Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dating.


HollyElizabeth

Recommended Posts

OK so here might be a fun question for everyone.

 

After you started presenting as either a woman or man, have you ever either dated someone you knew, like a guy friend or a girl friend, or have you been hit on buy someone you knew? I would love to know if transitioning changed the friend dynamic or made old friends think differently about you. You don't have to respond and you don't have to get specific with any details. I'm just curious if old friends see you as a completely different person after your transition.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Some were a bit negative but most accepted in time. I once joked with someone about dating when he showed a photo of himself dressed for a formal night out. I am not sure how impressed he was but it didn't totally go down like a lead balloon lol.

 

That said, quite a number of people did see me in a new light and became far friendlier than previously. Dating - maybe no, but friendships yes.

 

Tracy

Link to comment

Hi Tracy, I had a few guy friends that I grew up with as a kid that I haven't seen in a really long time. Some I haven't talked to in 35 years. I had a best friend as a kid that I spent all day every day with that is one of the ones I haven't talked to and I've been wondering what he would say to me as a woman. I'm not interested in dating him but it would be interesting to find out if he would hit on the female me if he didn't know or if he did know. I know I wouldn't mind it being that nothing would be the result, but having someone interested in me like that, I consider a compliment. I never got that as a guy and I had absolutely no skills at that game as the male version on me. Like I said this is just a fun little thing to see if past friends saw you guys differently now that you've changed.  hugs Holly

Link to comment

I get hit on a lot, but I'm usually too stupid to realise, or if I do I panic and run away!

 

People in general are much friendlier to me now than they were to 'him'.

Link to comment

DragonflyGirl, I was that same way as a male, I have no idea if I was being hit on or girls were just being nice. If I thought they might be interested in me I would go into desperate nice guy, no girl wants that. Now I will hopefully have guys or girls make the moves on me. I figure dating will be so much easier now.. lol

Link to comment
  • 5 weeks later...

I haven't been hit on that I know of but a couple of people have flirted with me. Of course I didn't realize until I was halfway back to car, replaying the events in my head.  The other girls at work are a lot friendlier and interact with me more since my official outing to the company. One girl grabbed my butt. And then there is a young woman I work pretty close with that I'm started to think she's got a thing for me. I posted this elsewhere but...I was at my work station and she approached with her phone in had.  As I turned around she said she was going to show me picture of a cute guy she had  met but when she saw me she remembered she was gay. She never showed my the picture. I had forgotten that also earlier in the day she made it a point to tell me that her and her partner are now in an open relationship. She had also, weeks before, stated that when thing start opening up again that she wants me to go to coffee shops and poetry reads with her and some  friends. It sounds like a runaround way to ask for a date but I've been wrong before.

I read somewhere that when a woman  sees a guy she likes she'll bit her bottom lip.  there's this guy who works at a gas station near my house, so I'm there a lot. The other day I found myself biting my lip as soon as I saw him. I didn't realize it at first except it took a couple tries, to bite my own lip. So now it appears my lips are changing shape too. It's been a long, long time since I dated a guy and don't think i want to but I had a subconscious reaction. Sexuality is so confusing.

 

 

 

Link to comment
On 8/8/2020 at 11:56 AM, HollyNoel said:

DragonflyGirl, I was that same way as a male, I have no idea if I was being hit on or girls were just being nice. If I thought they might be interested in me I would go into desperate nice guy, no girl wants that. Now I will hopefully have guys or girls make the moves on me. I figure dating will be so much easier now.. lol

 

I've always gone stupidly nice and smiley if I think someone's interested! It's shyness more than anything.

 

I also go near enough mute. My brain panics and loses the ability to string sentences together.

 

Most normal people then decide to leave me alone! 

Link to comment

OMG Elizabeth, you should see where that will lead to. I haven't found anyone I'm interested in but if I did I would go for it. Dating is already hard enough so when you find someone your interested in you should go for it.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

I read somewhere that when a woman sees a guy she likes she'll bit her bottom lip. 

 

I hope this isn't common knowledge as I'm always biting my lip!

 

Thank goodness for masks!

Link to comment

I love my wife and would never do anything to risk my relationship with her, not even a kiss. Although, It would be nice to have friends outside of work again. Given time I probably will hang-out with her, she was the first at my job to know I'm changing, but I will have to draw hard lines. Besides, it's been like 25 years since I've dated a lesbian.

