Am I emotionally abused by my mother and stepdad?

[zachcobain]

I was 12 when I came out as FtM to my friends. Later that year, I forced out of the closet by my own stupidity to my mother and stepfather. It was a blur, honestly. We were fighting, I don't even remember why and my response to some question she asked with "Because I'm not a -censored- girl! I'm a boy!" 

I wish I didn't say that.

Every day I'm misgendered, told I'm a liar and pathetic and various other names. I'm told I'm crazy and lying to myself. She claims there were no signs as a child, and I listed off 18 signs i could remember, when she told me that she'd read my journals. All trust, gone. I'm also neuro-divergent so I'm sorry if this post is messy. 

Over the course of three years, it's gotten progressively worse. I look more masculine now (thank god) but the more like a boy I look, the more she hates me. I've been kicked out four times, CPS has been called on me before and they didn't do -crap-. My half sisters (Lets call them... Iris and Eliza) are older than me and keep telling me that my mom is abusing me. My half sisters' mom, lets call her Liv, is super supportive and is trying to get me out the house. I don't have a phone because I'm trans, I have no privacy, she tries to take away my binder and i keep having to buy new ones. She buys me girl clothes (which i throw out) and she generally just makes aggressive comments towards me daily. 

 

TW// SLIGHT GORE AND SUICIDE

 

When I was 14 I tried to kill myself. I overdosed using two bottles of pain killers and drank an entire bottle of vodka. I drunkenly tried to slit my throat and my wrists. I collapsed on my bathroom floor and called my friend (who I ended up dating for like 6 months after) and then called my best friend. Lets call her Alex. Alex panicked and texted my mom to come home. She didn't. (Alex told me all of this, I don't remember much) I was left bleeding and passed out in my bathroom until I heard them come home. I tried to get up, and I fell down the stairs. 

Long story short: I spent 3 nights in the E.R/hospital and then a week and a half in a mental asylum. My mom told me nobody wanted to see me in the E.R, but I later found out that she refused to tell anyone where I was. I still have a faint scar on my neck to this day and plenty on my legs, shoulders, ankles and wrists. 

 

I'm now on anti depressants.

 

I tried to do it because of dysphoria, and all she did was call me stupid for it.

 

NO MORE TW

 

She does the smallest transphobic things ever to this day, and I need to get out this house.

Is my mother emotionally abusive?

 

[Jackie C.]

Well, I've only got a second-hand account but I'd say... yeah, probably. Unfortunately, I don't have a good solution for that besides finding somewhere else to live. Either though CPS or the generosity of a friend.

 

Hugs!

[VickySGV]

Your own words over the support say it all really.  If not outright abuse, it is emotional neglect with an "ownership complex" Your state is not one that supports or really knows about Trans youth so the CPS folks would be last line of defense from the experience of other friends I know there.  There are Trans support groups in the state though and I would reach out to one of them to see if you can find even a temporary safe place to either live until you are 18, or even have health care resources.  At the very least, you can reach out to PFLAG in your area and see if your mom would get with other parents of children like you.  It is worth a try, because if she is feeling shame about you, and that can be turned around she may change her ways.