Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Recommended Posts

Overalls Bear

I wanted to ask if anyone else had this type of experience growing up because it's always been a puzzle to me.  I was an only child born AMAB. And, as I look back it seems I led a fairly typical boy's life (except that I was bullied ferociously throughout high school.) There wasn't much of an alternative way back when I was young.)And as I became a teen and went through puberty I became interested in girls in a romantic / sexual context (and have remained so throughout my adult life just as an aside.)

 

So outwardly it seems I was a more-or-less typical boy growing up. But at the same time, there was this other part of me that, whenever I was alone (even if my parents were home), wore and used anything female-related I could get my hands on. (At one point I even made my own do-it-yourself breasts.) I hid everything I had in my desk file drawer behind some file folders. So, looking back, it seems as though, at an early age, I developed something of a split personality... one male... one female. And to a large extent that split personality has stuck with me throughout my life. On the one hand I lead as typical a male life as I can. But then there's this other part of me that would have given anything to be female. (There's an additional piece to this story I'll tell in another post later on.) Thanks for reading my post! 🙃

Share this post


Link to post
Sara_Leighanne

I can relate. For myself, I don't think of it as a split personality. I have the male and the female but they are one and the same but the male is public. The female side is largely private. I am totally okay with it but it took a long time to be that way. I joined this site just so she can be out. 

Share this post


Link to post
Willow

Overalls Bear

 

i think you will find you story is far from unique.  Many if not all of us here had our own version of your life.  Wanting all things feminine but following the expected male life.  Doing things pretending to be a girl or woman then feeling guilt and pushing it aside, only to do it again.

 

Willow

Share this post


Link to post
Overalls Bear

The thing is I don't recall, as a child, ever feeling uncomfortable in my "boy role". (That came later.) I also don't ever recall feeling much of any guilt or shame related to what I did when I was in "girl mode". It was simply something I knew I felt compelled to do / wanted to do & had always done as far back as I could recall. In sense it was just another game I played by myself when I was alone which was most of the time since I was an only child & at around age 12 we moved out into a rural area. So there were seldom other kids to play with. 

 

I was caught by my parents on a couple of occasions. And I had to do some fast talkin' to get myself out of those situations . However since being trans wasn't even "a thing" way back then my parents wouldn't have ever jumped to the conclusion maybe I was trans or even gay. (Perhaps I'll post about those two incidents at some point.) They just thought I was being weird in one case & probably evasive in the other. Looking back it was all very strange. 

Share this post


Link to post
Sara_Leighanne

Now that is where we differ. I had issues as early as 8. All my interests were boy stuff ie hot wheels, sports etc. (I know that does not mean anything) Emotionally though I was very feminine. I would cry and get made fun of (even into my 20s). There were instances of crossdressing that were happenstance I suppose. For Halloween Mom dressed me as a girl once. I would stay with my Aunt during the summer and my underwear got ruined once and my cousins let me wear their panties, I would conveniently "forget" them often after that. I had moments where I knew my plumbing was wrong and wanted it gone. Fortunately I grew out of it until later into adulthood. 

Share this post


Link to post
Lexi C

Hey B and Sara

Yeah i want down that rode as well. Remember those incidents like they were yesterday. Funny thing i always blame myself. But to tell the truth if I would going some support Things might being different. I might trans earlier in live and not sabotages my life like i did. But I am learning to look forward. 

Sara not sure if that's your real you in that pic, but wow you look amazing 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Sara_Leighanne

It IS me, but there was an app involved. Sorry not sorry:)

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Overalls Bear
24 minutes ago, Sara_Leighanne said:

It IS me, but there was an app involved. Sorry not sorry:)

 

 

Beautiful.... 💖

Share this post


Link to post
Sara_Leighanne

Thank you very much.

 

It is bittersweet though, knowing what I would have looked like. C'est la vie

Share this post


Link to post
Lexi C

well the app def capture your innner beauty..Regardless your amazing just being you.

Share this post


Link to post
Sara_Leighanne

Yo are sweet, Thank you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Overalls Bear

Modesty aside, I guess I was a pretty good looking fella when I was young (a teenager.) I recall my mother once telling me she got a kick out of watching the girls check me out as my mother & I walked down the street together in town. Of course now I'm just a wrinkled-up old man. But I sometimes wonder what I might have looked like as a girl. I don't have any pictures of myself either as a young person or even as an older one. I destroyed every picture I had of both myself & my family years ago. If there's a picture of me out there anywhere I don't know of it. Realistically it doesn't matter anymore anyway... 

