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Dating.


HollyNoel

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HollyNoel

OK so here might be a fun question for everyone.

 

After you started presenting as either a woman or man, have you ever either dated someone you knew, like a guy friend or a girl friend, or have you been hit on buy someone you knew? I would love to know if transitioning changed the friend dynamic or made old friends think differently about you. You don't have to respond and you don't have to get specific with any details. I'm just curious if old friends see you as a completely different person after your transition.

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tracy_j

Some were a bit negative but most accepted in time. I once joked with someone about dating when he showed a photo of himself dressed for a formal night out. I am not sure how impressed he was but it didn't totally go down like a lead balloon lol.

 

That said, quite a number of people did see me in a new light and became far friendlier than previously. Dating - maybe no, but friendships yes.

 

Tracy

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HollyNoel

Hi Tracy, I had a few guy friends that I grew up with as a kid that I haven't seen in a really long time. Some I haven't talked to in 35 years. I had a best friend as a kid that I spent all day every day with that is one of the ones I haven't talked to and I've been wondering what he would say to me as a woman. I'm not interested in dating him but it would be interesting to find out if he would hit on the female me if he didn't know or if he did know. I know I wouldn't mind it being that nothing would be the result, but having someone interested in me like that, I consider a compliment. I never got that as a guy and I had absolutely no skills at that game as the male version on me. Like I said this is just a fun little thing to see if past friends saw you guys differently now that you've changed.  hugs Holly

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DragonflyGirl

I get hit on a lot, but I'm usually too stupid to realise, or if I do I panic and run away!

 

People in general are much friendlier to me now than they were to 'him'.

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HollyNoel

DragonflyGirl, I was that same way as a male, I have no idea if I was being hit on or girls were just being nice. If I thought they might be interested in me I would go into desperate nice guy, no girl wants that. Now I will hopefully have guys or girls make the moves on me. I figure dating will be so much easier now.. lol

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  • 5 weeks later...
ElizabethStar

I haven't been hit on that I know of but a couple of people have flirted with me. Of course I didn't realize until I was halfway back to car, replaying the events in my head.  The other girls at work are a lot friendlier and interact with me more since my official outing to the company. One girl grabbed my butt. And then there is a young woman I work pretty close with that I'm started to think she's got a thing for me. I posted this elsewhere but...I was at my work station and she approached with her phone in had.  As I turned around she said she was going to show me picture of a cute guy she had  met but when she saw me she remembered she was gay. She never showed my the picture. I had forgotten that also earlier in the day she made it a point to tell me that her and her partner are now in an open relationship. She had also, weeks before, stated that when thing start opening up again that she wants me to go to coffee shops and poetry reads with her and some  friends. It sounds like a runaround way to ask for a date but I've been wrong before.

I read somewhere that when a woman  sees a guy she likes she'll bit her bottom lip.  there's this guy who works at a gas station near my house, so I'm there a lot. The other day I found myself biting my lip as soon as I saw him. I didn't realize it at first except it took a couple tries, to bite my own lip. So now it appears my lips are changing shape too. It's been a long, long time since I dated a guy and don't think i want to but I had a subconscious reaction. Sexuality is so confusing.

 

 

 

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DragonflyGirl
On 8/8/2020 at 11:56 AM, HollyNoel said:

DragonflyGirl, I was that same way as a male, I have no idea if I was being hit on or girls were just being nice. If I thought they might be interested in me I would go into desperate nice guy, no girl wants that. Now I will hopefully have guys or girls make the moves on me. I figure dating will be so much easier now.. lol

 

I've always gone stupidly nice and smiley if I think someone's interested! It's shyness more than anything.

 

I also go near enough mute. My brain panics and loses the ability to string sentences together.

 

Most normal people then decide to leave me alone! 

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HollyNoel

OMG Elizabeth, you should see where that will lead to. I haven't found anyone I'm interested in but if I did I would go for it. Dating is already hard enough so when you find someone your interested in you should go for it.

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DragonflyGirl
1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

I read somewhere that when a woman sees a guy she likes she'll bit her bottom lip. 

 

I hope this isn't common knowledge as I'm always biting my lip!

 

Thank goodness for masks!

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ElizabethStar

I love my wife and would never do anything to risk my relationship with her, not even a kiss. Although, It would be nice to have friends outside of work again. Given time I probably will hang-out with her, she was the first at my job to know I'm changing, but I will have to draw hard lines. Besides, it's been like 25 years since I've dated a lesbian.

Dating a guy? That's a whole other thing. I admit I'm starting to notice some cute ones around but I don't think they could handle a girl like me . I don't think I'll ever be OK  with dating guys and with what they bring into relationships.

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HollyNoel

Elizabeth, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were married, I wouldn't have said anything about you seeing someone else. God I feel so bad right now. I would never tell anyone to get involved with someone else if they are in a committed relationship. Please forgive me.

 

I'm kind of jealous of you right now, both having someone to come home to and having that other person really be into you. I never dated hardly at all, so dating someone will be a really new thing for me. As far as who I'm into right now, I like girls but to be honest if a guy was into me and I was feeling it, I don't think I would say no. You can't help who you fall for. Besides, we are all women here and the thought of getting married and being a housewife sounds OK to me. I can't help it, I just like the 50s. lol

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ElizabethStar

It's OK Holly. I wrote a post about a co-work that I think has a thing for me and a cute guy at a gas station so I can understand the confusion.

 

I love being a housewife.

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I will say about a year into my transition I started noticing more men interacting with me. Since my surgery just over a month ago, now it seems men I know are seeking me out more than ever. Annoying, but entertaining! 

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ElizabethStar
52 minutes ago, Kylie said:

I will say about a year into my transition I started noticing more men interacting with me.

