The Least Impressive Coming Out Story Ever!

[Jacqui]

I have no wife or children, no frequent work contacts or office environment to navigate (since I am retired), and no close friends or relatives whom I see on a frequent basis.  This is fundamentally a sad state of affairs, but at least it minimizes the number of risky 'coming out' scenarios one has to traverse. 

 

Be that as it may, I had been playing with the thought of coming out to my sister for a while.  Over the past couple of years, I made occasional allusions to being 'messed up' in some vague way when we spoke, but nothing more concrete than that.  A couple days ago, an opportunity presented itself when I went up to my sister's place to see my niece, her husband and their new baby boy (they were visiting for a few weeks from out-of-state).

 

I was sitting outside with my sister after my niece's family retired for the evening.  I asked her, "Are you ready to take the red pill?"  Then I gave her my smart phone and let her read the long initial post I made here in the "What Am I? . . ." forum.

 

She read my words very carefully.  When she was done, she said, "J__, this isn't so awful or unusual, and you shouldn't feel that it will keep you from socializing and having friendships."  She was utterly accepting and supportive.  We talked for a while and she asked some reasonable and intelligent questions to understand details about my situation.  Her final thought was that I should definitely seek out therapy to better understand what I really need to make me happy (whatever that may be).

 

I call this The Least Impressive Coming Out Story Ever! because it was so utterly low-risk.  My sister is 'a woman of the world' -- highly intelligent (she's a corporate attorney) and very liberal-minded, and I was reasonably sure that she would not have a negative reaction. 

 

Actually, now that I think about it, I was probably coming out to myself more than anybody.  In letting somebody close to me know me in a way I had never before permitted (outside of therapy), I was opening the door to the whole scary world seeing a very different but more genuine me.

 

I guess I took the red pill.  Cheers!

 

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, Jacqui said:

My sister is 'a woman of the world' -- highly intelligent (she's a corporate attorney) and very liberal-minded, and I was reasonably sure that she would not have a negative reaction. 

I’m very happy that this ‘coming out’ wasn’t an issue for you or your family. Has it changed anything about your relationship with them or has it remained the normal status quo?

In my experience, it changed every relationship to some degree–one way or another. I realized early on that there could never be a sure-fire way to determine who would reject me, be indifferent, be accepting, or fully affirming. I was wrong about almost everyone. It made me realize something and look at people a little differently ever since. We are only exposed to small part of anyone’s true personality even when we ‘think’ we know almost everything about them. Their unshared experiences and feelings have an impact on their level of acceptance which is unbeknownst to us in many cases. My stereotypical expectations of any of my coming out reaction didn’t hold true for me in so many cases. In your sisters case, it worked out just as you thought....that in itself was a blessing.

 

Thanks for sharing you story,

Susan R?

[Jacqui]

25 minutes ago, Susan R said:

 . . . Has it changed anything about your relationship with them or has it remained the normal status quo? . . .

 

Short answer:  Too soon to tell (although there is no "them"; I asked my sister to keep it just between us for now).

 

Long term, if the news leaks out, I am hoping that it turns into an inter-sibling, cross-generational sh*tstorm that makes the hijinks on Succession look like a Sunday-school picnic.  (Just kidding.)

[Jani]

@Jacqui coming out to anyone is difficult but as you have seen, it doesn't have to end up bad. As you are just starting to make yourself known to others I suppose it is akin to coming out to yourself.  I've always thought that no matter how long we have a thought, once we say it out loud to another it becomes real.  And in this case we become real too.  I have an idea your family will be non plussed by your news.  I know mine was.  

 

Cheers,

Jani 

[KayC]

6 hours ago, Jacqui said:

Actually, now that I think about it, I was probably coming out to myself more than anybody.

That is truly awesome Jacqui! and even if you claim it as "least impressive coming out", I am truly impressed by your courage and your self-discovery.
And now you have an ally in your journey.  Congratulations❣️

[AmberM]

I would agree with Jani here, coming out to anyone takes bravery and courage. I would say even if it didn't have anything eventful, you did something that was hard. I have two of my wife and my mutual friends from High School that are pretty liberally minded, they've dealt with one of their friends coming out of the closet as gay okay, but it will worries me. There will always be some level of stress that we have to overcome. I applaud your bravery though for taking the red pill.

[Jacqui]

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and support!

[Jani]

3 hours ago, QuestioningAmber said:

they've dealt with one of their friends coming out of the closet as gay okay, but it will worries me.

Amber, unfortunately when situations like this hit home its sometimes a different reaction.  Go with your gut.  I think you'll be surprised.