Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dating.


HollyElizabeth

Recommended Posts

OK so here might be a fun question for everyone.

 

After you started presenting as either a woman or man, have you ever either dated someone you knew, like a guy friend or a girl friend, or have you been hit on buy someone you knew? I would love to know if transitioning changed the friend dynamic or made old friends think differently about you. You don't have to respond and you don't have to get specific with any details. I'm just curious if old friends see you as a completely different person after your transition.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Some were a bit negative but most accepted in time. I once joked with someone about dating when he showed a photo of himself dressed for a formal night out. I am not sure how impressed he was but it didn't totally go down like a lead balloon lol.

 

That said, quite a number of people did see me in a new light and became far friendlier than previously. Dating - maybe no, but friendships yes.

 

Tracy

Link to comment

Hi Tracy, I had a few guy friends that I grew up with as a kid that I haven't seen in a really long time. Some I haven't talked to in 35 years. I had a best friend as a kid that I spent all day every day with that is one of the ones I haven't talked to and I've been wondering what he would say to me as a woman. I'm not interested in dating him but it would be interesting to find out if he would hit on the female me if he didn't know or if he did know. I know I wouldn't mind it being that nothing would be the result, but having someone interested in me like that, I consider a compliment. I never got that as a guy and I had absolutely no skills at that game as the male version on me. Like I said this is just a fun little thing to see if past friends saw you guys differently now that you've changed.  hugs Holly

Link to comment

I get hit on a lot, but I'm usually too stupid to realise, or if I do I panic and run away!

 

People in general are much friendlier to me now than they were to 'him'.

Link to comment

DragonflyGirl, I was that same way as a male, I have no idea if I was being hit on or girls were just being nice. If I thought they might be interested in me I would go into desperate nice guy, no girl wants that. Now I will hopefully have guys or girls make the moves on me. I figure dating will be so much easier now.. lol

Link to comment
  • 5 weeks later...

I haven't been hit on that I know of but a couple of people have flirted with me. Of course I didn't realize until I was halfway back to car, replaying the events in my head.  The other girls at work are a lot friendlier and interact with me more since my official outing to the company. One girl grabbed my butt. And then there is a young woman I work pretty close with that I'm started to think she's got a thing for me. I posted this elsewhere but...I was at my work station and she approached with her phone in had.  As I turned around she said she was going to show me picture of a cute guy she had  met but when she saw me she remembered she was gay. She never showed my the picture. I had forgotten that also earlier in the day she made it a point to tell me that her and her partner are now in an open relationship. She had also, weeks before, stated that when thing start opening up again that she wants me to go to coffee shops and poetry reads with her and some  friends. It sounds like a runaround way to ask for a date but I've been wrong before.

I read somewhere that when a woman  sees a guy she likes she'll bit her bottom lip.  there's this guy who works at a gas station near my house, so I'm there a lot. The other day I found myself biting my lip as soon as I saw him. I didn't realize it at first except it took a couple tries, to bite my own lip. So now it appears my lips are changing shape too. It's been a long, long time since I dated a guy and don't think i want to but I had a subconscious reaction. Sexuality is so confusing.

 

 

 

Link to comment
On 8/8/2020 at 11:56 AM, HollyNoel said:

DragonflyGirl, I was that same way as a male, I have no idea if I was being hit on or girls were just being nice. If I thought they might be interested in me I would go into desperate nice guy, no girl wants that. Now I will hopefully have guys or girls make the moves on me. I figure dating will be so much easier now.. lol

 

I've always gone stupidly nice and smiley if I think someone's interested! It's shyness more than anything.

 

I also go near enough mute. My brain panics and loses the ability to string sentences together.

 

Most normal people then decide to leave me alone! 

Link to comment

OMG Elizabeth, you should see where that will lead to. I haven't found anyone I'm interested in but if I did I would go for it. Dating is already hard enough so when you find someone your interested in you should go for it.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

I read somewhere that when a woman sees a guy she likes she'll bit her bottom lip. 

 

I hope this isn't common knowledge as I'm always biting my lip!

 

Thank goodness for masks!

Link to comment

I love my wife and would never do anything to risk my relationship with her, not even a kiss. Although, It would be nice to have friends outside of work again. Given time I probably will hang-out with her, she was the first at my job to know I'm changing, but I will have to draw hard lines. Besides, it's been like 25 years since I've dated a lesbian.

