Just Want to Know How you are feeling a this moment

[Heather Shay]

My Therapist brought up something for me that I've never been able to do well. Express my feeling. She told me to google FEELINGS and bring up a list. Use the list as a reference to identify WHAT feeling I am having. Don't say feeling good or feeling bad. She called it Emotional Grandularity. SO... right now I am feeling EMPOWERED and REFRESHED.

 

How are you - don't say good or bad - here's a list.....

 

[Abi]

Interesting thread @Shay.

 

I am feeling Frustrated, Mixed up, Damaged and Drained. I doubt I could explain that but, don't worry, I will get over it. 

[Heather Shay]

At least you know what you are feeling and knowledge is power to accept and disarm quicker. When I figured out what triggered my anxiety attacks and depression - just knowing what it was released the length of suffering immensely.

Hang in there @Abi you are loved by more people than you know.

[Ivy]

Lately… Depressed and Drained.

 

Guess a bit like waiting for the other shoe to drop, but stubbornly holding on.

[Heather Shay]

Being like us is not easy and it takes all of us to support us - when you're down look here and you'll find someone to help - when you're up do the same for another one of us who is down. BOTH will make you feel better.

Hug

[TTheta]

Being completely honest, I am feeling trapped, drained and powerless. 

 

I just came to terms that my parents won't let me move until I'm 18. Everyday lectures are draining my energy and will to do anything. I'm expected to preform at 100% everyday and they only give me 3 hours for school each day. I'm really stressing and they are expecting straight A's, which I have at the moment but I'm scared of even getting a B. I couldn't sleep last night and caffeine doesn't work on me, it's just makes me calm. I miss being in person for school because I had support but now I have nothing, of course online helps a lot but it's limited. I just feel cornered and blehhh.

 

[Heather Shay]

@Aidan5 - the pandemic sucks but we all feel it. I know that doesn't make you feel any better - but I'm glad coming here to the forum helps a little - even that little mighty get you through the day - the feeling of being drained is definitely a sign of depression - if you haven't been to a doctor - might help to see if you can have an aid - I take a low dose of setraline (a zoloft generic) and I don't know from your body chemistry what might be good - but I will say when I was SUPER depressive the low dose aid really helped me get through the roughest patches. I wish you didn't HAVE to be expected to get all A's but I might wonder what would happen if you asked what happens if you can't keep the pace - hold on - and come here when you need to talk. 

[Abi]

7 hours ago, Shay said:

Hang in there @Abi you are loved by more people than you know.

I appreciate it Shay. I just feel like my issue is out of my hands now and that is making each day that I wait for answers feel overwhelming. Like I said, I'll get over it. Things could always be worse so I feel lucky to have what I do. 

[TTheta]

2 hours ago, Shay said:

@Aidan5 - the pandemic sucks but we all feel it. I know that doesn't make you feel any better - but I'm glad coming here to the forum helps a little - even that little mighty get you through the day - the feeling of being drained is definitely a sign of depression - if you haven't been to a doctor - might help to see if you can have an aid - I take a low dose of setraline (a zoloft generic) and I don't know from your body chemistry what might be good - but I will say when I was SUPER depressive the low dose aid really helped me get through the roughest patches. I wish you didn't HAVE to be expected to get all A's but I might wonder what would happen if you asked what happens if you can't keep the pace - hold on - and come here when you need to talk. 

The forum helps a ton. So funny thing, I have been diagnosed with Depression and ADHD by licensed professionals, and I had medication, but my parents pulled me from therapy and took away the medication. They don't believe I have depression or ADHD, Also my therapist did diagnose me with gender dysphoria and my parents got angry, that's probably why I was pulled from therapy. 

 

Yeah like last week I got a 85% on a test and it brought my grade to a 89% which showed as a B+ and I kinda felt like my world was gonna end, I felt like I was in danger. I kept emailing my teacher to ask for a retake which I eventually got and ended with a score of 100%

 

[Heather Shay]

@Aidan5 not sure what you can do but your parents should not endanger you and remove meds that could help you. The is endangerment. Are you able to contact your therapist and tell him or her what is happening? You should not be treated like that from your parents. Is there a school counsellor  you could tell what you have shared here? 