It's going to happen more? I'm getting close to a year, 9 months as of tomorrow. Oh well, let the entertainment begin.

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DragonflyGirl
On 9/9/2020 at 2:37 AM, Kylie said:

Annoying, but entertaining! 

 

I enjoy a bit of chivalry!

 

 

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Different years in my case.

 

I had my operations in 1977 and I had no friends back then since few years before, we landed from Ethiopia to Greece.

After my surgery, I started dating but as soon I was telling them my past, they were abandonning.

I then decided not to tell about me when they would find it out by themselves and that was very nasty to start explaining to them, how, when and why. I knew the end, they would leave me aftwewards with insults.

 

I had several occasions when a guy, plainly on my face said: "are you a m--? no , you are an it, OMG, I want my money back that I paid for your drink"

 

I am noticing though that things have changed dramatically now, men are very much accepting us and especially in America.

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I told someone I was dating many years before, that I really wished she would give me flowers. She told me that she would but, it didn't feel right to her. I said not to worry about it. She did do it some time later, when I wasn't expecting it at all. I guess she was trying to be nice but that changed the whole relationship. Shortly after that, she said she wasn't happy and broke up with me. I only got that feeling once but, it left me in heaven for days. I hope someday that I get to feel that kind of affection because they just want to do it on their own. We all need to feel someone cares about us. I wish this was the case for all of us. We have so much love to offer the people that we care for. It's really wonderful to even get a taste of that in return, you know? I won't date again unless I have made it through my transition. At this point, that's the only way I could see ever feel right in a relationship again. 

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ElizabethStar

I would love for someone to buy me flowers. I have to buy my own.

 

Last Valentines day a co-worker gave me a little pink butterfly pin that I now wear on the lapel of my work jacket and a box of chocolates.  At the time she was the only one who knew and didn't want me to be left out. It was a very sweet gesture and I almost cried.

 

3 hours ago, Abi said:

I won't date again unless I have made it through my transition. At this point, that's the only way I could see ever feel right in a relationship again. 

I'm still married but if things  go wrong I feel the same way.

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@ElizabethStar,

    My ex was the type of person that always would tell me what she wanted her presents to be. No matter what I did things were never going to get better. If she didn't get her way it only made things worse. I had to break free and find myself again. I'm glad it isn't like that for everyone. I am all for loving other people. I just can't do that until I have that for myself first. For me it has been less joyous displays from other's that have left me shying away from other's. I just want to love myself for who I am and to be happy in my own life. Sorry if I am being a downer. I encourage everyone to be happy as long as they are not hurting other's.

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Abi honey, I'm so sorry you haven't found that someone to do all those special things for you. I really hope you find that person soon. My therapist say wanting a person to care for you by buying you flowers and jewelry, candy and cards, even buying you drinks and opening doors is only natural and is a feeling all women have. My therapist calls it being taken care of. I don't care what its called, I call it being wanted and I really want it and the feelings it brings. I recently told a girlfriend of mine that I can't wait to have someone to buy me diamonds, right now I have to buy my own. Takes all the special out of a night of "self" passion! lol.

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@HollyNoel,

    Once I realized I was going to need a divorce, I made a vow not to ever ask anyone to do anything like that for me. It just feels like they would only do it as an obligation and not out of their own desire. My ex made giving a gift feel like a responsibility or a chore. I didn't mind a suggestion. I often would ask. The worst part of being with someone that feels they have this kind of right is that they always take more and more, meanwhile giving nothing in return.

    I am fully independent of that hassle now. If I want flowers, I go get them for myself. I prefer living ones that draw butterflies anyway. Don't get me wrong though, I would love the thought of someone actually doing these things because they want to. I just won't allow myself to wait around getting my hopes up either. Personally, I am happy learning to pamper myself.

    I was prepared for the social distancing aspect of the pandemic long before it began. I see so many people tearing themselves to pieces because they can't handle the lack of companionship. Domestic abuse is getting worse since couples have had to actually talk to each other. I even read an article talking about how marriages are falling apart faster because people are unable to fulfill the extramarital affairs they were engaging in to give them whatever they've been missing at home. I see all of this as a virus far more deadly than covid personally. 

    For all the love I know I would enjoy with someone truly special, I lack the desire to seek it. With as negative as that may truly sound, it really is something very positive for me. I have great friends here and get to socialize as I please, I can do whatever I want and whenever I want without the feeling of someone's judgement weighing me down. I am liberated and loving my freedom. 

 

Abigail

 

 

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On 8/8/2020 at 3:46 AM, DragonflyGirl said:

I get hit on a lot, but I'm usually too stupid to realise, or if I do I panic and run away!

 

People in general are much friendlier to me now than they were to 'him'.

 

Me, too, except the "a lot" part, lol.  It looks like several of us have the same reactions??

 

On 9/11/2020 at 2:18 PM, DragonflyGirl said:

 

I enjoy a bit of chivalry!

 

 

Always gets my attention!

 

On 9/11/2020 at 3:31 PM, Abi said:

I told someone I was dating many years before, that I really wished she would give me flowers.

 

I was given flowers once and I loved it!  Never thought about that being the first sign of the end.  Has me wondering now.  I'm sorry to hear the joy of that moment turned into a bad memory for you now.  😢

 

On 9/11/2020 at 3:31 PM, Abi said:

We have so much love to offer the people that we care for.

 

This is not the first time I've heard this from trans girls.  I've also heard it from men who are [genuinely] attracted to trans women.  Is our desire for love stronger than the average woman? 🤔

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Abi, it makes me sad to know that you've all but given up on having that special someone to take care of you. I truly hope you find that person and they treat you like the queen you are. Much Hugs Holly.

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