Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Dysphoria (or the Lack Thereof)?


Jacqui

Recommended Posts

Is it possible to be transgendered without having a sense of gender dysphoria?  I have had experiences and thoughts that have caused me to investigate gender identity topics with an eye toward how they apply to me, and others (including posters on these forums) have said that if one does that, they are almost certainly transgendered (since for cisgendered folk, the idea of engaging in such investigations never even occurs to them).

At the same time, I have not really had the kind of feelings that are said to indicate gender dysphoria.  I have heard gender dysphoria described as being like having a bad haircut and feeling a nagging discomfort because, until the haircut grows out, people are not seeing you the way you want to be seen.  I have also heard accounts of people with gender dysphoria so severe that they lie on the floor in a fetal position, clutching their genitals and sobbing uncontrollably.  I did a search on “dysphoria” in the Trans Pulse Forum topics and read the topic “What Does Dysphoria Feel Like?”  The posts in that topic provided additional evocative illustrations of the kinds of unease one could feel.  I have never been conscious of having any of these kinds of discomfort.  I don't seem to feel uncomfortable presenting as my cis identity, and I'm not aware of feeling anxious because I am prevented from presenting another more authentic self.  I also have no feelings of dislike for parts of my body.  I did experiment with crossdressing a couple of times in private during my college years, but I gave it up partly because it seemed 'unacceptable' and partly because it didn't feel as erotically stimulating as I thought it would (maybe if I had a taffeta petticoat or silk stockings to try on, I would have had a different opinion J).  The point I want to make here is that giving it up was genuinely easy for me – I didn’t have any subsequent buildup of dysphoric angst compelling me to crossdress again for relief.

What I do have is a lifelong history of autoerotic gratification in which the most prevalent category of fantasy involves various kinds of feminization or transition, frequently with a subtext of being compelled or forced.  I was and am a heavy consumer of things like the Sandy Thomas publications and stories on the 'Fictionmania' and other similar websites.  I also am aroused by images of attractive crossdressers and transwomen.  Is it possible that I have gender dysphoria, but am sublimating it through my autoerotic fantasies?

If it is possible to be transgendered without having a sense of gender dysphoria (and I noted that there was a comment to this effect in the topic “I think I finally understand 'gender dysphoria'"), then does an absence of significant gender dysphoria result in a conclusion that transition is not “medically necessary” from the viewpoint of Medicare and/or health insurance?

Link to post
  • Root Admin

The real answer to all of that is simple and misses us by a light year or two much too often.  Some Trans People do have all or some of the symptoms reported here, but all of them are different in degree and meaning.  Some have none of the symptoms at all.  Eroticism can be heavy or for those of us who are asexual, none at all. It is all up to you after you work through your questions with a therapist who is familiar with gender issues.  You will make the decision and then follow up on it.  You are you, no one else.  You tell me who and what you are, and I will accept it no matter what your history.  You could even be A-gender (without one) but still you have a right to be safe on the public streets.

Link to post

That's good advice, Vicky!  I have been emailing my gender therapist trying to get a second session scheduled and also trying to decide if I should use my insurance. 

 

I just noticed from your signature that Dr. Bowers (Marci, right?) did your surgery.  How did you like her?  Nice person?

Link to post

Hey Jacqui

Vicky is right on point.

As for me, there a days ( 1 or2) where I feel great, happy with whom i have become, but then there's weeks sometimes longer when i am afraid to leave my apt. When I have to wear a wig, make-up shave  twice ( morning and nite) So  I look passable to world and even then i will feel ugly..

However, I some TG that don't care they still have the breads, barely the have and still dress a bit male and totally happy.

 

 

 

Link to post

I've been starting to wonder whether "gender dysphoria" might be a much more general, vague term than I'd always assumed. I've always equated "gender dysphoria" with "I feel that I am truly gender A, but my body is gender B, and that shatters me to the core."

 

But now I'm beginning to question that assumption.

 

For example:

 

"I love the idea of being female, but I can see that I am male." Is that dysphoria? I don't know.

 

"I'd rather be the other gender." Is that dysphoria? I don't know.

 

"I love by moobies when I've shaved and exfoliated, but they feel strangely empty and unsensitive." Is that dysphoria? I don't know.

 

"I'm AMAB, but I'll often see a woman and evny her body/clothing/nails/mannerisms." Is that dysphoria? I don't know.

 

"I'm AMAB, never questioned it, always dressed male, but most types of men's clothing, especially dress clothes, are things I have ALWAYS despised and NEVER been willing to wear. Consequently my wardrobe is very limited, and I envy some of the options women have." Is that dysphoria? I don't know.

 

"I have a penis and I've never liked sports, don't even understand the appeal." Is that dysphoria? I don't know.

 

"My natural testosterone has turned by chest/back into disgusting shag carpeting and I hate it!" Is that dysphoria? I don't know.