Dating a guy? That's a whole other thing. I admit I'm starting to notice some cute ones around but I don't think they could handle a girl like me . I don't think I'll ever be OK  with dating guys and with what they bring into relationships.

Link to comment

Elizabeth, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were married, I wouldn't have said anything about you seeing someone else. God I feel so bad right now. I would never tell anyone to get involved with someone else if they are in a committed relationship. Please forgive me.

 

I'm kind of jealous of you right now, both having someone to come home to and having that other person really be into you. I never dated hardly at all, so dating someone will be a really new thing for me. As far as who I'm into right now, I like girls but to be honest if a guy was into me and I was feeling it, I don't think I would say no. You can't help who you fall for. Besides, we are all women here and the thought of getting married and being a housewife sounds OK to me. I can't help it, I just like the 50s. lol

Link to comment

It's OK Holly. I wrote a post about a co-work that I think has a thing for me and a cute guy at a gas station so I can understand the confusion.

 

I love being a housewife.

Link to comment

I will say about a year into my transition I started noticing more men interacting with me. Since my surgery just over a month ago, now it seems men I know are seeking me out more than ever. Annoying, but entertaining! 

Link to comment
52 minutes ago, Kylie said:

I will say about a year into my transition I started noticing more men interacting with me.

It's going to happen more? I'm getting close to a year, 9 months as of tomorrow. Oh well, let the entertainment begin.

Link to comment

Different years in my case.

 

I had my operations in 1977 and I had no friends back then since few years before, we landed from Ethiopia to Greece.

After my surgery, I started dating but as soon I was telling them my past, they were abandonning.

I then decided not to tell about me when they would find it out by themselves and that was very nasty to start explaining to them, how, when and why. I knew the end, they would leave me aftwewards with insults.

 

I had several occasions when a guy, plainly on my face said: "are you a m--? no , you are an it, OMG, I want my money back that I paid for your drink"

 

I am noticing though that things have changed dramatically now, men are very much accepting us and especially in America.

Link to comment

I told someone I was dating many years before, that I really wished she would give me flowers. She told me that she would but, it didn't feel right to her. I said not to worry about it. She did do it some time later, when I wasn't expecting it at all. I guess she was trying to be nice but that changed the whole relationship. Shortly after that, she said she wasn't happy and broke up with me. I only got that feeling once but, it left me in heaven for days. I hope someday that I get to feel that kind of affection because they just want to do it on their own. We all need to feel someone cares about us. I wish this was the case for all of us. We have so much love to offer the people that we care for. It's really wonderful to even get a taste of that in return, you know? I won't date again unless I have made it through my transition. At this point, that's the only way I could see ever feel right in a relationship again. 

Link to comment

I would love for someone to buy me flowers. I have to buy my own.

 

Last Valentines day a co-worker gave me a little pink butterfly pin that I now wear on the lapel of my work jacket and a box of chocolates.  At the time she was the only one who knew and didn't want me to be left out. It was a very sweet gesture and I almost cried.

 

3 hours ago, Abi said:

I won't date again unless I have made it through my transition. At this point, that's the only way I could see ever feel right in a relationship again. 

I'm still married but if things  go wrong I feel the same way.

Link to comment

@ElizabethStar,

    My ex was the type of person that always would tell me what she wanted her presents to be. No matter what I did things were never going to get better. If she didn't get her way it only made things worse. I had to break free and find myself again. I'm glad it isn't like that for everyone. I am all for loving other people. I just can't do that until I have that for myself first. For me it has been less joyous displays from other's that have left me shying away from other's. I just want to love myself for who I am and to be happy in my own life. Sorry if I am being a downer. I encourage everyone to be happy as long as they are not hurting other's.

Link to comment

Abi honey, I'm so sorry you haven't found that someone to do all those special things for you. I really hope you find that person soon. My therapist say wanting a person to care for you by buying you flowers and jewelry, candy and cards, even buying you drinks and opening doors is only natural and is a feeling all women have. My therapist calls it being taken care of. I don't care what its called, I call it being wanted and I really want it and the feelings it brings. I recently told a girlfriend of mine that I can't wait to have someone to buy me diamonds, right now I have to buy my own. Takes all the special out of a night of "self" passion! lol.

Link to comment

@HollyNoel,

    Once I realized I was going to need a divorce, I made a vow not to ever ask anyone to do anything like that for me. It just feels like they would only do it as an obligation and not out of their own desire. My ex made giving a gift feel like a responsibility or a chore. I didn't mind a suggestion. I often would ask. The worst part of being with someone that feels they have this kind of right is that they always take more and more, meanwhile giving nothing in return.

