My Religious Brother

[Christine.Alaina]

Hi!

 

I recently came out to my whole family and with the exception of my brother they were all accepting. Most of them were even fully supportive and encouraging. I'm pleasantly surprised! They were all on board with calling me Christine, mom, she/her. I had good relationships with all my family before coming out and I'm so glad that we still have good relationships still. Except my brother. We did have a good one up until I came out.

 

He is a high ranking military officer. He has been in the military for nearly 30 years. He is a decorated combat veteran. Overtly masculine.  And he is a deacon in the Southern Baptist Church. In case you don't know, the Southern Baptist Church is very fundamentalist and believes in a literal interpretation of the Bible. I went in knowing what was going to happen when I came out.

 

When I told him I was transgender, he got quiet, then launched into a tirade. Yelling and preaching, quoting the Bible. I could barely get a word in. Then he hung up on me. I cried, I've always been sensitive. I called my mom, cried more. I talked to my daughter. My son. They were all very supportive. Thank God for my family. I felt very hurt, but talking to them made me feel a lot better.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to share my story. I don't think my brother will ever change, but that's his choice. Of course I will miss him. But, I am a woman and that's not a choice, it's a fact.

 

Love you!

Christine ?

[Jackie C.]

Query: What did he even quote? To the best of my knowledge, there isn't anything in the actual bible that pertains to being trans.

 

If I'm being snarky, I could say something about Mary's apparent parthenogenesis or something about the water bearer at the last supper who, if you know your history/culture of the time, was either gender flipped or a man living as a woman.

 

Anyway, I'm sorry you had to go through that. For some people their intolerance is more important than giving their love and support. You know, like Christians are supposed to.

 

Hugs!

[Christine.Alaina]

I don't remember the things he said so much. Anything someone so hateful says to me is irrelevant.  He told me to act like a man and called me brother. Intentionally misgendering me. I briefly tried to calm him down and tried to use the logic that we are all sinners and we all need Jesus's forgiveness but he was beyond reason so I gave up and let him rant. 

 

I've spent my whole life trying to live up to other people's expectations and I'm done now. I am finally free! And I'm really happy with my life right now.

 

Love you!

Christine

[Jackie C.]

21 minutes ago, Christine.Alaina said:

I'm really happy with my life right now.

 

And that's the only thing that matters. I'm glad you're not letting him get to you.

 

Hugs!

[Tracy]

I'm so sorry your brother feels that way and I'm not really "out" to many as trans but just being a feminine male can get similar reactions so I think I understand a little bit.There may be other quotes that people throw out but the three bible verses I heard the most on "a boy who thinks he's a girl" are like these below. So many forget "judge not least you be judged" or about loving your neighbor. It hurts so deeply at times but a lot of us have been there so we understand how you feel. I hope it passes but with some people at best you get a trace and some total rejection. I'm sorry.

 

Not trying to start a bible argument just saying what has been thrown at me. I am a New Testament Christian so I believe God made us all and since he doesn't make mistakes we are the way we are for a reason. But here are three of my long ago pastor's favorites.

 

“A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's cloak, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God." Deuteronomy 22-5

 

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." Genesis 1-27

 

"If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them." Levitius 20-13

[Cyndee]

34 minutes ago, Christine.Alaina said:

 

I've spent my whole life trying to live up to other people's expectations and I'm done now.

 

Right on, and that's telling like it is. Don't live for others, it's just so unhealthy

 

Be happy, be you.

 

Hugs

 

 

 

[Heather Shay]

@Christine.Alaina. I am so happy you received such overwhelming acceptance and I am happy to see your attitude toward you brother. Keep planting good seeds and one day he might surprise you and that change would be by supplying love and understanding.

If not I have always been told and agree that from time to time you do need to do some pruning to allow you to grow.

Best Wishes

Shay

[Confused1]

3 hours ago, Christine.Alaina said:

 Except my brother. And he is a deacon in the Southern Baptist Church. In case you don't know, the Southern Baptist Church is very fundamentalist and believes in a literal interpretation of the Bible. Yelling and preaching, quoting the Bible. I could barely get a word in.