Share this post


Link to post
Sara_Leighanne

You don't have a smart phone?

 

Share this post


Link to post
Overalls Bear
On 7/29/2020 at 7:18 PM, Sara_Leighanne said:

You don't have a smart phone?

 

Ha...ha...ha... no, no smart phone. Just the phone in our home. There's typically no one who would call me anyway. And I rarely answer the phone. Anytime the phone does ring it's either for my wife or it's a robo-call. 😁

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   12 Members, 0 Anonymous, 90 Guests (See full list)

    • Kelsey Brooke
    • QuestioningAmber
    • Lexa83
    • Tori M
    • Leah
    • RunValRun
    • Cris31
    • TransMex
    • VickySGV
    • Shay
    • Alexxiss
    • Astrid
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      71,681
    • Total Posts
      652,398
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,245
    • Most Online
      8,356

    thetundrawolf
    Newest Member
    thetundrawolf
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Leo S.
      Leo S.
      (24 years old)
    2. Madi
      Madi
      (31 years old)
    3. Matty
      Matty
      (30 years old)
    4. MelisssTN
      MelisssTN
    5. ToniTone
      ToniTone
      (34 years old)
  • Posts

    • Shay
      @Jandi writing is a creative art that is generally done alone. May I suggest warming up with music you love or look up websites that publish Good news stories and turn off the world outside and enjoy your inside. Not every song I write is good but just the practice is enjoyable. Remember all great writers will say...if you want to be a writer then you have to write...that is how you get better. Perhaps check in on Coursera it is free and wonderful courses to help more knowledge to your ideas. My favorite is Pat Pattison at Berklee he as a great course on poetry and lyric?writing. Although I have written for over 45 years he gave me some concepts I had not heard before and I have added them to my writing tool kit.
    • Shay
      Modesty... Seems to be a common trait here and I love all of you for it.
    • Dana Michelle
      My parents think I've been brainwashed into thinking I'm transgender and they think Asperger's caused me to be brainwashed. I haven't said anything to them about how it's more common for people on the autistic spectrum to be transgender because they'll probably interpret that as evidence that those on the autistic spectrum are easily brainwashed. Also, I've noticed a lot of LGB (in addition to trans) people on autism related forums, especially a lot of lesbians.  
    • Jandi
      I like to write.  Sometimes stories, sometimes poems. Lately being stuck at home by myself I've been kinda depressed, and it's surprisingly hard to get motivated.  That seems weird considering I have lots of time on my hands.  But I've been trying to do better with mixed results.
    • Jandi
      I have also heard that Transfolks have a higher percentage of being dyslexic.   Dyslexia is more than simply mixing up "b" & "d".   (which I only found out lately, and explains a lot about myself).  It can also involve remembering numbers, (like phone numbers - I've had to write mine down at times so I wouldn't forget it) or spelling can be a big problem - just to name a couple.   Just thought I'd mention it.
    • Bri2020
      Scuba and specifically underwater photography.  If I could live underwater I would. My long term plan is to get to the point where I can spend 6 months a year in Bonaire do it.  
    • MaryMary
      oh and I can even talk nonsense about video games thus combining the two together.
    • MaryMary
      Hi, I'm an expert at both talking nonsense and video games. I can do both of these for an infinite amount of time so my guess is that you are at the right place. Welcome, it's a pleasure meeting you virutally
    • ThatDarnDodo
      Productivity? Never heard of her. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      Welcome to Trans Pulse, Sasha.  I won't be much fun to talk video games with, but I can manage some General Nonsense.  😆  Please look around and post where you like, and if you have questions, we're good for that, too.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      Thank you, Shay.  We have a wonderful team here, and actually, I feel it's more akin to a family.  But its all the members, past and present, who make this place truly special.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Jani
      @Robin  You've mentioned that previously.  Thanks for the photo, so cool.  I understand Geddy Lee is a big collector of Negro League Baseball memorabilia.  Neil Young is into train sets. I remember when he joined a group to buy Lionel when they were in trouble years ago.  
    • Bri2020
      WHat an awesome day! Congratulations.  
    • ThatDarnDodo
      Thanks for the welcome, Jackie. This seems like a pretty great community so far. 
    • Jackie C.
      Dangit, I think you just killed my chances of doing anything productive this week.   Hugs!
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...