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Share a Hopeful Thought Every Day


Heather Shay

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I love Mark Twain - I wrote a play with him in it - and I llove his wisdom.

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"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.

If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

     Dalai Lama

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I want all of you to know - I am your friend always.... Heather Shay.....

 

Comfort In Your Arms Quotes, Quotations & Sayings 2020

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@Abi you are kind but I have a lot of negative and down moments - 68 years is a goodly amount of time to have gone through enough wars internally and externally to know positivity in the face of adversity is always something to strive for. My motto/mantra - and I don't always live up to it - but I think about it in my darkest times is - GET BETTER NOT BITTER.

 

I'm currently up and positive - that means when I'm down I'm sure you will be up and you can help me - YOU AND I ARE IN THIS TOGETHER SISTER.

 

With Love,

 

Heather Shay

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How to achieve becoming BETTER and not BITTER

  1. Choose Joy. And I’m not talking about happiness. There’s a distinct difference between the two. Happiness is an outward expression while joy is an inward decision. Happiness is a reaction to what’s going on around us. Joy is a conscious choice that no matter what happens, you will rise above. Choosing joy will transform the way you live. It will allow you to see beyond your circumstance to what really matters.
  2. Grieve, But Get Back Up. Grief is a normal response to a tragic situation. It’s okay to cry, scream, and get angry. It’s okay to eat an entire pint of ice cream to drown away your sorrows. Grief is healthy. Be sad. Be upset. Be hurt. But don’t stay there. Walk through those feelings, but make sure you continue to walk. Giving up in the middle of grief can swallow you whole. When you’ve finished your ice cream, set the spoon down. Holding onto grief can paralyze your process. If you want things to get better, feel it and follow through.
  3. Pick Your Friends Wisely. Some friends serendipitously fall into our lives while others are hard-earned. Remember, you are who you surround yourself with. If Bitter Betty is your bestie, her bitterness will most definitely rub off on you. Be mindful of how your friends make you feel. If they bring you down, cut them off. The same goes for certain family members. If you have a sibling/parent/cousin/etc that can’t stop crying over the spilt milk, step away. Find relationships that speak life into your circumstance. Everyone needs Positive Polly as a friend.
  4. Keep The Faith. No matter your religion or beliefs, have faith. Faith that it is going to get easier. Faith that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Without belief in something, there can’t be a belief in anything. My faith in God rescued me from bitterness. He is my strength when I have none. He will make a way where there is no way. Have faith that where you are now is not where you will always be.
  5. Have Hope. Similar to faith, we must never lose hope. Hopelessness is a breeding ground for bitterness. Those who give up hope often fester in bitterness until the very end. When everything else fades away, hope will be your anchor. When catastrophe comes, hope will be the gentle salve that heals your wounds. Hope gives us a future perspective and allows us to grow through our trials.
  6. Be Intentional. Don’t drift. Complacency leads to dissatisfaction and resentment. Without intent we become victims. We fall prey to our tragedy. A victim mentality is a guarantee for bitterness. Every curveball has limitations, but living without intent allows our challenges to overpower every area. Maintain some level of normalcy and be intentional about how you spend your days. Sitting on the couch is a recipe for disaster during life’s battles. We rarely have the choice of what challenges we will face, but we do have the choice on how we will respond. Being intentional is a sure-fire way to take your power back.
  7. Find The Lesson. Though it may be the proverbial needle in a haystack, you can find lessons in your tragedy. I’m not referring to reason why the tragedy happened, but rather the wisdom you can glean from it. Every struggle can teach you something. My fight against cancer has completely changed my life. There are many disappointments that have resulted from my diagnosis, yet, because I’ve searched for the lessons, I’ve become a better person. I’ve learned more during my lowest points than I ever have in my highest.
  8. Count Your Blessings. It’s easy to focus on the negative in the middle of misfortune. Remember that life hasn’t always been and won’t always be difficult. We all have reasons to be thankful. Focusing on the positive things in your life will shield you against bitterness. Blessings block bitterness. It’s as simple as that.
  9. Get Healthy. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We all feel better when we feel better. When physically weak, get emotionally strong. When emotionally weak, go to the gym and grow those muscles! Pay attention to what you’re putting into your body. Eat what gives you life. Though few want to cook healthy meals and would rather opt for quicker and easier options when life gets hard, making healthier choices will pave the way towards a better life. Treat your body kindly, it’s the only one you get.
  10. Help Others. Your tragedy gives you insight into what others may be experiencing. Be what you needed when you were thrown a curveball for someone else. Serving others gives us an outward perspective and allows us to see life for more than what it may feel like in difficult seasons. There will always be someone else who has it worse. Reaching out and lending a helping hand betters not only you, but the one you’re serving.
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  • Posts

