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What's the strangest thing someone has said to you about being trans?


ThatDarnDodo

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ThatDarnDodo

What's the weirdest thing someone has said to you when they found out you were trans? Something that didn't necessarily offend you but that left you going "...what."

 

For me it was something that was actually said to my mom about me. She'd told a co-worker of hers, that I'd met a couple of times, that I was nonbinary. Her response was, "Then why does she wear nail polish?" Ignoring the misgendering, I'm just surprised that me not having a gender means I can't have blue nails. But that's the kind of things that happen when you're afab and nonbinary; people think that you not identifying either way means you must hate everything feminine and be as butch as possible. Yeah, I don't get it either. I know some folks are like that but that's just not me. You can take my nail polish from my cold, dead, amazingly well kept hands. 

 

Anyone else got any stories? Hopefully more interesting than mine?

 

 

 

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MaryMary

Hmmm ....

 

 - the doctor who checked my vocal cords said to me that they looked fine and that if I waited a couple of months my voice would change by itself. ( I don't think that's how that work)

- My last gender therapist said that although I would not have periods I would have the mood swings that goes with it and she explained in quite a lot of details. ( I don't think that's how that work)

- My first therapist who "helped" trans people for 40 years took a good 1 hour to explain how trans people treatment looked like in the past. He said that trans patients were difficult. Then proceeded in describing electroshock treatment he did at the start of his career in far too much details. That was completely surreal. There's not many gender therapists in a smaller city so sometimes you have to go trough that kind of gender therapist to get all the help you can gather.

- Both the gender therapist I saw tried to explain WHY I was trans. When a psychologist do that my experience tell me to expect a trainwreck of an explanation. Your father gave you too much pressure to be a boy... but he gave me none like... at all. And then you try to explain that it,s false and the therapist don't listen and the conclusion is there without any possible input. And each psychologist have a totally different explanation, each time that explanation is without appeal. Yet, all of those totally contradict each other... sometimes I think they do that by design and consult each other.... lol

- In retrospect and after talking with intersex persons I understand that when I was young all the specialists I saw (including some gynecologists) tried to find if I was intersex !! without telling my parents !!. I get it now that I'm wiser. I went from doctors to doctors each spewing some theory or another on why my voice was not ok and trying to explain what they saw. But, I'm not intersex, 99% sure of that.

- My family doctor think I have the keifner syndrome (the thing where you have 3 sexual chromosome)

 

When I compile all that I did related to being trans trough the years the final portrait in so very strange, so very confusing when you think about it.

 

The second thing is the relationship part of being trans. I'm not kidding before my coming out people often asked me if I'm gay... other girls were accusing me of being a lady's man (matcho), others where saying I was a totally normal hetero cis male, my parents suspected I was gay, some people accused me of being too brash, others of being too shy and closed off, others said I was too efiminate, others too masculine. Now as a openly trans woman I do too much and put makeup in times when other cis woman wouldn't put it. Some people also tell me I'm too masculine and that I have too many masculine activities. I'm bad for the feminist cause because I think I'm a girl and what I like and do is so stereotypically feminine, I'm a cliché and I'm fake. Yet, other people tell me I'm too masculine and not feminine enough. Sometime I go somewhere with some clothes on and people tell me they would have liked me to wear something more feminine and they wearing the same exact clothes (a t-shirt and pants) people say I should do too much to look like a woman.

 

All of this is so strange, being trans brings a lot of strange things...

 

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Jackie C.

Once upon a time, when I was out, but still regulated to the men's room (my state has bathroom laws), I was changing in the locker room before my workout. I was dressing in a gender neutral/feminine manner and wearing a sports bra. Now, I had my gym clothes underneath. I'd shuck my shirt/pants and had my shorts/tank on.

The guy changing next to me gave me the once-over and said, "You've got a lot of balls bringing those (my breasts) in here."

What do you say to that?

I wanted to say, "Well, I'd leave them at home but they cry."

What I went with was, "Well, until I get bottom surgery I'm stuck in here with all of you. I apologize if it offends, but I'll be out of here in a minute."

Nobody made a fuss afterwards and a couple of months later, my friend who runs the cleaning staff told me, "You know we have a gender-neutral bathroom, right?"