 

Where is the line? I don't know.

 

What does "dysphoria" really mean? I don't know.

 

 

Link to post

Thanks everyone for your posts; they have helped.

 

The article posted by @RhondaS was interesting.  I accept the idea of dysphoria being technically a subset of expressions of desires or feelings as described in the DSM-V, and that those desires are associated with clinically significant distress or impairment.  (I think the article stretches things a bit semantically when it concludes that the word "associated" implies optionality.  If that were the case, the DSM-V would say "The condition may be associated with clinically significant distress or impairment" rather than "The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment".)

 

Regardless of the semantics, I suspect that the presence or absence of "clinically significant distress or impairment" would have a bearing on whether Medicare (for example) would characterize gender-confirming surgeries as "medically necessary".

 

 

Link to post
2 hours ago, Jacqui said:

Regardless of the semantics, I suspect that the presence or absence of "clinically significant distress or impairment" would have a bearing on whether Medicare (for example) would characterize gender-confirming surgeries as "medically necessary".

 

That's always been my assumption, but I too, would love clarification from someone more in-the-know than I.

Link to post
3 hours ago, Heathick said:

I've been starting to wonder whether "gender dysphoria" might be a much more general, vague term than I'd always assumed. I've always equated "gender dysphoria" with "I feel that I am truly gender A, but my body is gender B, and that shatters me to the core."

 

But now I'm beginning to question that assumption.

 

That list mostly sounds like dysphoria to me.  I felt a lot of those but was managing to deal with it up until it got to a more serious stage. 

Link to post
22 hours ago, Heathick said:

I've been starting to wonder whether "gender dysphoria" might be a much more general, vague term than I'd always assumed. I've always equated "gender dysphoria" with "I feel that I am truly gender A, but my body is gender B, and that shatters me to the core."

 

But now I'm beginning to question that assumption.

 

For example:

 

Sorry, I realized this might have sounded off topic. The connection I meant to make is "If this is something you're concerned about, I wonder if its possible there may already be something in you that you simply didn't realize was already a form of gender dysphoria." I'm still pretty early in wrapping my head around just what "dysphoria" really means.

Link to post
  • Root Admin
On 9/13/2020 at 9:33 PM, Jacqui said:

I just noticed from your signature that Dr. Bowers (Marci, right?) did your surgery.  How did you like her?  Nice person?

 

Dr. Bowere is a wonderful and caring person.  Her care team made me feel important and a good human during the whole adventure.  Recovery is not comfortable for ANY of us and it was taken care of as if I were their more important patient all the time.  I was patient 980 something out of 2K+ now and she still remembers me 7 years later and we hug and talk when we see each other even now.

 

Dr. Bowers is also a superb reconstructive surgeon for women whose genitalia have be damaged or mutilated by accident, cancer, or misguided cultural/religious beliefs   She is part of an international team helping "female circumcision" to recover from the mutilation and gain back the injured clitoris and other areas of the vulva.  All of that is done for free for those women.  This is the kind of person Marci Bowers is.

Link to post
1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

She is part of an international team helping "female circumcision" to recover from the mutilation and gain back the injured clitoris and other areas of the vulva.  All of that is done for free for those women.  This is the kind of person Marci Bowers is.

 

OMG, that's amazing! I didn't even know that was possible! Let alone something being done out of the kindness of someone's heart!

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   12 Members, 0 Anonymous, 71 Guests (See full list)

    • JustineM
    • VickySGV
    • Cyndee
    • shelly_koleva83
    • Jandi
    • Kelsey Brooke
    • Kylie
    • RunValRun
    • K.S.S
    • MaryMary
    • Bobbie Scott
    • DeeDee
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,036
    • Total Posts
      657,371
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,425
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Lonewolf
    Newest Member
    Lonewolf
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. ghost
      ghost
      (57 years old)
    2. Julia Marie
      Julia Marie
      (29 years old)
    3. juliasvw
      juliasvw
      (49 years old)
  • Posts

