Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Breast dysphoria and top surgery (non binary)


Orvo

Recommended Posts

Recently I had noticed that I am much more anxious about my body. Particularly the fact that i have breasts. I have always been in relatively good relationships with my body, even though and even after coming out to myself and starting to see myself as non binary. However, in the last few months I have noticed an issue, which may be resolved by a top surgery, but I want to discuss it first. Maybe somebody else has/had it too and learning about their experience might help me deal with it. 

 

The issue is that I feel like my breasts either had gotten bigger or they are still growing. It may be simply my anxiety and dissosiation preventing me from seeing my body correctly, but I can not actually tell if it is true. I think even if something changed, it did not change enough to be visible. But I feel like it did and all of a sudden I am constantly checking if it is visible that I have breasts, even through clothes and all. They had always been small and I know that they may grow a little even after puberty, but I do not want that. I am not able to get a top surgery and I won't get a chance in the next few years, most likely. But I want to see if anyone else knows this feeling and had gone through the same experience. Please notice that i am not asking for an advice, i just want to read about similar experiences and how people deal with them. I have terrible choice and opinion issues, so i kindly ask you not to use words "i suggest" or "i think X would help". This may make things worse and give me serious anxiety. Share what you did and it'll be enough, i need to talk, not to be directed right now.

 

Another thing that makes it more complex is that I do like them as a part of myself. I also can not get a binder safely, and even if I could, I would not be able to wear it due to some mental health issues and physical triggers.

 

This is an obscure experience and I do not have anyone to talk about it to irl. So I am reaching out to other non binary people here. This is my first topic, hope i did ok.

Link to post
  • Admin

Welcome to the Forums @Orvo your post is fine and in our full discussion bounds.  I agree that personal experience is probably the best as opposed to advice in all cases.  In your case it is even more sensitive since you live where you do.  Your feelings are real, but we are our own worst enemies on judging what our bodies look like.  My feelings about breasts went the other way than yours since I am Male to Female and in my case I did not see development when it was taking place.  Fears make you eyes very unreliable over things of this type.  Early in my Transition though, I was afraid of people seeing breast development before I was ready to come out fully.  In those days, shirts and sweat shirts in two sizes larger than I normally wore helped immensely in making my mind think that no one would see the changes.  The truth was that when I came out and told people, they honestly had not seen changes in my breasts, only sloppy changes in my clothing.  I am still small after 10 years on hormones, but my mind is happy with what is there.

 

Link to post
19 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Welcome to the Forums @Orvo your post is fine and in our full discussion bounds.  I agree that personal experience is probably the best as opposed to advice in all cases.  In your case it is even more sensitive since you live where you do.  Your feelings are real, but we are our own worst enemies on judging what our bodies look like.  My feelings about breasts went the other way than yours since I am Male to Female and in my case I did not see development when it was taking place.  Fears make you eyes very unreliable over things of this type.  Early in my Transition though, I was afraid of people seeing breast development before I was ready to come out fully.  In those days, shirts and sweat shirts in two sizes larger than I normally wore helped immensely in making my mind think that no one would see the changes.  The truth was that when I came out and told people, they honestly had not seen changes in my breasts, only sloppy changes in my clothing.  I am still small after 10 years on hormones, but my mind is happy with what is there.

 

Thank you for your response, i appreciate it. And I appreciate that you understand the connection between my current location and my state of mind, it really means a lot. 

I guess I am an unjust judge for myself, it feels a bit better to know that I am not alone.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 66 Guests (See full list)

