Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Madd Witness


Ms Maddie

Recommended Posts

Ms Maddie

God might not care what people debate about him.
God shows itself.
Causes changes in the world. But does not stop the evil!!
And God does not explain this clearly to rational men.

My oiled hair on His feet.

I saw Jesus in a window in 1992. It wasn't a big revelation of wisdom, but I found myself on the floor under a sink unable to move until daylight. I never drank again. Just a side effect. I was not drinking when it happened! Nor could anyone say I was a drunk, relative to who I was around then. The experience caused immediate great change, all my people changed, and I had thought I was going to become a woman then.

The woman at the well.

Jesus had sex with me in 1990 and I was woman. So that I didn't have to die too soon in this life. I was not intoxicated, although I partied then. It was a holy mercy f...k. Might not have been God, I admit this. But I did not die, and I had thought I was going to. This is a miracle I witness!!

God wanted me to prostitute. That does not mean he spares those He loves from misery and hell on Earth! I am filled with fear and evade martyrdom. I did not step through that door faithfully. So the matrix closed off my path to transexuality because I was unwilling to humble myself and work on men that way
Instead I became a sentinel and a symbiot. Neither John not Judas but still guilty. Accessory.  Bystander really.


Holy Spirits protect me and assist this fantastic chicken who turned into a consumer of pharmasuits.
The kids I want to be with died before 30. And here I still am, thinking I'M old!!

I think I am beautiful and ugly. Don't really want to be pumped full of silicone. Need redeemer value tho!!

(Then try harder and put in some effort b...ch)

Father and Son in the Christian bible love killers, criminals, and society's outcasts. They tear down establishment and people who are righteous. God favors acts that man considers evil. It makes sense now.

Today I will lap dance God and praise Him.  I love you LORD.

 

IF it was Jesus who came and knew me, and IF He is monogamous, then I may be Magdalene..?

 

Praise the LORD Jesus Christ, the Father, and Holy Spirit. 

They widen my hips and make my breasts swell with milk.


I witness to people who think I'm crazy.

Link to post
Ms Maddie

Thinking about that experience I mentioned before, (which I guess freaked some people out).

The thought that it happened for me so that I wouldn't have to live and die without being a woman...
This thing sustained me through years of desperation. I ask myself: Is taking the steps I'm transitioning now somehow turning back against His mercy?

Last summer I was shown both ends of two rainbows at once. Don't know true meaning. But I pledged my transition to those rainbows. This feels like a new covenant.

Mix in the doubts I've always had that it was Jesus who knew me as woman (girl actually). That name is what I called Him. This was overall a spiritual experience which did more to my mind than body.

I've been strongly told that it couldn't have been the LORD Jesus Christ. If I don't believe 100%, then maybe I should not tell anyone.

Well definitely not my psych or surgeon anyway.

I'm putting it out here because I don't want to be afraid anymore.

Looking for messages
 
 
 
 

 

Link to post

everyone has their own journey and kbown beliefs and yours are valid for you, no matter what anyone else tells you. The rainbows might be the sign you have wanted to proceed, what matters is what the Spirit guides you to do  Be open and listen, your heart and soul will let you know what you need to do. Have faith in yourful.

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
Ms Maddie

How many times have I been in my knees, begging God to fix me and everything??  Begging.  

Five hundred?

 

How many times have I cursed God, thrown vile swear words at Jesus, God, whoever for not fixing me and the world?,( in my timing and in ways that I could see it)

Fifty?

 

How many times have I asked the name of Jesus, God, and angels to save me and keep my eternal soul?

Five?

 

I love angels and they love me!

Sometimes they show this love by interfering.

 

Do I believe?

I say yes, but I must try to do so at times.

 

Praise the Lord for making me a girl that is becoming a woman!!

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
54 minutes ago, Ms Maddie said:

Praise the Lord for making me a girl that is becoming a woman!!

