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JamesM

Is coming out just constant and forever?

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JamesM

Hey there friends, I'm having some anxiety about coming out as genderfluid. I feel like it's something that once I do, I'm going to have to keep doing for the rest of my life. For the years I've considered myself a female-aligned enby, I never gave serious consideration to coming out to the general world, as I was stil comfy with she/her pronouns and my birth name...but now that I've found I'm apparently often a guy, I'm much less comfortable with that. But the idea of having to explain and possibly defend myself to every new person I meet, or pick and choose whom to tell...it sounds exhausting. I have social anxiety so even saying "hey they/them pronouns please!" sounds really stressful. Honestly, thinking I was a binary trans guy for a bit felt like such a relief, both because people around me are generally accepting of the existence of binary trans people and because with medical transition I'd eventually be read as a guy and not need to come out anymore. 

 

How do you do it? Does it get easier?

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Jackie C.

I have my pronouns on a tank top. I don't look especially girly at the gym.

 

Honestly, only tell the people who are close to you. Everybody else can deal. Bonus points if you make sure to let people know that, "This isn't a secret, tell whoever you like," so it naturally propagates through your social ecosystem. For people you meet out and about? They don't need to know, no matter how you're presenting. Correct them if you like, but all I do when someone misgenders me is raise an eyebrow and give them my, "Really?" look. I'm open and honest if people ask, but otherwise it's not really anyone's business but my own. Your friends will figure out what to call you based on how you're presenting day to day. Everybody else can just deal with it.

 

Seriously, if someone has a problem, it's their problem. Let them deal with it.

 

Hugs!

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Carolyn Marie

James, I could not agree with @Jackie C. more.  She said everything I would have, except better.  Explain to who you want to explain to, let the rest figure it out, and that's it.  I came out to a LOT of people at the beginning, either in person or via e-mail.  I only come out to people occasionally nowadays, and only when it's necessary.  So relax and be yourself.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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