[Berni]

Late to the party .... (sorry, big day)

 

 

As someone who has no problem talking about feelings and expressing emotions (if you are into Myers-Briggs 16 personalities, I'm INFP-T) I find that list way too limiting.

 

I'm feeling relaxed, optimistic, satisfied and a little melancholy (my youngest got her license today and I feel they are all growing up so fast!)

 

Anyway, not sure how valuable that is to anyone, but I love talking about feelings and emotions .

[Robin.C]

Sigh .... today has been much like the last 30 days. Frustrated, sad, angry and lost. Everything seems so far away.

Still going through the WPATH protocols so its taking time.

Had to listen to blokey blokes going on about drag queens and transvestites today, made me feel sad .. and in my head was the distress is this what they will say about me behind my back when i come out.

 

It wasn't until later I realised I've turned a corner. Not if, not will I, but WHEN.

Still feel sad, frustrated and lost but some of the anger I've felt through he day has drained away.

 

This has been a very emotionally and physically tiring month.

 

Reading everyone's posts has been keeping me going, when I just want to go to bed and not ever get up.

So thank you.

 

Hugs

Robin

[KathyLauren]

I am feeling hopeful and pleased. 

 

Hopeful that the pain from my surgery six months ago might finally be starting to get better.  Not that it's all gone yet, far from it, and I am still somewhat disabled, but I am better than I was a couple of weeks ago.  Maybe I won't need a revision after all.

 

And I am pleased that my paperwork saga is drawing to a close with the arrival of my updated birth certificate this week. 

[Heather Shay]

I am happy this topic seems to be resonating. 

@Berni I will see if I can find a more extensions feelings list but be assured any feeling you or others wish to express is completely welcome.

 

I am ecstatic that we can and all of you so far have been so open and honest. It helps me me and I hope it helps you.

 

Heather Shay

[DeeDee]

Twinsies @Berni Every time I do Meyers Briggs I come out as INFP I was  -T today, but I am not long out of a counselling so it is not too surprising.?  I find the mood I project varies with the people around me, but what folk usually see is a someone who is quietly calm and confident 90% of the time.  The cracks have started showing though and exhauseted was one of the words bandied around today, that I cannot deny!  You have a knack @Shay for picking topics that folk want to engage in!

[Heather Shay]

@DeeDee thank you - apparently my concerns and wishes and worries have a lot in common with the other ladies here and that makes me happy and I learn so much from the interaction.

 

I am going for my 3 month check up for HRT and I can't wait - I'm energized and hoping the blood tests agree because I feel SO MUCH happier on HRT.

[TTheta]

18 hours ago, Shay said:

@Aidan5 not sure what you can do but your parents should not endanger you and remove meds that could help you. The is endangerment. Are you able to contact your therapist and tell him or her what is happening? You should not be treated like that from your parents. Is there a school counsellor  you could tell what you have shared here? 

I only have 7 months before I am 18 and can legally leave with no consequences. I already tried talking to my counselor, they basically told me that I should "stop trying to control things that I can't control" and I did reach out to cps, all they did was say "You are so brave for reaching out" and that is the last I heard from them. I tried emailing my therapist but I have not heard back, I feel like my parents have something to do with that. 

 

It's whatever I guess, it's just a little longer, I have an aunt who has been desperately trying to remove me from the home but she can't do it legally until I am 18 which is in April :)) 

 

I just gotta make do, I'll be okay I think. Grades stress me out a crap ton, but so far so good.   

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Aidan5 said:

I only have 7 months before I am 18 and can legally leave with no consequences. I already tried talking to my counselor, they basically told me that I should "stop trying to control things that I can't control" and I did reach out to cps, all they did was say "You are so brave for reaching out" and that is the last I heard from them. I tried emailing my therapist but I have not heard back, I feel like my parents have something to do with that. 

 

It's whatever I guess, it's just a little longer, I have an aunt who has been desperately trying to remove me from the home but she can't do it legally until I am 18 which is in April :)) 

 

I just gotta make do, I'll be okay I think. Grades stress me out a crap ton, but so far so good.   