    • MaeBe
      Thank you for continuing to share your story, Sally!   Willa sounded like a grand friend, I'm sorry for your loss. :(
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Not all conservatives are for Trump.  I am far from thrilled he is running.  Just wanted to make that clear.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Anybody willing to present the case for Trump? Any conservatives out there?
    • MaeBe
      Two words(?): Project 2025   Please provide links to the "political calculus" referred to, I'd be interested to know where this is coming from. It seems odd that anyone would be advocating to vote in a President that has stated that he will try to use the federal government to go after LGBTQ+ people because voting back Biden, that is not doing that, might cause some state legislatures to put forth more discriminatory laws.   LGBTQ+ people are not safe in a MAGA future.
    • Ashley0616
      It's awesome that you have had such a great friend in your life! I could only imagine what losing felt like to you. It's neat that you worked for the airlines. Did you take advantage of the space availability fights? My dad worked for Northwest and always flew every single summer except one where we drove from north Mississippi to Phoenix, AZ. My parents agreed to never do that again lol. 
    • Ashley0616
      The trans community won't be good under Trump at all. Biden is the one who has done more for the trans community than any other presidents. Last time Trump was in office he was at an LGBTQ rally and his support went quickly away from us because the majority of the voters are anti trans. He is going to get rid of our rights and also come after the rest of LGBTQ.  I don't know where you heard we would be better under Trump.    Trump unveils sweeping attack on trans rights ahead of 2024 (axios.com)   Trump Promises to Go After Trans People if Re-Elected (vice.com)   Trump promises to ban transgender women from sports if re-elected (nbcnews.com)
    • Sally Stone
      Post 7 “The Pittsburgh Years” When I retired from the Army, we moved to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania because I had been hired by US Airways to work in their flight training department.  The transition to civilian life was a bit of an adjustment, but I never really looked back.  At the same time, I was excited at the prospect of having more Sally time. But with work and two teenage boys in the house, getting to be Sally was a challenge.    The biggest issue in this regard were my sons, as they didn’t know about my feminine side.  My wife and I discussed, in great detail, whether or not to tell them.  If they had known about Sally, it would have been much easier to actually be Sally when I wanted to.  But I still didn’t know exactly where my transgender journey was going to take me, and this uncertainty was the primary reason my wife and I decided it wasn’t the right time to tell them about Sally.  Except for the convenience it would afford me, we didn’t think it was fair to burdened them with such a sensitive family secret if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.  If at some point things changed and it looked like I might be heading towards transition, my wife and I agreed we would revisit our decision.   Despite having to tiptoe around the boys I was able, with my wife often running interference for me, to significantly increase my girl time.  The nature of my variable work schedule meant that often days off occurred during the week when the boys were in school, and on those days, I took full advantage of the time.  Additionally, I had discovered a new trans friend through a local support group, and my wife, ever and always accommodating, ensured I had time for outings with my new friend.    Willa, my new friend, quickly became my best friend, and after only a short time, she and my wife became quite close as well.  With Willa’s help, I would soon discover that Pittsburgh was a very trans friendly city.  Together, she and I made the town our own.  We attended the theater, the symphony, we went out to dinner regularly, and I think we visited every museum in the city.  With Willa’s support and friendship, I was actually becoming quite the girl about town.    Willa and I had a lot in common.  We loved to shop, we had similar feminine styles, and we had similar views and feelings about being trans.  In fact, our frequent and deep discussions about transgender issues helped me begin to understand my transgender nature.  Having Willa as a springboard for all topics transgender, was probably as effective as regularly visiting a therapist.  I would never discount anyone’s desire to seek professional help, but having an unbiased confidant, can also be an effective method for self-discovery.    Exploring the city as Sally and spending time with Willa was instrumental in helping me understand my transgender nature, and would begin shaping my transgender objective.  My feelings about the kind of girl I was and where I wanted to go began to solidify.  Being out and socializing as Sally in a big city like Pittsburgh, taught me I could express my femininity without issue.  I honestly felt confident I could live my life as a woman; however, remaining completely objective, I just couldn’t see giving up the life I’d built as a man.   