Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Has attraction changed?


Billy

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone, 

Until my coming out as trans this summer I was living as a woman with a woman. Now that I do not identify as a woman anymore and feel myself more as male (not sure if non binary or trans man) I have, unfortunately, discovered that I feel more attracted by men. I would like to touch their beard, their flat chest and am also emotionally attracted. Now this is not only confusing but very frightening as I am married to a woman. She is a very kind and loving person and is quite supportive of me. I did not sleep at all last night because I feel so bad that I cannot give back to her. And if things concerning my sexuality continue that way we would have to break up which would be horrible for our two young kids. I feel so terrible. I am still pre everything. Sometimes I am wondering if I would like women again if I went on HRT. But my gut feeling is that I am most likely going to cause a break up sooner or later. 

Has anyone else experienced this? 

If so, how did you handle your internal struggle and shame? And ultimately, how and when did you tell you partner? 

Thanks a lot! 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

It's shifted a little on HRT. I'm not sure if it's because of the HRT or because as a woman, it's more socially acceptable to like men. I can admit that there are some men that I would consider as a romantic partner. They have to be pretty special though, I'm still pretty gay. My wife and I talked about it. I have no plans to act on any of these feelings, I love my wife and that's the end of it. However, it's not a bad thing that I can admit that I'm a little bi. I guess it means that I'm choosing her over an even larger pool of people.

 

Good on you for being into beards though. I personally find them repulsive. I like smooth, muscular (and apparently black) men. I have no idea why.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

First, I should say that I am not in a relationship at this time.  I was married to a woman for over 40 years and enjoyed that aspect of our relationship at the time.  Prior to that I had had some questions about myself.  But I was never attracted to guys as such.  I have been on HRT for a couple of years now, and E for almost a year and a half.  Between my age and E my "equipment" doesn't really function like it did anyway.

 

Of course this doesn't stop my imagination. (heh heh)  And in that world I feel myself in the place of a woman.

 

Oddly enough, I don't really feel attracted to men in the way I was attracted to women when I was living as a man.  And I don't feel attracted to women in that way any more either.  (Although I much prefer the company of women.)

 

I think if there was a guy that was into me, I would certainly go for it.  Maybe a woman also - although I believe that would have to be as two women.

 

Of course with this Covid stuff I have no social life anyway.

 

Guess this is complicated stuff.

Link to comment

If I can offer a slightly different perspective, it might shed some more light on how our feelings can change.  I am not on HRT but when I began expressing my feminine persona in earnest, I noticed an increase in my interest towards men.  I can’t say it is strong enough that I would seek out a man, but previously, I never had any attraction and now when I see a cute guy something stirs.  My take is that I have always had this affinity, it’s just that when I allowed my feminine persona unbridled freedom, these feelings blossomed.  When I think of my situation, I can’t help but think that what attracts us to others is way more complex than we might think.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Sally Stone said:

My take is that I have always had this affinity, it’s just that when I allowed my feminine persona unbridled freedom, these feelings blossomed.  When I think of my situation, I can’t help but think that what attracts us to others is way more complex than we might think.

I think there is certainly something to this

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Hey @Billy!

 

I wouldn't stress too much about having a concrete definition of your sexuality right away. When I came out as trans it took me a while to figure out my sexuality, and I'm still surprising myself when it comes to attraction. I had already come out as a bi man before I transitioned, but I would have probably said I was attracted more to men than women if I was giving an honest answer. After transitioning I messed around with guys and girls, and found it was easier for me to be intimate with guys so for a little bit I was reevaluating my sexuality and maybe coming to terms that I was a straight woman even though I'd been used to defining myself as gay/bi for so long and still having a complicated relationship with my attraction to men. Just recently though I started messing around with one of my friends, and things are getting a little more serious with her so at this point idk what to call myself. And that's ok! If you think you need the space to explore these feelings you have for men, that may be a conversation you want to have with your wife, but you shouldn't beat yourself up for having these feelings at all. 

 

Good luck and hope things work out for you!

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

To be honest, there's some abstract-parts to attraction as many here have been saying--I totally agree--you can find someone certainly who you still hold near and dear or are very much attracted to that may not align with what your atypical qualities you see as resonating with you attraction wise--perhaps due to how they flirt with you, meld with your persona, are intimate or close to you contact-wise or emotionally (regardless if they're masc, fem, androgynous, bigender). For me, before starting HRT a year back, before I was incredibly attracted to the same gender and was very much (what I thought) a lesbian at the time as I had virtually no underlying feelings for men (so I thought)--though progressively, I started to learn about aspects of men I found really quite attractive slightly prior to HRT then ON it that built consequent to it (I was bisexual perhaps, is what HRT was helping to realize). Mainly though, it manifested and focused on one man prior to HRT, who I was getting to know better and better, and eventually established a love for personally knowing DUE to these dimensions and more that I still can't quite place (though, he has a deeper-voice and HRT did help me realize, wow, I'm actually quite attracted to deeper-voices speaking with me)! My boyfriend. Strangely, with most other men I don't always feel the attraction to same masculine qualities comparative to knowing aspects of him--though certainly, some things can in-fact change with HRT, yes! I wouldn't go as far as to say it's a guarantee to change your sexual-preferences or what you see in your partner completely in all cases--I'm of the (of course personal view) that HRT in many aspects can add to your sexual-preferences or attractions in some instances!   

 

I really hope that you find a way to surmount this, I know the feeling of inter-conflict with attraction and it really can be difficult and you're valid for wanting to meet that task and maybe discuss this with your partner--it's good to have dialogues about this and think it through, regardless. Holding out hope that pre and if you decide post-HRT, you will find more a peace or contentedness with what qualities you find attractive--alongside with your partner, and however you both end up feeling about it! Know things can go well for y'all. Hope you take care ?

 

Link to comment

Many thanks for your insights. It calms wlme down a little to read that finding you identy often also involves rediscovering your sexuality. At the moment, I am incredibly attracted to trans men, any of them, every single one I have met so far. No matter if they already look male or not yet. I really get rolled over by emotions. Sad part is, that I am not having these kinds of emotions for my wife.... 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 104 Guests (See full list)

    • MomTGDaughter
    • Susie
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • MaybeRob
    • MaryEllen
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,941
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Miss Cormac
    Newest Member
    Miss Cormac
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...