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At a crossroads.


magical realism

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magical realism

So Ive had a general therapist Ive been seeing for about a year now. We get along great and hes rocketed me from rock bottom disability to the point where Im actually working for the first time in my life in a stable job at 34. Ive only been able to hold a job for a few days at a go 98 percent of my life and had to live on disability because of serious mental health issues. Despite my schizoaffective and generalized anxiety issues. He listens well and is always very helpful in getting me to where I need to be. Some of the stuff hes helped with actually changed my life immensely for the better. But the thing is he and I were talking about my particular gender issues, and while hes come out and said as much that hes not very well studied in gender issues.

He is willing to learn as we go along if thats something I want to do but its not in his perview so to speak. He also mentioned that the facility I go to has one person who specifically specialises in gender issues and lgbtq. But that if I go with her he might not be able to also be my general therapist. I feel like this topic about finding out where I am gender wise, exploring it more and understanding it better would help alot. But I also have a lot of other things going on in my life that are also important at the same time and Im kind of apprehensive to lose this therapist. I havent quite figured out where I am on it, on the one hand I love working with this therapist,but at the same time on the topic of gender issues I feel kind of hobbled. Not to mention I kind of dont fit exactly into the regular MtF basic idea of a trans person if thats what I am. (I dont feel like I want surgery for instance) Also because of that I worry I might get even someone who supposedly specialises in it who doesnt get me either. Therapists are a toss up like that,kind of like doctors. Or worse I might just be brushed off, its happened before on other issues with other therapists, its horrible and I really dont want it to happen again.

So Im at a impasse, do I switch therapists to one who specialises but might be unhelpful or stay with the one I have and make do?

Anyway,sorry for the screed,any thoughts would be appreciated,thanks.

 

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That depends, if the gender specialist doesn't work out, can you switch back? Also, is it possible to keep seeing your regular therapist and have "one-off" meetings with the one that specializes in gender therapy?

 

On a personal note, I talk with my regular therapist and, while I love the gender therapists I've seen to death, I stay with my primary therapist and talk with the others as needed. I spent two years building a rapport and as much as I adore the therapist at UofM, I don't want to ruin a good thing.

 

I hope some of that helps.

 

Hugs!

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Finding a good therapist is hard, I had a hard time also. I was seeing a therapist for CPTSD and I decided to stop this to start seeing a gender therapist and although he did help me he was not that good and very very outdated. So, I empathise with what you are going trough. I discovered and gender therapist on youtube that is great I think. It's not at all a substitude to seeing a real gender therapist IRL but I thought listening to her would help a little. One thing I like about her is that she value gender dysphoria correctly on the ledger of what is painfull. Often, people who don't know about that issue under estimate it A LOT. In my little experience gender dyphoria caused much more pain then CPTSD... and that's saying something lol

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QNOIOoi63U0arTgU47vEQ

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I have a thought . . .

 

If you really like your therapist, and if he is willing to give it a try, perhaps you could purchase Dara Hoffman-Fox's book "You and Your Gender Identity - A Guide to Discovery" and use it as a workbook for you to work through your issues with the assistance and guidance of your therapist.  It is available on Amazon, and also on Dara's website.  (Assuming, of course, that your gender issues have to do with gender identity.)

 

According to what I've read about it, the book is truly a guide and a workbook, with exercises, thought experiments, and a lot of sometimes difficult self-exploration.  The majority of reviews seem to praise it very highly.

 

As a disclaimer, please note that I have no connection with the author or the book, I am not promoting the book, and I don't even own a copy (although I am thinking of purchasing one).  It just seems to me that with a book defining a detailed gender discovery process for you to follow, a regular therapist that you trust ought to be able to help you.  But, hey -- I've been wrong before.

 

If anyone else has an opinion on this, please speak up.  It was just an idea that occurred to me as a way for you, @magical realism, to stay with a general therapist you really like while effectively exploring and addressing your gender issues.

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1 hour ago, Jacqui said:

I have a thought . . .

