Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Just told my wife I'm questioning


sparky

Recommended Posts

So... Yeah. I'm 32 amab and I'm talking to a gender therapist on Monday for the first time, but I've know something wasn't right for so long if I'm being honest with myself. I just told my wife that I'm questioning and that I'm going to talk to a therapist and she's been really supportive if I'm being honest. Obviously this is huge and she's being really great so far but I'm so scared that I've hurt her and ruined everything.

Link to comment

It can be hard but your being honest with yourself and your wife. If she's being supportive that's a good start, keep talking with her. Don't be like me. I went the other way and hid almost everything until I couldn't. I almost lost my best friend and destroyed my marriage.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
3 hours ago, sparky said:

she's being really great so far but I'm so scared that I've hurt her and ruined everything.

@sparky Try to stay positive. That is a great initial reaction from your wife. Very few if any spouse is going to react much better than that after hearing this kind of news. It’s life altering in many cases. I would look at it as a very good first step toward becoming even closer to her than you are now.

 

My wife and I have a MUCH better relationship now than ever (and it was good prior to transition..her words) and I have to say it’s because now we can talk about anything under the sun without worry of judgement. I’ve learned more about my wife and vice versa in the last 2 years of our marriage than I did the first twenty. Think of it more as an opportunity for renewal with the whole person and not what you want her and the rest of the world to think so that you conform to their expectations. As @ElizabethStar mentioned...be honest with her and make sure the line of communication is always open between you two. That can be difficult when a spouse feels they have lost something important. Reassure her that they haven’t lost the important part of their relationship—the intellectual, compassionate and loving part of yourself.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment
9 hours ago, sparky said:

So... Yeah. I'm 32 amab and I'm talking to a gender therapist on Monday for the first time, but I've know something wasn't right for so long if I'm being honest with myself. I just told my wife that I'm questioning and that I'm going to talk to a therapist and she's been really supportive if I'm being honest. Obviously this is huge and she's being really great so far but I'm so scared that I've hurt her and ruined everything.

 

Hi @sparky

I can't talk from experience about coming out to a significant other, because I don't have it. What I can say is that, from my point of view, you've given yourself and your wive the gift of an open and honest relationship, the possibility of being your true selves with one another. I have no clue how it can turn out, but now it has the chance of being real and profound.

 

Link to comment

Thanks everyone for the support. It was pretty emotional and there were tears on both sides, but I think we're going to be okay at least for the time being. I have to keep telling myself that for all that this is hard for me, it's really hard for her. I know it was unexpected and I'm really trying hard not to overwhelm her. I just want to walk the fine line between being with her and giving her the space to process. It's just so hard to deal with any of the myriad other things going on in our lives. Like, a day ago before I said anything feels like a different life.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Ellen_d_r said:

This couple is trying to make it work.

This is a great compilation of her transition progress. Makes me regret not doing something like this too with my wife and I. Quite the commitment though. This would be very doable for anyone starting transition during this pandemic...with lots of time on your hands to take short video clips like this every single day.

 

Thank you @Ellen_d_r for sharing this! 

 

Susan R?

Link to comment

Hi @sparky.  Going through this process is a rollercoaster and for a spouse it can be even more so because they don't know what's coming next.  I have been on that same rollercoaster with my wife, and while its been a wild ride for both of us, over time it can start to smooth out.

 

Its really great you started therapy and that was a big help for me.  I hope in the future your wife might be a part of that also.  There are no schedules or deadlines for this ... so I found giving my wife time and space as the most helpful for her.

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

Link to comment
7 hours ago, KayC said:

Hi @sparky.  Going through this process is a rollercoaster and for a spouse it can be even more so because they don't know what's coming next.  I have been on that same rollercoaster with my wife, and while its been a wild ride for both of us, over time it can start to smooth out.

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

 

This was very much my experience also.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 118 Guests (See full list)

    • violet r
    • MaryEllen
    • Ashley0616
    • Maddee
    • VickySGV
    • Petra Jane
    • Mmindy
    • KymmieL
    • MaeBe
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      bittersweet: especially : pleasure accompanied by suffering or regret
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I'm thinking about some interactions yesterday I did, while presenting as male but acting as female, that were far better than I did when I was presenting as male and acting as male.  #girlunderhood. I do a crappy job at acting as male and I am giving it up.  I am not talking about feminine gestures or presentation but just relating as a woman.  People don't realize I am doing it but it is a whole lot easier to do.   You don't just put on a dress and BOOM you are a girl.  You are a girl and you put on a dress.  Or not. Whether I am in jeans or a skirt (I wish, wife would have lots to say) I am a girl.  I don't need $250 in makeup and heels and hose and all that.  I don't need surgery. Honey, I have arrived.  Now I have to work out how that best works in my life, causing the minimal damage and creating the maximum good, but I have more working room.   Oh, and I am still pissed off at everyone and everything. #Contradictory.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Willow it is certainly possible that my husband planned it. Placing me in the path of an opportunity....he certainly does things like that. GF has done some work for the company as an outside consultant, so I'm sure the company owner knows what potential resources are around.    It could also have just happened randomly. He has taken me to work with him before, just because he likes to have me around. I remember one time that I fell asleep with my head in his lap, and he held a meeting with his subordinates without waking me and making me move.  The company culture is family oriented and relaxed.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The photo is great.  Software is phenomenal but it also is sort of a promise of things to come. Years ago this sort of thing took a photographer and Photoshop and all sorts of things and you would say, "I can look like THIS??"   Me, I am a duck.  That's from my driver's license.  Just kidding.
    • MaeBe
      I lucked into that picture. I took like 10 before that, which appropriately make me look like a donkey. ;)   Thank you so much for the compliment!
    • Mmindy
      You're welcome Sally,   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      This is a great analogy. The statement is true as it relates to the tree. The analogy fits because we as a LGBTQIA community are stronger when we stand together. It also work here on Transgender Pulse Forums. The support I feel from so many others has made me comfortable with my stance, because I'm in a beautiful forest of friends. So when I'm out alone and confronted. I can respond and act like the single tree in the field, surviving whatever comes my way. My roots reach back and communicate with others like me.    Standing Strong,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Sally Stone
      Mindy, that would be so awesome of you.  Please make the edit for me, and thank you so much!
    • Sally Stone
      M.   The term bigender works for me because after taking the time to explore my feelings, I kept coming to the same conclusion, that while I felt an overpowering need to express my inner woman, I also enjoyed being a man.  I realized that my personality was equal parts man and woman and to be happy and fulfilled, I needed to express both sides.  There are challenges living a life of two-gender expression, but I'll expand on some of those in future posts.     Hugs,   Sally
    • Ashley0616
    • Mmindy
      Sally, a moderator can edit the post adding "Post 3" if you would like. Let me know and I'll be glad to take care of it. That way your numbering system is in tact.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • mattie22
      I thought Hey, I can't be experiencing Gender destroyer because it doesn't fit the narrative, but Hey I can. I am experiencing mild discomfort in relation to my gender. Because and that can be a form of mild form of it this forum because their elements of my gender that are out of alignment with my sign gender at birth. There are elements of my gender I have been holding back on some I did not even know for fear it did not fit was told was not very manly or in some other way not correct for someone who is an amab. I tried embracing and expressing some of these parts of me even for just a little bit every once in a while and it feels like a relief to me like a weight has been lifted.
    • Davie
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...