    • K.S.S
      Hi, so this is pretty uncomfortable for me, talking about food, because it brings up a lot about my father. During my childhood my mother always had between 2 and 4 jobs, so she wasn't really home to see it and we didn't really tell her because we didn't know it was strange behavior. Of course she isn't stupid and confronted him when I started gaining a lot of weight at only age 2. She did her best trying to keep that stuff out of the house by my father had a "secret" cash flow and he would use it to get his own things at the downtown IGA / CVS store. So, my father would be left with just me because my (half)brother moved out/ ran away and my sister had just started preschool. He would just give me candy because I "needed something to do." As I got older, of course I was overweight so when he was angry with me he'd call me things like "ugly pig". When I got my first pair of glasses I became a dumb/ugly/fat librarian. It always seemed to make him laugh. Around my 14th birthday, we kicked him out and moved, but the damage was kind of done. Now I feel like I use food to pass the time AND when I'm upset but when I'm really hungry, (enough that I feel sick) I can't get myself to eat anything. I tell myself not to snack all the time but I still do about every other day. It doesn't help that no matter how often I explain that I'm struggling with my self control, the people I live with (my sister and her fiance) still pack the house with junk food.  I don't know what to do. If I start paying for therapy I'll never be able to afford my own place, and I'm not even sure where I'd go if I did leave. It feels like I don't matter enough to make the effort, I mean if my sister doesn't care why should I?     
    • KymmieL
      Kylie sorry your GYN appointment went so bad. Time heals all wounds. as they say.   kymmie
    •  Kylie
      I hope you have a better day today ❤️
    • Cyndee
      The long and winding road   HUGS   C
    •  Kylie
      Great news @Emily michelle! Hope the increase of E and addition of progesterone give you results!    I am up recovering from the horror from my first GYN appointment yesterday. I love the GYN but hated everything else. Hopefully I heal from that both physically and emotionally!    Hope everyone has a great day!
    • Shay
      Right before electrolysis and therapist appointments my wife said we had to talk. We did and it was a tearful and long discussion but I'm  glad she did. Had I not been on HRT I would have fallen apart but I was loving "in the moment" and gave my complete attention to her concerns.    It drained her and me ... We talked through the electrolysis and I called in to apologize and rescheduled but I did make my appointment with my Therapist and it was a very good meeting.   I am not good with expressing my emotions and she gave me home work to help and she gave wonderful advice to discuss with my wife and welcomed her at any session or alone but felt she isn't ready yet and that we two have more groundwork to do.   I'm lucky. I have a wonderful wife and friends here who understand and co feel so good to finally have a therapist I feel really good about.   I am still drained but hopeful and optomistic
    • Shay
      @MargieK I think you let it come organically and I hope you have built trust in your child to be able to talk openly about feeling. When the topic comes but be supportive if the topic doesn't come up perhaps when stories about transgender come up on tv or news or social media make sure you mention that you understand their issue and are empathetic and build confidence in your child you want to listen.
    • ElizabethStar
      Obviously, I can't tell you how to do it, it's different for everyone and you have to do what feels right.   I can tell you what I did. At work I started by, as silly as it sounds, wearing scrunchies in my hair instead of the regular ties. The color quickly evolved from black to more fem colors. While everyone was distracted by the pink scrunchie in my hair I changed over to flare-leg jeans. Then I started wearing different tops. I did a lot of misdirection over a year. There were a couple things said but I don't think anyone really knew what was happening until I "accidentally" outed myself to the owner. I had somewhere to go after work one day and changed into more suitable clothes before I left.   Outside of work happened a lot quicker. I have a friend that I would go shopping with so I would just dress how I felt. She would help with the little social ques that cis-women already know and I was oblivious to.   The thing is, I don't want to have to bring it up in a conversation and I don't see a reason to. There are people close to me that I just outright told. Other friends that approached  me with fear in there eyes wanting to ask but didn't know how. I voluntarily told them but I've never wanted to or had a reason to bring it up in a conversation.  
    • Shay
      @Heathick I am so happy you were able to tell your psych. That is a tremendous and exceedingly hard thing to do. It should get easier for you to talk about things and as time goes by it will get easier. 
    • KathyLauren
      I love it!  Well done, Heather! 
    • Emily michelle
      Congrats Robin! I’m on my 2nd treatment of laser on my face.
    • Petra Jane
      Oh yea, that's working now. Immediately got two spam requests!   One requesting money and the other pure spam!
    • Petra Jane
      That is so weird! Thank you @Rowan. for letting us know about this. I was wondering why there was not the usual influx of junk filling up my inbox of late! Somehow, the form that the contact page used has disappeared!   I've made a simply straightforward one to replace it and will see if I can figure out how to replace the multi-function form that allowed you to choose a subject which then asked some more specific questions depending on the subject. But for now, there is a contact us form back on.
    • Brianna1
      So I am about to come out of closet soon. Have wardrobe and makeup done fairly well. So my question is how do I start telling people I am transgender? M to f. I am 54 years old. Just working on voice now to be able to pass. But to break the ice how do I bring it up in conversation??
    • Robin.C
      Omergerd ... I've got an appointment for electrolysis. Happy dance. I just needed to tell someone 😁 She's super busy this time of year here what with Spring and Summer heading our way over here, so I have to wait 2 weeks; it will fly past I'm sure. Only facial hair to start with and see how I cope. Yippee   Oh and for those following along at home, the home IPL does stuff all for my facial hair but seems to be reducing the foot and hand hair. Becoming less of a Hobbit every day ... hee hee   🤗 Robin
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...