I went for my second therapy session today

[Denisenj]

  Well when a psychiatrist diagnoses you as having, anxiety disorder ,PTSD and gender dysphoria. I guess it's good I see a therapist.. she told me just stopped asking myself what's wrong with me why am I like this. Basically she said to be loved by others you first must accept and love yourself. The PTSD she didn't understand why I was diagnosed with that of course I mentioned my father was alcoholic and beat my mother. She said it might not so much be gender dysphoria as me being a transvestite. She don't want me to demean myself even though I only like girls I should maybe I should just become a sissy. It does help talking in person to a person. A year ago I wouldn't have dreamed about going out in Guy mode with my nails done and that was one of my concerns and she said if I like it do it then. I question why do girls have their nails done and she said because they enjoy it. It's not for others to enjoy, men don't really notice that much but with my woman's mindset I notice.  Well I came home and I had the strong urge to dress a little bit. I have a girl I speak to and she looked up gender dysphoria and she said that that's permanent. She also asked me how do I feel when I become Denise and I told her it makes me feel good and I feel I don't look bad for a 62 year old woman. I said I feel like I've been cursed she said don't feel that way just accept the way You Are.  She did tell me I'm going to have a hard time finding a girl that will accept both me and Denise I guess the future will be uncertain for me.

 

[Heather Shay]

It finally dawned on me a few years ago that the commandment to love your neighbor as yourself - means you GOT TO LOVE YOURSELF FIRST - if you don't you can't love your neighbor - you can't share what you don't have - so your therapist is 100% correct. Work on yourself and being yourself and knowing yourself - that will be a firm foundation to build upon.

[Jackie C.]

Wow. OK, so your therapist doesn't sound very strong on trans issues. I'm with @MaryMary here; your therapist absolutely should have said "cross-dresser" instead of what she said. "Sissy" is a bit out of bounds as well. The idea that she thinks dressing is demeaning is a huge, honking red flag too.

 

I'm with her on loving yourself, but the rest of that sounded like a mess of hot garbage. Loving yourself can be hard, but it's where everything else comes from.

 

Again, finding someone who accepts all of us can be challenging but it's not impossible. I'm married to a lovely woman. I've got other trans friends (who will remain anonymous for privacy purposes) who are married in stable, long term relationships with supportive spouses. There can be bumps in the road, sure, but there's no reason to think you'll never find happiness with a supportive partner.

 

Hugs!

[Jani]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

Wow. OK, so your therapist doesn't sound very strong on trans issues. I'm with @MaryMary here; your therapist absolutely should have said "cross-dresser" instead of what she said. "Sissy" is a bit out of bounds as well. The idea that she thinks dressing is demeaning is a huge, honking red flag too.

@Denisenj I totally agree with my friends.  Red Flag.  Old School and out of touch.

 

I do agree with this statement.  I had said this for years and taught it to my son.  Be kind to all, including yourself.

2 hours ago, Denisenj said:

Basically she said to be loved by others you first must accept and love yourself.

 

As to finding someone who loves you, that you love is not impossible.  But as the old song goes "I've been looking for love in all the wrong places" you have to put yourself into the right situation to find a soul mate.  You can do this. As you note you are a pretty good looking 62 year old.  Heck, who would have ever guessed you were that age?  You don't look it.  

 

Yes the future is uncertain but when is it ever certain? 

Hugs, Jani 

[Denisenj]

Thanks Jani for the  kind words . I always thought Denise looked better than Dennis.  I try to take care of my skin.   I guess I am stuck with her !!!   Have a nice Holiday This is my first picture of going out in public back in 84. Of course it was Halloween

[Jani]

Thats cute photo, and you've only gotten better!

 

Hugs, Jani

[Denisenj]

All I know is that going to therapy reaffirms how much of a woman I really am. Sometime I let Denise take control and do what makes her feel good.last week I got dressed up as said hey why not let me go to the outlets let me go to the casino and I spent the day as the nice and it felt right. Tomorrow I have a phone call with the psychiatrist and talk to her about my feelings I guess. I'm starting to feel it's not a curse that's been bestowed upon me but a blessing.

