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Feminine Androgyny?


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So I have always been so confused with how to look androgynous the way that I want to. I'm non-binary/gender fluid. While I'd say that my gender identity has a more male leaning, I also know that my gender expression is more feminine. As such I am constantly trying to figure out how to make that into a look, I can't figure it out. I need something that makes the more feminine side happy at the same time as the more masculine side. 

 

If I could ask a genie to make me look exactly how I want, I'd say long hair with a full beard and romantic edgy clothes. However, I have not been able to find a genie yet and have to look at what is actually possible ?. Due to chronic migraines I can't do heavy long hair. I was AFAB and even if I did go on hormone therapy, none of the cis-males in my family can even grow a beard in the first place so its unlikely I would. At least I have my clothes.

 

With a beard and a flat chest out of reach, still needing to find a masculine element to balance my look, I have tried cutting my hair to a more typical 'man' haircut. However, with no beard and little hair I was almost the exact opposite of how I want to look and I hated it. 

 

I've tried to go the obvious route of looking at how people typically do androgynous looks, but I can only find ones that lean so heavily masculine. 

 

Have any of you had similar experiences? Any chance you've found helpful solutions? 

 

-Rae

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What do you like to wear ? I like Computer games and such so i have gaming shirts that i like. I think you are over thinking it. i use to hate hearing this from people when they told me to be myself. I didnt know who i was but honestly i did and didnt know it. How do you want to feel ? 

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I generally go for the romantic and edgy styles, leather and lace, of clothes. The 50s style dress with a leather jacket. The make-up with the hair all done. I love all of that. But, you know it is? Ultra feminine. I love it, but its not all of me. 

 

I want that, but adding in the more masculine parts. Unfortunately, I don't know how to add that part.

 

Most tutorials on dressing more androgynous talk about wearing a binder (cant hide that under the dresses I like) or cutting your hair short (just not me).

 

I have been underthinking this for years. Knowing I'm not really looking how I want cause I don't know how to. It is nice to hear that one day I'll look back and see the obvious solution, but hindsight is 20/20.

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  • Posts

    • April Marie
      Congratulations to you!!!This is so wonderful!!
    • missyjo
      I've no desire to present androgynous..nothing wrong with it but I am a girl n wish to present as a girl. shrugs, if androgynous works fir others good. always happy someone finds a solution or happiness    today black jeans  black wedges..purple camisole under white n black polka dot blouse half open   soft smile to all 
    • MaeBe
      I have read some of it, mostly in areas specifically targeted at the LGBTQ+ peoples.   You also have to take into account what and who is behind the words, not just the words themselves. Together that creates context, right? Let's take some examples, under the Department of Health & Human Services section:   "Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike."   or   "Families comprised of a married mother, father, and their children are the foundation of a well-ordered nation and healthy society. Unfortunately, family policies and programs under President Biden’s HHS are fraught with agenda items focusing on “LGBTQ+ equity,” subsidizing single-motherhood, disincentivizing work, and penalizing marriage. These policies should be repealed and replaced by policies that support the formation of stable, married, nuclear families."   From a wording perspective, who doesn't want to protect the health and well-being of Americans or think that families aren't good for America? But let's take a look at the author, Roger Severino. He's well-quoted to be against LGBTQ+ anything, has standard christian nationalist views, supports conversion therapy, etc.   So when he uses words like "threatens the health and well-being of children and adults alike" it's not about actual health, it's about enforcing cis-gendered ideology because he (and the rest of the Heritage Foundation) believe LGBTQ+ people and communities are harmful. Or when he invokes the family through the lens of, let's just say dog whistles including the "penalization of marriage" (how and where?!), he idealizes families involving marriage of a "biological male to a biological female" and associates LGBTQ+ family equity as something unhealthy.   Who are the radical actors? Who is telling people to be trans, gay, or queer in general? No one. The idea that there can be any sort of equity between LGBTQ+ people and "normal" cis people is abhorrent to the author, so the loaded language of radical/destructive/guise/threaten are used. Families that he believes are "good" are stable/well-ordered/healthy, specifically married/nuclear ones.   Start looking into intersectionality of oppression of non-privileged groups and how that affects the concept of the family and you will understand that these platitudes are thinly veiled wrappers for christian nationalist ideology.   What's wrong with equity for queer families, to allow them full rights as parents, who are bringing up smart and able children? Or single mothers who are working three jobs to get food on plates?
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      Well yesterday didn't work like I wanted to. I met a guy and started talking and he was wanting to be in a relationship. I asked my kids on how they thought of me dating a man and they said gross and said no. I guess it's time to look for women. I think that is going to be harder. Oh well I guess.  
    • Ashley0616
      I don't have anything in my dress pocket
    • Carolyn Marie
      This topic reminds me of the lyrics to the Beatles song, "A Little Help From My Friends."   "What do you see when you turn out the lights?"   "I can't tell you but I know it's mine."   Carolyn Marie
    • Abigail Genevieve
      @Ivy have you read the actual document?   Has anyone else out there read it?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I am reading the Project 2025 document https://www.project2025.org/policy/   This will take some time.  I read the forward and I want to read it again later.   I read some criticism of it outside here and I will be looking for it in the light of what has been posted here and there.  Some of the criticism is bosh.   @MaeBe have you read the actual document?
    • RaineOnYourParade
      *older, not holder, oops :P
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No problem!
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Old topic, but I gotta say my favorites are: "Stop hitting on minors" (doesn't work if you're holder tho) and "Sure as [squid] not you"
    • Carolyn Marie
      Abigail, I think we will just leave the other posts where they are, and the discussion can start anew here.  It is possible to do what you ask, but would disrupt the flow of the discussion in the other thread, and would require more work than it's worth.   Carolyn Marie
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I am in too good a mood to earn my certificate today. I am sure something will happen that will put me on the path to earning it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It's likely most cis-women consider a fitting unnecessary "because they know what  they wear" and get used to the wrong size.  The instructions for what your size is are simple and why go to any further effort?  You measure your bandsize and you measure your max and subtract the two to get the needed info for the cup size.  Then you buy the same size for years until it hurts or something.
    • KatieSC
      Congratulations Lorelei! Yes, it is a powerful feeling to have the documents that say "you are you".
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