 

OK, April isn't so bad. I'd be happier if you were out of there sooner. You can't really thrive in that environment. April is manageable though. Seven months weighed against the rest of your life. I think you can do it.

 

Also, grades stress everybody out. Especially when they're held over your head like that. We really need to switch to a less... awful... model for our educational system.

 

Big hugs sweetie! You can do this!

[TTheta]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

OK, April isn't so bad. I'd be happier if you were out of there sooner. You can't really thrive in that environment. April is manageable though. Seven months weighed against the rest of your life. I think you can do it.

 

Also, grades stress everybody out. Especially when they're held over your head like that. We really need to switch to a less... awful... model for our educational system.

 

Big hugs sweetie! You can do this!

Yeah, I kinda feel like I am only here to do the chores and babysit. I keep asking to apply to jobs near me (Even before the pandemic) and also for driver's licence, I have studied for the tests for so long now and they won't even attempt to help me. I told them that the jobs I was looking for were close enough for me to walk. Then my dad said, "Then who is gonna watch the baby?" Which actually my stepmom doesn't work JUST so she can watch the baby, but my dad is always like "no, your stepmom need to rest, she is so tired from all the chores" which is incorrect because I do the chores AND watch the baby all day AND care for the dogs. But yeah no my stepmom is the only tired one here. I have no real life experience, which is why I am so thankful for my aunt who is looking forward to helping me. She even calls me AJ which is amazing, (I asked her to call me that)

 

It doesn't help that my school is online and my stepmom only lets me work for 3 hours a day... which stresses me out even more. I don't even know how I am upholding my grades. 

 

April will be here soon though!!  

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Aidan5 said:

I have no real life experience, which is why I am so thankful for my aunt who is looking forward to helping me. She even calls me AJ which is amazing, (I asked her to call me that)

It is good that you have somewhere to go for support when you can leave

[Lee H]

Hang in there, Aidan.

You're counselor was right on -- "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." The wisdom in the Serenity Prayer has saved my ass many, many times. I've been clean and sober for awhile, and I've come to believe that the "things I cannot change" are everything and everyone. However I firmly believe the one single thing only I can change is my own attitude. Knowing that is very powerful. Our choice is to cop a resentment and ruminate over how unfair it all is, how you're getting a raw deal, how everything sucks, how you should be able to change it, how you can't, and what a loser that makes you. I've been there, done that. It's all BS, of course, but it weighs us down, constantly. Our other choice is to figure out our own personal gratitude lists, things in our lives now that are good, things we hope will be good soon, ways to accomplish them on our own, needing permission from no body, and ways to wait it out until the time is right without eating ourseves alive from the inside out.

 

It's your head. Nobody can dictate what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what your attitude will be. Only you can, and that's one hell of a lot. Go forth and prosper....

 

~~With a big hug from Lee~~

[Lee H]

Oops. Not you're -- your. And to think I was an English major....

[Erikka]

The Serenity Prayer the day after an injection goes like this “God grant me....etc.....etc....and the wisdom to know where to bury the bodies”

[Heather Shay]

@Aidan5 I am glad so many have shown you that you have loving people here. Keep reaching out to us. We are listening and will help get you through. Hang in there you have a bunch of us in your corner now.

[Abi]

I feel slightly frustrated, weary and let down. I had to go to the hospital to get x-rays done. I have significant issues with my spine. I recently changed my preferred name with the entire network I am in. It is on every piece of paper caregivers see. I talked to five different people during this process and every one of them looked right past that and called me by given name. I didn't say anything until the end of the visit. It's not like I am able to change what they did. The frustration comes from knowing this hospital prides itself on being sensitive to preferred name usage and that not one in five did their job. I gauge my care off of these little things as much as the big ones. I am weary because I know I have a lot of visits that will be necessary if I want help. They have already determined surgery is my only option if there is one at all. I am let down because I need help and I doubt my chances of getting through this without major complications. They may declare me disabled and that will end any chances I have of moving forward with any of my other medical desires. So yeah, I'm pretty down about everything.