Transition/detransition

[Cheyenne skye]

Recently I've been following a YouTuber who detransitioned after about a year and a half.  I wonder if anyone knows what was the longest a person had been transitioned for before realizing that they were better off as their birth gender? I imagine it would only take a year or two to come to this conclusion. But has anyone ever been transitioned for, say, 5 or even 10 years or more, before deciding to go back?

[Lexi C]

I think there someone her on TP. who stop after a couple of years. I forget the handle. NOBi?

or something like that

[Kylie]

Oh wow! I couldn't imagine experiencing that. I assume that is a risk each of us take, this process is so daunting, expensive and full of hurdles, I couldn't imagine realizing that it was not for me. I pray for someone that experiences that.

 

Anyone know how common that is?

[KathyLauren]

Detransitioning is very uncommon, well under 10%, if I recall.  Like maybe 3 or 4%, I don't remember eaxactly.  And the majority of those are not detransitioning because they changed their minds about being trans.  More often, it is because they want to keep their spouse, or their family, or because they can't take society's reactions.  So, detransitioning to deal with social pressures, not because of who they really are or aren't.

 

It seems to me that the ones who realize that they made a mistake are probably mostly people who got their treatments under informed consent, bypassing "gatekeepers" who might have given them more clarity.

[Jani]

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

It seems to me that the ones who realize that they made a mistake are probably mostly people who got their treatments under informed consent, bypassing "gatekeepers" who might have given them more clarity.

 

This is my understanding as well from all I've read.  Transitioning can be terribly stressful and family and social pressures can be intense for some.

 

Jani

[KymmieL]

I believe that is what my wife and two sons want me to do. Stop everything and go back to boxer briefs and being a hairy ape. ( not that I am naturally anyway) even during an argument with my wife and youngest. It was mentioned to get rid of all my female clothes. I flat out said. That ain't happening.

 

Kymmie

[Kylie]

I agree. The standards set for surgeons requiring so much when adhering to WPATH is I think great! 
 

hope no one has to experience that pain here. 
 

Kylie

[Lexi C]

KymmieL

Congrats on standing your ground. You goo girl

[SydneyAngel]

I can speak on this because i detransitioned and went back to living my guy life again. My experience is i DID NOT  stop my hormones so you could actually argue if i detransitioned at all. I noticed it didnt last forever because i just got tired of feeling empty and feeling like i am  impersonating someone even though i was "myself " as a man. I think there is something deeper going with these people but you are never going to know 100% even if they tell you a plausible story. People are fallible. At the end of the day i need estrogen to function normally. There is no guide to transition in the sense like if you do all these things you will be happy. It just is so personal and people i think react differently to going through the process. My issue was FFS being my gender confirming surgery which caused my to socially detransition. To make a long story short i saved enough money and transition is game on now. Taking a step back could be a good thing where you can reevaluate whats going on 

[KayC]

5 hours ago, Sydneyblue said:

There is no guide to transition in the sense like if you do all these things you will be happy.

Thank you for sharing, Sydney.  You provide a unique perspective.
I think the comment above is a very important point.  If somebody thinks that transitioning is the only thing will automatically make them happy (regardless of their level of dsyphoria) then I believe they might be just rolling the dice on that one. 
There are millions upon millions of cis-gender people, some with wealth, status, privilege, that are still basically unhappy human beings.

The common advice of therapy before transition I think is important, and it needs to target the whole person to insure they don't transition and then find other underlying causes for their unhappiness that have never been addressed.  Add on top of that everybody else's comments about the internal and external obstacles to transition ... then obviously, the decision is extremely important.

I still have to make more progress in that journey, but I am not holding any false hopes that the only thing I need is HRT or surgery to be happy.  I have a lot of other work to do with my therapist and within my relationships/life in general.

Great topic❣️

[Robin]

Virtually all written articles, YouTube videos or TV documentaries about transgender issues tend to give the impression that anyone that is experiencing gender dysphoria should fully transition as soon as possible, and then live happily ever after.

 

The term transition is usually taken to mean the changing of one's physical appearance, in order to be identified by others as a member of the opposite of one's biological sex.

 

Unfortunately, changing one's outward appearance doesn't necessarily change a person's view of themselves.  This is because the sense of self image is controlled by the subconscious mind.  Failing to take the time to retrain the subconscious mind is like changing your mind about where you want to go, but not reprogramming your Satnav.

 

My aim is to develop an understanding of my dysphoria, take steps to heal emotional trauma, and try to carefully adjust any aspects of my life that are causing problems.  I am hoping that this approach will lessen my chances of taking a big leap in the wrong direction, and regretting it.

 

I am aware that my view is seen as controversial by some people, but I am not saying that fully transitioning is not the answer for anyone.  I am merely suggesting that it is not essential for everyone that experiences gender dysphoria.

 

Robin.

[KayC]

50 minutes ago, Robin said:

Failing to take the time to retrain the subconscious mind is like changing your mind about where you want to go, but not reprogramming your Satnav.

I love this analogy, Robin.  I always say if I don't know my destination, how can I know how to get there?

 

I am very happy to be in therapy now, with the same goal of first understanding my dysphoria.  My therapist has the same focus for my sessions. 

Lets keep moving forward, one step at a time❣️

[MiraM]

13 hours ago, KayC said:

Thank you for sharing, Sydney.  You provide a unique perspective.
I think the comment above is a very important point.  If somebody thinks that transitioning is the only thing will automatically make them happy (regardless of their level of dsyphoria) then I believe they might be just rolling the dice on that one. 
There are millions upon millions of cis-gender people, some with wealth, status, privilege, that are still basically unhappy human beings.

The common advice of therapy before transition I think is important, and it needs to target the whole person to insure they don't transition and then find other underlying causes for their unhappiness that have never been addressed.  Add on top of that everybody else's comments about the internal and external obstacles to transition ... then obviously, the decision is extremely important.

I still have to make more progress in that journey, but I am not holding any false hopes that the only thing I need is HRT or surgery to be happy.  I have a lot of other work to do with my therapist and within my relationships/life in general.

Great topic❣️

Very well said.

I transitioned in 2000, and then de-transitioned in 2002.  I was miserable living as a man, and knew I was a woman, but I was just as miserable after transitioning, so I stopped HRT, and all therapy, and went back to living as a male...a depressed, alcoholic, suicidal male.  My mistake is that I thought transitioning was the "magic pill" that was going to solve all my problems.  It wasn't.  They were still there.

 

In 2016, after being laid off from my job, I went back into therapy.  My intention was not to transition at that time, but to try and work out the issues with my depression and C-PTSD.  About a year into therapy, we started addressing the gender dysphoria again, and I was referred to the main gender therapist at my VA Hospital.   After about 6 months of weekly sessions with her, we both felt that I was at a point where trying HRT again was possible.  I went back on HRT in January of 2018, and the outcome was different.  This time I actually started to feel comfortable with me.  I went full time again in August 2019 and haven't looked back.

 

I can attest to the fact that some of the people that de-transition have the mindset that I did the first time.  It is very important, mandatory in my opinion, that any and all co-morbid conditions be addressed and brought under control before transitioning.  If not, the outcome is likely to not be a positive one.  I for one am glad that my current medical team would not consider putting me on HRT until I had done so.  I think therapy is important after HRT and going full-time as well.  I still see my gender therapist every two weeks.

[KayC]

2 hours ago, MiraM said:

My mistake is that I thought transitioning was the "magic pill" that was going to solve all my problems.  It wasn't.  They were still there.

Thank you, Mira, for providing your experience with this topic.  That is very valuable!   And, I am very happy for you it turned out so much better second time around❣️