Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hi. Happy to meet you


Gabriel

Recommended Posts

Hi

 

I’m 45 yo, AFAB, and questioning my gender identity. Funny how can a world of doubt, confusion and terror be hidden behind such a short sentence. I guess I’ll stick to the optimistic side and be happy that doubt and terror take turns instead of going at it at once.

 

Many of those doubts and the confusion come from the fact that I do not fit the narrative of “I always knew”. I didn’t. I just spend my life trying like hell to fit in, wondering what was wrong with me, and self-isolating as the only way to find some peace.

 

Now I’m 45, divorced, I have two teenage sons, and I’m facing Pandora’s box after it slowly opened up in a process that has taken about 2 years.

 

How do I identify as? I’m not really sure. Mostly because what feels right terrifies me so much that sends me into a spiral of rational doubt.

 

At this point I feel I need to talk to someone, come out to someone to help me with all this and not feel so alone. But how can I come out to someone when I don’t even know if all of this is real?

 

Thank you for being here, all of you. I may not have said anything until now, but reading you has given me information, support and resources that have helped me so much.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Noah, nice to meet you :)

 

I am glad you are finding things useful. Please don't hesitate to ask questions and join in as you feel. You will have realised this is a friendly place,

 

Tracy

Link to comment

Hi Tracy, nice to meet you too.

 

Thank you for your welcome. Looking forward to growing with you all.

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Noah A said:

At this point I feel I need to talk to someone, come out to someone to help me with all this and not feel so alone. But how can I come out to someone when I don’t even know if all of this is real?

Hi, Noah! Nice to meet you.

You can come out as questioning. You don't have to have all the answers if you want to talk to someone and share your feelings with them. You can even tell someone that you're not sure what you're trying to reveal to them, but that it's something about exploring and finding the real you. You can say you've been thinking about gender. Just about anything that comes to mind. You don't have to provide a label for your friends or family to use, unless and until you have a label you like. You can tell your friends or loved ones that you don't know if it's real, but beware of people who then dismiss it because you don't know how to defend it. You are already finding words, or you wouldn't be here. Your feelings are real, whatever conclusion you might come to in the end.

Link to comment

Hi Noah, pleased to meet you.

 

"I do not fit the narrative of “I always knew”. I didn’t. I just spend my life trying like hell to fit in, wondering what was wrong with me, and self-isolating as the only way to find some peace.

 

Now I’m 45, divorced, I have two teenage sons, and I’m facing Pandora’s box after it slowly opened up in a process that has taken about 2 years."

 

Honestly, other than the fact that I am coming at it from the other direction that is pretty much identical to me. My married life imploded just before my 40th (I also have a 12yo daughter and a 13 yo son) and I have had very mixed feelings over the last couple of years to get to where I am. Say what you want to say, ask what you want to ask, and just be honest with what you feel to yourself, even if that is just scared and confused at the moment - because at least then you then get to ask why. :)

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello @Noah A. It’s a pleasure to have you here with us. You are among friends here and are here to help you any way we can.

 

21 hours ago, Noah A said:

I may not have said anything until now, but reading you has given me information, support and resources that have helped me so much.

As @DonkeySocks pointed out...we’re all here trying to find ourselves. It’s a forum filled with real people with at least one aim of self-discovery. It’s a process that takes patience and time. You’ve recognized the fact that something needs attention or that an issue does exist...that’s why you’re here. Once the genie is out of the bottle, it never goes away completely. I can tell you first hand that denial, suppression and compartmentalizing your life does not work for long. Knowing the truth about yourself and accepting who you are, whatever that might be, is half the battle. The rest of the pieces eventually fall into place with good help whether it be professional or through resources that you stumble upon in you research.

 

You’ll here it often on this forum but it’s very true...you owe it to yourself to find a good therapist with a good understanding of gender identity issues. I don’t know how abundant those type of resources are in Spain but there are online services available and in some places right now online is the only method of service available due to covid.

 

I believe one can traverse these gender issues without a therapist but the more resources and support you have at your disposal, the better, imho. I think this to a great place to get started and hope to read more about you and your journey. I trust with a little effort, you’ll eventually get there.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment
10 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

You can come out as questioning

 

Hi @DonkeySocks. Thank you so much for your welcome. You are so right. That's what I've done with one of my best friends. She has been supportive, if a bit skeptical. She leans towards believing that this probably has other explanations, or at least making totally sure that is not the case. Can't blame her, she has know me only in my overfeminine phase.

 

10 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

Your feelings are real, whatever conclusion you might come to in the end

 

Thank you for that. It's interesting that, no matter how much I know that is the case, I still doubt them. So it is a huge support to hear those words.

 

 

10 hours ago, DeeDee said:

just be honest with what you feel to yourself, even if that is just scared and confused at the moment - because at least then you then get to ask why. :)

 

Hi @DeeDee. You have no idea (except you probably do) how reasuring it is that you share this experience in this way (not always knowing) and yet it is totally real and you've come this far. And yes, being honest with myself and self-acceptance and self-love are the goals. Each question and each answer may scare me, but they also set me free, and when I allow myself to think "I am not a woman and I do not need to be a woman" everything inside of me relaxes. It scares me, but I'm not letting go of that feeling!

 

4 hours ago, Susan R said:

you owe it to yourself to find a good therapist with a good understanding of gender identity issues.

 

Hi @Susan R. Yes! I have one. There was none in my area but I found them in Barcelona. I'm only two session into therapy but it has made a world of difference, in terms of being able to talk about this with an informed, neutral and non judgemental person. I actually am in this forum because I could put aside my previous "I am not trans enough" fear, and that's thanks to therapy. The awareness and ability to legitimize my feelings and reality has no price.

 

Thank you all for your welcome. It is felt and deeply appreciated. I'll do my best to be here for you as much as you are here for me.

Link to comment

@DeeDee If you feel like it, maybe you can share a bit of your journey? How was it until you could identify as MtF? How your feelings evolved from questioning to now? How is your relationship with your body when you didn't question it before?
Please just ignore those questions if they are not appropiate, and apologies if that is the case.

Link to comment

Hi Noah, I will send you a private message answering your questions so I don't hijack your thread and make it all about me! but I have found blogging to write my thoughts down on a regular basis has helped me work through a lot of the bigger thoughts and feelings.?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 127 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • SamC
    • Ivy
    • Petra Jane
    • Evelyn J
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      I grew up with it, my mother's side were Germans.  I still like cabbage.  I make a sweet/sour dish with vinegar and brown sugar, add some bacon if you have it.  And in warmer weather, slaw.  I like that better if it's a few days old, and has worked off a little.
    • Ivy
      Pity that we can't just respect each other and get along.
    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...