when someone sees your perspective and finds comfort in that thought. No one wants to say the wrong thing but, if we all hold back because of that possibility then the community is lost. All any of us can do is try our best to add where we can and appreciate what has been offered. 
    • Abi
      Ok so I am a FaceApp addict but, I wasn't sure how everyone looked at this kind of thing. I would say out of hundreds of them I have only really loved a couple. There is absolutely no chance I could ever look as good as this app makes me look. One thing I have found to be amusing as well is the fact that once in a while it will say I am female and offer to switch me to male. UH NO.... I am on the fence about sharing so please forgive me. I would love to share but, I have a feeling some people are bothered by this. I would love to hear opinions.    
    • Heathick
      My doc is FaceApp's gender filter I wish I really looked like that!  
    • HollyNoel
      @Heathick To be fair I had a high estrogen level before I started HRT. So I was almost in tears already, the HRT kinda pushed me over the edge.   I was watching the movie Paper Man, had Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Daniels, and Emma Stone in it, and I got to this one part which wasn't really sad, but I cried my eyes out. It's like, OMG Will You Just STOP It!!!  lol. I have depression already, so I cry anyway, but come on. Can't I just watch TV without having a box of tissues sitting within reach. lol
    • Abi
      There is nothing like a great set of brushes and they are often very inexpensive. I always clean them with an antibacterial soap of some sort. I would never use my personal brushes on someone else. I would like the idea of like a ladies night doing makeup and trading secrets but, I would make sure everybody has a healthy supply of options. The first thing I do when I'm going to do my makeup is try to have a general look in mind. Youtube has so many great artists that share their technique. 
    • Lee H
      Wow, Heathick, who's your doc? She has the magic touch.... ~~Lee~~
    • Shay
      @QuestioningAmber wonder in regard to your mom... Great you asked them to read about it.... Super you are spending the day doing something fun 
    • Victoria94
      I did let my hair grow out, but suddenly when my mother made a comment about my hair length I instantly panicked and went and cut of my hair al the way down until there was nothing left. I did this regulary before in the belief that if I looked more like what I was supposed to look like that I could eventually forget my feelings inside. Im not saying all men are bald and have big beards.😅 But that was the look I went for to try and forget. Now my hair is starting to grow ut again and I'm disguising it by letting the beard grow as well for the time being. A have always been thinking of going out of town or out of country for that sake to have a little freedom. Sorry to say that I haven't had the oppertunity for that because of money and work. Last time I was away from my homeplace for something other than buisness was about when I was 15 years old.   When it comes to lying and hurting others. Thats where I am today. I always put others before myself. I keep thinking of my friends and coworkers who are dependant on the me they know. Even my younger sister drop into my head. She is saying how she look up to her brother who always been there. If it was a bad break up or a flat tire. I keep getting back to that if I do this to feel better for myself, it's not just my life changing. Everyone I know gets their world turned around a little.       So as of now I have just begun letting the hair grow back. It's taking some time considering I shaved everything of the last time. Just wished it would go a little quicker.😥
    • Heathick
      Hi, Kestrel!   I love your name and outfit!
    • Heathick
      I haven't seen the Hanna series, but I loved the earlier movie of it.   Lately I've been hooked on Get Organized With The Home Edit (Sumner is so awesome and pretty!), Queer Eye, especially the episodes in Japan, and The Orville (not sure if that one's on streaming). Been wanting to see Picard.
    • Willow
      Thanks for all your kind thoughts.  Glad to know I was missed.  Just goes to show what good friends most of us are to each other.   Since October 11th is coming out day, I am strongly leaning towards doing that.  Since it’s a Sunday my thought was To go to church .  Any thoughts or suggestions?   Willow
    • Jackie C.
      That's funny. It's exactly how I described my bottom surgery. "Yeah, I had a couple of unfortunate growths removed from my undercarriage."   Hugs!
    • Jani
      My throat was sore for a day or so since my doctor used a scope to help determine how much he could shave off without affecting the vocal chords.  You could just tell anyone who asks that you had a small growth removed, and leave it at that.  They can figure it out themselves.  Our health history is really no ones business.  Yes there may be questions, but probably more about your looks.  You're looking good! 
    • Jani
      Great news!  Travel safely.  It may be scary at first but it will be all you hoped for.     Hugs  Jani
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...