 

If you really like your therapist, and if he is willing to give it a try, perhaps you could purchase Dara Hoffman-Fox's book "You and Your Gender Identity - A Guide to Discovery" and use it as a workbook for you to work through your issues with the assistance and guidance of your therapist.  It is available on Amazon, and also on Dara's website.  (Assuming, of course, that your gender issues have to do with gender identity.)

 

According to what I've read about it, the book is truly a guide and a workbook, with exercises, thought experiments, and a lot of sometimes difficult self-exploration.  The majority of reviews seem to praise it very highly.

 

As a disclaimer, please note that I have no connection with the author or the book, I am not promoting the book, and I don't even own a copy (although I am thinking of purchasing one).  It just seems to me that with a book defining a detailed gender discovery process for you to follow, a regular therapist that you trust ought to be able to help you.  But, hey -- I've been wrong before.

 

If anyone else has an opinion on this, please speak up.  It was just an idea that occurred to me as a way for you, @magical realism, to stay with a general therapist you really like while effectively exploring and addressing your gender issues.

 

I actually own a copy on the advice of my therapist. It's a good book if you're trying to figure things out.

 

Hugs!

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magical realism
4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

That depends, if the gender specialist doesn't work out, can you switch back? Also, is it possible to keep seeing your regular therapist and have "one-off" meetings with the one that specializes in gender therapy?

 

On a personal note, I talk with my regular therapist and, while I love the gender therapists I've seen to death, I stay with my primary therapist and talk with the others as needed. I spent two years building a rapport and as much as I adore the therapist at UofM, I don't want to ruin a good thing.

 

I hope some of that helps.

 

Hugs!

I would have to say no and no unfortunately, though my original therapist said he wasnt 100 percent sure I could see him and her both, he was pretty sure he said. Maybe I could push him to find out for absolute sure though. Thinking.

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magical realism
4 hours ago, MaryMary said:

Finding a good therapist is hard, I had a hard time also. I was seeing a therapist for CPTSD and I decided to stop this to start seeing a gender therapist and although he did help me he was not that good and very very outdated. So, I empathise with what you are going trough. I discovered and gender therapist on youtube that is great I think. It's not at all a substitude to seeing a real gender therapist IRL but I thought listening to her would help a little. One thing I like about her is that she value gender dysphoria correctly on the ledger of what is painfull. Often, people who don't know about that issue under estimate it A LOT. In my little experience gender dyphoria caused much more pain then CPTSD... and that's saying something lol

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8QNOIOoi63U0arTgU47vEQ

 Thanks for your help, I'll definitely give her a look.

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magical realism
4 hours ago, Jacqui said:

I have a thought . . .

 

If you really like your therapist, and if he is willing to give it a try, perhaps you could purchase Dara Hoffman-Fox's book "You and Your Gender Identity - A Guide to Discovery" and use it as a workbook for you to work through your issues with the assistance and guidance of your therapist.  It is available on Amazon, and also on Dara's website.  (Assuming, of course, that your gender issues have to do with gender identity.)

 

According to what I've read about it, the book is truly a guide and a workbook, with exercises, thought experiments, and a lot of sometimes difficult self-exploration.  The majority of reviews seem to praise it very highly.

 

As a disclaimer, please note that I have no connection with the author or the book, I am not promoting the book, and I don't even own a copy (although I am thinking of purchasing one).  It just seems to me that with a book defining a detailed gender discovery process for you to follow, a regular therapist that you trust ought to be able to help you.  But, hey -- I've been wrong before.

 

If anyone else has an opinion on this, please speak up.  It was just an idea that occurred to me as a way for you, @magical realism, to stay with a general therapist you really like while effectively exploring and addressing your gender issues.

I'll definitely look into the book,hopefully its as good as I think it might be. If so, I'll probably talk to my therapist about it for sure. I think also looking into workbooks in general might be worthwhile, the more Im thinking, the more I think I might want to give my current therapist a try,see how far we can take it. Weve talked about the issues involved before but weve never really dug into it so to speak I think. If Im going to switch therapists I want to absolutely certain Ive tried all my options.

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