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Hi - I'm new here! I have a transgender son (age 11) who has really only come out over the summer. So although it's not very new to him (and he has brought the possibility up before with me), it's new to others - friends, school, etc....  So he decided to start the school year with male pronouns. The school has been GREAT. But the timing is just very tricky - I had already signed him up for two girls soccer teams because you sign up so early. Today is his first game - he knows two girls on the team but they don't know that he is "he". Nobody there really does since school just started (with just 10 kids in a class) - so he is JUST NOW socially transitioning. Just curious if anyone else has been in this awkward place and has any advice (should I tell the coach, who can't really do much?). I don't think he is ready to fully jump to a boys soccer team right now - and I don't know if that's possible since the season starts today. Just tricky timing.....  Thank you!

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Hi, Gretch.  Welcome, and thank you for supporting your son.


There are awkward moments in any transition, and this is undoubtedly one of them.  Using male pronouns while playing on a girls' team is, well, awkward.  I can understand that it is too late to switch him to a boys' team for this season, but it wouldn't hurt to talk to the coaches anyway.  It is early in the seasn, and maybe they can accommodate him.


I don't really have any solutions.  I mostly just wanted to welcome you.




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  • Forum Moderator

Hello @Gretchand welcome.  While I don't have any specific advise I would suggest reaching out to a gender counselor for your son and possibly for you.  He is likely to be faced with more than he expects as he transitions and it can be difficult to process.  As adults we know thew world can be a rough place.  I always recommend getting as much assistance as possible.  Talking to the team coach would be a good start although as you note they wouldn't be able to do much.  You might want to speak with their school first, maybe a counselor or the principal to inform them of what's going on in your child's world.



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Thank you both! Yes, I am trying to find individual therapy for him - it's hard. I spent a LOT of time for my other son (they are twins) calling around for therapy for his general anxiety and have never been able to find a therapist who works with this age, has capacity, accepts insurance...... then pandemic hit. So I am also concerned for my cis son who has anxiety and I can't find help. So now for my trans son - I am calling around for therapists. The school guidance counselor is great and all the teachers have immediately adopted male pronouns which is helpful. I have an appointment with a gender therapy program - in a couple weeks. It's just not the individual therapy that I think he needs. So yes....   still looking....  in the meantime I also worry about my other son so it's all very overwhelming! Thank you for the support and any suggestions.

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  • Forum Moderator
10 hours ago, Gretch said:

It's just not the individual therapy that I think he needs.


You're not wrong. Peers that know what you're going through are very helpful. I can't help feeling that your sons are in good hands though.



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