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Coping with my wife's diagnosis

Tory Aoi

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Because 2020 didn't have enough bad news, my wife recently received very grim news for us.  Back in early August she had a pap smear done, it came back with abnormal cells.  They ran some tests, thought it was pre-cancerous.  Near the end of August they did surgery to attempt to remove those cells, only to find what confirmed our worst fears.  It is actually cervical cancer.  Right now to the best of our knowledge it isn't too widespread, but we are still awaiting the results of the PET-CT scan that was done earlier this week to confirm that.  Regardless, she is going to be starting up radiation and chemotherapy as soon as early next week.


There's a ton of emotions I'm grappling with these days, and having just started HRT only recently those emotions are definitely turned up a few notches.  I'm feeling so much worry, dread, and anxiety unlike anything I've ever felt before.  I'm managing, doing the best I can, hoping for the best but the worst lingers in the back of my mind.  I'll be talking more with my therapist today about this, I'm sure that will at least help.  Just curious if anyone else here has had to deal with these sorts of things, and what advice you may have for me?  It would be very welcome.

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@Tory Aoi, I'm so sorry to read this very sad news about your wife's Cancer. I know all of us here at TransPulseForums are sending you and her our best and largest positive loving energy for a positive treatment and outcome.




Hugs for you both,



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  • Forum Moderator

OK, deep breaths. My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer while I was still trying to neglect myself to death and we had another scare earlier this year (which, fortunately, turned out to be nothing).


So. My advice to you is to let yourself feel everything you need to feel, but take it one day at a time. Do not let yourself scurry down the rabbit hole of "What If." That will make you crazy. Take each step as it comes. Offer your love and support as best you can. I would sit with my spouse during her chemo sessions and keep her company, but I'm guessing that's not allowed right now. Your wife will feel terrible. Give her some extra TLC whenever you can. She needs to know that you're there for her and you both need to remember that there's hope.



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  • Forum Moderator

We certainly dealt with these emotions when my spouse was diagnosed with breast cancer.  We all deal with news like this in a personal way.  It brought us closer.  Six years later we went through it again when I was diagnosed.  We both had surgery with my spouse having radiation and chemotherapy as well.  It has been successful for both of us. I trust your wife is receiving the best possible care and will do well.  


Hugs, Jani

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Thank you for the kind words, it really does help.

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On 9/18/2020 at 8:47 AM, Jackie C. said:

I would sit with my spouse during her chemo sessions and keep her company, but I'm guessing that's not allowed right now.


I've wondered if they'll let me sit with her, too.  I understand given the current situation if they don't but I can still hope.  Or if they could allow her to video conference me in somehow, but that's not really the same either.

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Bobbie Scott

Sorry for what your wife is going through. But like Jacki and Jani said, be there for her. I'm sure she's scared. And definitely don't go down the what if rabbit hole,and get caught up in morbid reflection. I went through a scare myself this year. I know it's easier said than done. I'll definitely keep you in my prayers. God bless you and your wife. 

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We did get some good news this morning.  We talked with the doctor that will be taking care of radiation therapy for my wife, and he said he got to review the results of the PET-CT scan which he concluded that the tumor hasn't spread and that he is very confident that it can be cured over the course of the next several weeks.  That is definitely a big relief to know, at least.

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1 hour ago, Tory Aoi said:

We did get some good news this morning. 

@Tory Aoi That is good news, I'm happy for the two of you as you comfort her through treatment.

I also received good new from the Neurology Department my MRI came back within normal parameters, my Tremors are more inline with Central Tremors, and not Parkinson's Disease. Adjusting when I take my daily meds should help with the tremors, and a glass or two of wine will ease them in the evening before going to bed.


Positive thought and energy for you and your wife.



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  • 1 month later...

Been a while so here's an update with some more good news.


We just finished week 4 of chemo and radiation therapy.  We were scheduled for 5 weeks for this, but there were 3 days over the course of the past few weeks where the radiation machine broke and our appointment was cancelled, so radiation treatments have been extended into a 6th week.  That's ok, I think.


My wife's health is doing great, she has of course experienced the classic nausea symptoms mostly on the weekends, she's had some tired days, but otherwise managing pretty good.  The doctor was very pleased with the progress as he told us earlier this week that the tumor has shrunk by about 50%.


It is nice to see a light at the end of this tunnel, and I am grateful for everyone's support.  Thank you!

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Emily michelle

That is great news Tori I hope it continues with good news!

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Sally Stone

Great news Tori.  Hugs to you and your wife.  

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