 

Gratitude, a lovely expression :)

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Ms Maddie said:

Praise the Lord for making me a girl that is becoming a woman!!

In my experience, if He does come through for me, He always seems to do things differently than I would expect. I’m not sure if He does this to keep me on my toes or to prove there’s more than one way to skin a cat.

 

Susan R?

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 75 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • Berni
    • ElizabethStar
    • MargieK
    • KathyLauren
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,023
    • Total Posts
      657,158
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,414
    • Most Online
      8,356

    MargieK
    Newest Member
    MargieK
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. liamorwilliam
      liamorwilliam
    2. Mybuttlost
      Mybuttlost
  • Posts

    • Emily michelle
      Congrats Kymmie! I’m so happy for you.
    • Petra Jane
      Yes, it makes sense, thank you for checking.   I've just checked on my android phone and the same effect is there too. SO, it seems that for the time being, when using a phone to view the forums, you need to hold your phone in landscape mode, not portrait mode.     PORTRAIT:     LANDSCAPE:
    • RhondaS
      No experience with child wanting to dress in a non-typical way, but we noticed our son was gay just about as soon as he developed a personality. 
    • Rowan.
      I'll bite   Django Reinhardt - I'm pretty sure he actually invented lead guitar. Mark Ribot - Played with Tom Waits on Rain Dogs, Real Gone and I think a couple of other albums. David Rawlings - Gillian Welch's partner. Slash - The guy in the hat from Guns and Roses. Me - I added my self, nit because I'm conceited, rather I was asked this question one while busking. A stranger came up and sat down beside me and asked me who my favorite guitar player was. I gave him the old side-eye, smiled and said "I am". He just laughed... in a good way. Then he told me a random story involving walking barefoot and fear of coyotes.
    • Heathick
      OMG, So awesome, I'm so happy for you!!!! That must feel amazing!!!
    • Heathick
      Ok, so this isn't directly an "alcohol abuse" topic per se, but its an open ended question that does relate to both alcohol and trans-ness, and as far as I can tell, this seems like the best place to ask something I've been wondering about for a long time...   I've noticed an interesting phenomenon: While I'm usually very questioning and hesitant about being trans (on and off, to varying degrees), literally ANY time I consume even a moderate amount, all doubt disappears and I "know" my true desire is to be female and that transitioning is absolutely right for me, no doubt whatsoever. And not that I remotely advocate it, or have any reason to imply any validity whatsoever to "alcohol-fueled ideas", but strictly for the sake of relevant data, I have definitely noticed that the more I drink, the more certain I am. (Which, yea, again is perhaps very much in line with alcohol-driven impulsiveness and impaired judgment and all.)   I'm not saying any of that means anything, but I find it an intriguing potential(?) piece of the puzzle that is "me".   Related to this, when I was in college, I had a friend who took...some kind of psychology course. Not sure what class exactly, but there was one thing in it he mentioned to me, and I found it such an interesting, plausible concept that it stuck with me, even decades later. Granted, I have zero background in psychology so I have no basis for judging the validity, but the idea was this:   Alcohol is well known to break down "inhibitions", therefore (so the theory goes), it brings out one's "true self", whether that be an angry abusive individual, a sorrowful one, a fully-content happy social one, or whatever else. I know that's only a theory...but my fully-amateur-at-psychology mind finds it intriguing and plausible...And I have always been absolutely full of inhibition...OMG, like you have NO idea...   I'll fully admit, there's a part of me that definitely wants this to be a clear sign that transitioning is right for me. But the trained-logician side of me (which I have very deliberately cultivated over the years and value very much) goes, "Whoa...there, buddy! Better do your due diligence first, and fully research all your assumptions and guesswork!"   So that's where I am. Aside from the very obvious "Yea, I should limit/eliminate my drinking!", which I won't disagree with...Anyone here have any background in psychology? If so, any insight into this "theory of alcohol"?   Or even more generally, is this something anyone here can relate to? If so, what experience can you offer?