At that time, I was being heavily influenced by the concept of the gender binary, which had me thinking I had to choose between being a man or being a woman.  It was Willa who reminded me there were no rules requiring gender identity to be binary.  During one of our deep discussions, she posited the idea of enjoying both genders, something she was doing, and a concept that made a lot of sense to me.  I was already living the life of a part-time woman, so I simply started paying more attention to how that was making me feel.    One characteristic that was dominating my feminine self-expression (and it continues to this day) was that when I was Sally, I was “all in.”  When I became Sally, it was such a complete transformation that I truly felt like a woman.  The feeling was powerful, and if I had to describe it another way, I’d say it was akin to an actor, so into the part, they actually become the character they are portraying.  That was me, and I discovered that this level of depth was extremely fulfilling, and that feeling tended to last long after transitioning back to my male persona.  Part-time womanhood it seemed, was actually working for me.    Eventually, a job change forced me to move away from Pittsburgh, but the enlightenment I experienced while living there has shaped the nature of my bi-gender personality to this day.  Even after leaving, Willa and I remained the best of friends.  We had many more adventures, some of which I will detail in later posts.  Sadly, Willa passed away two-years ago after contracting a prolonged illness.  Her loss was hard to take and I miss her dearly.  However, I have so many fond memories of our times together, and because her support helped shape me, she lives on in my heart.   Hugs,   Sally
    • missyjo
      thank you dear. I'm constantly working at adjusting n writing off other people's judgment or input.   thank you n good luck
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Them's fighting words, but I intend to discuss this respectfully, calmly and so forth, in accordance with the forum rules.   Considering the one issue below in isolation:   There is a political calculus that trans folk may be better off under Trump than under Biden.  The argument goes that Biden has created such a backlash by moving so far to the left that red states, in particular, are reacting with a swarm of laws that negatively impact trans folk.  Some of his actions strike many people as clumsily forcing unwanted regulation on people, and some of his appointments, such as the luggage stealing bigender individual, have not helped advance trans folk but rather the reverse.  In a second term Biden would make things worse for trans folk because of the backlash and resentment his policies would create.    Trump likely would have negative impacts to trans folk, as he did in his first term with respect to the military, so it is a set of tradeoffs as to which is worse.   Thoughts?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Can you dress androgynously? 
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
      There are trans folk who pass better than some cis people.  People usually aren't on the lookout for those who are cross dressed.  As long as there are no multiple screaming signals and you don't draw attention to yourself you can probably pass better than you think. For example, if you walk into a bank in heels, however, and you DON'T know how to walk in heels, you will attract the attention of a security guard, especially if you are acting nervous. If you wear flats and just go to the bank and do your business like anyone else, it is likely no one will notice, except that there was a customer who was taller than most women are, but then there are tall women, and tall, broad shouldered woman.  I made the mistake years ago of thinking I had outed such, and knew she was a he.  Later I learned she had five kids, and her husband was bigger than she was.  Ooops.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't know much about CNAs.  They report to an RN, right?  Can you somehow bring this up to the RN in a way that does not get your CNA mad at you? I'm not saying you should, but maybe that is a good course of action.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This is the thing.  A month ago tomorrow is when I stopped wearing m clothing.  Today I feel great.  I do not have dysphoria when I am dressed as and I move as a woman.  I was just thinking about that because I was wondering if I would or will get hit with a wave of "you don't have dysphoria so you might as well dress like a guy. Less hassle with your wife."  Not that she is aware, to my knowledge, that these androgynous clothes are women's.  No desire to "flip", no feeling of need to, just happy identifying as female.  Speaking, in my deep guy voice, with female voice patterns, doing the feminine gestures that come naturally and without exaggeration and at peace.
    • Birdie
      Yes, my brother was born lactating due to absorbing hormones from my mum.    Of course she isn't a nurse, she is a CNA. She should however still have general medical knowledge.
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