    I am fully independent of that hassle now. If I want flowers, I go get them for myself. I prefer living ones that draw butterflies anyway. Don't get me wrong though, I would love the thought of someone actually doing these things because they want to. I just won't allow myself to wait around getting my hopes up either. Personally, I am happy learning to pamper myself.

    I was prepared for the social distancing aspect of the pandemic long before it began. I see so many people tearing themselves to pieces because they can't handle the lack of companionship. Domestic abuse is getting worse since couples have had to actually talk to each other. I even read an article talking about how marriages are falling apart faster because people are unable to fulfill the extramarital affairs they were engaging in to give them whatever they've been missing at home. I see all of this as a virus far more deadly than covid personally. 

    For all the love I know I would enjoy with someone truly special, I lack the desire to seek it. With as negative as that may truly sound, it really is something very positive for me. I have great friends here and get to socialize as I please, I can do whatever I want and whenever I want without the feeling of someone's judgement weighing me down. I am liberated and loving my freedom. 

 

Abigail

 

 

Link to comment
On 8/8/2020 at 3:46 AM, DragonflyGirl said:

I get hit on a lot, but I'm usually too stupid to realise, or if I do I panic and run away!

 

People in general are much friendlier to me now than they were to 'him'.

 

Me, too, except the "a lot" part, lol.  It looks like several of us have the same reactions??

 

On 9/11/2020 at 2:18 PM, DragonflyGirl said:

 

I enjoy a bit of chivalry!

 

 

Always gets my attention!

 

On 9/11/2020 at 3:31 PM, Abi said:

I told someone I was dating many years before, that I really wished she would give me flowers.

 

I was given flowers once and I loved it!  Never thought about that being the first sign of the end.  Has me wondering now.  I'm sorry to hear the joy of that moment turned into a bad memory for you now.  ?

 

On 9/11/2020 at 3:31 PM, Abi said:

We have so much love to offer the people that we care for.

 

This is not the first time I've heard this from trans girls.  I've also heard it from men who are [genuinely] attracted to trans women.  Is our desire for love stronger than the average woman? ?

Link to comment

Abi, it makes me sad to know that you've all but given up on having that special someone to take care of you. I truly hope you find that person and they treat you like the queen you are. Much Hugs Holly.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 122 Guests (See full list)

    • Maddee
    • Ivy
    • Betty K
    • Mirrabooka
    • AllieJ
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      As has been said many times, this is not a black and white issue. Sure.  I get it that a MtF person that has gone through full male puberty and "transitioned" 6 months ago probably has an advantage in some sports.  But these bans affect elementary school kids too. I mean, banning trans women from Darts?  Chess?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Do you have achievements you make to mark your progress to becoming the true you?
    • Heather Shay
      believing forward movement is just ahead.
    • Heather Shay
      Worry refers to the thoughts, images, emotions, and actions of a negative nature in a repetitive, uncontrollable manner that results from a proactive cognitive risk analysis made to avoid or solve anticipated potential threats and their potential consequences.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Willow
      Good morning    Now @Abigail Genevieve and @Mmindy what makes you so certain I didn’t mean it to say bee itch certificate?  lol. Thanks Mindy. I was asleep when you saw this and fixed it, and yes Abigail, as a moderator I could have fixed it myself, or weren’t you pointing out the irony of that?   I use Alexis as my alarm to get up.  And I set the ringer to be two guys telling me to get up.  I was so sound asleep when they started telling me to get up that it scared me and my first thought were I had over slept.  Since I have a difficult time getting to sleep as early as I have to in order to get enough sleep I at least cut back my normal awake time to get ready.  But now I have to do my hair and get going.   enjoyed my coffee and a little time catching up   see you all later, for its hi ho hi ho it’s off to work I go.   Willow
    • EasyE
      Republicans have long committed grave errors by emphasizing their social agenda and moral issues instead of just focusing on the economy, lowering taxes, keeping the public safe, building a strong national defense, promoting business, touting reasonable immigration policies, etc.   The country would thrive economically under Trump's tax and business policies. That's a fact. Another four years of Biden will run this country into the ground financially (including all of our 401Ks and IRAs). But the GOP continues to play right into the Dems' hands by leading with their moral crusades instead of staying the course and trusting their fiscal policies to win the day... 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/hundreds-athletes-urge-ncaa-not-ban-trans-athletes-womens-sports-rcna149033     Carolyn Marie
    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...