Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Realization of gender


Msecret

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone. I'm an inexperienced poster/forum member but am excited to engage. Please let me know if this is the wrong spot. I'm also new (as of early this year) to coming out of the closet to myself (psychological conditioning and high testosterone, (among other factors) made this unthinkable not long ago). As an AMAB coming to the acceptance of at least non binary gender in mid 40s, there are internal questions as to why now and if I'm just imagining this or kinking or something. Some people I interact with are of the belief that trans people know their true gender as toddlers, which would make me some kind of pretender or fake if this was always true. Then there are sociologist people I know that are of the belief that it's environmental and social conditioning that determines internal gender, which implies that I could unlearn this with the right conditioning or therapy. These two sides are opposite and willing to fight each other. I don't think it's as simple as that. Could a traumatic vasectomy I had a couple years back trigger this? (anesthesia failed, can't even describe such intense pain). Also testosterone does decline after 30 naturally (maybe a factor?) My male libido (which I view as more a burden than fun) had been on a steep downtrend for some time after vasectomy but was on a shallow downtrend already before that already. I started cross dressing/cross dreaming in my basement early in year which brings joy in levels I would have never guessed, but is not something I had not done before though. I know I need to discuss this with psych but figured I would put this out here first because I can't discuss this with wife, family, or friends without being a misunderstood disappointment. Dysphoria with genitals as well as the way that the male gender acts and thinks bother me more as time goes by. How could I have not known decades ago? That's the rhetorical question I contemplate. Recalling things that may be clues. I'm curious about non obvious clues others have found in thier reflection as well. Thank you for reading.🙂

Link to post

Hello @Msecret,

    Nice to meet you. I just want to tell you that the way you feel is ok. People of all ages come to these realizations and there is no real time that it should happen by. We all have different experiences that make us who we are. It's a great idea to get a guide, like a gender therapist, to help you sort out your feelings. They tend to have crucial insight and advice. They can help you gain the confidence to talk with family and help you achieve a safe place to do so. This isn't a race either.

    Now that you've started questioning these feelings, you may feel overwhelmed by all of it. I suggest writing down some of these thoughts, feelings and experiences. There is a lot of content here on different threads that may lead you to see similarities. There are thousands of hours of content about being a transgender person on youtube as well. Ted Talks are all very good ones. Topics may come up that you can relate to as well. The worst thing you can do is expect anything to go exactly as you think it should or would normally go. The main thing is taking it slow. Tiny steps to see how things make you feel. Find the ones that make you feel good and explore them. Happiness is very important.

 

 I hope the best for you as you seek your answers.

 

Abi

Link to post

Thank you 🙂 Abi. Very thoughtful reply and ideas and I'll incorporate these into my life. 

Link to post

Welcome.  We all come down this path differently so don't fret over being "late to the realization"  A gender therapist can help you sort things out.

In the meantime, here's your topic being discussed by Dr Z whom I love.

 

Link to post
KathyLauren
On 9/24/2020 at 6:56 PM, Msecret said:

Some people I interact with are of the belief that trans people know their true gender as toddlers, which would make me some kind of pretender or fake if this was always true. Then there are sociologist people I know that are of the belief that it's environmental and social conditioning that determines internal gender, which implies that I could unlearn this with the right conditioning or therapy. These two sides are opposite and willing to fight each other. I don't think it's as simple as that.

 

Hi, Msecret.

 

You are right to question the popular mythologies.  It is quite untrue that "most" trans people know their identity as toddlers.  This myth is promoted by people whose agenda is to label us as fakes.  Some trans people do indeed know their identities as toddlers.  But most of us figure it out only later.  For trans-masculine folks, the most common age is at puberty.  For trans-feminine folks, it is more common to figure it out in middle age.  Or later.  None of that implies fakery.

 

As for the other myth, the best scientific data we have suggests that whatever makes us trans is present before birth.  There is no social or environmental reason that we are the gender we are.  The reasons (and there are likely several) are biological.  A person can't "become" trans, nor can they stop being trans.  If you are, you are.

 

I figured out that I was trans at age 61.  Suddenly, all the little clues over the years, stretching back to when I was 7, made sense.  That is how it typically works: we figure it out mostly in hindsight.

 

I would strongly recommend seeking out a gender therapist to help you work out who you are and what you want to do about it.  A general therapist might be able to help you get started, but you really want one with expertise in the field of gender issues.

 

Regards,

Kathy

Link to post

Thank you Kathy for a very thoughtful and informative response. I feel a little bit more at peace with myself. I will plan to seek professional beyond regular psych. 

Link to post

Thank you @Bri2020. I watched video and this doctor Z is informative and comforting and not like anything that came up on web for me when I was researching. What could potentially be the case feels less scary. I will also discuss this with professional. 

Link to post

Reading the comments on Dr.Z's videos is very informative. I find so many different points of view that we all have discussed on her videos. It is unfortunate that her practice is not in every state. She frequently posts and covers a lot of topics relating to transgender care. 