I don't think my brother will ever change, but that's his choice. Of course I will miss him. But, I am a woman and that's not a choice, it's a fact.

 

Hi Christine,

I am one of those fundamentalists you mention. I have been studying the bible for better than 40 years, so I have an idea of what it says. I am also transgender.

 

It took several conversations, but I managed to get my Pastor from a conservative Evangelical church in the South to change his thinking. You never know. Your brother might come around. Some of the scriptures they like to quote have alternative scriptures too.

 

I'll take on one Tracy mentioned: Deuteronomy 22:5. If you read further to 22:11, it says: “You shall not wear a garment of different sorts, such as wool and linen mixed together." Kind of interesting how that one never gets brought up. Several of the the Old Testament scriptures are used as clubs, but the ones doing the clubbing don't follow all of them either. Not all people can be reached. I had a similar experience with someone I knew for about 40 years.

 

We now live in the New Testament and are saved by Grace through Faith. Jesus and the Apostles argued more with the Judaizers than anyone else. The only 2 commandments that Jesus gave us contained the word "love."

 

I'm happy the rest of the family have lovingly accepted you!

 

Hugs,

Mike

[DeeDee]

Hi Christine.  It is wonderful that you have had such an overwhelmingly good response to showing folks who you really are.

The scriptures are unfortunately used as a battering ram/chain, cherry picked and taken out of context all the time.

 

As an ordained and licensed minister in a mainline Christian church; over the two years I have been questioning my gender I have never once been scared of what God thinks of me. I know I was created in their image, male and female. God is openly genderless and was simply given male pronouns because it was a patriarchal society.

 

I have worried almost non stop about my colleagues and supposed friends who will have the same response as your brother, or my ability to continue in ministry, which I was called to.

 

Jesus commanded us to love God with every aspect of our being and love our neighbour as ourselves.  Every other commandment and law falls under the spirit of that command. He never once mentions anything anti LGBTQ+, for those who claim to speak for God and use scripture to condemn and judge their neighbour he has quite a few things to say and none of them are positive.

 

love yourself and hopefully will then be better placed to share that love and grace with those around you.

Concentrate on all the positives instead of that one negative

?

 

4 hours ago, Christine.Alaina said:

I am a woman and that's not a choice, it's a fact.

Amen!

x

[VickySGV]

You mention your brother's military life and it has spilled over into his religious beliefs as well I am sad to say. He is following orders from his superiors in his religion.  He has been ordered to see Trans people as enemies, yes, even family members by their belief system and his superior ministers and National Church.  He is being a good soldier in their army and expects more decorations of their style.  You have broken free from that prison he is in, and a service that will not let him retire and return to an un-ordered life where his own heart and own reasoning can take place again.  You be YOU and it will be a wonderful life for you.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Christine,

I'm sorry to hear things went this way with your brother. My best friend (at the time), who I felt more like he was my brother, rejected me. He won't even return a text or email if I send one. But like you, my family has been incredibly accepting and supportive. Treasure yours. They're beyond value.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Ivy]

Hey, Christine, welcome.

6 hours ago, Christine.Alaina said:

When I told him I was transgender, he got quiet, then launched into a tirade. Yelling and preaching, quoting the Bible.

Here's some thoughts.

 

While I don't claim to be a Christian at this point, I was a committed conservative christian for many years.  In fact, I would have used these same arguments against same sex relationships or transgender people myself.  Ironically, I was in a church men's support group when I began to come out to myself - although it is true that I was already questioning the "inerrancy" of scripture by that point.

 

I don't have any animosity toward Christians, but I don't really expect acceptance from them.

 

I am the only one of my birth family still living.  I did come out to one of my sisters (Jewish) before she passed, and she was supportive.  My own family has been mostly okay.  Some being real allies.  The more reluctant were conservative Christians.  At first they didn't want me around their kids in my "girl clothes".  But that has changed over time.  Perhaps it helped that one daughter in law has a gender non-conforming brother, so I guess that was already a thing.

 

I suspect that my previous resistance to LQBT issues was in part do to internalized transphobia.  Hiding behind scripture made that easier to justify.  It helps if you can convince yourself that you're on "God's side."

 

It is good to hear that the rest of your family is more accepting.