Dating a guy? That's a whole other thing. I admit I'm starting to notice some cute ones around but I don't think they could handle a girl like me . I don't think I'll ever be OK  with dating guys and with what they bring into relationships.

Link to comment

Elizabeth, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were married, I wouldn't have said anything about you seeing someone else. God I feel so bad right now. I would never tell anyone to get involved with someone else if they are in a committed relationship. Please forgive me.

 

I'm kind of jealous of you right now, both having someone to come home to and having that other person really be into you. I never dated hardly at all, so dating someone will be a really new thing for me. As far as who I'm into right now, I like girls but to be honest if a guy was into me and I was feeling it, I don't think I would say no. You can't help who you fall for. Besides, we are all women here and the thought of getting married and being a housewife sounds OK to me. I can't help it, I just like the 50s. lol

Link to comment

It's OK Holly. I wrote a post about a co-work that I think has a thing for me and a cute guy at a gas station so I can understand the confusion.

 

I love being a housewife.

Link to comment

I will say about a year into my transition I started noticing more men interacting with me. Since my surgery just over a month ago, now it seems men I know are seeking me out more than ever. Annoying, but entertaining! 

Link to comment
52 minutes ago, Kylie said:

I will say about a year into my transition I started noticing more men interacting with me.

It's going to happen more? I'm getting close to a year, 9 months as of tomorrow. Oh well, let the entertainment begin.

Link to comment

Different years in my case.

 

I had my operations in 1977 and I had no friends back then since few years before, we landed from Ethiopia to Greece.

After my surgery, I started dating but as soon I was telling them my past, they were abandonning.

I then decided not to tell about me when they would find it out by themselves and that was very nasty to start explaining to them, how, when and why. I knew the end, they would leave me aftwewards with insults.

 

I had several occasions when a guy, plainly on my face said: "are you a m--? no , you are an it, OMG, I want my money back that I paid for your drink"

 

I am noticing though that things have changed dramatically now, men are very much accepting us and especially in America.

Link to comment

I told someone I was dating many years before, that I really wished she would give me flowers. She told me that she would but, it didn't feel right to her. I said not to worry about it. She did do it some time later, when I wasn't expecting it at all. I guess she was trying to be nice but that changed the whole relationship. Shortly after that, she said she wasn't happy and broke up with me. I only got that feeling once but, it left me in heaven for days. I hope someday that I get to feel that kind of affection because they just want to do it on their own. We all need to feel someone cares about us. I wish this was the case for all of us. We have so much love to offer the people that we care for. It's really wonderful to even get a taste of that in return, you know? I won't date again unless I have made it through my transition. At this point, that's the only way I could see ever feel right in a relationship again. 

Link to comment

I would love for someone to buy me flowers. I have to buy my own.

 

Last Valentines day a co-worker gave me a little pink butterfly pin that I now wear on the lapel of my work jacket and a box of chocolates.  At the time she was the only one who knew and didn't want me to be left out. It was a very sweet gesture and I almost cried.

 

3 hours ago, Abi said:

I won't date again unless I have made it through my transition. At this point, that's the only way I could see ever feel right in a relationship again. 

I'm still married but if things  go wrong I feel the same way.

Link to comment

@ElizabethStar,

    My ex was the type of person that always would tell me what she wanted her presents to be. No matter what I did things were never going to get better. If she didn't get her way it only made things worse. I had to break free and find myself again. I'm glad it isn't like that for everyone. I am all for loving other people. I just can't do that until I have that for myself first. For me it has been less joyous displays from other's that have left me shying away from other's. I just want to love myself for who I am and to be happy in my own life. Sorry if I am being a downer. I encourage everyone to be happy as long as they are not hurting other's.

Link to comment

Abi honey, I'm so sorry you haven't found that someone to do all those special things for you. I really hope you find that person soon. My therapist say wanting a person to care for you by buying you flowers and jewelry, candy and cards, even buying you drinks and opening doors is only natural and is a feeling all women have. My therapist calls it being taken care of. I don't care what its called, I call it being wanted and I really want it and the feelings it brings. I recently told a girlfriend of mine that I can't wait to have someone to buy me diamonds, right now I have to buy my own. Takes all the special out of a night of "self" passion! lol.