 

Hugs!

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ThatDarnDodo

@MaryMary I think trans people are just magnets for insane psychologists. I briefly saw a woman who admitted to never having seen a trans person in our first session and in the second one told me she'd gone and googled trans folks and had somehow come to the conclusion that most trans people are trans because they were molested as children. I died a little inside that day. 

 

@Jackie C.Oh my word, all of that sounds like a scene from a transgender sitcom.

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3 hours ago, ThatDarnDodo said:

You can take my nail polish from my cold, dead, amazingly well kept hands. 

Nothing to add to the thread as I haven't told most people about me yet, but I actually LOL'd at that ?

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Emily michelle

I have had a couple of instances. I was yelled at across a gas station “that dude has tits”

The latest one is my mom insists that I’m a burden on her but she admitted I looked happy lol. She then pulls my wife aside and asked how she was handling this situation and that she can leave me.

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So on two separate occasions I guess people at my college have tried to report their fraternity/sorority members for being transphobic towards me, even though I have no clue who these people are. The first time happened during my first weekend on campus, and I had this dude that I'd never even met before coming up to me and apologizing and saying "I just want you to know that I totally support your lifestyle no matter what anyone else tells you I've said". My response was just "that's great... Who are you again?" The second time one of the girls in my college band came over to my dorm nearly in tears because one of her sorority sister reported her for being transphobic during band but the incident she was describing never happened!? And I know now that this girl was pretty bigoted but at the time I just told her that I wasn't gonna make a big deal bc she'd always been at least decent to me when we had to interact. 

 

I guess it's just weird that being one of the only openly trans people on campus means that people will try and use you to try and bring down other members of their organizations... Like both times I was more confused than actually offended by these people. 

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MaryMary
29 minutes ago, Rorelai said:

I totally support your lifestyle

 

ohhh that expression.... mega cringe

Right when he said that I would have reacted so badly, lol

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@MaryMary I was too confused to really have much of a response. Like little freshman Rory was just minding her business in the lounge when this complete stranger upperclassman comes up and starts apologizing for things I had no idea about. 

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RunValRun

I would not call it weird, more of a bitter/sweet combination. I got a few dresses and was trying them on and sharing pictures with my mom to see her opinion. And for one of them she replied, “oh, this one makes you look like a real woman”. ?

I know it was said with sincerity and reassurance but it still felt unsettling. Makes you wonder if those who are close to you would ever switch from supporting acceptance to seeing who you really are. 

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1 hour ago, Rorelai said:

I was too confused to really have much of a response.

@Rorelai Now that you've had time to ponder the statement you could calmly reply "it's not a lifestyle, its who I am." 

 

Valerie it sounds like the comment by your mom was made in with love for you.  As you grow and change, and the presence of Valerie becomes more natural for her, she will be better.  Have faith.

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Michellle

I bumped into a coworker while opening the door for the restroom. I was going in and he was coming out. He backed up against the door and said “woh I thought you were going to grab my crotch.” I know he thinks I like guys. I was taking back by that comment. My male ego almost kicked in because I felt like telling him to F off. But I kept it cool and just laughed it off. I don’t know how much longer I can ignore his ignorant comments.

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Jackie C.
39 minutes ago, Michellle said:

I bumped into a coworker while opening the door for the restroom. I was going in and he was coming out. He backed up against the door and said “woh I thought you were going to grab my crotch.” I know he thinks I like guys. I was taking back by that comment. My male ego almost kicked in because I felt like telling him to F off. But I kept it cool and just laughed it off. I don’t know how much longer I can ignore his ignorant comments.

 

Wow, that guy is an -censored-. Can you report him to HR?

 

Hugs!

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KathyLauren
1 hour ago, Michellle said:

I bumped into a coworker while opening the door for the restroom. I was going in and he was coming out. He backed up against the door and said “woh I thought you were going to grab my crotch.” I know he thinks I like guys. I was taking back by that comment. My male ego almost kicked in because I felt like telling him to F off. But I kept it cool and just laughed it off. I don’t know how much longer I can ignore his ignorant comments.

 

I would have slowly looked him up and down with an expression of utter disgust and disbelief, and said, "Why the h*** would I want to do that?" ?

