Love this vid, or Why I hate being a guy

[Heather Nicole]

I should preface this with a clarification that this is an EXTREMELY deep, sensitive topic for me...

 

Despite occasional, sometimes very glaring, clues to the contrary, I've spent most of my life genuinely feeling like an ordinary(ish) straight cis amab male. But various social rules, roles, mores, norms, and stereotypes have been a HUGE source to me of a certain pain I'm only just now realizing to be dysphoria.

 

That in mind, I LOVE this video I just discovered:

 

First of all, that seems like a really, seriously, genuinely awesome guy (I could totally be good friends.) But more than that, even though he seems far more accepting, open and apologetic than I could ever be (personal scars, I guess), his video touches on the surfaces of certain things that mean sooo much to me, and play very heavily into so much of what I HATE, HATE, HATE about living life being a guy.

 

I get so effing tired of having to live every social moment of my life in constant fear of what cis women (or overzealous feminism-ally men) might misconstrue my intentions as. And the debilitating self-censorship necessitated by both that and all the other social restrictions placed on me just because of something I never asked to be born with. But possibly worst of all is the hard learned (from experience) knowledge that I can't even voice any of this difficultly without it being automatically, and horribly incorrectly, branded as misogyny, potentially even permanently detroying my reputation upon mere accusation with no due process.

 

Forget genitals (though I do have a lot of envy there, too), THIS is this kind of thing that really makes me want to clutch whatever I can, curl up and cry. (Except I'm a guy, so I can't, because that just "looks weird" and only makes things worse for us.)

 

To me, femininity means freedom. But to me, masculinity means bondage, self-limitation, and a potential lynching at any slight misstep, all because of things that went down long before I was born.

 

(Sincere apologies to FtM folk! I have no intention of dismissing, downplaying or trivializing any of your struggles! I may not fully understand what you go through, but you're brothers-in-dysphoria to me!!!)

[Heather Nicole]

It's no wonder I've spent so much of my life with debilitating levels of inhibition.

[Skyler T]

I also have experienced a level of frustration and awkwardness of living out my unfortunate ameba existence as a guy and wanting to befriend women and fit in as a peer and not have this feel comfortable for many of my acquaintances.  We have female family friends that I know better than my wife but she will arrange to go out for a beer with them as that is the societally understood norm.  This has served to further entrench the isolation I have felt for so long.  Thank you for your sharing your story and the video.

[Susan R]

What a great video! I like that Jackson Bird.  He’s so knowledgeable and he has a entertaining way of explaining things. Also, he is clear and concise. Jackson mentions a few of the double standards with regard to gender that I don’t miss at all now. There are so many things acceptable for women to do that men can do. I suppose there just as many restrictions for women as men but I hadn’t really thought about them until watching the video. Personal boundaries comfort bubbles between woman are much smaller among other woman even if they don’t know each other compared to that of men. I remember it was most noticeable in the men’s room prior to transition. So many of his points I learned early in life and it was just the way it was....now everything has changed. I highly recommend this video for anyone transitioning. Thanks for sharing this video @Heathick

 

Susan R?