[Heather Shay]

Remember - there aren't 2 you's - there's only the true you asking to be accepted and let flourish in a world of finding out. Best Wishes and be honest about all your feelings and what is going on in you. YOU ARE WORTH IT AND DESERVE IT.

[Denisenj]

Oh the most important part I like this girl named baeza at the nail salon and I told her next time I come for a pedicure I'll come as Denise it was very liberating go in there feeling femme. My regular nails are grown so long that I feel naked onless I have them polished and shaped nicely.

[Jani]

Looking good Denise.  I'm sure it was nice to get your nails done.  Good luck with your call tomorrow. 

 

Jani

[Denisenj]

Yesterday I had a blue jeans conference call with my therapist. I never showed her Denise so I got dolled up a little bit and when she came on she looked at me cuz how you doing today Denise. Kind of made me feel good. I come to the realization that it's okay to be yourself and for me being to me springs my anxiety level down. She gave me a couple of compliments that made me feel good. I spoke as a psychiatrist on the 15th, and I told her the next time I'm going to come in person as Denise she says she's looking forward to it .so I sent her some pictures of me of what to expect. This therapy is make me realize that I feel better as a girl. After the session was over I need to go get some batteries at the dollar store so I went out with my handbag and afterwards I stopped off at taco Bell and got me a couple hard tacos this is me last night. I shared these pictures with a couple girls that I talk to. My friend's wife texts me back and says you need to show me how to put on your makeup you do it so well that made me feel good so I'm going to help her. She is really serious her name is Joyce. I guess she accepts Denise

[Heather Shay]

@Denisenj wonderful..

Realizations from therapy is so important and to be made comfortable and happy from acceptance and receive compliments and even tips on make up is a great feeling.

[Denisenj]

I told this counselor I felt like a failure as a man and she said you said that before don't say it again just feel comfortable on who you are. I know that I have the soul of a woman I just need to embrace it

[Heather Shay]

Wise words and a good mantra whenever you are feeling down.

[Jani]

Denise you are looking good!  Sounds like a great day.  

 

Jani

[Denisenj]

Thanks Jami for the kind words. I shared those last two pictures with this 21 year old girl who works  at the Estee Lauder counter at Boscov's 

 She said I was stunning as usual. I said nobody ever called me stunning before and she said, you are  and don't let anyone  tell you otherwise. Talk about pumping someone up.. 

 

[Heather Shay]

Truth never hurts and she spoke the truth.

[Susan R]

20 hours ago, Denisenj said:

I stopped off at taco Bell and got me a couple hard tacos this is me last night.

Wow, I like your look, Denise! Very nice with a classy touch! 

 

20 hours ago, Denisenj said:

This therapy is make me realize that I feel better as a girl.

I can understand this. Isn’t therapy wonderful. Puts everything into a better perspective. We need to do what makes us feel better. I quit living under other’s expectation of who I should be long ago. Looks like you’re doing the same. I’m glad you're accepting and learning more about yourself with the help of your therapist. Sounds like you found a good one.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[Denisenj]

Thanks Susan how right u are.

[KayC]

On 9/18/2020 at 8:20 PM, Denisenj said:

I know that I have the soul of a woman I just need to embrace it

That's great, Denise!  and perfect guidance form your therapist.  I am not Out socially yet, but I hope someday (soon?) I can go to a therapy session dressed as my true self too.

 

You look awesome (and glowing!) in your photos.  Really like your eyebrows❣️

[Denisenj]

Wow,you girls k ow how to make a girl feel vrest

[Denisenj]

My confidence is through the roof doing things and never thought I'd ever do I think I'm starting to get comfortable with Denise enjoomh her immensely . Ears pierced. Full set of coffin nails. I think I'm ready to go back on HRT it just feels too good and I'm feeling a lot more comfortable as Denise