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Michellle
1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

 

I would have slowly looked him up and down with an expression of utter disgust and disbelief, and said, "Why the h*** would I want to do that?" ?

I bumped into a coworker while opening the door for the restroom. I was going in and he was coming out. He backed up against the door and said “woh I thought you were going to grab my crotch.” I know he thinks I like guys. I was taking back by that comment. My male ego almost kicked in because I felt like telling him to F off. But I kept it cool and just laughed it off. I don’t know how much longer I can ignore his ignorant comments.

 

Next time I will be ready with a arsonal of comebacks. There is only so much I can take before I snap. I treat people with respect and kindnesses and expect the same in return. No one else at work has a issue with me and I am grateful. He better watch it , these hormones make me fiery...lol 

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RunValRun

Thank you @Jani, after some consideration I came to the same conclusion. I have been on this journey much longer and need to remember that others are still acclimating to the “new normal” ?

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I had a lot of bad once, but i had one fun one

I was cleaning one of long time customer house. She is a wonderful woman. I been fully out to all my clients for well over 2yrs.

She was on the phone with her daughter and  the conversation want like this

"Alex is here." she look over at me

"I mean Lexi is here. He such a great guy."  Again she looks over at me

" I mean she sucha great guy, NOT a GUY.. a Girl. He is such a great Girl."

She look over at me again her face a little red

" Jesus f chirst!!! SHE IS A SHE  not he, and I love how hard and special he make me feel."

she look at me again her face was all red. I could not stop laughing.,

I yell out " Veronica just hang up the phone before we both  have a heart attack."

Love that woman. and when i get  down that moment always make me laugh

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ElizabethStar

When I had started transitioning one of our service techs loudly (so everyone could hear) made a comment about how I was starting to look like a girl. I didn't know what to say. I was a little shocked.  A few months later he made another loud comment that I looked more like a girl every time he saw me. This time I replied loudly "I doesn't matter what you say to me. Please stop hitting on me. I will never date you." He only talks to me about work stuff now.

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Charlize

Elizabeth i like that response.  I've mentioned to a couple of men over the years that i am  unfortunately not at attracted to them.  That response might have worked well for Michellle as well, with the possible addition of " you are not that attractive."

I think the strangest thing anyone said to me, and it was repeated throughout my life was:  " It is a phase and you will grow out of it."

That's strange!  Certainly when you see me now.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Michellle
1 hour ago, ElizabethStar said:

When I had started transitioning one of our service techs loudly (so everyone could hear) made a comment about how I was starting to look like a girl. I didn't know what to say. I was a little shocked.  A few months later he made another loud comment that I looked more like a girl every time he saw me. This time I replied loudly "I doesn't matter what you say to me. Please stop hitting on me. I will never date you." He only talks to me about work stuff now.


That is something this guy would say to me. It’s funny this guy is a service tech also. I wonder if its the same person...lol. I love your comeback, I will use it next time. 
 
Michelle

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RunValRun

Over the years I had my coworkers make plenty of statements about my reactions or things I said that compared me to their wives or some other female relatives. But instead of going defensive or getting upset I would just smile and agree. They never understood my reaction and any confrontation would just dissipate. However, for me all those statements were like badges of honor even if I didn’t fully understand why ? 

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Hey Elizabeth 

That a good one. I used to say, " You can't afford me."

But i look yr better

 

  

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HollyNoel

OK so a girlfriend (an actual cis girl that's just a friend) said this too me just last night. She loves Greys Anatomy but I don't. She really want's me to get into it so we can talk about it. I tried but it really doesn't interest me one bit. Well last night she said she hoped the female hormones will kill the male part of my brain so that I can start being woman enough to like Greys Anatomy.  I told her there ain't nothing on this planet that can change me enough to be a woman that likes that show. Now give me The Walking Dead and we can talk.. lol

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ElizabethStar

@HollyNoelI felt the same way about those two exact shows. Now I  have a favorite episode of Gray's.

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HollyNoel
23 minutes ago, ElizabethStar said:

I felt the same way about those two exact shows. Now I  have a favorite episode of Gray's.

Elizabeth, Whats the episode. Maybe I will give it a shot.

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