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 84 Guests (See full list)

    • Emily michelle
    • DeeDee
    • Jackie C.
    • KathyLauren
    • Orzeszek00
    • KymmieL
    • ThankOurTroops
    • JJ
    • Carolyn Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,493
    • Total Posts
      662,958
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,693
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Orzeszek00
    Newest Member
    Orzeszek00
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 12amCritter
      12amCritter
      (20 years old)
    2. MistyMinx15
      MistyMinx15
      (42 years old)
  • Posts

    • DeeDee
      This is the way... 😂
    • KymmieL
      Liz and Kathy I agree. I am wearing woman's jeans and a t shirt. but as a woman I should wear woman's clothes according to the bible. 🤔   that part taken care of now on to the fun. So my middle son came visiting some of his friends and took my grandson home. SO we decided to see how the new truck handles the trails. Our youngest followed in our old Explorer (he's buying it from us) Went a couple trails. Mostly packed snow. No problems. We proceeded to try to bust some snow. and you guessed it The new truck dug its way to get stuck. So we backed the explorer to pull the Ranger out. it got stuck.   So we worked and got the Ranger free. Then the Explorer I had to make a 14 pt turn to get turned around. I pulled the Explorer back so my son could get a running start and haul on out of there.  I followed doing the same. It was fun.   Hugs   Kymmie.  
    • DeeDee
      Hi @Willow Let me start by saying that the whole thing is a strawman argument and is totally nonsensical. God doesn't care about our clothes, see Genesis for details. Now... Theologically the OT books of law were brought to fulfillment by Jesus unless you are Jewish. So all Christians live under a grace already extended and offered to all which is why we do not stick to the laws today and why the thief was assured of his salvation on the cross beside Jesus and why every single church should welcome every single person into its walls. Its simply Biblically not their place to judge.   Kathylauren's response is the correct one if you want to take it literally and engage in the argument and that's without getting into trnaslation arguments.   Also gendered clothing has always been culturally specific - none of the OT prophets nor Christ wore pants/trousers and kilts(pleated knee length skirts) in Scottish culture are a masculine gendered item of clothing and also traditionally closer to what Christ wore. Everyone should be in togas and sandals if we want to stay accurate. I can also guarantee that the people bringing up that law are not following all the other dueteronomical laws themselves and are probably sat in mixed blend clothing and not kicking the women out of town for the duration of their periods to go and be unclean elsewhere.   If someone quotes that at you and you feel a need to respond may I suggest Matthew 23:23.  Jesus had a word or two to say about hypocracy in the kirk when it came to quoting Bible verses at people inappropriately. It has become one of my favourite verses. ❤️
    • Jackie C.
      That's a good plan. The right person makes all the difference. Best of fortune with your search!   Hugs!
    • Orzeszek00
      @Jani Thank you so much. That's very kind.   Also, i do appreciate your advice. I guess you are right, i'm sure most of the people working on that field are people of passion, who deeply care about their job and well being of their patients.   I'm gonna make some calls after the weekend. I hope i'll be able to start doing something about it by the end of the year. I won't rush anything tho. Wanna make sure i'm gonna work with right person.
    • ElizabethStar
      I was thinking the same thing (45 years for me). Isn't that what most of us are doing?
    • ElizabethStar
      Hi @HollyNoel. I'm happy your back.🙂
    • KathyLauren
      With the disclaimer that I am not Christian, I don't think this applies.  I am a woman, and I have always been a woman.  So I am not a man dressing as a woman; I am a woman dressing as a woman.  As a woman dressing as a man, I was in violation of this rule for the first 62 years of my life, but I have since mended my ways.
    •  Kylie
      I am excited for ‘first time.’  I giggle at the thought of being a 30 year old virgin. So, I’m ready now that I’m ‘clear’ to take on the adventure.    ha, I mean, yelling Merry Christmas would be fitting, right?   thanks @Jani, I’ve only been back to work a month and I’m emotionally exhausted already. 
    • ElizabethStar
      Thank you. Honestly I don't know if they come in bigger sizes, I wear an 11. It took a few weeks to beak them in but they're good now. Got them at store called Off Broadway shoe warehouse.
    • Jani
      Thank you @Shay.  From the heart and well spoken.  
    • Jani
      Hello and welcome.  First, your written word is very good, so no fears there.  I'm glad you found us and joined.  When I was young, up to 18/19 in fact I was very slender and small in stature as well and in the later years I wore my hair long.  I was often confused with being female.     When I was young I considered that I had some personality disorder too but that was never the case.  I am normal as they come.  Now that I am showing the world the true me this is more true.     I do think a therapist will be of value.  And yes they do care enough to help you.  My therapist was the most wonderful person I could have had as a counselor.  This is their vocation, to help.  I would seek out a Gender Therapist, a specialist.  A degreed psychologist isn't necessarily important.  My counselor was a Licensed Mental Health Clinician (LMHC) and you may find more availability with this certification.     Please join in the conversation.  All my best to you. Jani   
    • Timber Wolf
      Good day everyone,🐈   Happy birthday 12amCritter!🎂 Happy birthday MistyMinx15!🎂 Hope you have a terrific day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾
    • Sarahnr1
      Youre very welkome   ☺️   Just dont be afraid to let it out my friend. 
    • Timber Wolf
      Hi Bre, Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!   Lots of love and a big welcome hug, Timber Wolf🐾
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...