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Coming out


Brianna1

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So I am about to come out of closet soon. Have wardrobe and makeup done fairly well. So my question is how do I start telling people I am transgender? M to f. I am 54 years old. Just working on voice now to be able to pass. But to break the ice how do I bring it up in conversation??

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ElizabethStar

Obviously, I can't tell you how to do it, it's different for everyone and you have to do what feels right.

 

I can tell you what I did. At work I started by, as silly as it sounds, wearing scrunchies in my hair instead of the regular ties. The color quickly evolved from black to more fem colors. While everyone was distracted by the pink scrunchie in my hair I changed over to flare-leg jeans. Then I started wearing different tops. I did a lot of misdirection over a year. There were a couple things said but I don't think anyone really knew what was happening until I "accidentally" outed myself to the owner. I had somewhere to go after work one day and changed into more suitable clothes before I left.

 

Outside of work happened a lot quicker. I have a friend that I would go shopping with so I would just dress how I felt. She would help with the little social ques that cis-women already know and I was oblivious to.

 

The thing is, I don't want to have to bring it up in a conversation and I don't see a reason to. There are people close to me that I just outright told. Other friends that approached  me with fear in there eyes wanting to ask but didn't know how. I voluntarily told them but I've never wanted to or had a reason to bring it up in a conversation.

 

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  • Forum Moderator

It depends on your situation and your friends. My coming out was super simple, "Hey, I'm trans. Next week I'll be attending (event we were going to) as myself. Does anyone have a problem with that?"

 

Nobody did.

 

When I showed up as myself the questions were, "What do we call you?" and "How are you talking so high? Doesn't that hurt your throat?"

 

The answers were, (my name) and "Voice training for the last year. Also, my falsetto range is up here (demonstration). What I'm doing now is more about resonance. I'm still in my normal range."

 

Good luck!

 

Hugs!

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QuestioningAmber

So I have only come out to some close supports and a support group at this point, so you can take my story as just that. When it came to the support group, it came during check-ins one day, I decided to add to my diagnosis that I shared Gender Identity Disorder. I did get a few odd looks if I remember correctly, but just going there with confidence made a difference.

 

As far as family goes, I am still planning on using a letter/email approach, because it gives me a chance to have one way communication and again, going there. I think in my intro I ask them to read the whole thing and also keep it private, then offer to talk about it in a meaningful, supportive way if they want at a later point. I am not sure how well this will go in actual execution, but I at some point have to honest and open with my family about who I actually am and not put up a facade for others.

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@Brianna1 I'm 51 going on 52 here in over a month. When I came out to everyone I just came out. I've read from different people that sometimes it doesn't matter just how much you prepare some people, they still take it badly. So I just tell people and if they take it bad they just take it badly. I rarely find the person that takes the news badly, and if t6hey do, I wish them luck and we either don't speak again or continue our relationship. I don't have that much time left on this planet, I would love to spend what's left being happy. And besides, I'm not transitioning for someone else, this is all for me and my mental health. I'm not saying that you should follow my example, but it is whats working for me.

 

Though, I was extremely nervous telling my mother. I didn't want to lose her support, I wouldn't know what I would do without her. She took it hard but is slowly coming around. But as far as everyone else, they take it how ever they take it. You can't control everything. lol

 

What ever you do, I wish you luck and I want you to know we will all be here if you need us.

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