Link to comment

@HollyNoel,

    Once I realized I was going to need a divorce, I made a vow not to ever ask anyone to do anything like that for me. It just feels like they would only do it as an obligation and not out of their own desire. My ex made giving a gift feel like a responsibility or a chore. I didn't mind a suggestion. I often would ask. The worst part of being with someone that feels they have this kind of right is that they always take more and more, meanwhile giving nothing in return.

    I am fully independent of that hassle now. If I want flowers, I go get them for myself. I prefer living ones that draw butterflies anyway. Don't get me wrong though, I would love the thought of someone actually doing these things because they want to. I just won't allow myself to wait around getting my hopes up either. Personally, I am happy learning to pamper myself.

    I was prepared for the social distancing aspect of the pandemic long before it began. I see so many people tearing themselves to pieces because they can't handle the lack of companionship. Domestic abuse is getting worse since couples have had to actually talk to each other. I even read an article talking about how marriages are falling apart faster because people are unable to fulfill the extramarital affairs they were engaging in to give them whatever they've been missing at home. I see all of this as a virus far more deadly than covid personally. 

    For all the love I know I would enjoy with someone truly special, I lack the desire to seek it. With as negative as that may truly sound, it really is something very positive for me. I have great friends here and get to socialize as I please, I can do whatever I want and whenever I want without the feeling of someone's judgement weighing me down. I am liberated and loving my freedom. 

 

Abigail

 

 

Link to comment
On 8/8/2020 at 3:46 AM, DragonflyGirl said:

I get hit on a lot, but I'm usually too stupid to realise, or if I do I panic and run away!

 

People in general are much friendlier to me now than they were to 'him'.

 

Me, too, except the "a lot" part, lol.  It looks like several of us have the same reactions??

 

On 9/11/2020 at 2:18 PM, DragonflyGirl said:

 

I enjoy a bit of chivalry!

 

 

Always gets my attention!

 

On 9/11/2020 at 3:31 PM, Abi said:

I told someone I was dating many years before, that I really wished she would give me flowers.

 

I was given flowers once and I loved it!  Never thought about that being the first sign of the end.  Has me wondering now.  I'm sorry to hear the joy of that moment turned into a bad memory for you now.  ?

 

On 9/11/2020 at 3:31 PM, Abi said:

We have so much love to offer the people that we care for.

 

This is not the first time I've heard this from trans girls.  I've also heard it from men who are [genuinely] attracted to trans women.  Is our desire for love stronger than the average woman? ?