    • Sydneyblue
    • Katharina
    • Susan R
    • Astrid
    • A. Dillon
    • Niamh
    • DonkeySocks
    • rainbowsharl
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,247
    • Total Posts
      660,217
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,542
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Bit
    Newest Member
    Bit
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bethany G
      Bethany G
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • gina-nicole-t
      I wonder if the same thing will happen to me? Scratches head!
    • Sydneyblue
      The Trans group that was suppose to happen today didn't happen.  I'm not sure what happen i tried email the contact person. I think its because it my only outlet other then here. Why do i need so much support ?   I went over my resume today and fixed some errors i had on it and reposted it. I have alot of time on my hands and i want to get back to work. I think that might give me some goals to start saving for more surgeries. I took a more current pic of me for me Profile pic. I finally felt like i could do that post ffs surgery.    I dont know what to do about my girlfriend. She doesnt like me as a girl/women. She says its weird. It really hurts me. She is all i have right now and with this pandemic you cant really go anywhere and there is nothing to do. Im glad i dont live with her.  We have sex anymore more me. She gets mad at me because we dont anymore.   I just need to reach out today. Hopefully i get feedback 
    • Susan R
      I just got my ballots the other day. Yes. Ballots...plural. Despite talking to several people in Everett headquarters for our county, they still keep sending me one ballot with my birth name and one with my correct name. This nonsense has continued since June 2019 when I officially changed it with the county headquarters. Susan R🌷
    • Sydneyblue
      What do you like to wear ? I like Computer games and such so i have gaming shirts that i like. I think you are over thinking it. i use to hate hearing this from people when they told me to be myself. I didnt know who i was but honestly i did and didnt know it. How do you want to feel ? 
    • HollyNoel
      @RhondaS I loved going topless around the house but now that I'm out as a trans woman  I'm forbidden from not wearing a top. I keep getting told women don't go around topless. I keep insisting that it's 2020 and we woman are at the point where we should be able to go around top and braless now days if a man can. Still no go. I also try the if women can dance topless for tips that I can too. But nope.. Lol
    • rainbowsharl
      So I have always been so confused with how to look androgynous the way that I want to. I'm non-binary/gender fluid. While I'd say that my gender identity has a more male leaning, I also know that my gender expression is more feminine. As such I am constantly trying to figure out how to make that into a look, I can't figure it out. I need something that makes the more feminine side happy at the same time as the more masculine side.    If I could ask a genie to make me look exactly how I want, I'd say long hair with a full beard and romantic edgy clothes. However, I have not been able to find a genie yet and have to look at what is actually possible 🙃. Due to chronic migraines I can't do heavy long hair. I was AFAB and even if I did go on hormone therapy, none of the cis-males in my family can even grow a beard in the first place so its unlikely I would. At least I have my clothes.   With a beard and a flat chest out of reach, still needing to find a masculine element to balance my look, I have tried cutting my hair to a more typical 'man' haircut. However, with no beard and little hair I was almost the exact opposite of how I want to look and I hated it.    I've tried to go the obvious route of looking at how people typically do androgynous looks, but I can only find ones that lean so heavily masculine.    Have any of you had similar experiences? Any chance you've found helpful solutions?    -Rae
    • Shay
      @Jackie C. Thank you... I don't get much response when I open it up to general?topics but?as you say rules am rules.
    • Emily michelle
      Thank you everyone for the kind words. Just bored in this motel room. My wife said she is doing alright. Except word spread like wildfire.
    • KendraML
      Last night was great,met some new girlfriends last night.They are like me,have lived their lives as happy males that enjoy living and dressing as women fulltime.Did get to know me more and went very well.Meet up every Monday night.They are also married with supportive wives.Wife is coming next week with me to meet them and they want to meet her
    • QuestioningAmber
      @Shay I am sure you will find outfits that you will look cute in, it will take time and finding what fits your style
    • Dana Michelle
      I had my first session of genital electrolysis today. Today I had the hair around the base of the penis treated and on Thursday I will have the perineum treated. I actually found the pain much milder than on my face. My electrologist said most clients find genitals more painful. It was difficult to apply the numbing cream (today I put it on both the perineum and penis because I didn't know how much the electrologist could get done during the appointment). On the perineum I can't see where I'm applying it while I'm applying it. I have to go back and forth between applying and looking in a mirror. Also, walking and sitting cause the cream and plastic wrap to move around so I had to reapply it. In another thread I talked about the possibility of getting erect https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/81268-electrolysis-while-erect/ . Unfortunately, I did get fully erect at the beginning of my appointment. However, the electrologist didn't react to it or seem offended. Around the beginning, she told me not to get embarrassed and that she's done this many times before. She probably said this before noticing that I was erect. It was while I was on the table without pants but while she was preparing. The erection was the part I found embarrassing. Hopefully being noticeably embarrassed made my electrologist realize that I didn't want the erection. She also found the diagram unclear. It said to clear a strip 2.5 inches wide starting 1 inch above the anus but didn't say how long of an area to clear. I e-mailed my surgeon and hopefully will get a response in time. It's 3 1/2 hours after the end of the appointment and I still feel numb in part of my genitals. It doesn't last nearly that long on my face. I hope it's not a problem. I have the least feeling in the glans of the penis but didn't put any numbing cream on that area. Strange.  
    • Shay
      @QuestioningAmber glad you look cute in the outfit.   Sadly that's a feeling I will never experience but I sure am glad for you. 👍 thank you for your kind words about my brother. I wasn't that close but mortality is something that hits closer when one losses a sibling.
    • MomTGDaughter
      Hello Margie, how are things going with your daughter. has she started to transition?  As a mother in the same position as you. I am here to support you.  
    • KymmieL
      I don't visit for a day and things happen. @Shay sorry for the loss of your older brother.   @Emily michelleLike everyone else. Hope your wife gets through this soon.     Well as I said earlier, yesterday was my 35th wedding anniversary also the 14th anniversary of my father passing. I think he passed on that day to spite us. everything was nice. We both worked and went for a beautiful dinner. I do believe that my wife may have alzhimers She said something last evening that I knew was totally wrong. Of course, I cannot remember what.   So today the FNG got Chinese delivered. He tosses me a fortune cookie. It is totally correct for me. "A great pleasure in life is doing what others say you can't"   Hugs, to all.   Kymmie
    • KathyLauren
      I voted in our municipal elections last week.  They had online voting, and it was pretty painless.  I had to talk to the returning officer and send a copy of my name change certificate, to get my name updated on the voting register.   Definitely get out there and vote, y'all.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...