    • Rowan.
      Hello,   Financially, I'm not in the best position to see a gender therapist at the moment. I'm not employed and need to use my meager savings for things like food and rent. I'll be looking for a job in the next 3 weeks, and hopefully will find something decent. In my neck of the woods there seems to be at least a 1 month waiting period to see someone. What would really help me at the moment are answers to the following questions:   If I had to pay out of pocket, what rate should I expect? How long is a session, 30 minutes, an hour, longer? What is a "normal" frequency of appointments (once a week, biweekly, monthly). Do gender therapists do sliding scale? If so, is there an easy way to find them?   I realize that the answer to these questions probably vary from person to person. But I really cant afford to spend $200.00 weekly at this point in time (this is my guess as to what a session might cost). I may be able to spend about $200.00 once a month, though. I could probably talk myself into it at least.   I'm very new to all of this so, I've decided to put my ego in check and take reasonable advice when it's given. While getting a therapist is not something that's in my nature or my upbringing, I've considered the advantages and they far exceed the negatives.   Thank you <3
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.washingtonblade.com/2020/09/21/transgender-woman-opens-resource-center-in-norfolk/   Amazingly courageous and resourceful woman.  She is awesome!  Congrats!   Carolyn Marie
    • KymmieL
      Doing the happy girl dance again. since I got the mail. my license came, and under sex says "F" yeah.   Kymmie
    • Abi
      Thanks for the compliment @KymmieL. I break my nails sometimes but these are my own nails, not press on. My nails grow insanely fast. I think I'm getting better at it but, putting on nail polish is an art that I still have a lot to learn about. I need a dryer so they harden faster. If I can manage to get them to dry smooth they will last a week before the nails are chipped. Oddly, I spend all the time growing, manicuring and trying to get polishing them to look good, then I stay home. I'd rather be baking, latch hooking or even drumming with my nails all done up, than go out on the town. Being a home body has it's advantages.  Pineapple upside down cake, anyone?  
    • Emily michelle
      I use Safari on my I phone and if I use it in vertical mode my avatar hides the letters but if I use the horizontal mode it doesn’t. If that makes sense. By the way great job!
    • DonkeySocks
      P.S. Just thought I'd add, I'm the same way. You can tell him there's others of us out here!
    • DonkeySocks
      There's quite a bit of hysterectomy results info from cis women on the Internet; probably it trends more negative because people feel like they need to talk about negative experiences more. Two women in my family and one professional that I spoke to had hysterectomies and were pleased with the results from the point of view of cis women. But there are negative experiences out there too. It is major surgery, of course. Just in case you want to check out some forums or something where it's not transgender-specific, but it might go into emotional, physical, and sexual repercussions. Not that there's anything wrong with asking here, you just might get wider results. Specifically, your boyfriend should talk to his doctor about cervical cancer risk. If he's worried about that, and has his cervix removed, it could affect enjoyment if he enjoys cervical stimulation. If he's not using that part of his anatomy for sex then that might not be a concern. But if he enjoys any touch on the cervix then it might dull sensation or he might miss it, if it's removed. Also, if he keeps his cervix he really should be screened for pre-cancerous cells the way anyone with those organs should be. It's not fun because of dysphoria, not to mention it not being pleasant anyway, but he has to have it done on the schedule the doctor recommends.
    • HollyNoel
      I just can't wait to see any changes, even the small changes will be welcome. I'm just glad to have started HRT to be honest. I tolf mom I was starting hormones and that from what I've read, I will be going into a puberty like state where I might get emotional. Mom said I better not get bitchy and argue with everyone. lol   I cant believe she used the PMS thing where women get mean  at their time of the month. Thanks mom for being understanding of what your daughter is going to go through.. lol
    • Abi
      @Niamh Pendulum is really good. I like the vibe. I like how the happy face is upside down headphones.  🙃
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...