Link to comment

Abi, it makes me sad to know that you've all but given up on having that special someone to take care of you. I truly hope you find that person and they treat you like the queen you are. Much Hugs Holly.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 195 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • violet r
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Adrianna Danielle
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      Hi!   That was probably hard to write and then read and say, did I really write that?  Been there.   I'm glad you call it a journey.  It is.  One step at a time, and sometimes two steps forward, one back.    Abby
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Violet! We glad you found us! No one here will judge you. Each of us is unique yet we all share some similarities. And many of us are in the relative early stages of self-discovery.   Take time to wander the sections of the forums. You’ll find lots of information and ideas.   Ask questions if you feel comfortable. You will find lots of people willing to share their experiences.   Is it possible for you to possibly work with a gender therapist? Many of us have found that to be extremely helpful in finding our identity and out true selves.   Just jump in. We don’t bite! We’ve all been in some version of where you are.
    • April Marie
      Literally. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Shameless plug for my "Taylor" story down in Stories You Write.  I am not Taylor and the experiences she goes through are not what has happened to me, but there is an emotional expression that I think is the best way to say some things that I don't know how to say otherwise.  I am not Bob, either.  But you might find out some things about me by reading it.  And I hope it is a good read and you enjoy it.  I am not done with it.  If you would like to comment on it, I would appreciate it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Tuesday night.  They had a quick supper together at a fast food place.  Bob went off to teach karate and Taylor locked herself inside her apartment and worked on her hiring plan.   First the web site problem.  The two guys who ran it were self-taught and knew little.  It currently had three pages, the Home page, the About page and the Contact page,  She asked them to work with Karen in terms of redesigning it and she needed three designs to show Gibbs tomorrow.  The problem was three fold: the two guys and Karen.  Millville was a small town and all three were relatives of members of the Board.  Millville, Millvale. She was doing it.  People here called it either way, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.  She thought it was Millville.  All three had complained about the work, because the two boys regarded it as done and untouchable, even though they actually had not worked on it at all for months.  Like a number of people, they showed up and collected generous pay checks and did nothing.  She had looked at a number of websites and she had been told the company wanted one both internal and external customers could log into.  Her chief difficulty at the moment there was that there was very little content.  She decided to send the three complainers out tomorrow to take numerous pictures of the thirty acres  Or was it forty?  No one seemed to care. She cared, because she needed to get it right.  She debated outsourcing the website to a company, but first she needed something to outsource, and before then she needed to decide whether to keep these people.  She didn't need to mess with them.  So she decided to recommend they hire an experienced website developer with management skills. Would such a person come to Millville?  The schools were good, because the company had poured money into them, and the streets were well paved.  The company had bought all the abandoned houses and maintained them, hoping someday they would be filled again. Millville was crime-free.  People did not lock their doors. Neighborly. Very conservative, but in a good way.  Hard working, ethical, honest. Maybe the Chinese money was corrupting the town?  Not sure.  So she thought they would hire someone, even if it were a remote position.  She would rather have them here, but she would take what she would get.  That would move the website out of her hair. Secondly, she needed an effective presenter.  She could not do all these presentations herself.  She had natural talent but a lot could be passed on. She needed another Mary and another Brenda, or their understudies, effective hardworking people.   Bob. Was he okay with this?  He said she was Management.  Was that a problem?  And she was now earning a ridiculous salary, which she put down to company dysfunction more than anything she had done.  Was that a problem? She was not sure.  He was highly competitive and he had that male ego.  She did not.  A feeling of guilt rose.   Her therapist had brought up her feelings of guilt about not making Dad's expectations, never being the man Dad wanted her to be.  She never could, and this physical evidence backed that up.  What would the doctor say?  She thought about it, and that her therapist said she needed to find a sexual assault survivor's group more than a transgender group right now. Was there one here?  She thought about serving in a women's shelter.  There was one here, oddly enough connected to the church they had visited.  That F on her drivers' license would help.  She was waiting until after she talked to the doctor again to move on that stuff.   Was Bob really buying 160 acres near the old air strip on speculation?  Much of the land around Millville had been for sale for a long time.  That land was being offered at a dollar an acre, the owners having inherited it and now living out of state. Common knowledge.  They would take the first offer, and it had been for sale since the airstrip closed twenty years ago. Airstrip.  That would help.  Not tonight. Focus, girl, she told herself, and read over her notes to do so, which were making less sense the further down she went. It was eleven, and she gave up and went to bed.
    • violet r
      .my name is violet. I'm new here and thus is my first try at forums. I'm 45 and just recently having came to terms of who I really am. Thought a lot of self discovery since I stopped drinking. Drinking was my coping mechanism to hide a lot of thing. There were plenty of signs though the years. As I look back. That i hid inside. Now really sure what made all of this bubble to the surface at this time in my life.  Mabye it was waiting for me to be open minded and ready to accept that I am trans. I have a very unhealthy environment at home that is anti trans. I really don't know what else to say but hi. I hope everyone here will be accepting of me and me work through my journey of finding the real me. I know that since I accepted it I have been much happier than I can remember. Being to real me makes me happy. I hate having to hide this all the the time at home. I work retail management and have no idea if I could even stay in this business if I am to fully come out. Wow that was scary saying all that. It's a first for me
    • Ivy
      It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.   If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.   If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.   This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry! :( Hopefully something better will come up
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! Did great with the kids
    • Sally Stone
      That's me too, Mae.  I don't think it's me as much as it is the camera (that's my story anyway).  Cameras hate me.  I never met one that liked me.  I often wish I was photogenic; sadly, not so much.   However, you look terrific in that selfie! 
    • Sally Stone
      April, I'm so glad things went well when you came out to your spouse.  So often, things can go sideways.  It's a hurdle we all have to jump at some point.
    • violet r
      I totally understand what you just said. I can relate to this very well. I have a lot.of similar feelings.
    • KymmieL
      Well it is a no go for the new position. OH, well. nothing ventured nothing gained.   Kymmie
    • Davie
      Dickey Betts, the singer, songwriter, and guitarist of the Allman Brothers Band whose piercing solos, beloved songs and hell-raising spirit defined the band and Southern rock in general, died Thursday morning 04/18/2024 at the age of 80. Rest in peace...
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...